Geometry Lessons
by aliaslaceygreen
Summary: I am a BABE. Post Twelve Sharp. This is my first foray into fanfiction.ANGST WARNINGS ABOUND!I know I've disturbed a number of people. Real world, real situations, real language. Character death.
1. Prologue

**Geometry Lessons** (formerly Beyond Twelve)

_This story picks up where Janet_ _Evanovich_ _leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)_

_**Prologue**_

So, my first career choice was Wonder Woman or intergalactic princess, ala Princess Leia without the funky hair. Found out at age 7 that flying was a pre-req. That didn't work out, so I went for option 2, Chambersburg housewife.

That blew too. Well, actually Joyce Bernhardt blew my dickhead of an ex-husband, Dickie Orr. So I opted to look behind door number three. I became a lingerie buyer. Definitely a good first date conversation. Always got the guys wanting to hear about MY job, instead of me having to listen to them blether on about being accountants or some such.

Well, ok that didn't work out, either. Didn't find Mr. Right amongst the panty fetish set, and then I was laid off. My fourth option wasn't even really an option, but a 'back-against-the-wall,-no-choice,-I-gotta-pay-my-rent-or-move-back-in-with-mom-and-dad' thing. I tripped into the occupation of bounty hunter, due to some awesome knowledge about my cousin Vinnie's extra-curricular activities. I should be on career 6 or 30 by now, or even dead already because of my absolute ineptitude at my job. But, instead, I met Ranger. And re-acquainted my self with Joe Morelli.

My name is Stephanie Plum. I am almost 32, once divorced, and the apparent joke of the law enforcement community. Well, the joke is on them. I _always_ get my man! It may not always be pretty, but still. I live in a crappy apartment, which I will defend to the death to keep as _mine_. I have a hamster for company, Rex, and a crazy family.

I'm a good height, 5'7'. Clothes fit decently, don't have to hem stuff, but I still need to have my four inch heels to feel like a true Jersey girl. My hair is brown and wild. My eyes are blue and leak a lot. Thank god for waterproof mascara. I like to think I am a bad ass, but truly, I just have a bad ass. Keeping fit isn't high on my list of priorities. But as luck would have it, I inherited my porcelain skin and good metabolism from my Hungarian grandmother, as well as some serious nymphomaniac tendencies.

Mom, Dad and Grandma Mazur all live in a duplex in the Burg. Dad is ready to put Grandmas head through a wall, any wall, at any moment. Grandma is prepared to jump any hot looking man that gets within a mile of the front porch. And my mother is going to enter the annual Extreme Ironing competition. They all appear to be in a constant state of possible cardiac arrest by phone.

Really, Mom would be so much better off if she would just forget to pay the phone bill. Then she wouldn't have to hear about what a fuck up I am constantly. And I wouldn't receive phone calls about how St. Valerie can do no wrong. Except for the fact that her husband left her for the babysitter, she decided to play gay-for-a-day, and had a third child out of wedlock, by her boss. Oh, did I mention her middle daughter thinks she's a horse?

And yet, I'm the one my parents worry about. Which leads us back to me. And Joe. And Ranger.

I am an incredibly untalented, but astonishingly lucky bounty hunter. I have honed skills I don't even know I had. I took the job for the money, right? $10,000 to catch a guy? Hell yeah. And then I look and see who the guy is. Joe Morelli. Well that figures. I should be able to catch him; easy money, he's been trying to catch me since I was six!

And while I let him catch me a few times, feeling me up in the garage when I was six; boinking me in the Tasty Pastry when I was sixteen, I have a rich and long standing hatred of him. Seems like a reasonable way to earn money. Drag that dirty rotten Morelli back by his incredibly fine ass. He is hot. Italian stallion hot. Dark curly hair, rich olive skin covering six feet of luscious male, with the best ass in New Jersey. Brown eyes to get lost in, attitude and swagger dressed up as mere mortal. Used to be a player, but at 34, has settled down some, and turned into a damn good cop for the city of Trenton.

Turns out Joe didn't want to be caught. Something about being a cop and not making it to trial if he was left behind bars. Whatever. I wanted my money. Enter Ranger. Connie, the office manager at the bounty hunters office, called in a favor from their best guy. And I do mean _best_.

He met with me and agreed to help me out. Found out later on that he was bored, and thought I would entertain him. HA! He scared me when I first met him. He was gorgeous in a murderous, holy shit, street thug way. His eyes pierce you and he can read your mind. His smile is fleeting; you need to know what you are looking for to catch it. His skin is taut over muscles; warm and coffee colored. Long hair- dark, pulled into a pony tail, earrings, the whole bad boy persona. Major, pee-your-pants kind of scary, if you don't know any better; if you come across him in a dark alley. Of course lately I find him in alleys all the time, but that's because he drags me there, trying to cop a feel, steal a kiss, set me on fire.

Well, two years later, I am still around. I got my man, by the way, and even proved the jerk innocent. Joe forgave me finally for locking him in a refrigerator truck, and we got together, after 25 years of dancing about. Turns out my dance card should have been filled by someone, anyone else. Because all we have done in the past 18 months is step on each others toes. We are fire and ice together, oil and water; I don't know, but some two objects that can't exist in one place at one time.

And Ranger, well he isn't helping any. Him or his Merry Men. He owns a security company, RangeMan, which he started sometime after getting out of the army. The men who are his employees go by names like Hal, Cal, Zero, Manny and Tank. He has an ex-wife, and a little girl, whom he doesn't see often. Every so often, say every couple of months, I wrangle another morsel of his life from him. And it feels like an achievement, even if the new morsel is that he prefers Tuesdays over Wednesdays. I am apparently on the inside track however, in the race to learn about Ranger, because other than his merry men, I seem to know more than anyone else.

I also know this Cuban Sex God likes to kiss. A lot. And well. He does it well. And he likes to kiss me. Once, almost a year ago, Joe and I were on the outs. Again. Ranger propositioned me. I actually agreed to pay him for his assistance with a skip. And considering that Ranger is Batman/Bruce Wayne and I am the orphan about to be put out on the street, payment wasn't in dollars. But he has always claimed to be a mercenary.

Even so, I have grown to trust this man, this enigma, and he trusts me. I spent one incredible, brain-draining, beyond belief night with him. And I can't forget it. And I think that I got under Ricardo Carlos Manoso's skin as well.

It's an interesting place we find ourselves, the three of us. I find myself turning to Ranger for everything. And he turns to me first as well. And neither of us can or will explain out loud, why this is so. And Joe finds himself on the outside, looking in, even when we are in an on-again phase. I don't know how to change it. And I don't know if I want to change it, even if I could.

I've gotten into my fair share of scrapes in this job. I've had stalkers, and psychos and looneytoons after me. But now, this time, it's worse. The bad guy isn't after me. He's not after Joe. He's after Ranger. And he is using Ranger's little girl as bait.

I'm done here. I need to go fix my world. I need to save my friends. You can listen in, if you like.


	2. Chapters 1 and 2

CHAPTER ONE 

Tank has spent the last three hours in this room. He had promised Rachel that he wouldn't leave Julie's side until she arrived from Miami in the morning, and so he stood, resolutely, inside the door to the examining room while she was looked over. The nurses understood. This poor child had been through hell the past week, and was quiet and in shock.

While the daring rescue of Julie and Stephanie was successful, it was bloody and the fact that all of their lives may change momentarily hasn't escaped him. Ranger was still in surgery to retrieve two bullets that pierced his Kevlar, and to make repairs to holes that were ripped through his neck and right arm.

One of the nurses brought Julie to her room on the pediatric wing, and then to the bathroom and helped her shower, and Tank moved closer to that door. A look of benign irritation ran through the woman at that point, but it did no good. Tank remained.

He knew that this was where he had to be, because if he wasn't in this antiseptic, fluorescent, sterile room with Julie, he'd be balled up somewhere in a corner of St Francis Hospital, crying. All 6'6" of his big assed self; along with Cal and Hal and Bobby and Roy and Zero and Hector, and all the other RangeMen lining the halls, waiting.

At least he had a job to do.

Julie whimpered as they got her back in bed and started an IV. Tank demanded an explanation. He wasn't thrilled to hear that she was malnourished and dehydrated; nor was he willing to allow any narcotics to be administered. The doctor's argued with him, but he stood firm. "No drugs!"

"She needs sleep, more than anything else right now, sir, and this will help."

"No. I will stay with her, and I will watch over her. If her mother wants her to be medicated, then when she arrives you may do so. I am her fathers' emissary, and he would not want this for her." His deep, sonorous voice was quiet, but brooked no argument. He stood close by, hovering, and casting a shadow that seemed somewhat ominous.

"There's really nothing else we can do for her then, except what rest and sleep and time can do. We'll leave the door closed for you, sir," the blond nurse murmured to Tank, as she passed him at the doorway, glancing briefly at him with a deep appreciation of his incredible maleness.

Tank took a seat next to Julie. He held her hand for a moment, then patted it, placed it back down, and leaned back with his eyes closed for the first time in hours.

A long silence was interrupted. "Uncle Charlie?" Julie whimpered as she opened her eyes and stared at the massive ebony man sitting next to her.

"Yeah, Pumpkin, I'm here."

"'k," she said, and put her head back down. Silence again took over.

A few minutes later, Julie whispered. "I think I shot Chuck, Uncle Charlie."

"Yeah, I know Pumpkin. I know."

He took her thin hand into his. It pleased him more than he cared to admit that she remembered him and how she had started calling him Uncle Charlie long ago. He hadn't seen her in almost five years. He stared down at the small fingers, the olive skinned hand lying safe inside his huge black paw. Precious, he thought, lost for a moment in the past.

"You don't need to worry, not any more, 'k?"

As he held her hand, thinking of the events of the days past, and how she almost had died, she whispered, so quietly that he had to strain to hear her.

"Uncle Charlie? He said he needed to kill Ranger."

"I know Pumpkin. You were very brave, do you know that?" She sniffed. A tear ran down her face. A few minutes later she spoke again; words he didn't know how to respond to.

"Is my daddy gonna die, Uncle Charlie?" Tank squeezed her hand tighter. He didn't say a word.

"Tio, I'm scared."

----------------------------

After the first hour or so, an uneasy alliance was struck between the Trenton PD and the RangeMan employees.

As the cops filed in and out of the larger waiting room on the hospitals third floor, Joe sat silent and resolutely, holding Stephanie close to him. He acknowledged each RangeMan with a nod of agreement when they came to her and asked if she was OK. Did she need anything? No, he shook his head on her behalf. Some glared, and anyone else would have been angered at the obviously territorial way these big goons tried to….

Morelli surprisingly was past caring and like everyone else in the room, and the hallways, it seemed a truce had been declared. Like it or not, there was a lot of feeling here, and most of it for Ranger and some for Steph and all of it hoping for the best. Morelli was just concerned with getting her home and tucked under some clean sheets in a bed in a home where nothing bad had happened.

With a shiver of regret, he realized it probably meant he'd be tucking her in at her parent's home, and not his. Certainly not hers. Would she go back there this time? Ever again? Would Rangers' men be able to wipe away the horrors she witnessed?

Did he have the ability to convince her it was time to give up her apartment, and move in with him again? For good this time. Be done with all the chaos and finally just love him? Could she just LOVE him; let him love her?

On the way to the hospital, she admitted she loved him. She was of course under extreme stress, probably in shock, but she rarely admitted such a thing. Could it be true?

She shuddered in his arms, suddenly coming to herself again. "Joe? Anything?"

"No, Cupcake, not yet."

And a sigh escaped her lips in a long and low moan. Cal looked over at her, and Hal jumped to be of assistance. Carl Costanza, one of her oldest friends, and a member of the Trenton PD, got there first. Hal stepped back, frost in his eyes, but he turned away.

"Steph? Hey, darlin' ya need anything?" Carl asked.

Joe kept silent.

Why him? He's just sitting here holding her, with a territorial arm around her; she's lying in _his_ lap. Why the hell do all these men just flock to her like he can't take care of her?? He felt her shake her head and he looked down and saw the tears starting again.

"Leave, Costanza!" He growled.

"Sitting here is killing me Joe. I can't sit here. What's going on? Why haven't we heard anything? Oh, god, Ranger!"

"Steph. Breathe. Damn, I think it was better when you were catatonic, in shock. Calm down, you're gonna have all of RangeMan over here, thinking I hurt you."

Joe ran his fingers mindlessly through the shock of curls that covered Stephanie's head. He loved to feel her hair, to smell it, bury his nose it those curls. "Steph. One of the things I love about you is your lack of hysteria. You've seen it all Cupcake,… Let it be. They are doing all they can for Ranger. Ok? Cupcake, look at me. You know I love you." Joe touched her cheek, and stared into her blue eyes. They recognized the words he spoke and she relaxed a bit.

"I don't want for Ranger to die. You know. Cupcake. I hate the way Ranger looks at you. I hate the way you run to him, instead of me when you need help. I hate seeing him undress you with his eyes. But I have to admit, he takes care of you. His team has never let you down. They try to protect you. They offer their lives for you. I'm not a fool. I know they do it because he pays them. But no one is paying him."

Joe stopped. Stephanie was just looking at him with the strangest look. He rubbed his hand over her forehead, protectively, and tugged her up into his arms and held her while she tried to settle down again.

---------------------------

Hours later, Tank leaned over Joe and touched Steph's face, gently touching her cheek.

"Girl, wake up…" 

She searched wildly for a moment at the sound, and then a shiny bald head, a dark scowl, filled her vision.

"Tank!" She sat up abruptly, waking Joe from his uneasy rest.

Stephanie got to her feet, and Joe unfolded his lanky frame and settled behind Stephanie, holding her about her waist. As they did so, a silent army of RangeMen gathered around their friend. Tank stated quietly---"He's out of surgery, not out of danger. He's in recovery, but not awake. He was hit pretty badly. He took five rounds…extensive damage to his…"

"Tank, I need to go see him" Stephanie whispered.

"Will you go rest after? Because you look like hell, Stephanie."

"Yeah, thanks big guy, so do you," she pleaded, "I need to see him…"

Tank wrapped his arms around her shoulder and Joe knew he wasn't needed. He was forgotten in fact. In the scheme of things, he wasn't there. He flopped down in his chair to wait.

"Recovery is this way," he said, leading her past the open door of the next family waiting room. Conscious only of the fact she was shaking, he forgot who was in that room. Murmuring to Stephanie as he kept her on her feet, he jumped when he heard his name.

"Charlie!" And he was tackled by a large black woman.

"Baby, its ok, he's gonna be good. Don't cry" he said, as he tried to juggle both Stephanie and his sister Cynthia. He realized he was not going to get Stephanie upstairs quietly so she could she could see Ranger and then get her home to bed. He had to deal with this first.

Manuel appeared directly behind Cynthia and he heard Stephanie suck in her breath. For in front of her, beyond Tanks' huge, strong arms that were holding her up, stood –Ranger?"

"You're Stephanie," he said, taking her in his arms and squeezing her softly. Tank stood back, holding Cynthia by the hand. "I can guess by your reaction Carlos never told you about me?" Manuel whispered in her ear, before releasing her back into Tanks' arms.

She stopped shaking and looked at this man. No. Not Ranger. But, just barely. His hair was curlier. He wore no earring. But other than that…the same milk chocolate skin, the same eyes. Smile. A bit shorter, stockier. The voice, that was different, this man didn't hide that he was a product of the barrios of Newark. Manuel reached over and took Cynthia's arm.

Stephanie was really beginning to appreciate Tank. She'd have to apologize to him again for the way she's always getting him hurt, because the fact was, it was a good thing to have a solid wall, which came complete with arms, to grab and hold you when needed. Not something she'd ever considered before, but definitely something that was a bonus in life. Stephanie leaned back into Tank, and he didn't fail her, standing solidly as a wall should.

"Stephanie, this is Manuel, Rang---Carlos's brother. And Cynthia, my sister; Manuel's wife." Tanks voice reverberated in his chest.

Steph continued to stare. The hard edges, the closed, blank face that belonged to Ranger; those too were missing from this copy of him. Finally, she heard Tank's low, vibrant rumble, and it registered. Ranger's family. Oh, this had to be bad….the family showed up! Family has never joined RangeMan in the waiting room before.

All the air left her. She began trembling again and Tank tried to get her to stop shaking. Manuel broke eye contact with Stephanie and looked to Tank for a progress report.

"What have you heard?"

"Not a lot, Manuel, but, it's good. Mama inside? I want to do this once, and then get Stephanie upstairs to see Carlos."

A small round woman approached Tank, and he swallowed her in his embrace. "Mama, it's ok. Carlos will be ok."

Stephanie missed all of this….all she could hear was a loud buzzing in her head ... "ok ok ok. Ranger ok Ranger ok".

Tank's arms formed a protective barrier around her from the noise and the distraction. It was suddenly too much. She started to slip from his arms to the floor, but he slid down in time with her and had his arms about her. He propped her on his knee and looked into her face. His eyes searched hers for meaning. "Ranger. I need to see him. Before I collapse."

With one firm move, he had her in his arms, being carried to the elevator. "Check back in a minute, ok? I need to get Steph settled."

CHAPTER TWO 

Stephanie froze when she walked into his room. The light was lower; it was silent, except for the ventilator; the heart monitor, the faint whirring and beeping of the machines that were keeping him alive. He was swollen, and covered in tubes and bandages, and so utterly not the strong dark dream that she knew.

His skin wasn't that yummy mocha latte that she loved to touch, but a sour dirty dishwater grey. His chest rose and fell, but not in the natural gentle rhythm that she knew he had when sleeping. His gorgeous black hair, not long enough for the ponytail she loved, lay limply on his pillow. The scent of him wasn't intoxicating, but was the scent of hospitals… antiseptic, sterile; something just beyond a natural smell. She gulped back the feeling of needing to heave.

Tank went straight to his side, and sat down. Inwardly, he needed the seat. This was worse than he had anticipated. Outwardly he knew to put on a good face for Stephanie.

"Hey, boss" he said quietly, touching Ranger's hand. "It's done. It's over. We've kept your girls safe. Julie is ok. Steph is ok. Now, we just need to work on you, 'k boss?"

He sat for a few minutes. Stephanie still hadn't approached the bed, but Tank knew she was there, and that her breath was regular, and she was straining to find the nerve to approach the bed.

Tank stood, and said, "Well, Ranger, I'm going to check on Miss Julie. I promised her she could come see you. I'm leaving Stephanie to sit with you till I get back. But then she needs to get some rest too."

He guided Stephanie to the seat. She didn't move, or notice as Rangers' mother, brother, or the Merry Men all filed in to visit for a few minutes. They tried to talk to her, but she didn't hear. She sat, zoning, staring at his face. Waiting.

Joe came in a while later, and quietly took her hand. "Now, Steph, let's go. I'll take you home."

She started, drawn out of wherever she had gone. "No. I can't go back there! God, I can't do that!"

"Steph. To my house. Not the apartment."

She looked blankly at him.

"Ok. To your parents then. But out of the hospital, ok?" She was like a dishrag, he was able to just draw her limp body to him and guide her toward the door but she looked back with a pleading air at Ranger. She stopped, let go of Joe's hand and returned to Ranger. She took his hand in hers. She bent down to his cheek and kissed him. She bent to his ear, and she whispered, "I love you."

A single tear formed at the corner of her eye as she stood back up and took Joe's outstretched hand. He winced. He had heard what she said.

----------------------------

Rachel and Ron were picked up at the airport in the wee hours of the morning. Hal brought them directly to St. Francis Hospital and then straight to the pediatric floor. Stepping off of the elevator, Rachel moved immediately to the doors that were guarded by two large men. Instinctively she knew that they were Ranger's men, and that her daughter was inside. She said "I'm her mother" but there was no need as Hal pushed open the door.

Tank was sleeping in a chair by Julie's bed. He woke, and stood quietly, letting go of Julie's hand. He came over and hugged Rachel.

"It's ok, doll, Julies' fine…." he wiped a tear from her face, released her and grabbed for Ron's outstretched hand, as Rachel went to the bed. Julie stirred, and Tank said, "I'll be outside."

After breakfast, Julie was released from the hospital. She told her mother she wasn't going back to Florida until she got to see Ranger.

"Of course, dear," Rachel said, holding her hand. "I want to see him too."

Rachel was still overwhelmed at all she had learned about from Tank and Julie and the FBI over the past few hours. She gazed at her daughter, but didn't see a small girl any longer. She saw for the first time that her child was truly Carlos's daughter. Always she had been astonished at how much Julie looked like Carlos, behaved like Carlos. It wasn't a comforting thought, because truly, she didn't care for Carlos' attitude toward life.

Today, for the first time, she was relieved that so much of her father was in her little girl. Rachel was sure that she could never have been as brave as Julie apparently had been. She considered with a small grin that she would have to retract that long bitching out she had given Carlos, after finding that he spent one of his rare weekends with Julie at a firing range. Oh, she had been LIVID, she recalled in the elevator. Almost tore him a new one, and was he shocked! Rachel had never been as angry at him as that day.

Their marriage had been one of necessity, of chivalry really. They never had the huge argument to end all arguments and cause their marriage to end. He probably had had no idea she had it in her. And now it looked as if she'd have to take it back. Carlos's idiotic way of bonding with his daughter apparently saved her life.

Rachel's thoughts came back to the present as they approached the door to his SICU room. Julie's hair reached her waist. Rachel had French braided it in one long plait. A memory of herself as a child assailed her for a moment as she watched Julie march forward. The nurses tried to stop them.

"I'm sorry there are too many visitors for Mr. Manoso already. You can't go in there now."

"Well," Julie said, standing as tall as her ten year old legs would let her stand, trying to stare down the nurse, "Mr. Manoso is my FATHER and I will see him. You can't stop me!!!" And she let go of her mother's hand and ran into Rangers' room. Rachel just shrugged at the nurse. Yep, her father's daughter for sure.

Julie stopped short once she got inside the door. She hadn't expected what she saw. Ranger was not awake. He looked very sick, and weak, and this wasn't something she knew how to deal with. She put her arms around Rachel's waist and buried her head into her belly.

This was a memory too, Rachel recalled sadly. The day her father died. He had been sick, she knew that, but she was only eight, and didn't really understand how final death would be. She could see herself, standing just as Julie was, hugging her grandmother's waist, Abuelita Maria stroking her braid, as the priest said there was nothing more to do but pray for his soul.

She choked back a wail, and brushed a tear from her eyes, the eyes of that eight year old Rachel; and hoped that history was not about to repeat itself. It had hurt too much the first time.

Rachel looked toward the bed, and saw a woman sitting in the chair nearby. Stephanie was already back from her parents home. She had slept fitfully; waking repeatedly from what she had hoped was just a very bad dream. A nightmare, really, in which Ranger was shot. When she woke the third time, and realized it was a very real thing, and not the subject of her overactive imagination, it seemed pointless to stay in bed.

She showered and tried to eat something, and she tried to ignore her mother and grandmothers questions. She had her father drive her back to St. Francis, and one of the RangeMan guys got her coffee and a still untouched box of donuts. She had settled back in the chair by Rangers bed before the sun was up.

Stephanie looked over at the sound of the door opening, and smiled softly and reached out when she saw Julie. Julie quietly went to her, and Steph put her arms around her, pulling her close, letting her eyes take in Ranger on the bed.

"Julie, it'll be ok. Tank said the doctors fixed Ranger up real good." Stephanie wasn't sure who she was saying this for, Julie or herself. She looked over then and saw a woman and man standing still behind them.

"You must be Rachel," she said, standing up and letting Julie go for a moment. Rachel and Ron spoke quietly with Stephanie for a few minutes, Rachel hugging Stephanie and thanking her for saving Julie's life.

Reassured by Tank as well shortly afterward, Rachel decided the best thing to do was to take Julie back to Florida. She needed to get this girls' world straight again. Waiting for Ranger to wake up was not going to help.

Julie didn't want to go, but after some time and prodding by Stephanie, Tank and her parents, she finally agreed to leave. She was scared. More scared than when Chuck had taken her.

Ranger looked not like the strong handsome man they told her was her birth father. He wasn't that somewhat stern man she spent time with occasionally; who would tell her he loved her as he left her. That part of seeing him always made her happy and sad. When he left, even though he acted like he wanted to leave, he always told her he loved her. He called her Querida, she recalled. It made her happy, but she never knew why. Lying on the bed was someone who she might loose.

That kind of thought was difficult for a ten year old to process, but somehow, she felt a connection to Ranger that she had never felt before. She saw him get shot trying to save her life. She killed a man so that he wouldn't die. Her life had changed. And her relationship with this man had changed. She knew he loved her, even though she didn't get to see him a lot.

Julie picked up Rangers' hand again and whispered goodbye. She placed it back on the bed, turned around and took her mother's hand. Half way to the door, she stopped, and ran back to the bed. She climbed onto the bed, and kissed Ranger on the mouth.

"Te amo, daddy" she whispered.

She got down again and walked away, without another glance. Steph saw her wipe the back of her hand across her face as the door closed.


	3. Chapters 3 and 4

CHAPTER THREE 

Stephanie is sitting by his bedside, thinking about another way to plead with God to get him to do her bidding and have Ranger wake. She wasn't fond of the particular bargain she was leaning towards currently, since it involved celibacy and eating healthy, but she figured maybe after three days of no responses to her pleas, she needed to bring out the big guns. Ranger needed to get better!

The rustle of fabric drew her attention away from carrot sticks and rabbit food and loose fitting sweats, and she looked up, startled, realizing Ranger was staring at her. The trach tube, the IV's the wires; he touched all of this with his un-bandaged arm, exploring. He looked imploringly, questioning her with his eyes.

"Babe", he mouthed.

"You're awake. Oh, Ranger! I'm going to get your doctor, get Tank! Oh, thank god, Ranger you're back."

He shifted his head in that imperceptible way he had to indicate NO. He patted the space on the bed. Up.

She sat on the edge and looked at him. His eyes said TALK. They pleaded with her to offer re-assurance.

"Julie," his lips formed the question.

"Julie is home. She's safe with Rachel in Florida. She's fine." A breath he couldn't be holding was let out. His eyes closed. He relaxed.

She put her hands on his cheek. "Let me get Tank. The doctors. Your mother."

"Stay. Tell me." He mouthed. And so Stephanie sat on the edge of the bed and her fingers wound though his fingers. She told him, in a brief, highly edited fashion, of his rescue. She left out that Julie killed a man on his behalf for the moment. She told him of the past three days.

"THREE?" 

He tried to shake his head, but of course the bandages on his neck prevented any real movement. "You were hit badly Ranger. I thought I was going to lose you". She had tears in the corners of her eyes but she wouldn't look away from him. She wouldn't cry either. Not now.

"I can't keep you to myself Ranger. There are too many people waiting for you to wake up." And before long, the nurses gave up. The room was full of friends and relatives and as hard as he tried to keep her close, Stephanie was moved further away by the others who came to see him. She was at the foot of his bed now, her hand aimlessly caressing his foot. They hardly ever lost eye contact. He could look at that face forever, he thought.

After some time Morrelli wandered in and greeted him with the same enthusiasm as everyone else. That was weird, Ranger thought for the slightest moment. He was moved by the crowd from the head of Ranger's bed and ended up next to Stephanie. Joe put his arms around her in a quiet, protective and loving way. He whispered into her ear, and she eventually let him lead her away.

_Stephanie is seated on a chair, and she is looking into Rangers eyes. He is communicating with her, she knows, but she can't understand the language. Why does everyone but her know ESP? What is he trying to say? He doesn't remove his eyes from her face; he hasn't blinked since he walked into her apartment. His hands are over his head. He is calmly trying to get her to understand—it's so important what he wants her to know; that much she can tell. But she can't hear him.….and then the shot rings out…Ranger! NO. Oh God, no. _

"Steph…wake up, Cupcake!" Joe is holding her, rocking her slowly.

"It's just a dream. It's ok."

He tucks her back into his bed, and holds her close, and murmurs that everything is fine. "Ranger is alive Steph, it was just a dream. Do you want to tell me this time?"

He asked her the same question every night. And every night, she has said no. Tonight, he is surprised when she says yes.

"I don't know what he was trying to tell me Joe…. He's walking in and trying to speak to me, but he is using his mind, not words, like I can understand ESP or something…and I can't figure out what he is telling me, his eyes are boring into my skull trying to get me to hear him and then its too late because his blood is everywhere and someone is screaming and….and…what was he telling me?? Why can't I figure it out?" She ended her description with tears and a whimper.

Joe doesn't know what to say. He knows that the person screaming was Stephanie, because he remembers vividly hearing the scream from the hallway that night. He's pretty sure what it is that Ranger was trying to tell her. And he's not emotionally prepared to share that yet. Instead, he strokes her, and calms her, and begins to kiss her tears away. She snuggles in closer to him, and sighs deeply at the way his arms feel around her.

She looks into his eyes, and she sees the desire he has for her, and she closes them again, and gives in to his tender touches. Joe continues to touch, and stroke and realizes she's not pulling away this time. He smiles a small smile, and begins to kiss her lips with a hungry intensity that is neither foreign nor unwelcome.

CHAPTER FOUR 

Two weeks pass, and the routine to Steph's days is simple. She hasn't gone back to Vinnie's. She gets an eye twitch when she considers that her mother may be right and the button factory may be a good place to work. But not right yet.

She drags out of bed past breakfast, because she is asleep only half the night, the other half still pre-occupied by nightmares. Lunchtime everyday finds her at St. Francis, sitting with Ranger for a few hours. Sometimes they say nothing to each other for an hour at a time. Ranger is slow to heal and he's had two more surgeries on his shoulder. He is not what one would call a model patient. He spends every morning dealing with paperwork, or talking to Tank and the guys about RangeMan business.

He is grouchy about being kept in the hospital. He really wants to get the hell out and back to his life. What life, he thinks? He needs to figure out his life, that's for damn sure. Tank debriefed him one day on the kidnapping. He was astonished when he finally heard what went down the night he was shot.

He had already been crazy over how totally willing Stephanie was to throw in with him and offer up her life to save his daughter. To then hear how his child did essentially the same thing on his behalf, well, he was just humbled.

This thinking has kept Carlos up nights. His world is crumbling; he is sure. The mighty Manoso is a fortress made of sand apparently. He is beginning to realize he doesn't want to blow people off. He does want relationships, even with all of the heartache and danger that can exist.

He stayed away from Julie, he has spent the past ten years with her on the outside of his heart, never letting her close, agreeing Ron alone should be her father. And look what it got her. Kidnapped anyway. He wasn't protecting her from him, from his business life. From the danger that is Ricardo Carlos Manoso. All he was doing was protecting himself from her, from the love Julie would offer him, the joy she could give him.

He pursues her, then he pushes Stephanie away too, right back into Morelli's arms, in order to protect her? Bull, he realizes. It is to protect him, to keep him at arms length. To maintain the "macho, I need no one bad ass" image he projects; that he wears like a comfortable sweater, or like a bullet-proof vest.

Tank and he talk for hours about this kind of shit lately; he had forgotten what a brilliant thinker Tank was; what a good listener. There was a time when he and Tank would talk about everything under the sun. Was it only a few years back? When did it stop? When did Tank move from brother, partner, friend, and confidante to Employee? Carlos knew exactly when, if he thought about it.

"Damn. I have been a fucking jerk, man. You know, Charlie, why the hell do you put up with my ass?" Ranger stared at the massive bulk that squatted in the chair by the bed. Tank's laugh was more like a rumble of freight trains.

He stared at Ranger for a long time, and forgiveness could be felt emanating from his every pore. "Carlos, I knew you were there for me back then. Always have been, always will be. Even if you don't know it, I do. So I put up with your stupidity and crap, 'cause I own your stupid ass, and that's that."

It seems that maybe the bad parts of life can be made easier if you open up and let others in, he realized at that moment. He laughed with his friend as hard as he could without hurting his ribs, gasping for air with pain in his damaged lung, but the tears roll down his cheeks anyway, because the pain is overwhelming.

Stephanie marvels often at how her hours there are like time spent on the road with him. Quiet. Zoning. But incredibly comfortable. There is no need for them to speak. Just being there with him seems to be enough.

But they do talk. And while he pretends to think her crazy for her desire for non-stop noise and chatter, and her insatiable curiosity, secretly he craves it, and re-plays their conversations all through his long sleepless nights.

"Ranger, what's the worst thing you have ever done?" 

Wow. How does she do that? Didn't the last sentence out of his mouth concern where the Mets were playing tonight? How does this woman's mind work?

"Done or done time for?" Ranger stared at her, completely still.

"Damn you never make it easy Carlos, do you?"

"I try not to Babe," he said, with his wolf grin. "I'll tell you Babe. Just ask. But…Babe….be sure you want the answers. I can't take them back."

"Arrested for?" And she looked straight back at him.

"Babe, you've been arrested a few times yourself. How about convicted?"

"Ok, convicted. How many times have you been convicted? Sentenced?"

"Mostly possession charges…. Carrying concealed, Unlawful entry, undue force, things of that nature", he shrugged his good shoulder.

"I'm dating both a convicted felon and a vice cop. My life is absolutely ridiculous."

"Only you Babe. Only you." He gives her a slight wink, and a wolf grin.

"We can work on the cop problem, you know."

"What makes you think that that's the problem I want to work on, Carlos? You and Morrelli both are pretty sure of the place you hold in my world… far surer than I am. At least one of you is delusional. Why is that? Really? What causes you to assume I want you? Either of you?"

Stephanies voice was rising, he really wasn't interested in following this train wreck, so he picked a diversion.

"Hey."

"What?" Stephanie looked up at him.

"We dating?"

"Huh?"

"You said you were dating both a cop and a felon. That means you're dating me. Cool."

And his smile was at least 100 watts, and somewhat evil and she just couldn't help but laugh.

They discuss everything it seems. No topic she has ventured has been a complete bust. She learns so much about him. He becomes her best friend… they hide nothing and at every turn, she is humbled by the things he shares with her.

"You wouldn't have liked me ten years ago Babe. Be glad you met me when you did."

"I hated Morrelli ten years ago, too, you know."

"But Morrelli hasn't changed that much in ten years Babe…has he? You were attracted to him then—does that mean you haven't changed?" Stephanie looked at him sullenly.

"And if you have changed, then why are you still going after him?" 

"Manoso, you are getting too deep for me!" Stephanie swatted at his arm, but she was quiet for a long time.

----------------------------

Ranger is holding Stephanie's hand, tracing patterns on the back of it while they talk. It is a quiet, intimate movement, and it makes her feel safe and secure with him.

"Ranger… you told me your mother sent you to Florida after you were in Juvie…did it help? Did your grandparents straighten you out?"

"No…I continued messing up, getting in deeper and deeper with stupid shit. My grandparents sent me back home after two years. Babe, I've told you I've done everything, right? Tried everything? Got into everything?" He looked at her carefully as he spoke.

"Yeah…so what made you turn the corner?? You're mostly law abiding now, and you're always working for the good guys, even if you are bending the rules… what happened?" Miss Curiousity strikes again.

Rangers face blanked. His eyes closed. When they opened again they were lacking life. He stared beyond her and didn't respond. Stephanie sat, holding his hands and was about to give up after five minutes of silence when he started to talk. She got the feeling this was going to be a hard one. He was really going for opening the lines of communication, of sharing. She gave his hand a squeeze.

"I'm not the baby of the family like I told you. My brother Miguel was born 18 months after me. He was a loose cannon from the time he could walk. My parents were astounded by life as parents of boys. The first four children they had were girls, and Manuel didn't come along till Renata was 4. Manuel, me and Miguel were born within 3 years of each other. They were shell shocked by the time they had Miguel. Nothing scared Miguel. Manuel was the charmer. I was the quiet one."

Stephanie laughed quietly at the patent absurdity of the statement. Ranger took quiet and uninvolved to a new level. Ranger missed her attempt at levity –he is not really with her, she can tell.

"My parents were poor. My father washed cars and drove a taxi and my mother baked for other people; they worked hard honest work that was of no monetary value, yet they had to raise 7 children in a three-bedroom apartment in the barrio. The girls, my father had no ambition for except to get them married and out of the house. When Manuel was born my father first had the desire to see one of his children better himself, and so dad insisted Manuel study. Be a good student, go to college, get into business. I didn't register too much in his world, because I was quiet, I didn't ruffle feathers. I was small, inconsequential. Miguel was like a hurricane always. Life with him in the house was stormy, but really I think of it as normal because he was always a part of my conscious life."

"I learned to fight because Miguel was a big boy. And a strong one. He liked to beat me up. And since I was his older brother, I was responsible for him, but he got into so much trouble. Even little. By the time he was ten, he was stealing things from stores. He got me involved in stealing cars by the time I was 14. I came back from Florida at 17; my parents had gotten him out of Juvie and into a residential program for PINS kids for a while. I got in more trouble just before I turned 18. My lawyer suggested I say I'd join the military; I might as well do time for Uncle Sam as for the state of NJ…"

"I think I wanted to get caught in some way, because Miguel never got caught doing all the same stuff I was always being hauled away for. I was set to start basic training the week after my 19 birthday. Manuel had by this time moved to NYC; the girls were all currently married and out of the house. Miguel and I still lived at home."

"My father was driving a tour bus and was out of town one night and the bell rang. Now, in the neighborhood I grew up in, a woman wouldn't answer the door after dark if she wasn't looking for trouble. I hollered down to my mom that I'd get it, since we weren't expecting anyone.

I opened the door to find two police officers standing at the door. My first thought was what the fuck had I done now, followed immediately by did I have a gun on me and where had I hidden the coke; but my mother, who had peered around the corner, she screamed at the sight of them. I found out later that one of her worst nightmares had been to open the front door and find two men with uniforms on, because that meant that someone had died." Rangers' voice was low, and it was unemotional. He plowed on, staring at his hand, realizing if he looked up into Stephanie's eyes, he would break.

"Miguel had been killed in a police shoot-out at a drug bust bad. My mother almost died in my arms that night…as she screamed, I ran to her and caught her as she fell… she had a heart attack in my arms; chaos was all I recall for the next few days. I was barely 18, but I had to handle everything…finding my brother, my sisters, my father, dealing with the hospital and the funeral home. I left the cemetery and went directly to the recruitment station and told the guy there I wanted my enlistment moved up ASAP".

"Telling my mother that I did this was one of the hardest things I ever did—she cursed me roundly and for a long time, because now she was going to have to go back on watch for more men in uniforms for the entire time I was in the army."

Ranger stopped speaking, and Stephanie just sat, absorbing and dissecting and trying to digest all the pieces of himself had had just shared. She picked his hands back up and squeezed them.


	4. Chapters 5 and 6

CHAPTER FIVE 

Joe comes by at the end of his shift and takes Stephanie home each afternoon. He doesn't go in any more to visit with Ranger, but she knows he's waiting outside, and Ranger knows too. Joe doesn't complain that she spends her time with him any more. He knows she loves Ranger, but he also knows that she goes home with him. And that she loves him. She had told him so.

And if she is currently unable to really focus on him, well, he knows it's just time. He is the one who wakes with her, and stays with her through her nightmares, even if he does have to hear her scream Ranger's name in the middle of every night in her sleep. After all, she screams his name when they are awake.

Stephanie is comforted by Joe. She has loved this crazy, handsome Italian man since before she knew what love was. She knows what to expect. There is no great secret to Joe, or to their life together. He loves her. He has issues, but hell, who doesn't? She certainly couldn't decide on one or the other based on issues, because Ranger sharing his life with has shown her he has issues too. And she had thought that his main issue was the fact he wouldn't share! Dang!

Joe holds her at night and lets her cry herself back to sleep. He never once has said anything to her about getting over her nightmares and moving on. Her life is starting to come back to some semblance of normal and she is glad of it. She knows her place in the world will be safe with Joe, he loves her.

She pushes the in love question away. She can't worry or wonder anymore if she's _in_ love with him. Having his love should be enough. And he has agreed to back off the "I'm just a jealous guy" routine, and let her be Ranger's friend. That is really all she wants. He is just a friend; a good friend, one who loves her unconditionally.

Stephanie and Joe have discussed at length where she is. And where Ranger is in relation to her. She knows Joe heard her tell Ranger she loved him that first day. They had a long talk one night, after one of her nightmares. He was upset when he heard they had slept together.

Well, upset wasn't the truth. Murderous would be more like it. The idea that Stephanie had been intimate with Ranger had been in the back of his head before, but he didn't really want to know, so he had never pursued it.

She felt the need to clear the air. God, it hurt. The idea she'd go to him just set him off. He had known of Manoso's reputation with the ladies for years; knew that the entire female population of Trenton would have lined up to get a chance at Ranger. He couldn't square it with his idea of who Stephanie was to him, even though they had been apart at the time. And if truth be known, he had probably spent the night in question in Terry's arms.

"Ranger is very important to me. Joe. I can't just leave his life. I know you have a hard time understanding how I can love you both. But he is a part of me I can't let go."

"I know this is hard for your family, for mine. They don't understand this kind of friendship—men and women. Damn, whoever I happen to wander into my parents house with; they call him my boyfriend. It makes no difference if it's an FTA, or a crazy person or Hector. It doesn't seem to faze them that almost all these people are entirely unsuitable as humans, let alone husbands. They seem to be as happy with the idea of marrying me off to Randy Briggs as to Tank."

Joe laughed despite himself at the visual there---the Munchkin compared with Mt. Everest, but he'd have to vote for Tank in a pinch.

"I need for you to get past that Joe. If you want me in your life, then Ranger, Tank, RangeMan—they come too."

"Oh great Steph…I not only have to accept your friendship with Ranger, but now with the whole band of Merry Men.

She looked at him with a sheepish smile, but it was a small smile and it didn't reach her eyes. "Yeah, Joe, you do."

And that was that, it seemed. He got Stephanie, and her baggage would be Ranger.

----------------------------

The ringing of his cell distracts Joe early one morning while at a crime scene. The hospital? He answers on the second ring.

"Morrelli?" He hears Rangers voice.

"Manoso."

"We need to talk Joe. Come by today."

"What—you think I work for you or something? I can't just drop everything for an audience with you. I'll be there at shift change when I collect Stephanie, like I have been every day for two weeks!"

"Without Stephanie."

And the connection was broken.

-------------------------

"You're looking better than the last time I saw you Manoso," Joe says by way of greeting as he walks in.

Ranger doesn't acknowledge him….he is far away; not aware of his surroundings; and that shocks Joe.

Finally, Joe speaks. "Your dime, Manoso?" 

Ranger turns to Joe. "Right. Look, Joe. It's about Stephanie. I need her to do something for me. It's very important to me and I just wanted to run it by you."

Joe looked like he'd been smacked.

"You've never given me a courtesy call before Manoso. What gives?" 

And he sat down. Steph had done all sorts of shit for this guy and half the time Joe didn't know about it till it blew up in someone's face….literally.

"I need help. Julie. She's been having nightmares since she returned. Rachel's upset; I can't help from here. I need her to go to Florida and talk to Julie. They have a connection. They both suffered the same experience. I thought Stephanie may be able to reach her in a way that her mother can't…that I can't over the phone."

Joe stood and walked towards Rangers bed, his normal animosity towards the man cracking a bit. After all, just because Joe wasn't a father didn't mean he couldn't have empathy for Ranger's little girl. She had had a lot of fire in her, he recalled with a quiet chuckle.

"Did anyone tell you how your kid told off the paramedic when he tried to take you to the hospital without her?" Joe laughed when he saw Ranger's smile. Apparently, he had heard about his spitfire of a daughter already.

"Right. Sure. It makes sense that you want Steph to see her, but you do realize that Stephanie has nightmares too? Every damn night I have to wake her and calm her while she's screaming your name…" Joe put a little more irritation into that last bit than was necessary for the moment, but it was beginning to grate on his nerves.

"I wasn't aware of that." Ranger's eyes pierced Joe. "She never told me…" "Really?" Joe stopped his pacing when he asked him.

"No. I didn't know. Maybe this won't help any. Forget it. I'll go with Tank and see what we can do…" Rangers' eyes focused on the ceiling, looking heavenward for an answer.

"Man, I think it will help. Or at least if Steph has something positive to do it could help her, anyway. You said your kid was seeing someone…a shrink? I can't get Steph to talk to anyone." Joe sat down in the chair by the bed again.

"Anyway, why are you asking me? Steph is the one you should be asking. I really don't know if I like having you ask me. I feel it could get dangerous if Steph found out you're going around her back asking me for permission for her to do anything". His laugh was hollow.

"Well, Morrelli…" Ranger gave him the imperceptible smile at Joe's tirade.

"I know you two are trying to keep things on a positive track. I don't want to get thrown back in the middle of another lovers quarrel between you two. I get blamed for enough shit that isn't my fault already."

Ranger had tried other approaches. But these past weeks he realized that honesty was the way to go. With himself and Morrelli. He felt he had always been honest with Stephanie about his feelings.

"Look, Joe... I want Steph…more than anything. But you guys seem to be on a good page. She seems happy. I won't get in the middle of that. I'd be happier if she was with me, I won't deny it. If she chose me. But she needs to come to me, not to get away from you, but to come to me for me."

"So, you see, I intend to do this right this time. You need to keep Stephanie happy, Morrelli. I will tell you now—If she is hurt by you again, if you break her trust or her heart, then you will not get another chance. I will move in and move in fast and for real. She is too important to me to see her unhappy."

Joe's mouth hung open. He sat, tensing and un-tensing his fists, determined to be calm.

"Morelli, look, I need to know what your intentions are towards Stephanie… Why do you insist on continuing this relationship? On my end it's a permanent thing. I want Stephanie to be a permanent part of my life. I'm not looking for what she could be or should be or who I want to make her become. I want Stephanie because of who she is. You're not ready to give up the idea of the perfect burg wife and you are trying to mold her into something she can't be. I am thrilled with who Stephanie currently is… I don't have some vision for what she may be."

Joe sat back with his mouth open for over a minute. Who knew Ranger even knew so many words? The shock of hearing a soliloquy from Ranger was replaced slowly by the things that were just stated. Ranger had been doing some serious thinking, it appeared.

The gauntlet was thrown. The impression of camaraderie and understanding; that almost bonding moment that occurred while talking about Julie disappeared, replaced by the more comfortable, familiar discontent each had for the other when it came to Stephanie.

Joe ran both of his hands back through his dark hair. "Manoso…you are playing Steph… you've got her thinking you're hot stuff with your damn black cars; bad black ass and guns and shit…all your men constantly fawning over her; treating her like china--- you are playing to her ego…you've got nothing you can give her but grief!"

Joe strode to the door in two steps. As he opened it, he heard Ranger speak quietly.

"Morrelli, fuck up with her this time and I will win."

"Sure. Great. Right after I suggest she go on vacation with you to Florida." Morelli sneered.

"Florida is about Julie. It's not about us. You, me or Stephanie. Tank will be there too."

"Like Tank will protect Stephanie from you."

"Tank has training in Post Traumatic Stress disorder—it's his area of expertise…he will be trying to help them both."

"Right and he isn't sniffing around her either. Yeah, Tank isn't making me any more confident…I've seen how he looks at her; like lunch. Just like the rest of your goons."

Ranger's blank face was back. "I am checking out, AMA if necessary, on Thursday. Tank and I are heading for Miami. I really want Stephanie to come along."

"Then you damn well better ask HER!" And he stormed out the door and down the hall ignoring the stares of the nurses on duty.

CHAPTER SIX 

When Stephanie arrived that afternoon Ranger motioned her to his bed. She climbed in, like she had countless other days, and was already drifting off to a nap filled with dreams of things best not mentioned.

"Babe. I need you to do something for me."

"Sure Ranger, what?"

"Go with me to Miami. See Julie. She's scared; nightmares. I can't help her here; I need to get out of this place. And she needs me…and my reassurance that everything is ok… maybe I could help her sleep through the night if she saw me. Talking to me over the phone hasn't helped at all."

The anguish in his face touched Stephanie deeply. But she wondered silently if it would help. She had dark circles under her eyes, poorly camouflaged by makeup, from her own nightmares. She spent hours every day at his side, sometimes even lying in his hospital bed, hoping against hope that maybe that night would be different and she could sleep through without a nightmare.

"Of course I'll go." She whispered.

They lay there for a while and then Ranger spoke quietly. "Babe, hold me. I need to feel you."

"Ranger."

"Babe. Hold me. I hurt. And I know you do too. Joe told me you don't sleep."

"When were you talking to him?" 

"I do on occasion. Babe. He's worried for you. He wants to make it work out this time."

"Then why are you asking me to comfort you? You men are all alike." She sat upright in the bed.

"Because I'm selfish, Babe. I don't want it to work out for him. If I could convince you to leave him, I would be a happier man." Hey, lay it on the table why don't you, he thought.

"Selfish? No shit! You haven't said you hope I'd be happier. You are more worried about pissing off Joe. Joe wants to do anything he can to piss off you. I should leave the two of you to your little pissing contest and find someone who gives a fuck about ME!"

She climbed off the bed and slammed out of his room and down the hall. She was so aggravated at Ranger, and at Joe, and hell, who was she kidding, at herself for falling for the two of them, that she crashed right into the wall known as Tank at the elevator.

"Whas'sup, Bombshell?" Tank whispered as he tried to help her to her feet.

"Men... you are all big fucking children!!!" and she threw herself at the open elevator doors to get away from this chaos.

Tank thought about walking away, shaking his head, crazy woman, but on second thought he realized he probably should go with her, let her bitch it all out, and then calm her down. He stuck his foot into the almost closed elevator and turned to face her when it closed on them both.

"Spill it, Bombshell."

And spill it she did. They walked out of the hospital gate, and over to the park across the street. He sat down under the shade of a large oak tree. Stephanie plopped down beside him, and bawled. He sat in silence for twenty minutes, until her tears ran dry and the shaking subsided. He reached over and put a companionable arm about her shoulder.

He took one finger and pushed her chin up to look at him. Her eyes were red, and puffy, and her face was blotchy and salt stained. He leaned over her, bent and kissed her cheek with his warm, thick lips.

"Talk, little girl."

Stephanie gave him the abridged version of her life as pertained to men, or jerks, as she had decided both Ranger and Joe were. And Tank sat, and listened, and he told her he tended to agree with her assessment.

"So what ya gonna do now Girl, huh?" 

"That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Tank, thank you for listening." Stephanie leaned into him, and put her head on his shoulder.

"Steph, call me Charlie when we're bashing your men, 'k? Tank's my street name. This here isn't work—it's pure pleasure." And at that Stephanie began to laugh, long and hard, and Tank did too.

"Come on, let's get you back before one or the both call out the cavalry to find you. 'sides, I got me a date with Miss Lula, and you know she'll have my ass if I'm late."

"Charlie, she'll have your ass anyway, and you know it!" Stephanie laughed at the eyebrow he raised at her. Damn, she's gotta learn that one day.

When Joe picked her up that afternoon, she told him they needed to talk.

'Cupcake." Joe looked across the table, at Stephanie, the pizza box empty between them.

Oh damn, this is gonna be hard. I don't want to do this. Things have been quiet in the Morelli house for a long time, and it was kind of nice. "I um, listen, Ranger asked me to do something for him."

"Uh huh."

"Well, it's about his daughter." Stephanie figured it would be better to put all the responsibility on outside forces, make it like it was a chore.

Do I tell her I know already? Do I want to risk the fight that will inevitably come if she thinks Manoso and I are planning her life? The truth—we need to work on the truth; I can't let Manoso win her, I can't let her go back to his bed, Joe thinks to himself.

"Yeah, I know. Ranger called me today to ask me."

Steam came out of Stephanie's ears, her eyes widened, all in a millisecond.

Shit. Wrong approach. "Hold on Cupcake. Listen to me, will you? He didn't call and ask if you could go; it was more like he was giving me a heads up that he was planning on asking you. Not to ask permission for you to go ---Stephanie---will you stop throwing things!"

"He didn't want me to think he was hiding something, sneaking around. Ranger and I get on good Steph; we don't have a problem with each other." He walked into the other room to avoid flying objects.

"Bullshit" Stephanie hurled the Corona bottle at the wall behind him.

"Stephanie. As a person, Stephanie. He's a good guy. Crazy yes, scary, no shit but we are fine with each other except when it comes to you. The only problem Manoso and I have ever had is you—that he wants you like I do."

"Look Cupcake I am not fond of you going with Ranger; but the reason for going—I can't argue with it. Why he wants you there. It wouldn't be a bad thing for you to deal with either. Besides he's still not recovered enough for me to worry he'll pull anything."

"I won't insult either of you by suggesting I go along with you" Joe walked up to her and attempted to touch her shoulder. She moved away, and stormed to the couch.

"I know he's your friend. It's going to take more getting used to than I would have thought. I guess I am less a modern man than I would like to think."

"Just remember I love you Stephanie. I have loved you since I was eight years old. I want this to work. I want us to work. We have to learn to be open; to share. I want a life with you Cupcake."

Joe was holding her by this point. They were curled on the couch, with Bob's head lying on Steph's lap, drooling.

He kissed the top of her head, and ran his fingers through her hair.

"All my life, Stephanie. I've just loved you. I know we are supposed to be together and it makes me crazy sometimes that you fight it. Why is it so hard? I can see us together, an old couple like Mr. and Mrs. Simanski across from Grandma Bella's. Together, walking through the park, still holding hands."

Then he kissed her. And it was like the first time. Stephanie remembered the first time with Joe. It was indescribable, probably because it was her first time ever. But his arms around her, his tongue lapping that place on her neck, it was all so right. She'd been there before, and she remembered how much she liked it there.

-----------------------------

Thursday came, and Tank collected Stephanie from Joe's row house and put her suitcases into the Bronco. He looked at Stephanie for a long moment.

"You look good, little girl. "Get things straightened out?"

"Yeah, I did. Thanks again Tank."

"Lets get going; Ranger's ready to bust that joint" It took an hour, but they got Ranger out of the hospital, with Tank and Stephanie receiving all sorts of advice pertaining to his care since Ranger was signing himself out of the hospital against his doctors wishes.

Tank was parking at the airport, and his cell rang. He flipped it open, growled, listened for a minute and then growled again. He shut the phone and shoved it in his pocket.

"Damn, Tank, I think your phone manners are better than mine."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you boss!" Tank shot as he helped Ranger into the wheelchair at the curb. Ranger was cranky about having to use the chair, but Newark is a big place, and between the shattered ribs and the still healing lung, he certainly wasn't up to walking.

"Whats up?"

"Nothing."

Ranger's eyes bored into him.

"Personal shit."

The phone rang again. Tank stopped pushing the chair and growled again.

"Fuck. I am about to get on a plane for Florida. Can't this shit wait?"

He turned around, and rubbed his big paw over his face.

"Yeah. Right. Ok. I'll be there in 30".

And the phone slapped closed.

"Boss, I'm sorry. I really can't get out of this. I'll explain later."

"Tank. Right now."

"No. Bobby will fly down tomorrow if I can't get there."


	5. Chapters 7 and 8

CHAPTER SEVEN 

"I love you Ranger."

"I love you too, querida." Ranger spoke quietly and slowly brushed Julie's hair back from her eyes.

"Can I see your scars? Please Ranger. Mommy told me that you have screws holding your shoulder together. But I don't think that makes any sense. Besides, I didn't see any when I saw you in the hospital."

"Breathe, Jules! Querida, slow down. Breathe. One thing at a time, lets get me get out of the car a least, ok?" He laughed.

At that she stopped. Suddenly she realized that Stephanie had been driving the Porche, not Ranger. And now, Stephanie was coming around to the passenger side door and helping Ranger to stand up.

Shyly she stepped up to Stephanie and said hello. Stephanie stopped for a moment and looked down. All those past weeks of horror and worry and nightmares, she saw in Julie's eyes. She knelt down and took Julie in her arms.

"Hey there yourself. It's so nice to be here and seeing you again…." They held each other for a long moment, and Ranger finally interrupted.

"Babe."

"Here, Julie, can you carry my pocketbook while I help your fa---while I help Ranger?" Stephanie stood up straight and handed her bag to the little female clone of Ranger.

"Its ok, Jules, I just need help getting my balance. I'm ok," he whispered. And it looked like it was true. He walked with a straight back and a firm but slow step up the sidewalk to her house and there he stopped to kiss her mother.

This was weird. Julie felt ill at ease with all these adults surrounding her, trying to pretend things hadn't changed. Ranger smiled at her suddenly, and she felt herself blush. She looked down at her hands, and then back at her –her father. She wanted him to be her father. Not just her birth father. She wanted to learn to love him, and she wanted him to love her. She was so very happy he came to see her today. Maybe tonight she would sleep. He was alive. He loved her.

He motioned to her to come to him, and she hopped off the couch and ran right towards him, but suddenly realized he couldn't grab her because of his arm. So she stopped in front of him, and smiled.

Ranger's eyes lit up, and he laughed at her. "You look so much like your Aunt Renata, Julie."

She looked at him questioningly. "Who's that?" she asked.

"One of my sisters, querida. You are the spitting image of her. One day, maybe you can meet her, ok?" He looked to Rachel when he said this, but she didn't argue.

He took her hand. "Do you want to stay at my place this weekend, querida? I haven't had a chance to spend time with you this summer." Julie looked over at her mother and father, with pleading in her dark brown eyes that everyone in the room could see.

"Yes, Julie, you can stay with Carlos. Go up and pack a bag, and don't forget your shampoo and your hairbrush" She ran to her mother and flung her arms around her. "Thank you mommy!!!!" and then she was the wind, already up the stairs and out of sight.

Everyone chuckled. Ron caught Stephanie's head shake in wonder. "My daughter is what they refer to as high energy" Ron laughed, and looked at Ranger in an accusing fashion. Ron wasn't at all high energy; he thought a round of golf was taxing.

"Guilty as charged, your honor," Ranger shot back at his ex-wife's husband. He grinned at Rachel. "Is she still running?"

"Oh, she is. Going to be on the Olympic cross country team in a few years if you ask her… She is happy about going to middle school primarily because there is a track team. And you better explain to her that grades are more important than being on the team, Carlos, because I will tell you now, I'll pull her off it if her grades aren't maintained. I expect a united front on this, do you understand?"

Stephanie sat through all of this without a sound. She had little experience with children to begin with, except knew her niece thought she was a horse. She had no experience with maintaining friendly relations with her ex's family. The Dick was just that, and his family no better, so she couldn't imagine a time in the future she'd sit down to dinner with them.

Yet, here she was, cuddled on a couch in Ranger's arms, with his ex-wife sitting, smiling and giving Ranger hell from the chair beside them. Ranger accepted without comment Ron calling Julie his daughter, right to his face. And what was she doing here? Wasn't she done with Ranger as anything but a friend? If so why was she so content to be held by him? Maybe because this was just about friendship? Like being as close and comfortable with Marylou's family? Hmm.

"Deep thoughts, Babe?" Ranger smiled down at her when Rachel gave her a bemused look.

She shook her head, and came out of her reverie. "No. Yes. Well I thought I better be getting you back to bed; the doctors were really insistent you not overdo it today. And so far, we've had a pretty full day."

She looked at him and saw the exhaustion in his eyes, his face; even as he protested that he was doing well.

And then he wolf grinned, widely. "Hey if you want to get me back into bed, Babe, who am I to argue?"

Rachel looked at him in mock disgust, and quietly got up. She leaned over to Ranger, and smacked his cheek. "I'll go and motivate that girl, ok?" She grinned at Ron and took off.

---------------------------

Julie didn't stop talking for 3 hours. Stephanie couldn't believe that a child of Rangers could speak so much; it certainly must come from her mother's side! Ranger was propped up in a not so comfortable position on the couch and they were all watching DVD's and having a marginally healthy meal that Ranger ordered when they got home.

Stephanie hadn't had a chance to prowl around this house yet, but she already got the feeling it was much more of a personal space than the 7th floor apartment. There were photos, for one thing. Mostly pictures of Julie, and Ranger and Julie doing various Sunday-father type of things. She couldn't wait to poke around more!

Ranger nudged her awake.

"Hey, Babe? I am the only one awake and this is seriously a teen-aged chick flick." He pointed to Julie, sprawled on the floor and obviously asleep.

"I think it's time to call it a night. I would normally just scoop her up and put her to bed, but since I think I am not going to be able to get myself into bed, that's not an option. Would you wake her and get her settled?" Ranger smiled at Stephanie, and kissed her cheek.

Ranger was maneuvering the stairs, stiffly, by the time Stephanie came down for him.

"I think I may have overdone the moving thing today" he grimaced, but he didn't let her help him either.

"Babe, you can have this bedroom, here. I'm right next door, and the bathroom connects, in case you miss me tonight." He opened the door, and walked her inside. It was a lovely room but not terribly personal. Obviously the guest room, but it had nice king sized bed, and it looked incredibly inviting. She was tired! She just about jumped into the middle of the bed, fully clothed. Ranger smiled.

"Babe, you're gonna need to go and get your bags from downstairs, don't you think? "Unless you plan on running around naked?" His eyebrow went up in a hopeful fashion.

She stuck her tongue out at him, but rose. She'd go get their bags in a bit. She needed to explore. She walked through the bathroom, and glanced longingly at the garden tub. Then she marched straight through to his room. Would this room reveal to her who Ranger was?

She stood and looked around. Wow. It was cave-like at least. Dark brown walls, with white trim and sky blue curtains, comforter and carpeting. The finish on the furniture was sleek, and dark. All the metal trim in the room was brushed silver. Masculine, but not caveman. It was cool, and elegant, but it had a personality to it. There was no black; no Ranger. But maybe where she was staying wasn't Ranger's home at all. This house belonged to Carlos.

"You like?" He grinned at her. He could read her face like a children's book. It entertained him, and frustrated her to no end.

"Carlos. That's who you are here, isn't it?" She turned and whispered to him. She looked at his eyes. Then she glanced beyond them, and was caught up in the most beautiful, delicate painting.

Hanging on the wall was an oil of a small child, her fingers pudgy and gripping on someone's shoulder. The back of the woman's head was all that was visible. The baby looked out with imperceptibly deep brown eyes and had the most engaging toothless smile.

Ranger saw where she was looking. He put his arm about her waist and pulled her closer to him, her back to his front, but not so close as to have her pressing on his bad arm or his ribs. He looked at it with wonder and spoke into her ear.

"In the army, while you are away; you focus on the things at home. I had this photo of Julie, just a few months old. It was taken the day I met her. I carried it with me to Afghanistan. I took it out every night and memorized it. Everyone needed something to live for; a reason to go home. I had an Afghani man paint it for me from the photo. It is one of my most prized possessions."

My God, Carlos was a real person! Oh, dang! I am here with Carlos, the man, not Ranger, the Batman.

He took his hand from her waist, and rubbed her cheek for a moment. "It's been a long day Babe. Time for bed, ok?"

He turned her around, and his lips connected with the cheek he had just been caressing. His lips were warm, and the breath she felt sent shivers down her spine. Her face turned slightly, his lips connected with hers, gliding softly over them. She made a small sound, and he sighed. Then he stood back up straight, and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Leave the door to the bathroom unlocked, Babe, in case I need you."

And he turned away.

Her mind reeled. She was standing in his bedroom; his huge bed beckoning and he just sent her away. She walked through the connecting room, being very careful to close and lock the bathroom door, and sat on the edge of the tub. What just happened?

Oh, her head hurt! Too late to be thinking, she agreed with her subconscious, what you need is a bubble bath. And so she settled into the large tub and closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the water. She must have dozed off, because the next thought she had was that of Carlos voice, quietly pissed off and somewhat far away.

She opened her eyes to find him staring down at her. "I told you to leave the door unlocked. I need to use this bathroom too." He handed her a towel and motioned for her to get up.

"Why does the master bath connect to the guestroom, Ranger?" Stephanie glared at him, for disturbing her; for expecting her to just climb naked out of the tub in front of him. He stood, not moving; with his blank don't fuck with me face on. Aw, damn, he's seen it before; I guess I am getting out of the tub. And she took the towel and wrapped it around her and went back to glaring at him.

"Well, truthfully this is an older home. It was difficult enough to get that big tub in here! I wanted this house, so I have to put up with some minor inconveniences…."

He shrugged at her, thankful she had asked him a question; anything to take his mind off of the water dripping along her body, the rivulets between her breasts that he would like to trace with his tongue... He would have to stop staring at her.

"Why? Why'd you want this house?" 

"Haven't looked out the window yet?" He grinned when he saw her pivot towards his bedroom. He knew she'd head straight for it, so she shouldn't have been surprised when she heard the bathroom door lock behind her.

He came out and found her on the balcony a few minutes later. "See?" 

"Yeah, I see." The ocean was just beyond the dunes, lapping at the sand a few hundred yards from the window.

"This is my favorite home." Ranger spoke quietly.

"How many do you have?"

"A few."

"Why this one?"

"You have to ask? Look at the view?" 

"You could afford to buy this view anywhere in the world, Carlos…why this house?"

Whoops, Stephanie, looks like Ranger the mute is back, she thought, while waiting for a long while for an answer. She was somewhat surprised when she finally heard the answer.

"Because Julie is here."

"Ranger you said while Julie was gone that you weren't emotionally attached to her?" Stephanie grimaced when she asked. It sounded wrong to even suggest that there shouldn't be a connection between father and daughter. But she looked at him, and he knew what she was thinking, and what she was asking.

"Yeah." He shrugged.

"I thought you didn't lie, Ranger." Stephanie was looking at her hands, her voice quiet.

"Only to myself, Babe."

There was nothing more that could be said. They stared at the water for a while, and then he pulled her hand towards him. "Come, help me get ready for bed."

"What?" 

"Steph, I can't get showered and undressed or dressed without some assistance. I expected Tank would be here to help but until tomorrow, you will have to help me."

"You want me to help you shower?" Stephanie had what could almost be described as raw fear in her voice.

"Babe. I'm your friend, yes? And I need your assistance. Help me."

"But."

"No buts, Stephanie. I am not waiting to shower till Tank gets here, and I am certainly not staying in these clothes. Look at me Babe. I help you, you help me. It's called friendship. Helping me shower is not going to be sexual unless you want it to be."

Ranger took his hand and pulled her chin so her eyes would look into his.

"It's not about attraction. I want you, always, but right now, I need you."

_CHAPTER EIGHT_

Well, that was different, Stephanie thought. She had just climbed into her bed and shut the light. Helping Ranger shower and dress wasn't something she'd ever thought she could do, his body was too distracting to her, but really, it wasn't half bad. After all, she'd seen it all before, touched it all before, and while they were doing the deed so to speak, the conversation stayed impersonal, or at least it stayed non-sexual; thanks to the fact the shower gel wasn't Bvlgari, and that Ranger didn't touch her.

She was awe struck at how beautiful his body was, and deeply saddened by the new scars spread all around the right side of his torso. He was somewhat depressed, she realized as they talked. How had she not noticed that in the past three weeks? What kind of a friend was she, anyway?

She hadn't considered at all how these injuries were affecting his sense of self. "I'll have to learn how to shoot a gun again. I am not ambidextrous. I can barely sign my name with my left hand! The amount of PT I am going to require for gaining full range of my right arm? My shoulder? I am going to be on Desk work for a long time. I can't go back in the field too soon because the guys lives depend on my ability to get their backs."

His voice was quieting, ever so slightly, in the tense, between clenched teeth way it did when he was frustrated. "I can't run. I barely made it up the stairs tonight without fainting from the strain on my lungs and my ribs. I am so not looking forward to a year at a damn desk!"

Stephanie didn't speak, she just let him vent. She handed him a towel, and had him lean on her while he got his balance back after climbing out of the tub. She started to dry his back, and then followed him to his bedside. He handed her some antibiotics, and some bandages, and she toweled the incision area and re-covered it with fresh bandages. She wound the ace bandage around his ribs, and then adjusted his arm into his sling.

"Babe, that's actually something I have been meaning to talk to you about. I want you to come back to RangeMan. You really were an asset to all of us, and for the foreseeable future, Tank is without a partner." Ranger was scooting up into the bed, and Stephanie was adjusting his pillows.

She stopped what she was doing and plopped on the bed.

"You want me to do what? Be Tank's partner? He'll kill you Ranger, if you tried to partner me with him! Hell, all the guys would be willing to attempt murder if you told them I was to be their partner!!! I am good on the computer; they don't mind me there, but to partner with them?" She just looked at him incredulously.

"Think about it Babe." He pulled her closer to him with his left arm, and kissed her on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, Babe." He held her just a moment too long for a friendly hug, and closed his eyes. "Leave the little light on in the bathroom, will you Babe. And don't lock the door."

----------------------------

The first time he woke was at 2:17 am; he heard Julie thrashing and crying out. Ranger carefully got up and went into her room, and tried to calm her down. He lay with her till she fell back asleep, but the bed was cramped. She began having another nightmare, and he convinced her to get up and come back into his bed with him.

At 4:42 am, he awoke to the sound of Stephanie screaming his name. He jolted up, unaware of what was going on, and heard Stephanie crying. He walked through the bathroom to her bedroom and found her sitting up, rocking herself in her sleep and calling his name over and over. He quietly took her hands in his, and led her to his bed.

He lay, sleepless, in the middle of his bed, with the two most important people in his world on either side of him. They slept through the sunrise that he witnessed from his window. He must have fallen asleep, he thought, when he finally woke to find Julie brushing his hair off of his face while she was staring at him, almost willing him to wake.

The moment he opened his eyes, she peppered him with questions, "Ranger, how'd I get in your bed? Why is Stephanie in bed with us? Is she your girlfriend, Ranger, 'cause she's pretty, I like her. Are all those scars from Chuck? Are we going to go to the boardwalk today? How long are you staying here?"

"Shush, querida, quiet, let Stephanie sleep," he whispered. He smiled at her to soften his harsh words. "Now, one quiet question at a time, Julie."

She had the sense to look repentant at his rebuke.

"You were having a nightmare, so I brought you in here to be safe with me. You don't remember coming in here?" She shook her head. "Well, it was a while ago. Do you remember what you were dreaming, querida?"

Almost imperceptibly she nodded her head. "What scared you Julie?"

"Chuck."

"Who's Chuck?" Ranger knew Chuck was Julie's name for Scrog, but he wanted to let her tell her tale. And it worked, because before long, she was breathlessly sharing all the things that had happened while she was in Scrogs 'care'.

Ranger was getting angrier and angrier as he heard how thoughtlessly this guy had treated his child, but he realized that in reality she was a very lucky little girl, because Julie was essentially unharmed. He had seen enough of the bad side of the world to know how incredibly fortunate they all were. Finally she got to the end of the story, and she whispered this part to him.

"Ranger, I pretended to be asleep, and then I took his gun and I shot him with it, because he hurt you." She was touching his chest, running her fingers along the scars while she talked.

"I know, Julie. Querida, you did a very brave thing. I am so very sorry that you had to do such a thing; that you were put in that position. I am glad you remembered our time together and what I taught you however." Ranger didn't take his eyes from his daughters face.

"But Ranger, I killed him." Her voice was small, and tight, and his heart constricted.

"I know, baby, but it was the right thing and the only thing you could do; you couldn't have done any other thing. He was trying to kill me, and you said he told you he was going to kill Stephanie too."

Stephanie had been lying awake for a while, but she didn't want to disturb Ranger and Julie, so she remained quiet. She knew Ranger was aware she had wakened.

"Julie," Stephanie whispered, as she heard the despair in the little girl's voice, "I've killed someone too. It's a scary feeling, isn't it?" And Stephanie sat up, and reached over Ranger to touch Julie on the cheek. "But your dad- Ranger is right. You did only what you needed to do. And I for one am glad you were able to do it."

Julie wasn't sure she was convinced, but she was tired of talking about it. She curled up next to Ranger and gently laid her head on his lap. He began to run his hand through her hair, and she relaxed.

Stephanie sat up too, and was sitting cross-legged on the other side of Ranger, looking at the two of them. She felt her heart tighten, it was such a tender moment that she felt she was intruding. Ranger must have sensed her unease, because he looked over at her and smiled that incredible smile at her, and she relaxed.

Julie looked up and said, "Stephanie, why are you in Ranger's bed too?"

"I don't know Julie, I woke up here just like you did."

"Stephanie was having a nightmare too, querida, so I had her come to sleep with us."

"You don't remember coming in here either, do you?" Julie giggled. "We all sleep walked here last night!"

"Wanna tell us your nightmare? I told Ranger about mine and he made me feel better."

Julie's tone indicated serious superhero powers were evident in Ranger at the moment, so Stephanie couldn't figure out a way around it.

"Well, my nightmare is always about when Ranger walks into my apartment, Julie."

"I remember him doing that."

"Yeah, he walks in and he is looking at me, and he is using his ESP to tell me something but I can't understand ESP so I never find out what he wants to tell me, then the blood comes and someone's screaming and I wake up." Stephanie didn't want to dwell on the details, especially not with this little girl having the same problems, so she made it sound brief and easy to tell.

"What's ESP, Stephanie?" 

"Es justo como el español, Julia; es que algo Stephanie no entiende." Ranger said to her, and Julie giggled.

Stephanie could tell a joke was being had at her expense, and so glared at Ranger.

"It's like mind reading, if you know someone well, sometimes you can figure out what they want to say without speaking," Ranger then explained to Julie.

"What were you trying to telling her Ranger?" Julie looked at him expectantly.

Ranger looked at Julie, and then at Stephanie.

He shrugged, just the tiniest bit.

"That it was going to be ok, and that I loved her." Ranger's hand reached out to grab Stephanie's as he said this, and he looked at her deeply with incredibly rich dark eyes.

Julie took this declaration with aplomb. "So she is your girlfriend, Ranger! That's neat, because I like her a lot."

"I'd like to hope so, but that's up to Stephanie, querida. What do you say, Babe?"

Wow, talk about being put on the spot! "Well, Ranger is my friend Julie. He's a very good friend. And I am glad I have him in my life."

"Why do you call her Babe, Ranger?" 

"Hmm? It's just a term of endearment. It's my special name for Stephanie. No one else calls her that, but me. Kind of like you are my querida."

"I like when you call me that Ranger. I don't let my other daddy call me that, it's just what you can call me."

"It's nice to have a special name, isn't it Julie?" Stephanie smiled at her.

"You know what Stephanie's other boyfriend calls her?" Ranger asked Julie.

Julie looked at Stephanie like she had two heads.

"Why do you have two boyfriends? I think I would just want one boyfriend if he was Ranger."

Ranger sputtered. Stephanie went red to the roots of her hair, and Ranger laughed at her reaction.

"He calls her CUPCAKE," Ranger said, with all the sugar his voice could pull off. Julie just started to laugh and laugh. And Ranger had to duck his head when Stephanie started to come after him with a pillow.

_It's just like Spanish, Julie, something Stephanie doesn't understand._


	6. Chapters 9 and 10

_CHAPTER NINE_

Julie got up and went downstairs to find food, and a TV show to entertain herself. Ranger declared that he was on vacation and therefore going to go back to sleep for a while longer. Staying up all night had worn him out. He was going soft. Madre de Dios!

Stephanie got up and showered. He loved her. He loved her and he told his daughter that he loved her. Oh, this was bad. She thought of Joe, and how she thought they had settled things, and how she was standing, naked in Ranger's shower, running out his hot water tank. Nothing was settled. Oh damn.

She peeked in on Ranger, watching him sleep for a moment. She was deep in thought about how she could get out of this, and wasn't aware of wandering downstairs.

She rounded the corner into the kitchen and found that God held her in very good favor today. Not only had Ranger declared his love for her, but what was sticking out of the open refrigerator door, but an incredible ass. Male ass. Tight male ass, covered in black (surprise, that) running shorts.

"Wow. Are you the food fairy? Cause if you are you are seriously welcome at my place, any time."

The man attached to the fine rear end stood up quickly, and spun around. He gave her a sparkling, bemused grin.

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" Damn.

"Uh, hi, I'm Stephanie and you're….?" Stephanie stuck out her hand to the stranger.

"Raj"

Must be one of Ranger's men, another master of the one word answer.

"Hi, Raj. Uhm, is there, I don't know, something I can do for you?" Who? Why? People break into my apartment all the time; I should be used to the concept of strangers in the kitchen!

"Mr. Rajesh, I'm ready!! Let's go!!! Oh, hi Stephanie, I thought you and Ranger went back to sleep." Julie came skidding to a stop, outfitted apparently for a run.

"Mr. Rajesh and I are going to go for a run. Tell Ranger, ok? We'll be back later!" Julie tossed over her shoulder as she flew out the door.

Stephanie looked at Raj again. Big and handsome—Check. Dark and scowling—Check. Buff beyond natural chance—Check. Wearing black and packing—Check.

She got ready to give him the third degree, after all this was an incredibly hot man, and he was attempting to run off with Ranger's child, when she spotted the RangeMan logo on his chest. RangeMan—Check.

"Better you than me," Stephanie laughed at Raj. "Enjoy your run."

"Yes, ma'am. Tell Ranger to page us if he wants us back, otherwise we'll be running 6k today." And he turned to follow Julie out the door.

Suddenly Stephanie felt her chance at finding something edible in Ranger's fridge were close to zero. All these health food nuts around this place! How had she hooked up with a bunch of rabbits anyway?

--------------------------

Tank arrived, true to his word, just after lunch. Ranger and Stephanie had planted themselves on the deck, with Julie fooling in the water just beyond the dunes. Stephanie asked the requisite 20 questions about Raj, and Ranger, surprisingly, answered.

He didn't want her to be alone. Rachel was angry at having someone around but he didn't care; Julie would have a bodyguard. Two actually, but Raj was full time, the other Raj's relief. When she went anywhere, even to school, he'd be around.

He chose Raj because he was young. He felt that Julie would handle having a keeper better if he was not as old as her father. Raj was new to RangeMan, just 23. Of course ex-army. He seemed to enjoy Julie, from all accounts that Ranger had gotten. It had only been a few weeks.

"Why is he here, while she's with you though? That seems weird, Ranger."

"Um, Steph, are you dressed?" Ranger asked that like there was a chance of a blizzard in Miami today—did she ever have her gun?

"No, but…"

"I'm not either. I'm unarmed. I can't shoot, remember? Or run? Or tackle the bad guys. Raj stays unless I tell him to go." Ranger looked at her. She saw a scared father deep inside the blank walls of his face.

"Yeah, that makes sense, I guess. It's just, well, damn Ranger, he's so hot!"

"Julie is TEN, Stephanie!! And Raj is gay."

"Oh, what a shame…"

Ranger just gave her the most bemused look.

----------------------------

"So, how'd things go last night, guys?" Tank settled into a lounge chair on the deck.

"Well, I didn't get much sleep; Steph and Julie woke me up with nightmares." Ranger looked at Stephanie.

"I think we've solved Stephanie's issues, but I don't know about Julie, Charlie. I asked her to tell me about the nightmare, but instead she gave me an accounting of the kidnapping. A little TMI for me; I'll probably be the one with nightmares tonight."

"Well, I'll go find her later and chat with her. See what she can tell me. What I can tell her. So, why do you think you figured out Stephanie's nightmares? Bombshell, I know you were having them every night….why are we done now?" Tank looked at her intensely.

"Stop staring at me, Tank, you scare me." Laughter rocked the deck. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Steph, maybe what happened will help me with Julie. Besides, we won't know it's fixed unless we find you in your own bed in the morning." Tank grinned at her.

"Stephanie was having a language barrier, in her nightmare. I told her what I was trying to say. I don't think she'll be having anymore nightmares…" Ranger looked at her, and she felt exposed suddenly.

"About that day anyway!! I think I am going to be setting up a whole new nightmare scenario soon Ranger! I am going to the water for a while. You boys behave."

"So, Charlie?"

"Hmm?"

"Yesterday?" 

Tank ran his hands over his face. He leaned back in his chair.

"Carlos, there's been a lot of chatter on the street about your cash flow since the kidnapping. Julie has caused you to be less than low profile, ya know? Some ladies lookin' to be cashing in on "they baby daddy" card…." Tank looked to Ranger for moment.

Ranger nodded his head in understanding. Ranger had had this experience before. He didn't even get involved in this type of low-level harassment. His DNA was on file; when a woman tried to manipulate him, she never even got to speak to him. It went straight to his lawyers, then the geneticist and then out the door.

"Well, the thing is. Damn." Tank looked at his hands.

"Out with it Charles. Something stick this time?" Shit. I hope not. Stephanie would never understand a child with a stranger. Ranger just bored his eyes into Tank's head.

"You know how you went to ground? I was your point man, right? Interviews on the news and shit?"

Ranger nodded.

"They certainly weren't typing "Tank" under my mug as the spokesperson for RangeMan LLC. It always said Charles Wellington. And well, umn."

"We got a call from this lady. She said she seen me on the tube, and that she wanted to meet with me. About her grandson." Tank stopped speaking. He looked out towards the water, were Julie and Stephanie were playing.

"Continue."

"Looks like I got me a son, Carlos."

They sat for a few minutes.

"Details, Charlie?" Ranger didn't say this as a command to his employee, but gently, to his oldest, dearest friend.

"Yeah. Uh, well. The boy is 15. His mother died about 3 years ago, he's been being raised by his grandparents. They knew nothing about his father, except his name, but apparently the woman always dissed him and made out he was bad news. So they never had her try to find the guy or nothing."

"They were watching the news they said, when they saw me, and apparently the boy looks just like me. They saw my name, and of course saw I was not necessarily bad news, but was some hot shot in a big corporation. They contacted RangeMan a few weeks ago, but the Legal department didn't bother me till they felt it was necessary I have the testing."

"Tests so far are 98 certain. They will have finished running them by tonight. I should hear in the morning. But, Carlos." Tank paused to clear his head. "He's my kid." Tank reached into his pocket, and unfolded a photocopy.

Ranger looked at it for a moment. "Damn straight he's yours. I still think of you as looking like this." Ranger smiled. When I met you for the first time you couldn't have been much older than he is."

"What's his name? Where do they live? How you gonna handle this, man?" 

"Treyvon Forbes, they live in Newark. Damn, Carlos, I can't remember his mother at all. Her name was Tanisha. Her parents don't know where we met, they don't know how long we were together. She stayed tightlipped about me apparently. I looked at her photos, and Carlos, I don't remember her."

"You were what, 22? 23? You were still in the army. One nighter, on leave, probably, right?"

Tank nodded his head. "How do I meet this kid and tell him that?"

"I don't know, Charlie. I haven't had to explain it to Julie yet myself. And you know it's exactly the same with her."

"No, not really. You at least married Rachel, you knew Julie all along."

"Only because Rachel knew people who knew how to find me, Charlie."

"Hey there big guys, you two looking like the weight of the world is on your shoulders." Stephanie and Julie stomped up the stairs, and wrapped towels around themselves.

"Raj." Rangers voice cut the silence.

"Sir?"

"You're relieved."

"Yes, Sir."

"Tank will be with us until we leave. Enjoy your time off."

"Yes, Sir. Night, Miss Julie. See you in a few days." Raj turned and walked around the house, but Julie jumped down the stairs and followed him. Ranger and Tank and watched her in amusement.

"So, who's that? What's up guys?" Stephanie indicated the photo in Tank's hand.

Tank looked at Ranger, and then back at Stephanie. "My son."

"I didn't know you had kids, Tank."

"I just learned of this boy's existence yesterday." Tank stared at the paper again, and didn't hear Ranger call her off.

"Stephanie. Later, ok Babe?" Ranger just looked at Stephanie, and his eyes told her this was raw, and private, and that Tank needed to be left alone. He took her hand and they slowly walked down the steps so he could watch Julie in the water.

CHAPTER TEN 

They were sitting out on the deck, watching the waves.

"Ranger, about this morning…" Stephanie began. This needed to be done. She left Trenton on such a positive note. She and Joe had had such a good few days. Everything seemed possible and their world seemed right, finally.

"Ranger, why am I here? Really." Stephanie looked at Ranger's profile. He is just so damn hot.

"Cause I wanted you to be Babe." Ranger looked over at her with a grin on his face.

"But I am not helping Julie any."

"What? You thought we'd have an intervention with a 10 year old because her subconscious is having issues? I wanted you to be here so she can see you have recovered, so she can see me recovered. Tank is good at listening; if he can get her talking tonight, it could be wonderful. But her hearing you this morning was more important than anything Tank can tell her." Ranger leaned forward, and grabbed her hand.

He realized that she was asking about a lot more than Julie.

"Babe. I know you're with Morrelli. You think I didn't know you slept with him before you came to the hospital? That I didn't know he was taking you to his bed when you left each day? You came to me well fucked; I recognize the look."

Stephanie saw in his eyes darkening at the memory of being with her, and she began to feel warm all over herself from the recollection.

"Stephanie, I sent you back to his bed. I'm suffering the consequences. I'm a big boy; I can handle my part in this."

"Those nights you were staying with me…" Stephanie started to interrupt him.

"Those were good. Mornings, especially." He gave her a wolf grin, and looked at her hands, her legs, remembering waking up with her entangled about him, her hands fondling him. "Be glad I had my mind on Julie or I don't think I would have been distracted enough or cared enough that Joe was in your life."

Stephanie looked away at that. He was scaring her with his honesty.

"But Babe, I do love you. And I will take what I can. If I can have only your friendship then that's what I will take. I do want more but you need to give it freely, and I am not going to ask you to cheat on Joe. I want to be more than friends with benefits. Which is why nothing further has happened."

He looked at her, and she understood that he was telling her that he has had tight control on himself for a long time. "That doesn't mean I won't take the opportunities that present themselves to me. I will kiss you. I will touch you. I will dream about you. I will always love you."

At the declaration of his love for her, the second time in one day, she lost it. She couldn't sit there any longer. She got up and ran to the beach, to let the water lap around her feet, to let the crashing of the waves mimic the crashing sound her head was making.

--------------------------

Tank finds Steph at beach. He paces his stride to remain with her, and they stroll in solitude for a long while, each lost in their own problems.

"So Tank. What do you really think about me coming back to RangeMan? Ranger tells me he wants you to partner with me." Stephanie is loathe to break the comfortable silence, but …take the bull by the horns, Stephanie. She wills the words from her mouth.

"You don't want to do it Bombshell?" Tank doesn't stop walking, he doesn't look at her.

"Why would you want me getting your back, Tank? Why not Lester, or Bobby?"

"Stephanie. I would feel honored, really. You may not have such a great view of yourself, and that's a damn shame, but girl, you're good. Don't roll your eyes at me. You are. A bit unconventional, I'll grant you that. But you have an instinct that is astonishing. Physical stuff, heck I can teach you that."

"I will, as a matter of fact. You come back and you will undergo some serious training in defense. I won't be gentle; but I will be thorough. I will expect you to actually be able to protect my ass. But I have faith in your innate abilities. That, and you smell nicer." He smiled at her.

"Sit." Tank folds himself onto the sand, and motions for Stephanie to follow suit.

"What do you think, little girl? You be my partner till Carlos is cleared for duty?" Tank just sits and waits for her to respond. He sees a series of thoughts float over her face; he can tell she is conflicted about what to do.

"Tank. I don't know. I enjoy my work. The bounty hunter thing seems to work for me. I'm not a nine-to-fiver. No matter if it's not the world's safest occupation. Becoming your partner, though, that's serious stuff. I can't fuck up if your life is on the line. Ranger would kill me if I failed you."

"Now you know how us guys feel about protecting you, Bombshell" Tank guffawed.

"Girl, you always come through. Your heart, it's always in the right place. Your ability to go and take care of your friends despite the danger; your belief in people. It's not something that can be trained."

Stephanie lay back in the sand. "Oh, shit. Tank. Joe is going to kill me if I suggest I start working at RangeMan again."

"Why does he have a say?"

"Tank, I want to be a part of his life."

"You have a say in what he does for a living?"

"It's different."

"It's exactly the same."

"How did you get so smart, Tank?"

"Hey you think I got to my position on looks alone, little girl?" Tanks laughter bellowed for a moment and then was lost in the crashing of the waves. He helped her up and brushed the sand from her back before they headed home.

-----------------------------

Julie and her uncle Charlie spent the next afternoon together, so that Ranger and Stephanie could relax, or so Julie thought. Tank was prepared to talk to the girl till she figured out her dreams. He thought they had a pretty good day. He missed spending time with Julie.

"I am glad you came to visit Uncle Charlie!!! I haven't had a chance to play with you for a long time, since I was a little girl." Julie was riding Tank piggy-backed; he was carrying her through the house on the way to the dinner table.

Ranger had hollered for them more than once, so he figured they better get a move on. Julie was screeching and laughing and swatting at him, trying to get him to go where she wanted. Suddenly she said, "Stop!" She pointed at a photo on the wall. "Look, Uncle Charlie, it's a picture of me and Daisy. I miss her sometimes, Uncle Charlie." She hugged him around the neck and climbed down.

Tank looked at the photo as Julie walked away. "Me too, pumpkin, me too," he murmured.

----------------------------

They were walking through the airport, Tank and Julie in front of a slower moving Ranger and Stephanie.

"Babe." (I am so very glad you came to Miami with me.)

"Ranger." (How am I going to walk away? He loves me.)

"Be safe, ok?" (Please stay with RangeMan, where I can be near you. Please don't leave me.)

"Yeah, you too." (Joe will never understand why I want to continue working. And can I trust myself to work around you and not want you?)

"Babe. I love you." (I will wait for you. Someday, it will happen. It will be right and we will be together. )

"Bye, Ranger." (There's something between us that I can't explain, but I want it. With all of my heart I want it.)

"Babe." He turned her face so their lips touched.

"I love you too, Ranger." Their lips met, and the kiss was intense; long, and deep and they both forgot they were standing in the middle of the airport. Until Tank cleared his throat and Julie giggled.

She got onto the plane without him.


	7. Chapter 11 and 12

CHAPTER ELEVEN 

EARLY AUGUST "Good luck, girl." Tank handed Stephanie her suitcase. He had dropped her off at Morelli's house, after they arrived back in Trenton. Ranger had decided to stay in Miami a while longer, recuperating and visiting with relatives.

"Let me know when you want to start." And he climbed back into the Bronco and drove off.

-------------------------

"Wow. You should go away more often Cupcake, if reuniting is always gonna be so hot."

Morelli held her in his arms, his legs tangled in the sheets, the sunrise hitting her face as he touched her cheek. The night wasn't long enough for his taste. He wanted to never let Stephanie leave his arms. He'd been crazy the past few days, knowing she was with Ranger.

"Cupcake? Will you stay?" 

"Hmm?" Her hands were running through his hair, that curly top to his sexy head, and she'd agree to anything he asked while he was touching her like he was; where he was. "What? What do you want Joe?"

"Move back here. Let's get started on our future already. Get rid of the apartment. It's costing you money you don't have, and you haven't gone back there in over a month."

"You don't have to ask me twice about that." She had sent Lula and Tank over when she returned from Florida to collect all her things, the personal stuff. Rex had moved back to Joe's when Ranger was shot. There was no way she'd live there again.

-------------------------

Joe took her to her apartment building to speak with Dillon. She was giving it up. It was a huge step, to have nowhere to hide when things got rough. But she knew she could never sleep there again, the emotions were too raw; and she didn't see time lessening them. She was enjoying the luxury of a full nights sleep without nightmares and definitely didn't want to change that.

Besides, she and Joe were going to stay together this time. She was going to make this work. Ranger doesn't do relationships, and his love for me isn't the kind that comes with a ring; its friendship, deep abiding trust and friendship. Now, how to forget that goodbye kiss, a kiss that told her volumes of how he felt about her? How to convince herself of the value of having such a true friend and employer? How to be happy with that?

Stephanie was going to make this honeymoon with Joe last. They had not had a fight, really anything worthy of the name, since the night he learned about her and Ranger sleeping together. She was not going to mention working with Tank at RangeMan. Nope, no sirree, not a peep out of her as long as she could possibly stand it.

She was back from Florida almost two weeks before she had to admit she wasn't combing the want ads. No she didn't want to work at the button factory Mom, really. And yes, she was capable of paying her bills.

Morning." Joe popped the bathroom door open.

"Morning, Joe." Steph nodded to him as she was brushing her teeth.

"Cupcake."

"Umm?"

"Yeah, you sleep well?" 

"Yes." She stood up and wiped her mouth. She looked at him curiously. "What do you want to know Joe?"

"You didn't wake up. Not once. You haven't had a nightmare since you got back from Florida."

"No. I haven't had any more nightmares in a while now." Stephanie's stare challenged him.

"You haven't told me how Florida went. You haven't spoken about it at all." He sounded irritable.

"What's your problem Joe? You haven't asked!" She brushed by him and got ready for her day.

--------------------------

LATE AUGUST "So, Cupcake, lunch at Pino's? One o'clock?" Morelli kissed her distractedly on her forehead in his kitchen, squeezed her ass and left. Whoops. That ESP thing she'd been working on just perked up. The honeymoon may be over.

"Tell me what's going on. I know something's up, Cupcake, and I am tired of not hearing about it from you." Joe sat down in front of her, with a meatball sub. She was already in the back booth, facing the door, and had already ordered lunch. It was a grilled chicken salad. He eyed the salad with the full expectation it would spill her secrets.

"Just thought I'd try to eat a bit healthier is all…." She thought he'd buy it for a second, but Joe knew her too well. "Right."

"Where you get money for another Miata? It's red; it couldn't be one of Rangers. Vinnie hasn't been keeping you busy. Ranger hasn't either."

"Ranger's still in Florida."

"I know."

"I had some cash saved."

"Cupcake."

"What?"

Damn, how do I explain this to him? She thought over the conversation she had on the phone with Ranger last week. Well, more like World War III. She couldn't remember ever having the balls to yell at him like that; she probably wouldn't have been able to if he had been there in person, but over the phone? Well, it seemed easier somehow. She didn't have to see his face, watch the eyes change, see the tensing of his jaw….

_She had been sitting in Morelli's living room when the courier had arrived. She signed for the envelope and closed the door. She put it on the table for Joe when he came home in the morning, but then noticed it was addressed to her. _

_Sitting back down on the couch, she tore it open, gasped and dropped the contents like they were poison. _

_Finally, she picked up the letter again and read it. _

Ms. Plum:

Enclosed please find a check for $100,000 issued to you. You are to be commended on your assistance in the safe recovery of Julie Manoso. This check is the reward money from the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. The reward for finding her was provided to us by Julie Manoso's father to be sent on the occasion of her safe return. While all agree that a monetary award is a nice benefit, we truly want you to know that the desire to help reunite a child with her family safely is our primary concern.

Again thank you for your assistance.

"_Yo." Babe. I have so missed her voice. I wish I had been brave enough to make the first contact._

"_Yo yourself!" Stephanie was livid. _

"_Babe. Something wrong Babe?" Damn. He'd heard that tone before. And he couldn't be responsible for it, could he? He was in Miami. Well, let's see where this goes, Manoso. He was happy enough to hear her voice after all these days, he'd put up with a little tongue lashing. Ooh, not a good direction to start thinking. She's really good with her tongue._

_Damn, she's loud. "What? Babe. Calm down and tell me what's wrong."_

"_What's wrong? Ranger, what do you think is wrong?? Didn't you tell me we have no price for what we give each other?_

"_Yes." _

"_Well, then how do you explain a check addressed to me for $100,000 for rescuing Julie? I didn't do it for the money, damn you! I helped you find Julie because you're my friend, because I loved you and you were hurting; because she's your daughter. And now I receive a fucking CHECK!?!" She slammed her phone shut. She was shaking, she had never been so angry._

_It took three hours and five hang ups before Stephanie had calmed down. _

"_The money was placed with the center when Julie was kidnapped; it came from them, they have no idea I know you, that we work together, that we love each other, that we are free to each other." Ranger patiently explained how this had come about._

"_Please, just keep it. Don't think of it as from me. It would have been given to anyone who had been involved, Babe. It's not about buying you. Donate it to charity, or whatever, just please don't be mad at me, ok, Babe?" There was a certain amount of pleading in his voice by this time. She ached, hearing it. She gave half to charity, but decided that transportation and housing was important too. _

_Yeah, explain keeping $50,000 from Ranger for services rendered. Never mind. Let's try this first._

"Fine. I am back at RangeMan. Training with Tank. He wants me to get better at self defense."

"Why." Joe looked levelly at her, and put his sub down.

"SoIcanpartnerwithhim" She said into her Corona bottle. Can I just take his gun and shoot myself with it?

"Damn it all to hell Stephanie! I thought this was finished. We are together. Tank _asked_ you. You are always willing to do the things that Ranger or Tank _ask_ you to do. Why won't you do things_ I_ ask you to do?" By now, Joe was almost frothing…. Carl came over to see if they were ok, to maybe walk Joe around the block.

Her appetite gone, she got up while Carl was dealing with Joe and headed back to the Haywood building. She had the gun range at 3 PM, and was really looking forward to shooting something.

-----------------------

Tank found her in the gun range, alerted by Lester that she had been there for hours. He walked in quietly and observed that her target was shot consistently in the groin, and considered leaving before she noticed him.

Stephanie turned to Tank. "I'm ready. Partners. Let's do it, ok?" She stuck out her hand.

"Morelli?" Tank nodded at the target. Stephanie smiled. "If only."

"Remind me after I train you how to take down a guy my size to never get you pissed off, ok Bombshell?" Tank stuck his own hand out, and took hers.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to take down someone YOUR size, no matter how much training."

"Well, you just wait. Depends on how good your teacher is, little girl." And he gave her a one eye browed leer.

CHAPTER TWELVE 

MID SEPTEMBER Stephanie had been training for over six weeks, and the other night had succeeded in "killing" Tank. She had permanent bruises on top of bruises, but she was a better aim than ever. Her senses, her awareness levels, had been honed and they were ready to go out together as a real team.

She and Tank were sitting in the Bronco, at the north end of Stark St. They'd been there for four hours already, and she was about to go out of her skull, she was so bored. Tank just sat, moving as much as a glacier in winter.

Tank's quiet voice shook her out of the little daydream of sandy beaches and scantily clad buff men in the surf that had been keeping her entertained.

"So, I been thinking… I believe you need a nickname." He handed her a box of donuts from behind the seat.

"You're a god, Tank!" She took a huge bite. "Got some nicknames already, but thanks, Tank." She licked the frosting off her finger.

"True. But, if you gonna partner with me, I thought I'd find a new one for just me."

"Did you now?"

"Yup." He wiped a bit of Boston cream from the tip of her nose and smiled.

"And should I be afraid?"

"Nah, Steve, you don't need to be afraid."

"Steve?"

"Yup. Steve."

"And what about Little Girl? That's always been popular with you. Too feminine? Is that what it is Tank? You can't go around being Mr. Tough macho ex-army man if your partner is called Bombshell, or Little Girl, can you?" Stephanie was giggling as she teased her partner. When Tank didn't answer, Stephanie knew she hit her target.

For the fourth night in a row they were relieved by Lester and Bobby on an unsuccessful stakeout. Stephanie just groaned. "Oh, no, Tank, don't tell me we need to do this AGAIN!" He laughed as he dropped her at Morelli's. The lights were out, and his truck was gone. She sighed her relief loudly enough that Tank looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "We're not going there, Tank." Stephanie shrugged as she shut the door.

Stephanie prepared for a bubble bath to ease her stiff muscles. Besides, some candles and some music and the bubble bath definitely would help her de-stress since Joe wouldn't be home tonight. She turned on the radio and climbed into the scented water.

_Is it getting better?  
Or do you feel the same?  
Will it make it easier on you now?  
You got someone to blame  
You say_

One love  
One life  
When it's one need  
In the night  
One love  
We get to share it  
Leaves you baby if you  
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?  
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?  
You act like you never had love  
And you want me to go without  
Well it's

Too late  
Tonight  
To drag the past out into the light  
We're one, but we're not the same  
We get to  
Carry each other  
Carry each other  
One ----  


_---Did I ask too much?  
More than a lot.  
You gave me nothing,  
Now it's all I got  
We're one  
But we're not the same  
Well we  
Hurt each other  
Then we do it again ------You ask me to enter  
But then you make me crawl  
And I can't be holding on  
To what you got  
When all you got is hurt ---  
(One by Bono, U2)_

Her eyes were watering, listening to the lyrics. Was Bono in her head when he wrote this? Is that her doomed love that he's singing about? She knows she can't carry Joe. He won't carry her. We aren't one. We are two. Two separate people who are trying so damn hard to be one that it hurts.

------------------------------

She was sitting in her cubicle the next morning, dealing with Rodriquez's endless searches. They weren't challenging and it was giving her too much time to think, Steph realized; as her mind went back for the thousandth time to when would Ranger be back in Trenton?

He'd been lying low, as far as she could tell. There weren't any big doings in Boston that she was aware of, but he was constantly headed there, for days at a time. She had barely spent any time with him since his return from Miami. She felt like he was avoiding her. He seemed to really have decided to back off this time. She and Morelli were supposed to be working this out. He wasn't getting involved.

They had had lunch right after he came back. He was glad to hear she had decided to take the job with RangeMan.

It was just a lunch at Shorty's, and it was business mixed with pleasure. He shared with her how close he and Julie had started to become. And really she was very happy for him. His once perpetually blank face had a crack or two that made him almost human sometimes.

And it was so nice to be sitting, basking in his nearness. But he dismissed her at the end of the meal; he had another meeting. He didn't do more than kiss her on the cheek when she left. She didn't know he sat for the next twenty minutes, staring at her half eaten dessert, replaying the sound of her laughter as she sat across from him, closing his eyes and seeing her smile, smelling her perfume.

Other than checking on her on occasion at her cubicle, he made himself scarce.

And it hurt. More than she could have realized, it hurt. She felt like she had lost his friendship, and was crushed. She thought they were going to remain friends, and now it was just painful and awkward to be around him.

She realized she had been staring at the screen for ten minutes. Her mind had wandered, and she wasn't thrilled with where it had gone. She picked up her phone and called Tank.

"Tank. Would you tell me?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you tell me if I asked about what's going on with Ranger?" 

He raised his eyebrow at her, but she couldn't see it. She knew he was doing it anyway.

"Tank. Please. Did he… I mean, is he… Did he meet someone? A woman? Is that why he's in Boston all the time?"

"Little girl."

"Tank. Please." Tears were close to the surface at this point.

"No, he didn't little girl." He walked into her cubicle and closed his phone. He put his arms around her and held her close to him for a moment.

"Why? Why is he ignoring me? I miss him." She sobbed into his chest.

"This isn't about Ranger at all, is it little girl?" Tank ran his hand over her hair, smoothing her curls and calming her.


	8. Chapters 13 and 14

CHAPTER THIRTEEN 

MID OCTOBER. It was dark, and there was no moon. Tank cautiously and painfully climbed the stairs to Lula's apartment, and let himself in with his key. He didn't turn on any lights, but walked straight to her bedroom.

"Lula, talk to me." Tank sat down gingerly on the edge of her bed, being careful to avoid pressing on the stitches in his thigh. He handed her a tissue, and she wiped her eyes. The only light on her face was from the streetlight down the street, but he could see she'd been busy crying.

"What is it, baby doll? Huh? What's got you so upset? Why haven't you answered your phone all day? I know I gave you a scare last night, but Lula. I'm ok. I love you."

"Charlie, the thing is," sniffle, wipe, "Well, you see, I realized last night that I want the suburban house wife thing. All that shit Stephanie doesn't want, well, these past few years I've come to find I want all. I can have it. I could be a burg wife" She stops to blow her nose. "…well, ok maybe not burg, but…I want the house, the white picket fence, the dog, not a big Bob of a dog, but maybe a cute little poodle with fuchsia bows. The kids…."

Tank hands her another tissue as she stops again to dry her eyes. "The man who comes home at 5pm and has weekends off. Who doesn't come home with enough hardware strapped to him to arm a small country? Hell, I didn't even know places like the burg was real growing up...I thought it was all just TV fantasy….I wouldn't have thought I could have such a life growing up…."

She turned to him, and the tears were still falling. He wiped at them with his fingers. "Last night, getting the call from Lester that you were down; my heart stopped beating. I couldn't breathe."

Lula took a deep breath, wiped her eyes and nose again. "I can't do it Charlie. I can't spend my life at the hospital waiting on you to recover from a beating or a knifing or being shot. What if you didn't? Tank, I am not strong enough to do this."

"Baby doll, it was an accident. A bent fence, that's all, I'm ok." He wrapped his arms gently around her, and his head rested on hers.

"I know that you big lug! But being impaled on a wrought iron fence and needing thirty seven stitches in deep leg muscle doesn't sound like nothing neither." She beat his chest with her fists, tears streaming down her face.

"Stephanie was here; she came after settling you at the hospital. She told me you'd be ok. But getting that call, it was like the wake up call they always talk about."

"I want to have my life be normal. I am almost finished with night school. I'm gonna have my GED and I'm gonna go to college for something, because you and Ranger and Connie and Steph, you all believe I can be anything I want to be. I love all of you for that, big guy. But I can't do this."

She shrugged out of his embrace, looked around at her room, at him, "I can't do us. And Charlie. I can't see asking you to change for me. And I hate hurting you but it's not fair to you to not tell you the truth now." She looked at the window; she couldn't look at his face.

"Tank, I want out."

"Lula." He reached out to put his hand on her cheek.

"Please. Will you just go? I'm going to kick myself in the morning for this, I know that, but I also know it's the thing I need to do. You deserve someone who will love you for you; and I do too. I'm sorry, Tank. Really, I am so very sorry."

Her voice was choking, it was whisper soft by the time she finished. She couldn't look at him.

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. He pulled her back into his arms, and he breathed in the scent of her, his head resting on her hair.

"Please, go."

He took her hand and kissed the palm of it. "Lula, I will always be here for you, ok?" He placed her keys by her bed, and padded softly out of her apartment.

She rolled over onto her bed and buried her head in her pillow and cried herself to sleep.

He woke the next morning and found a huge hole in the wall of his bedroom and discovered he had a very sore right fist.

----------------------------

EARLY NOVEMBER Joe and Stephanie were sitting at the dining room table, having breakfast. Joe was agitated and frustrated. Everything was going wrong. All the planning he had done to make a special memory looked like it was going up in smoke, and it seemed like no matter what he said, he was in the wrong.

"Cupcake, please, just listen to reason for five minutes will you? You can't go and leave for a week with Tank. I don't care that it's work. You have to want to have this relationship. You have to choose to make it work. I am not willing to put off the plans we made for our weekend away. Tell Tank to find someone else for the trip Cupcake, or so help me.

"Joe, I need to go. This is my job. I'm Tank's partner. This is our responsibility. We can go to the mountains any time. They aren't going anywhere." This job was worth a lot—monetarily to her, and also for the publicity and prestige for RangeMan.

Stephanie really was aggravated. Partly at herself because she was only too happy to cancel their little weekend. She didn't really care to go to the Pocono's in the first place. No surf. No sand. No bikini. What exactly was Joe thinking anyway? It's too early to ski, and too late to swim. Why would you go away on a weekend like that?

This fight had been going round and round since she poured the coffee an hour ago. Her voice was tired and low. "Piss off Morelli, As long as this is working for you; as long as it doesn't interfere with your plans, I can keep my job right? When I go to your captain and tell him you can't head off to God knows where on a case, how is that going to work for you?"

"Damn it Stephanie, that's my career." Joe slapped the newspapers down onto the table and jumped out of his chair.

"Fuck you. This is mine." And she was out the door.

Joe just stood for a few minutes and then turned and walked up the stairs. He picked up his suitcase and flung it hard against the wall. He looked at the dent in the wall and shook his head. He tried to breathe; he ran his hands through his hair. He stooped to open the suitcase, and rummaged around for the blue velvet box.

He sat on the floor, staring at the diamond for a moment. He snapped the case shut, opened his sock drawer and placed the box way in the back, where it had sat for over a year. It can sit there the rest of her fucking life; he thought to himself, as he slammed his bedroom door shut.

--------------------------- LATE NOVEMBER Tank and Stephanie are sitting, waiting, again. It's cold and rainy and they have to play decoys so they aren't in the nice warm, black Bronco. No, they are stuck in a P.O.S. Chevy Nova with a two tone paint job that's rusted out. They are going into this nasty dive bar down by the waterfront, and she's going to be the bait to drag some sorry SOB out to meet the Merry Men. Ranger needs to hire more women so we can spread the wealth, she thinks as she stares out into the cold night. 

They've been sitting, and she's been shivering, and she just wants to go home and climb into a warm bed. "This guy is never gonna show up. Were gonna be sitting here waiting for him till morning and I'm freezing my ass off," she mutters to herself, but all the guys hear her and she hears laughter coming through her ear piece. Damn, I forgot I'm wired.

"Shut up you jerks," she growls. "You're not wearing a micro miniskirt and flippin' baby-T with your legs and stomach all exposed to the cold night air." A group whistle is the response she gets to the description of her outfit.

She doesn't feel Tank's arm come around her shoulder. But she leans in just the same, because if anything Tank is big, and warm.

"There…" Stephanie follows Tank's pointed finger. "See? Oh shit; our guy is walking this way, he's gonna look straight into the car."

Tank's arm pulls her roughly up against his chest and he whispers, "We can't be made" as his lips descend onto hers for a long and lingering kiss. They broke apart to the sound of catcalls and whistling in their ears. "Oh, you a dead man, Tank!" She heard Lester say. She and Tank were silent as they pulled apart, but their eyes were locked on each other.

"SHIT. Fucking cops. It's over Steph. Tank, call it a night." Stephanie turned as she heard this through her earpiece, and saw Officer Gaspick and some other guy she didn't know too well shining a light into their somewhat steamy windows.

Tank rolled down the window. "Can I help you gentlemen?" 

"You're in public, folks. You might want to get a room. Oh, it's you." Gaspick sneered at Stephanie's outfit for just a moment too long. Oh great. How long before Joe hears about this. Oh, wait. Who cares if Joe hears about this, right? I'm done with him.

Tank took her home. He parked out front and turned off the engine. It was a bit awkward, saying goodnight. She had always given him a goodnight kiss before, and never gave it a second thought. Damn. Everything in her life has to be complex.

What she really wanted was a warm, soothing bath. But no music. Last time that had her bawling. Thank god Joe was on overnights this week, she thought. She dried off, and climbed into bed, into her thinking position.

This relationship Joe claims to want still has nothing more in it for her than it ever has. Why? Is she in love with him? If she is honest with herself, the answer must be no. Why not? And what's even scarier, is as hard as she has thought about it she can't remember when she was "in love" with him.

Stephanie is just realizing what a big difference there is between "in love" and loving. She's sure she loves him. Hasn't she always, back to before she can remember? Has there ever been a day in her entire life that Joe Morelli didn't exist?

Now, what to do with her new found self awareness. How can she tell him in a way to make him get it? All they do is fight and have earth shattering make-up sex. So, to get out of this, obviously the fighting has got to stop. That way the sex will stop and then maybe she will be able to sort out her feelings. Move on.

Who is she kidding? She doesn't even have a place to live. How can she leave? She owns a hamster. And some clothes and a truck load of FMP's and makeup. She gave away all her furniture to the Salvation Army when she gave up the apartment. She can't believe she's such a loser. She's thirty two years old and she doesn't even own her own toaster! Her own towels, her own _anything._

She can't go back to her parents' house. Not a chance. She is ashamed to mention to the guys how screwed up her life is. She simply continues to deny the existence of the fight; the constant, unending fight. She tries to work opposing shifts to Joe and she sleeps, catnaps and showers on the 7th floor whenever possible. Thank goodness Ella is there, she even gets her laundry done. And not once has she had to explain why she's there. Ranger never seems to be in town, so she hasn't ever felt like she's invading his space.

Slowly, day by day, she comes to the conclusion that she will look for an apartment and put in some overtime at RangeMan. By the beginning of January, she should be able to move out. And if she's put up with Joe's crap this long, she can avoid dealing with him for a few more weeks. New Year, new attitude. New Stephanie. Yep, that'll work.

That way she won't have to listen to her mother all through the holidays. God. I don't even want to go there. Another conversation with my mother about my desire to kill Joe. About the fact that no one else's daughter is trying to slowly kill their mother through disappointment. I don't want to hear ever again that my eggs are drying up and I'll never give her grandchildren. Dear god, I should just change my name and leave town.

MID DECEMBER Stephanie was sitting in the Bronco, silently congratulating herself on her ability to stay out of a fight with Joe. It's been a challenge. But life has been better, easier, since she's come to the conclusion that Joe and she need a really long, like lifetime long, break.

She realizes she should probably tell him. But he seems to recognize they are in a semi-off place. He hasn't gotten into any huge fight over nothing in a few weeks. He's only bitched at her about her job when she comes home with bruises. But that seems so, well, final. And cruel. And she doesn't want to hurt him, she does love him. A few more weeks, and the holidays will be over, and then I lower the boom. Shit, that's brutal, she admits. Yeah, her life is still as confusing as always.

Move on to something else, Plum. This way lies madness. She looks over at Tank, and realizes that her partner seems distracted. Not a good thing on a stakeout, and not a Tank thing, ever.

"Tank, you look like you just lost your best friend."

"Huh? Oh, sorry, Steve. This time of year isn't good for me."

Stephanie and Tank were on a stake out. Again. Damn, this is one boring assed job she thought. But at least she was dressed for the weather, and the Bronco had heat.

"You don't like Christmas? You aren't one of those Scrooges are you? A bah humbugger? Or do you celebrate Kwanza?"

"Little girl, Christmas is fine for others. Just leave me out of it, and I'm good." He gave her a small grin, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Tank. Why?"

"Huh?"

"You couldn't have just decided one day to hate Christmas? Was Christmas not good as a kid? You said you lived with your grandmother." Stephanie can't imagine not liking Christmas. She loved Christmas.

She already had Joe's house decorated with the things she could find that belonged to his Aunt. They were really neat ornaments, old fashioned. Joe didn't even notice the tree was up for two days.

"Nah, it was fine then."

"Well, this Christmas you have a son to celebrate with. That should make it good, shouldn't it?"

"Treyvon hasn't quite warmed up to me yet. Still has lots of issues with my not being round before. He's a punk is what he is. Reminds me of me and that scares me."

"Tank… Your son is confused. All his life he's been told you were a useless person. A bad man who didn't want him; who wanted no responsibility. Now as he gets to know you, he's finding that he's been lied to by his mother all his life. It must be hard to realize that his mother purposefully kept you apart."

"You're a smart lady, Steve." He tousled her hair and sat back into the seat of the truck. Wish I could be smart about my life, she thought.

An hour later, they were relieved by Bobby and Lester. "Wanna grab a bite?"

"You don't need to ask twice Tank. I'm starving."

"So, I am going Christmas shopping tomorrow." Stephanie put her glass down. "Should I not be buying you anything? If you don't do Christmas, I don't want to embarrass you by having a gift or something."

"You can buy me something, little girl." He smiled. "I already got you something."

"I thought you didn't do Christmas."

"I said I don't like it…not that I don't participate."

"Why, Tank?" She took his hand, nodded to the bartender for another round and looked into his eyes. Curiousity killed the cat, but she felt he needed to talk.

"Little girl." Tank looked at her for a moment. She is my partner. And my friend. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk about it for a while. "Ok. Christmas reminds me of the losses I've suffered. It's not a pretty time of year for me. It's just a reminder that another year has gone by since my wife and daughter died."

"Charlie." Stephanie's mouth was wide open. She hadn't known he'd been married. She stroked his hand while he told her his story.

"I got married twelve years ago, to a girl I knew from the 'hood. We knew each other all our lives; she actually waited for me to come home from leave one time. Her name was Antoinette. She was fine." Tank's smile was automatic and sincere at the memory of his wife.

"I don't know what she saw in me, I was a thug; but she was there waiting. She had a baby girl a year after we were married. I made it home from Afghanistan a day before Daisy was born. I was gone the whole pregnancy---she got pregnant the night before I left. It was a horrible experience for her and for me all the way over there; because she almost died during the pregnancy. The doctor told her she would die if she ever tried again. But that was fine; we had Daisy. I got fixed. Daisy was the light of my life. Daisy made me glad I decided to get my shit together and grow up finally."

"We were happy, a young couple with everything going for us. I had gotten out of the army and into security with Carlos; before RangeMan we worked for other firms, usually together. And Antoinette had her career, and we had our Daisy.

"She took Daisy into Manhattan one day when she was five years old, to see the tree at Rockefeller Center get lit. Daisy was so excited about getting to go with mommy to work. And to see Santa Claus in New York City. Antoinette was a newscaster; she was covering the story of the tree lighting, and took our daughter with her to have a magical memory. And a car careened onto the sidewalk and killed five people that day."

"I remember hearing about that Charlie. Antoinette—Toni Tomas? That was your wife? Oh, my god, I am so sorry." Stephanie was out of her chair, and had come around to Tank. She put her arms around him, and she hugged him close to her. He just held her, silent, dry tears in his heart were falling; but it was good to have someone to hold onto for a change. He wouldn't drown in the pain.

Suddenly she heard Joe's voice cut through the emotion she and Tank were sharing.

CHAPTER 14 

Joe sauntered over to their table, his Corona in his hand. "Well, Cupcake, I see you've given up on Ranger too? You've moved on to King Kong?" He glared at Stephanie. He turned his reddened eyes on Tank. "Well, let me tell you something, _Tank_, don't get too comfortable in her bed because it's not going to last. Stephanie is going to dump your sorry black ass just like she tossed me and the Spic aside. None of us are good enough for Stephanie Plum."

"Why you fucking asshole! Joseph Anthony Morelli, this is the last fight I ever plan on being in with you so listen and listen good. You have no idea what love is about. You have no idea what a true friend is or how rare they are. You aren't worthy to lick Tank's boots." Her voice was low and lethal.

"How dare you say something so vile! Tank is my friend. Ranger is my friend." Stephanie continued her litany, her voice slowly raising in volume and pitch. "Tank is twice the man you will ever be! You are scum, Joseph Morelli! Ranger protects me and keeps me safe. Tank trusts me to keep him alive. He knows I can take care of not just myself but that I have his back. These guys are my friends. They respect me. They don't try to make me be something that I don't want to be; they are happy with who I am!"

"You want me in your bed, you want your ring on my finger, your children around my ankles; but you don't want me. You want some idea of me. Well forget it. Stephanie Plum is no longer an option."

Stephanie took her drink and flung it at him. Tank grabbed her arm. He had to forcefully restrain Stephanie to prevent her from leaping over the table to tackle Joe, and because he was so busy doing this he was hampered from pulling a gun on the bastard himself.

Big Dog was only a step behind Joe and seized his arm and got him away from Tank. "Hey buddy, you don't want to spend the night downtown…. Take Steph and leave. I'll deal with him." Big Dog twisted Joe's arm just a little harder than was necessary, and gave Steph a shrug. "He's wasted, Bombshell. I'll have him sleep it off at my place. You're ok to go home."

Home was Morelli's place. "Tank, don't take me home. Please. I can't go there."

"Not a problem, little girl. We'll go to the apartments." He held her closely trying to calm her, her body shaking from sobs. She couldn't believe what had just happened. She was never going to be able to answer her cell phone again. Her mother was going to be withholding dessert forever for that little display.

"Little girl, I really appreciate what you said back there. It goes to show that we've all been right about you. You'll always have our backs." Tank handed Stephanie a cold bottle of water. She was curled up on his couch, tucked under some blankets. He turned down the lights and sat on the floor.

"I meant it Tank. I love you guys. Even if Ranger has given up on me, I'm not ready to give up on any of you. You are all so important to me. I can't believe he called you those names. That's just not like him." Stephanie closed her eyes and put her head back for a moment. "Tank, don't tell Ranger. I know you keep him informed, but please. Don't let him know …for me? Please. I am so embarrassed by Joe's behavior."

"Little girl, he was drunk. His behavior is not your responsibility."

"But you don't say drunk what you're not thinking while sober, Tank. You know that, right?"

Tank was listening to his friend try to sort out her life. He took her foot and removed her boot and sock, then moved on to the other foot while she rambled on. As he began to massage her feet, his mind slipped to the past for a moment; he recalled sitting like this many a night with Antoinette as she told him of her crazy work days. Antoinette never wanted his input, just the chance to vent. He got the impression Stephanie was in that place right now as well, so he stayed quiet.

"He must really think I'm just sleeping my way through RangeMan. You know, the worst thing is not that he thinks I'm sleeping with you; it's that he believes I wouldn't be able to keep my job without sleeping with you. Charlie. I am such a fuck up." An hour had passed and Stephanie finally felt a bit better. Tank sat, rubbing her feet, listening to her go over all of the ways she had tried to make it work with Joe.

Finally, he put her feet down, climbed up onto the couch and pulled her into his arms. She cuddled into his embrace. "Charlie, one more foot massage like that and I'm marrying you. The hell with trying to figure out Joe or Ranger." He squeezed her gently and there was a rumbling laugh coming from deep inside his throat. He asked his first question all night.

"Steve, why don't you walk?" 

Stephanie turned in his arms and looked at him for a moment. "I'm 32 and I don't even have a place to live. I'm homeless and alone. Where would I go? I'm such a failure." Her voice was a cheerless whisper.

"Steve."

"It's over Charlie. Don't worry. I can't go back. I can't face the fact he thinks such horrible things about you and Ranger."

"Steve. For all this time, you've put up with Joe's crap. His belittling you, not believing in you. You accept it or ignore it. You move on, and continue to put up with it. Yet he badmouths me and Ranger while drunk and you're done? It's that easy?" Tank shook his head. "I'm glad it's over Steve, because you certainly deserve better than what Morelli is offering you. But why tonight?"

"You're my friends. I just can't accept his behavior towards you." She shrugged her shoulders as if it was obvious.

"Why are we deserving when all this time you haven't treated yourself as half as deserving?" He knew she had no answer for that. He had no illusions; Steph's self esteem had always been shitty. "Little girl, lets get you to bed, ok? Upstairs. Ranger is still in Boston."

--------------------------

Tank was awakened by a call from the control room. "Yo, Tank. Head's up. Ranger's in the building."

"Shit. Tell him I need to see him in the office, ok?"

"He's already gone up to 7."

"Damn it man. Get him on his cell, will you, Lester? Lester, Bombshell's up there, not down here with me, if that's why you called."

"Ah, fuck."

"Fuck is right, if you were thinking I needed to be warned because I had Stephanie in my bed. Now fix this mess." Tank jumped out of his bed, and quickly got dressed. This was not the way he had planned on sharing last night's little escapade.

-------------------------

Ranger had left Boston in the middle of the night because he was tired of being AWOL. There was nothing he could do there anymore that he couldn't do from somewhere else. He had decided he was going to take over the Miami office at the beginning of the New Year. If he was going to leave Trenton, and Stephanie, then he might as well be with Julie on a more full time basis.

He was tired of waiting to hear of the next fight. The next clash between Morelli and his Babe. His head hurt. Every report he received indicated to him that Stephanie had decided that Joe was what she wanted; despite all the ways he treated her inconsiderately. She went back every single time.

He couldn't handle her being emotionally mistreated by him, but he was done trying to get her to see the light. He certainly was not going to observe it anymore. It was too agonizing to him. He'd leave, make sure that she was physically ok, and had backup if needed. But himself? He needed off the merry-go-round.

He came home to Trenton so he could share the news with Tank. Leaving him was going to be hard. But he didn't think he would follow this time. He would make Tank the head of Trenton RangeMan. The Christmas party was in a week; he'd announce his plans to the rest of the men then. Anyone who wanted a change was welcome to move to Miami along with him.

How much longer could he avoid explaining to Julie that Stephanie didn't want to be a part of his life? Julie had taken to Stephanie; it was astonishing to Ranger how often Julie asked about her. Obviously Stephanie had a made an impression. How could he explain to her any better than he did five months ago that it was up to Steph if she wanted to be his girlfriend?

How could he make clear to Stephanie why he was deserting her? Because he knew she'd call him on it. It was in her nature. His injuries were mostly gone, his strength was coming back. Almost anyone else would say he was over the kidnapping and shooting, but he knew better. His life had changed that week in July; it was never going to be the same. Damn. Loving Steph was a difficult thing to endure.

He was somewhat preoccupied by his thoughts, and found himself in his apartment without being conscious of getting there. Not good, Manoso, he chided himself. He didn't bother with the lights, he just wanted to crash for a few hours. The sun was about to rise anyhow. He took off his clothes as he was walking to the bathroom, and noticed from the corner of his eye that his bed was occupied. Goldilocks had found the bed that was just right. He smirked silently.

He changed into his silk boxers, and slouched down into the armchair next to the bed. Oh my god. She is beautiful. I have missed this. Her hair is spilling all over my pillow; her tiny tank top is riding up her back. Oh, I remember how the crook of her back feels under my hands. Watching her sleep is the most enthralling thing. It is so incredibly erotic, to see her in my bed.

Stephanie sensed his presence, even in her sleep. She recalled this feeling; all those times he used to break in to her apartment came back to her, and she thought of the sensation of trust he engendered. Her eyes fluttered open and she grinned when she spotted him sitting across from her, touching himself. "You can join me."

"No. I'm fine. Not till Morelli is gone." Oh, what a fool Manoso. She wants you too. You've always known that. He sat up and put his elbows on his knees, head in hands, and stared at her.

"It's over." Stephanie twisted around and grabbed the sheet around her body.

You're still living there."

"I have nowhere to go." Ranger stared at her intently. "I don't know how to leave." She mumbled, turning her head away from his gaze.

Ranger grabbed his cell. "Good morning Ella. Can you bring breakfast for two at 8?"

"Ella, have we any open apartments on 4?"

"Please prepare one for Miss Plum. She will be moving in this evening. Thank you."

Ranger hung up the phone and walked over to the bed. "I'm going to crash now, Babe, I have been driving all night. Wake me when Ella brings breakfast ok?" And as easily as that, Ranger was in bed with her, and moments later, both were sound asleep.


	9. Chapters 15 and 16

_CHAPTER FIFTEEN_ Tank got off the elevator on 7 and just stood for a moment. What exactly was he doing here? Stephanie Plum and Carlos Manoso needed to start communicating with each other. He was done being both of their sounding boards. He loved Carlos but the guy held being an ass to the same standard as everything else he did—to the highest order. He wasn't their go-between. This was pointless. 

If Carlos was willing to give up on Stephanie because of some stupid idea that he needed to be a fortress of privacy and isolation, well, then what the hell was he supposed to do about it? He wasn't into skinny-assed white chicks, but being Stephanie's partner for the last few months made him understand what Ranger saw in her. But it also made him positive that Ranger was being a jerk.

Oh, hell, if I'm up…and he got back onto the elevator and went down to the control room. "Hey, Lester, gym in five."

------------------------------

Ella brought breakfast at 8, and Tank arrived moments later, looking satisfied and tired.

"Knock knock… you guys decent?" 

"Come on in Tank, Steph's just gotten into the shower."

"Hey sorry you weren't told she was here, the guys were distracted when you arrived. By the time I realized you were in the building, well…" Tank glanced at the bedroom doors. "You do something about it yet?"

"I've told you before…not while she's still with Morelli."

"She's not anymore. She tell you about last night? Damn it man, if you don't tell her how you feel soon I'll….."

"What?" Ranger looked at Tank. He was covered with a sheen of sweat, and looked like he had torn into someone this morning. "I'm sure I don't want to know what that's all about?"

Tank shrugged. Let Lester explain it later. "I'd like to ask her out."

"Forget it Tank." Ranger growled. Ranger's eyes became tiny slits of white hot anger. What the hell!

"She kisses fine."

Ranger's eyes went black with fury.

Just the reaction Tank was hoping for. Tank's laughter was like a sonic boom. "Then get your ass in gear Manoso. Ask her about last night, Carlos. That girl has our backs. All of us. I'm glad she's my partner, is all I'm sayin'. Call me when you want me to set up the morning meeting. Oh, and welcome home boss. Hope you're staying this time." And Tank was gone.

---------------------------

Stephanie walked into the kitchen dressed for work a few minutes later, to find Ranger staring into his mug. She pecked a kiss onto his forehead and whispered "It was nice waking up in your arms" into his ear. She poured herself some coffee and sat down to a delicious Ella breakfast.

"It was, Babe, it certainly was." He looked up at her intently. He smiled his imperceptible smile, recalling how he woke to find her draped over him, legs entwined. It certainly was.

"I've missed you Carlos. Are you home for good?" Stephanie's mind had been racing since she woke up. She had dozed after he got out of bed. When she woke again, she saw the indentation in the pillow next to her, and realized last night was not a dream. The good or the bad parts. She groaned inwardly, thinking about the fight at the restaurant.

Looks like she needed to get a move on. Tank certainly didn't seem like he was going to let her continue with Joe, even for just the few more weeks she had figured she'd give him. And did Ranger really call Ella in the middle of the night to have an apartment prepared? Oh, damn. It really was real.

Stephanie didn't think seeing Ranger again would impact her like it had. She'd managed to see him downstairs without incident during the fall. Well. Without much incident. Those few times he backed her into a corner and ran his hands over her and kissed her lips off notwithstanding, they'd done ok.

But waking to see him sitting in the easy chair, staring at her while he stroked himself, wow. That has to be what sent me over the edge. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just gotten out of bed and gone over to him.

She had thought she had put him in the past. All the feelings they had had should be gone. Ranger had obviously spent the last months avoiding her. She had gotten used to, though not comfortable with his distance. They could be friends, really, if he ever showed his face in Jersey again. Couldn't they? She had spent these past months trying to work it out with Joe. But now she was finding it wasn't going to work out. Ever. The things they wanted were too different. He didn't understand her. He didn't respect her or her choices. So, now what?

She was tired. Her defenses were down. She was defeated, burned and vulnerable. She woke in Ranger's arms this morning, and every crazy feeling she had ever had about him, about them---they were back. And now, here they were, sitting down to breakfast, treating each other like they did this every morning of their lives. It felt right.

Ranger didn't answer. She's still calling me Carlos. He wanted to sit like this forever, with no consequence, no distance between them. He could see their future, _someday_, this morning, sitting here at the table, sharing breakfast. Their eyes locked for a short while, before he broke eye contact.

"So, Tank tells me I'm supposed to talk to you."

"About what?"

"He said last night."

"Oh."

"What happened Babe?"

"Ranger. Carlos. Do you really want me to move in here?" Nothing like a shot of avoidance with your coffee early in the morning.

"I'd prefer the 7th floor but yeah, I do."

She didn't answer. The 7th floor. Ohmygod. Batman's back.

"Babe. I know you are trying to change the subject. If you are finished with Morelli and maintain you can't leave because you have no home, well that's something I can fix. But, if you were done with him, you wouldn't use that as an excuse. This feels like short hand that you are on another break. But not like you're over."

"So, are you over, or on a break?" Ranger locked eyes with her while he spoke, and he could see emotions flitting across her face while he talked. She wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Now, about last night?" He raised his eyebrow at her in question. "Or I will ask Tank. But he feels that I should be hearing about it from you.

Finally, Stephanie looked back at Ranger, and said "Joe and I got into a fight last night at Restaurante Italiano."

Like that's news. When weren't they getting in a fight? "Subject?"

"He was drunk."

"And? Babe? The fight. What was it about?" Ranger's voice was soothing, and he held her hand in an encouraging fashion while he waited for her to continue.

"About Tank and you and how I would leave Tank like I walked on him and on you."

"Babe. More specific maybe?" Ranger suggested. He was confused. There's something missing here.

"Joe accused me of sleeping with Tank. He called him King Kong, and told him I'd be out of his bed just like I left Joe and you. And he called you a spic." Her voice was low, embarrassed to be repeating it.

"Sticks and stones. You sleep with Tank, Babe?"

"I can't believe you'd even ask!" She glared at him but didn't break eye contact.

Ranger let go a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Just gathering facts. Continue."

"I yelled at him and bitched him out, and then I threw my margarita at him and was going to go over the table and wring his neck but Tank held me back. He took me back to his apartment because I couldn't go back to Morelli's, and he held me most of the night while I whined and cried on his shoulder."

"Proud of you Babe." The corners of his mouth curved the tiniest bit. She was so sexy when she was incensed. He was sorry he missed it. "So, break or over?"

"Break. Huge, life-long break, Carlos."

Ranger stood up, and took her hand in his. He pulled her out of the chair, and into his arms, and he just stood, holding her, breathing in her scent, and brushing his hands through her hair. "Very proud of you Babe."

He led her to the couch and sat down with her. "I've missed holding you." He pulled her to him and they sat curled on the couch. His hands were slowly running up and down her arms, rubbing her, sending shivers through her body. She could stay like this forever.

"What would have made Joe think you and Tank were together?" 

"Tank was telling me about Daisy and Antoinette. That was so sad, Ranger. I had no idea."

"Daisy was my god daughter; Tank is Julies. They were born 3 months and 3 days apart. It's been hard for him to watch Julie grow up. This summer is the first time he's spent any time with her in years." Ranger's blank face had cracked for a moment, and Stephanie saw love and sadness there. Stephanie reached over and gave him a squeeze and held him close.

"Anyway, I got up and hugged him, kind of like what I'm doing now. That's when Joe came over."

"Because you were comforting Tank? Seems a little 'jealous-guy,' even for Joe. I've been gone a long time Babe, what am I missing here?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Babe."

"What?" 

"Tank said he likes how you kiss. How would he know that? Morelli flips because he sees you embracing Tank. Did I screw up by walking away? Is there something happening between the two of you that I don't want to know about?" His eyes held hers, he willed her to say no. My god, what have I done. I walked out on her. I abandoned her.

"He's my friend Carlos. My partner. Nothing more. Ok?"

"Ok."

"So how does he know what your kisses are like?" 

"You obsessed or something? Oh." Suddenly light dawned. Tank never told Ranger. He must have been afraid of Ranger's reaction.

"He never told you about that night on the wharf, did he??? We were in this POS Chevy in the cold. Our FTA almost made us, so Tank grabbed me and kissed me, and Gaspick walked up to the car while Tank was holding me. Oh man, I can't believe he didn't tell you that. He must have bought off the guys big time to keep them quiet. They were on his case for a week!" Stephanie was laughing at the idea that Tank thought Ranger would never find out. He was the Batman for chrissakes!

Ranger leaned down and kissed Stephanie, long and deeply, until he felt himself on the edge of losing control. Oh it's been too long since I kissed her. He looked at her with hooded dark eyes. "His kisses do that to you?" Stephanie was breathless. She could do nothing but shake her head no. Language had gone missing. He grinned slightly then, and pulled her back into his arms and held her till he heard her breathing change and he knew she was asleep. He put his head back and closed his eyes as well.

-----------------------------

Steph sat down with her coffee and email in her cubicle. She was only going to be working a few hours today, and then needed to head to Macys to find a dress for the RangeMan Christmas party next week. Now that Ranger was back, she needed to worry about what she would wear. She hadn't even given it a thought until this morning.

This venture sounded like a Lula and Marylou excursion. They needed to go with her; to make sure is choosing the right dress, for the right reasons. She hoped there weren't too many involved searches to do.

She scrolled through her mail while leaving a message for Marylou. Oh, another email from Julie. That kid is so cute. How am I going to tell her that her dad and I have no future? This morning—well, what had happened this morning? Ranger was acting like the jealous boyfriend himself. Tank and her? Ewww!!! He's like the big brother she never had.

She choked on her coffee as she read the end of Julie's message. 'Are you moving to Miami with my father in January?'

Tank was walking by her cubicle and heard her sputter and cough. "Little girl. Careful there!" He handed her a napkin, and grinned at her while she wiped coffee off her chest and the keyboard. He sat on the edge of her desk, waiting for her to compose herself. She looked distressed. "What's wrong, little girl?"

Stephanie showed him the email. Tank gave her a small scowl, but admitted that he knew about Miami. "Ranger just told me this morning after the meeting, Steve. He hasn't said anything to anyone else yet; can you keep it quiet?"

"Why is he going, Tank?" 

"I don't know little girl. He wouldn't tell me. He's putting the Trenton office in my care. He said that he'd tell everyone at the Christmas party, and that if anyone wanted to follow him, they could. Except me. I get to stay here. Will probably need to find a whole new staff. Who would choose Trenton over Miami?"

Tank leaned over and pecked her cheek, ruffled her hair and left. "He didn't say he was running from you---you could follow, ya know" he mentioned casually as he walked away.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN 

Ranger had the Merry Men move Stephanie's belongings into her apartment on the 4th floor while Joe was working day shift. Stephanie chose to ignore the multiple messages he had left on her cell phone. She can't talk to him. Or her mother.

She's only left six messages. How in god's name will she explain this to her mother? She's moved out of the frying pan and into the fire? Even if it's not the 7th floor, mom won't be all that concerned with the minor details; just with the fact that I'm slowly trying to kill her through embarrassment.

Ranger is lying on the covers of Stephanie's bed two mornings later, mindlessly running his fingers up and down her arm to waken her. He whispers in her ear, "It's so nice that I can do this again; I have missed breaking into your apartment. I didn't think Joe would appreciate me joining you in his bed like this."

Stephanie rolled over, and gave him a tiny smile. "You're right about that, Ranger." She propped herself up on her elbow, and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"Babe. We need to talk. We need to figure out what's happening here. What is it that you want? I can't keep being your safe house for when things go wrong with Morelli. When you've got a psycho, when you need help, I'm here for you. I want you to come to me."

"But I can't continue being the safe corner you hide in until things blow over in your personal life. It's not fair to you, and it definitely isn't fair to me. I am not just a disinterested party, you know? I'm not a couples' counselor and for damn sure I'm not interested in becoming a marriage counselor."

Ranger lay there quietly, holding Stephanie. He didn't think that any more needed to be said at the moment, so he just enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms, of the way her body fit next to his. He didn't try anything more; he willed his hands to stop roaming before they went too far. She had denied him the past few times he tried to get closer.

Stephanie was torturing him. She would let him hold her; she would say things that made him believe she loved him, but then as soon as he tried to show her he felt the same way, she pulled back. He was getting aggravated by her behavior. He loved her. Why was this a problem all of a sudden if Joe was really out of the picture?

He thought back to the conversation he had with Tank late last night after a strenuous workout.

"_I've never seen you so unsure, Ranger." Tank handed him a bottle of water and a towel and plopped down on a bench in the corner of the gym._

"_Tell me what's going on. Steph found out from Julie that you're leaving… you said you were telling staff at the party…I didn't think that included her."_

"_I didn't know how to tell her, Charlie. Maybe I'm not going to Miami anymore. I had decided to make the change because of Morelli."_

_He ran the towel over his face, wiping the sweat away. "If she's over Joe why does she rebuff me? She pulls away whenever I get close to her. I am so sexually frustrated, I am going to explode. What do I do, Charlie?? I love her. I've never felt like this before."_

"_At least you admit it…to the wrong person, but at least you've said it out loud. Do you see her always in your life? Do you imagine a time in the future that she's not in your life?"_

"_No." _

"_Then you want a relationship with her. What kind of relationship do you want? Can you accept her friendship only? Can you see her with someone else? You didn't like her with Morelli because of how he treated her… or was it just because he had her and you wanted her?"_

"_What if she found someone else who made her happy? Could you still be in her life? Would you be able to handle me falling in love with her?" Tank looked at Ranger carefully as he said this._

"_You have a thing for her don't you?"_

"_She's gotten under my skin, yeah. But man, she's not mine. She's crazy in love with you. She's yours. I know how to respect that boundary."_

"_She has a way of doing that…welcome to the club."_

"_I love you Carlos, and so that's why I'm telling you to give the girl some room right now. Don't pressure her. Let her process Joe, mourn this loss. Have it be over." Tank put up his hand to fend off Rangers response. _

"_Carlos. Think on this. Every morning, just getting out of bed is an unspoken acceptance of your life as it is. Whether you hate your world or love it. Getting up in the morning is clear recognition of how the world is right now, for you. Let Stephanie mourn all of the things she looses by walking away from Joe. All the future she might have had. Even if you believe that she didn't want half of those things; even if she didn't really want them. Getting up each day, at some level she accepted that as her life." _

"_I'm not a rebound Charlie, we've been together before."_

"_Yeah, your little deal… I've heard a lot about that. What the fuck were you thinking man? No, don't bother to answer me; I don't even want to know. You slept with her one night, what, almost two years ago?"_

"_That's not enough for you to just jump back in. Give her time. I'm telling you as a friend. If you want this to work you need to let her get over him. Be her friend. Let her mourn him. Her future has changed. Don't push now. Show her you truly are the friend she believes you to be." _

"_How can I be sure that this break is for real?"_

"_Ask her. Tell her how you feel."_

"_I have."_

"_And what do you want from her? Do you want to marry her, have kids, grow old together? Man, these are things she's got to be told. She shouldn't have to read your mind! What do you want from Steph? After you sleep with her. What is a relationship Carlos, do you know? What do you plan on doing tomorrow, next month, next year?"_

"_The other day you were after me because I hadn't made a move, Charlie."_

"_Making a move doesn't indicate you sleep with her. It means you tell her how you feel. You open up to her. Relationships are work, Carlos and they are risky. But you are risk taker. Why are you afraid of this risk?"_

"_Carlos, go for it. No matter what; even if it's just for tomorrow. Be with her…don't let life pass you… believe me; I am glad I didn't, as much as I have to suffer now at being left behind. I wouldn't give up one moment of the pain I suffer every day ---because I had the chance to love and be loved."_

I think I have decided how I want my life to be, Ranger thought, lying with his babe beside him. I hope she agrees.

----------------------------------

"Tank. Meet me at the garage in five, ok?"

"Sure man, what's up?"

"Christmas, you fool, that's what. Got Christmas shopping to do and I am NOT going alone!!!!"

"Aw, come on I went with you last year."

"Yup, and you get to go again this year, lucky man. Just another benefit of employment."

Ranger clicked the phone shut.

Tank was standing in the garage, not too overjoyed about this little adventure, when Ranger appeared.

"I need your help. I have to get Julie stuff, and Stephanie too this year. I need to make sure I get the right thing."

"Ranger's in love, or whipped, or something!!!"

"Get in the damn truck Charlie."

"So, what are you getting Stephanie?" 

"I have absolutely no idea. It has to be special, though."

"Gonna be tough Ranger, finding some thing special for someone who you give cars to on a bi-monthly basis, don't you think?" Tanks laughter filled the cab.

Ranger ignored the comment. "And I have to make sure that Julie gets something special this year. There's no more Santa, she knows it's us. And Tank, we've become close. I really am enjoying being around her. I can't believe I have allowed myself to miss out on so much of her life. I'm sorry for ever giving you grief when you used to tell me to pay more attention…. I should have realized where you were coming from."

There was nothing to say to that, so Tank remained silent.

"Jewelry will work, right? And Victoria's secret. And I should buy her her own shower gel too…" Rangers mind was wandering, he was thinking aloud. "You need to shop too don't you?"

"Nope. I finished last week. Stevie and I hit the mall. She's a brutal shopper, my friend."

"What did you get her?"

"Chocolate, man, chocolate!!!" Tank guffawed, as if there were any other choice than sweets for Stephanie.

Tank thought a moment. "Jewelry. Yeah, that's always safe."

"I don't want it to be safe, I want it to be Stephanie."

They parked the Explorer in outer Siberia, and hoofed through the mall for over an hour. Nothing seemed right. Ranger picked up a few things for his mother and for Julie, but nothing so far screamed Stephanie.

They wandered into their fourth jewelry store. Their faces must have indicated severe shopping overload, because the girl who greeted them was gentle. "Hi there gentlemen, can I help you find something today?"

The sales girl was young, and had a genuine smile. Ranger decided he would ask her opinion. Usually these were decisions he made on his own, but this gift, this had to be special.

"Actually, yes you can. I need a gift for a very special woman. She is unique and beautiful and I want to find something that expresses those things."

"This woman, is she young; your daughter, or your wife? Or she's your mother? Your girlfriend?"

Ranger stood for a moment. What is she to me? Heaven and earth. My beating heart. The sunshine in my day.

"Well, actually she's my employee, but…."

"She's his girlfriend. She's your girlfriend you dufus!" Tank smacked Ranger on the back of his head and laughed when the sales girl smiled.

"I guess she….she's my Babe."

The sales girl grinned; she recognized a man who didn't know he was in love when she saw one. "A ring? Earrings? A necklace, or did you want a set?"

"I have a ring in mind already, thanks. I think I want a necklace. Her eyes are blue. Like the sky. Do you have a stone that would match her eyes?"

She brought him over to the display case that was full of gorgeous necklaces. As he was watching her take some from beneath the glass top, he noticed her ring.

He took her hand, and she blushed as he held it closer to his face, so he could examine her ring.

Ranger looked up at the girls face. "Your ring is beautiful. Is there some significance?"

Oh, my, this man's eyes are beautiful. This lady is very lucky. She was flushed, but recovered quickly.

"Why yes, actually there is. It's called a claddagh. It's a Celtic ring; the designs represent love, loyalty and friendship. See? The heart is love, the crown on the heart is loyalty, and the hands holding the crowned heart represent friendship. You should never buy a claddagh for yourself. My dad gave this ring to me, before I moved away from home."

"And when you wear it, the bottom of the heart points out if you are not spoken for, or towards your heart, if you are in love. There is a legend that it was designed by a man taken captive on a ship, for his true love."

"Beautiful. Do you have any for sale?"

"You said you had a ring for her already sir?"

"Yes, I do. But that could be a wonderful gift for my daughter as well."

"I do. We have a wide variety of claddaghs, in silver and in gold. Let me show you."

She went to the counter that had them displayed, and her voice rang out, "Oh, sir, look. I just remembered this necklace! It is designed with all of the elements of a claddagh ring. It is part of the Platinum World collection that we started carrying last month. You might really like this."

Ranger was sold. The necklace was perfect. The symbolism struck a chord in his heart. Stephanie was nothing if not loyal to him. Being there when he was FTA proved that beyond a doubt. And her friendship was true. The fact that she put her life on the line to save his daughter showed him that. He hoped he would have her love, as well.

"We received 6 of these necklaces, each with a different stone for the heart. I have the ruby on display; look this over, while I find out what else we have." The girl squatted down and started rummaging through the locked drawers below the case.

"Oh sir, I think you are in luck. We have the ruby, and aquamarine and the diamond left."

She pulled out the aquamarine necklace and gave it to him to inspect. "Perfect. Sold. I will take this, and I'd like a gold claddagh ring with a ruby heart for my daughter. She's eleven years old; I have no idea what size her hand would be." He grinned at Tank, and Tanks' smile indicated that he approved of Ranger's choices.

"This should be fine; if it's a bit big you can have it sized after Christmas." Ranger paid for his purchases and they gladly left the mall.

"Well, that's out of the way. Thank goodness Christmas only comes once a year!" Tank and Ranger were loading up the Explorer with bags full of wrapped gifts. Ranger's shopping mentality where Christmas was concerned was easy. If the salesperson was convincing he would buy one in every color and have them wrapped and gift giving was done, in one day and one day only.

"Lunch?"

"Lunch."


	10. Chapters 17 and 18

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN 

"What are your plans for Christmas Tank?" Lester, Tank, Ranger and Hal are still sitting around the conference table, gathering up their paperwork after the weekly wrap-up meeting.

"Going to the Manoso's, like every year….what about you Lester?"

"Driving to Pittsburgh to my grandparents'. Hal? What you doing?" 

"Gonna be flying out to LA after the party to see my kids. Ranger gave me the week off."

"Nice. What about you Ranger? What are your plans?" Hal looked to his boss.

"I don't know. I had been planning on going to my parents."

"Good. Tell them Hi. Ok, Boss, see you two at the party." Lester and Hal walked out and Tank remained sitting.

"You don't sound like you are coming to Christmas, Carlos." Tank stared at Ranger.

"I had figured on seeing Julie next week, when I moved down to Miami. Charlie, I came back to Trenton to tell you I was moving on." He sat for a moment. "By the way this opening up thing sucks. But now I am undecided ---what do I do?"

Tank laughed lowly, looked at Ranger for a second and then asked, "Why were you leaving?"

"Stephanie."

"Why are you thinking of staying?"

"Stephanie."

"Maybe you should be talking to Stephanie about this, man, not me."

Ranger looked at Tank thoughtfully. "Yeah, I know, Charlie. I know. It's been wonderful lately to see the money I spent on your education come back to bite my ass," Ranger chuckled.

Tank laughed too. It was good to see him lighten up. "Anyway, I'm going to your parents for Christmas whether you are there or not. I was going to ask Trey to come. You should bring Stephanie too."

"To my parents? What, are you crazy?"

"They've met, Carlos. All survived. It seems like maybe you should be wanting to spend Christmas with the woman you love? Just an idea. You bought her a beautiful gift; what are you planning on doing, having it messengered over or something?"

"I don't want to disappoint Julie. I should see her for Christmas if I am not moving to Miami, shouldn't I?"

It wasn't lost on Tank that Ranger didn't deny he loved Stephanie. But he chose not to push it for the moment. "Julie's not expecting you for Christmas, so go down afterwards. You are willing to piss your mother off for not coming to Christmas? You are a bigger fool than I thought."

Tank looked at Ranger for a long moment. "You asked Steph what she's doing for Christmas yet? Maybe she'd like to spend it with you."

"I just figured she'd be with her family."

"Ask her man. Damn, you are fucking clueless sometimes." Tank picked up his stack of files, smiled at Ranger, and walked out and closed the door behind him.

Ranger looked at the screen of his cell phone for a lengthy minute, deciding what to do next.

"Rachel… is it too late to ask if Julie could come here for Christmas? Just for a few days? My parents would love it. I'd have her back before new years."

"Aren't you going to be down here then? I don't know if changing all her plans at the last minute is right."

"I know Rachel… look I'm sorry. I want some time with her. I think my plans are changing. I know she thinks I'm definitely moving there in January, but I never told her that…I told her I was thinking about it… and right now, it looks like it's not happening."

"You're going to disappoint her Carlos." I thought he had changed. Guess he's back to his selfish ways, Rachel thought with irritation. "She's been looking forward to having you nearby. Let me discuss it with Ron, and with Julie. I'll call you back, ok? It's the best I can do."

Yeah. Ok. Thanks Rach."

He closed the phone. Stared at it for an instant, then opened it again and dialed 1.

------------------------------

Stephanie had had to wait three days before she could get Lula and Marylou together for their shopping excursion. Time was running out.

"Girl, I don't know how you are going to do this. Only two days till the party? We've got to get our rears in gear!!!"

Lula wiggled her ample rear end for emphasis as she maneuvered herself into the passenger seat of the Miata.

"A stop by Tasty Pastry is in order; we can't hit the mall with no sugar, girlfriend…. That place gonna be crazy."

"We'll get Marylou first, and we're taking her van, in case we shop too much," Stephanie said as she whipped into traffic. They both laughed at that; its just days before Christmas, and three Jersey girls were heading to the mall. What could possibly happen except shop too much!!!

"I know, Lula. I had no idea Ranger was going to be back. I thought I was going with Joe, if I even went. I hadn't decided if I even wanted him around all of RangeMan all night."

"So, now?" Lula asked, with many questions in the word 'now' obvious. She chose one to voice. "Ranger ask you to go with him?"

"Well, no, I'm just going. But I want to make the right impression."

"Hmhmm hm…" Lula intoned, knowing exactly what Stephanie wanted to impress upon Ranger.

"We've got to find the perfect dress. I already made my appointment with Mr. Alexander for the morning of the party."

Marylou came out of her house with a wave, and beeped open her van. Her eyes didn't even widen when she saw Lula pry herself out of the Miata. Lula was a sight, in sparkly red spandex with white boa trim around the neck and wrists. She had golden jingle bell earrings and a matching bracelet, and white boots up to her knees. "Santa's little helper, are we?" Marylou acknowledged with a grin.

"Tasty Pastry first Marylou, we need some sustenance for this little trip! We got one day to get our girl to be looking irresistible to Batman!"

Stephanie's cell phone starts chirping the Batman theme while she is pirouetting in the mirror, wearing a particularly sexy and revealing outfit. Marylou looks at Steph as it rings, and Stephanie's eyes widen. Marylou decides to risk Steph's wrath, and answers the phone.

"Yo."

"Uh huh."

"Who's this?"

"Marylou."

"Oh. Hey. Steph around?"

"Um, yeah, she's um, kind of busy wriggling out of this little black dress right now and …"

"Give me the phone!!" Stephanie lunged and took the phone from a laughing Marylou. "Yo." She tried to sound unaffected, but Ranger just laughed out loud.

"Babe. Need help getting your dress off?"

Stephanie stuck her tongue out at the phone.

"Saw that Babe," he laughed.

He probably did, she thought. He probably did. "What did you want Ranger, I'm kind of busy." She looked around the mirrors and grimaced. Shook her head at Marylou. Nope. She mouthed.

"You gals having fun? I just called to ask you something. It can wait till later though."

"No, it's ok. What?" 

"Well, actually, I wanted to know if maybe you wanted to come to Christmas dinner with me, at my parents. I didn't know if you had plans, and"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes. I'd like that Carlos." Both Marylou and Lula looked at each other. "Carlos?" they whispered in unison, while their eyebrows rose a few inches. Stephanie waved them off, and tried to concentrate on what Ranger was saying.

"Dinner is usually at 6 so all the families can do their thing at home first, and then we all gather at my parents for another round of gifts."

"I've got to go Ranger. I need to shop!" And I need to get off this phone.

"Bye." And she snapped it closed, and then stared down at it. I just hung up on Ranger.

Ohmygod, Ranger just opened up. He asked me to go to his parents. He told me things. And I hung up on him. Stephanie plopped down on the bench in front of the mirrors and both Marylou and Lula just looked at their friend. Her heart was racing. She appeared to be in shock.

"Our shopping efforts must be redoubled. I need an outfit to go to dinner in. On Christmas day. At his parents' house." Stephanie's voice was monotone and barely above a breathless whisper.

Two enormous 'O' shaped mouths stared at her.

"Girl, you betta start talking; right 'bout now I got me the feeling you holding out on us."

"Yeah. What's with 'Carlos', hmm?" Marylou piped in.

"We don't have time. Ohmygod. What am I going to wear??" 

"What is wrong with all these dresses, Steph? You've tried on six dresses that make you look as hot as I've ever seen you, but you passed on all of them?" Marylou waved her hand in the general direction of the mess in the corner of the fitting room.

"I don't know…. I mean, I guess, well, he's seen me in stuff like this, you know?? I wear these revealing things all the time when I'm doing distractions, and I guess I just don't want to look like I was heading out to do a job, you know? I want something sexy, and eye-catching, but maybe not so obvious."

"Well why didn't you say so girl?? Ok, now we know what we're after. And what about for dinner? And by the way don't think you're gonna get out of explaining what's goin' on here with you and Joe and Rang— and '_Carlos_', but first things first." Lula got moving to the door, ready to start again.

After another two hours of serious shopping, they had come up with not only the perfect party dress, but a nice ensemble for Christmas dinner. And she still had enough money to buy shoes for both!

"Pino's, Marylou. This girl got lots of explaining to do and I think pizza and beer might put her in the proper frame of mind." There was enough room in the van for the three of them. Barely. But no one would be disappointed for Christmas this year, especially the credit card companies.

"Ok. Spill Chickie. What's up? You ain't at Morellis'. And you don't got your own place no more. Where you been staying all week?" Lula bombarded her, as the waitress set down three meatball heros and a large everything pie.

"What? Wait a minute. The grapevine must be wilting here, I had no idea you had moved out. Why don't I know this? And Lula is right! Where are you staying? You're not at my place, and I'd know if you were at your parents. Louise Barnaky across the street from your parents would have told Jennifer Polhauz by now."

"So?" They both said at once.

"I'm at Haywood."

"Haywood? Seventh floor?" 

"NO! I'm a RangeMan employee; I'm allowed use of an apartment on 4."

"Why?" 

"Christmas must really be affecting the grapevine Marylou; Joe and I had it out almost a week ago at Restaurante Italiano."

"REALLY." Marylou gaped.

"Yeah." Stephanie shrugged her shoulders, and didn't say another word. She concentrated on her hero with more attention than was necessary.

"About what?" Lula pestered her, waving her slice in front of her.

"He said things, called Tank and Ranger things, too…."

"To their faces? And he's alive? Like what?" 

"I'm not repeating it. And no, not to their faces…well to Tanks' but not Rangers."

"Anyway, Tank took me back to his apartment because I couldn't go back to Joe's that night. Then the next day, Ranger arranged for an apartment on 4."

"My Tank is a good man."

"Your Tank?" Marylou sputtered.

"Well, just 'cause I sent him to the curb don't mean I don't care about the fool still. And he is a good man, which is why I made him go."

"Lula. You regretting it? He's not seeing anyone yet." Stephanie saw an opening in the distraction game and she wasn't about to let it go.

"No. Yes, I regret it, or I did. I actually started seeing someone a few weeks ago, but I haven't told you all yet, 'cause its so new…"

"Spill." Stephanie and Marylou said in unison.

"No. You just are tryin' to change the subject."

Stephanie stared at Lula, but Lula stared back. "Anyway…. I haven't seen Joe since. I don't know what to do." Stephanie finally stated.

"I know it can't continue. I have to be done with him. Ranger's making like it is over with Joe and I. He's all over me, but I just feel so …I don't isn't right, I know that at most every level…but …; but Ranger had been gone most of the fall, and is moving to Miami next week. He hasn't even had the courtesy to tell me yet. He is putting Tank in charge up here and leaving."

"Yet he is all touchy-feely and being charming and wonderful and romantic and just what I have always wished he could be. I am so flipping confused. Why did I just spend all that money to impress him or his family?? He'll be gone. Then what?" Stephanie looked at both of her girlfriends; hoping one of them may jump in with an answer to what to do next.

When none was forthcoming, she continued on. "I can stay at Haywood for a while. But need to move on. Do I leave RangeMan? Do I follow him to Miami? What if he's going there to get away from me? Can I really be through with Joe? It feels like a bad idea to leave…But I don't want to stay. Why does it feel bad to leave? My life sucks." Stephanie ended her litany of questions with a scowl. She picked up her bottle of Corona and downed the last of the liquid.

"It sure is good to be venting with you guys. I've told Tank all this; he's a good listener, and actually he's good at figuring it all out; but well, I mean, he's Rangers man, you know?"

"He's your partner."

"Yeah. Until Ranger is ready for the field. Well, no, if Ranger is leaving….oh, hell, he's still Rangers. Not mine. Not for real. You girls, you're mine."

"For real, girlfriend, for real." Lula smiled at Stephanie.

"Are you going to let him take you home, after the party? Will you sleep with him?" Marylou prodded.

"I can't Mare. If I do that, I'm done. It's so good to be in his arms, his lips drive me crazy…I'd never survive sleeping with him." Whoops. Beer number three arriving for duty; loose lips on board. I better watch what I say, Stephanie thought.

"You've survived Joe all this time."

"Have I?"

Her eyes glazed over, her mind was full, wandering, she wasn't even aware she continued to speak out loud. "Ranger is different. He's so much more…. attentive … selfless… considerate… tender… passionate. Making love with Ranger is so different than sleeping with Joe."

Both women's mouths dropped. "You been really holding out, girl! You been with Batman? When?" Lula finally asked.

"Details!" Marylou squeaked.

"Oh, damn." She looked at her friends, then back down at her hands. Yes, she was bad, for not ever telling them about that night, she knew it. But the whole circumstance just made it awkward.

"A long, long time ago. I haven't been with him since. It was just one night." One incredible, earth shattering night, her face said, but she kept that to herself. "I don't think I should again. It will just make things more confusing."

"Has he told you he loves you? Cuz girly, for what it's worth, you both might as well have it tattooed across your foreheads."

Stephanie's mind had wandered to the past summer. She was recalling the conversation they had in Florida that night……….

"_But Babe, I do love you. And I will take what I can. If I can have only your friendship then that's what I will take. I do want more but you need to give it freely, and I am not going to ask you to cheat on Joe. I want to be more than friends with benefits. Which is why nothing further has happened."_

_He looked at her, and she understood that he was telling her that he has had tight control on himself for a long time. "That doesn't mean I won't take the opportunities that present themselves to me. I will kiss you. I will touch you. I will dream about you. I will always love you."_

"Steph? Earth to Stephanie! How does Ranger feel about you? What has he said?" Marylou was waving her fingers under Stephanie's face, trying to get her attention.

"We went over all this in July, in Miami. I was with Joe then. Ranger said he loves me. I told him the same back but we were letting the Joe thing rule. He didn't want to be the cause of anything, ya know?"

"And where the heck were _we_ all summer? We don't know this why?" Lula seemed slightly offended that they had been left out of the loop.

"Well the Joe thing is done, isn't it? Ranger knows that right?" Marylou suggested practically.

By the time dinner was finished, Stephanie wasn't sure if she had figured things out or was more confused than ever. But it was fun to hang out with the girls.

-----------------------------

"Hey Babe. Have fun today?" Ranger greeted Stephanie at the elevator door as she arrived at the 4th floor. One glance at her hands full of shopping bags gave him the answer, and he grinned; then took hold of some of her packages.

"Anything in there for me?" He raised his eyebrow suggestively while leering at the Victoria's Secret bag.

Stephanie dropped her bags to the floor…. "I knew I forgot something! Duh!" She laughed and leaned into Rangers' outstretched arms.

"Dinner, babe? Ella just brought it up to 7 if you want. She hoped you'd be there; she made dessert. You've got _her_ wrapped around your finger too."

"I'm there!!!" Stephanie laughed and tried to pull away, "I just need to shower first. I'm exhausted and grimy from all that shopping."

"Want me to help, Babe?" he asked quietly. Ranger hadn't let go of her yet, his fingers were gripping her waist, thumbs rubbing up and down her spine.

"No. Definitely no," she whispered. Stephanie looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. All that talk at Pino's with the girls came back in a flash. What the heck was she doing?

Ranger shrugged slightly. Tank said give her time. Ok. I will. I'm here with her, right? That should be enough. "See you in a bit then," and he kissed her forehead and was gone.

After dinner they settled into the living room with a bottle of wine. "Wine, huh? Must be one of the non-temple days?"

Ranger smirked. "No. just one of the celebratory days."

"What are we celebrating?" 

"You—you make my days shine, Babe. How is it I have lived all this time without you?" Ranger handed her the glass he had filled, and kissed her cheek. "Cheers." They touched their glasses together. You survived, you haven't lived, Manoso.

"Me --- I've figured out that I don't want to be alone…and hope it isn't too late. Slainte." I would do anything to wake up to your face every day of my life.

"Us---that we can find happiness in each others arms, in each others lives… I love you Stephanie Plum." It's that simple, isn't it? No qualifiers. I just love you.

"Joe—"

"Joe?" Stephanie choked.

"Yeah, Joe. May he find happiness with someone else---far from us."

They clinked glasses one last time. Ranger took her glass from her, and pulled her into his lap. "Shush. Just lay here with me babe. Let me hold you." They settled in on the couch, and he hit the remote a few times. The lights went down and soft jazz filled the air. "Sometimes I think this is the best part," he nuzzled into her hair.

Stephanie didn't want to move. It felt like heaven in his arms; his body was warm and hard and he smelled delicious. But she knew she couldn't stay. This is getting weird, she thought. She'd spent the last five months, heck 2 years, longing for exactly this, trying hard to be happy with what she had with Joe, and now? Ranger is giving her what she thought she wanted and she was freaking out! Joe and she were over, damn it!

"Carlos, it's getting late…. I really should head back downstairs." Stephanie struggled to sit up.

"You don't have to." Ranger tried to hold her close.

"I do. I definitely have to, Carlos." She looked at him, and gently pried his fingers from her arms, giving him a sorry smile.

Ranger let go, and sighed. "Ok." He stood up to walk her to the door, and took her hand again, pulling her close to him. "Babe...you are coming to the Christmas party right? Would you go with me?"

She felt 13 all over again. "Yes, I would. That would be nice." She said, not looking up at his face.

"Great."

"I have to get some last minute errands and stuff done tomorrow, before the party…."

"Limos will be arriving starting at 830 pm…Call me when you're ready to go, ok?" Ranger opened the door, and walked her to the elevator. "Night babe. Sweet dreams."

Stephanie was all set. She had been able to put her hair back together with a little help from Ella. Of course, it would have been fine, except for her unscheduled nap earlier; a lucky opportunity actually, considering she got not a moments rest all night; she tossed and turned, Ranger on her mind. She had finished her makeup, extra mascara and all. Her 4 inch FMP's were strapped to her ankles and her purse was by the door. Ready or not….she took a deep breath and buzzed Ranger.

Her door opened a few moments later and her breath was taken away by the incredible vision that Ranger made. All male. All rich, dark, hard, sexy, delicious male. Here is a man built for a tuxedo, she thought, smiling at him. Eating him up with her eyes.

"See something you like, babe?" Ranger beamed her his 200 watt smile.

Then he stopped walking and stood, stunned by the alluring vision Stephanie created in her dress. She was wearing a dress the color of champagne, just a shade darker than her skin; the raw silk bodice was two pieces of fabric that left a keyhole between her breasts. It haltered into a mock turtle neck, giving a sexy but elegant view. The back was cut away, allowing for no bra, he noted. The fabric started again at her waist, where the bias-cut silk georgette skirt began. The skirt stopped in a gentle frill just above her knees, and her legs were sheathed in nude stockings.

Her shoes were the same color champagne, but the straps were encrusted with rhinestones, which mimicked the chandelier earrings that she wore as her only jewelry. Her hair was up, in an elegant sweep, but carefully orchestrated curls had "escaped" around her face and the back of her neck.

Ranger walked over to her, laced his arms about her waist, and kissed her under her ear, where her earring was tickling her skin.

"You look astonishing. I am awestruck babe." And his lips found hers, and his hands grazed her chest. She wasn't wearing a bra, he recalled, as his fingertips discovered her nipples pressing against the fabric. "I am so done for tonight babe. You're trying to kill me," he whispered into her ear, before he let her go.

---------------------------

"Can I join you, Babe?" Ranger asked, pulling Stephanie across the limo seat into his lap.

"Huh?" Stephanie settled into his arms, and closed her eyes for a moment. This is so nice, she thought. She looked at him with a question in her eye.

"In your little world …wanted to know if I could join you there," He flashed her a 200 watt grin.

She smiled back ---a small smile. "Ranger?"

"Babe?" 

"You didn't tell anyone about Miami." She twisted in his lap so she could really look at him.

"Babe."

"Julie told me."

"I know."

"Why, Ranger?" Why are you going, why didn't you mention it tonight at the party; why haven't you told me?

"Why haven't _you_ asked _me_ about Miami, Babe?" Ranger's fingers were trailing up her bare arms, running around the high collar of her dress, definitely distracting her. And distracting himself. She shrugged. "I've learned that you will tell me when and if you want me to know."

He'd been too good for too many hours. Watching her dance with Lester and Tank had been torture, he thought; only to find that torture was too simple a word for actually dancing with her. Watching her dance in this dress was almost like watching her dance in the nude. He was so hot for her; he didn't want any more words. But he knew she needed to hear this.

His hand stopped moving; his fingertips began to outline her ear, and his mouth followed his fingers in a slow exploration of her earlobe. He carefully removed her earring and handed it to her. "Babe, I've changed my mind." He softly breathed into her ear.

"Changed your mind?" Stephanie sighed.

He stopped sucking her earlobe, and looked straight at her. "I was leaving to get away from you. I realized I had lost you to Morelli. I told you all those months ago in Miami that I loved you. Still do." He squeezed her close.

"But Joe seemed to have captured your heart. I couldn't continue watching, that's why I've been in Boston most of the autumn. I came back the other night to tell you I was going for good. And I found out that he broke your heart. I told Morelli I would not allow him to break your trust or your heart; that if he did, I would make my move for you with no guilt…."

Wow. True, honest emotion from Ranger. When did he and Joe do all this talking? He's staying. Julie will be heartbroken. "Ranger, if you told Julie you were moving to Miami …."

"I know. I need to straighten that all out with her. I am staying Babe."

Ranger took his hand and placed it on her chin. "Babe. You are amazing. I love you." And his lips descended on hers for a long, searching kiss. His fingers strayed along the back edge of the dress, and then his hands smoothed up her front, cupping her breasts as his tongue explored her mouth, her neck, her fingers. Neither was aware that the limo had arrived back at Haywood.

"Babe?" Ranger whispered as they walked to the elevator. "Come home with me, please? Stay with me. Let me make love with you." His arm wove around her waist, and he pulled her to him as the elevator door closed.

As the elevator door opened on 7, both Ranger and Stephanie tumbled out, arms entwined, lips trying to stay connected. The door closed as Ranger hit the remote to unscramble the elevator video monitor. He backed Stephanie into the door, and reached around to unlock the door, twisting the knob with one hand and twisting a strand of hair around the fingers of his other as his lips settled for a spot just under her ear.

He put down his key fob, and tugged on his tie, as he continued walking forward with Stephanie doing a two step backwards, in his embrace. He didn't let go until her legs came in contact with the edge of the bed. She fell into the soft comforter, and Ranger just stared at her for a moment.

They were both out of breath, their eyes were dark, and her tongue was darting out of her mouth, licking her lips involuntarily. She never removed her eyes from his.

They lay together afterward, with the comforter over them, basking in the moonlight, tracing their fingers up and down and around each other. There was tranquility and harmony in their souls this night, and passion in their hearts.

Ranger rolled over and grabbed Stephanie to him. He kissed her face, and ran his fingers through her hair. "Babe. I have to go." He whispered into her ear. She slept through his touches. He got up and showered, got dressed and came back to the bed. "Babe. I'll see you at Christmas, ok? I love you."

"Wait. Carlos." Stephanie rolled over, not wanting to face morning. Last night was too recent for morning to intrude.

"What?" he had almost reached the bedroom door before responding.

"Where are you going? Why are you leaving?" Her face was sleepy, her thoughts were not connecting yet, but she felt like he was walking away. Again.

"Babe, I've got to go. I'm late."

"For what? Where are you going?"

"Babe."

"Carlos. We're not doing this again. You will not walk away from me this time." She was awake now, and she was getting hot. It was going to be different. He loved her. All those things he said last night. And still he's walking away without telling her a thing.

"Damn you Carlos." Stephanie sat up and tossed the covers off of her and threw the pillow at him.

"Babe." Ranger walked back to the bed, and handed her the pillow.

"Where are you going? Why are you leaving?" Stephanie pulled the covers tightly around her.

"I'm going to Miami, to pick up Julie. She's coming here for Christmas," he said as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Is that all? Why is that so hard to tell me! Damn it, Ranger. You should be able to just tell me that….."

"Old habits, babe." He shrugged. "Don't be mad. Try not to take it personally, ok? Just keep reminding me to change." He kissed her cheek, and rubbed the tears away from the corner of her eye.

"Ok, I'll try. When will you be back?" Stephanie looked into his eyes. She loved this man.

"Tonight, but we'll be staying in Newark with my parents. Tomorrow I want to take her to the city so she can see the tree at Rockefeller Center and all the windows on Fifth Avenue. We'll stay at my parents Christmas Eve as well. I'll see you when you get there, ok? Check with Tank about times and stuff. He'll drive you. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Babe."

"What?"

"I love you."

"Me too Carlos. Me too."

_CHAPTER EIGHTEEN_

Tank picked up the phone at his desk, looked up the number, and called his son. Damn, I feel as nervous as a schoolboy, he thought. This shits crazy.

"Can I speak with Treyvon," Tank asked the man who answered the phone. He got a grunt for a response, and heard a muffled screech before the extension in the house was picked up.

"Whassup? Who dis?'

"Your father. Trey? It's Tank."

"Oh, Hey, Tank, what's goin' on?" 

"Not much. You haven't called much. I wanted to check in."

They chatted uncomfortably for a few minutes, before Tank got around to the reason he called. "What are you doing for Christmas, Trey?"

"Nothin' much. Stayin' home. Grandma in the hospital again. She had another stroke last week."

"You should have told me. I'm sorry to hear that Trey."

"Yeah, whateva. Her husband be going to his sons house, but his wife don't like Nica to come over there cause she don't behave right so we staying here."

"Trey, come to Christmas dinner with me? My sister's family is in Newark, I go there every year."

"I can't be leaving Nica home alone, man. I don't know when grandma is getting home again. We done Christmas by ourselves before, man, it ain't no biggie."

Tanks heart broke. "Trey. You can bring Nica. I wouldn't expect you to leave her home alone. Come to Christmas, and meet your family."

"Your family won't mind her?"

"_Your_ family won't mind. The more the merrier, Trey, that's how Mama Manoso feels."

"Uh, well, I guess. Ok."

"So have you done your Christmas shopping?"

"Don't got money to do that."

"Tell you what Trey, where's Nica now?"

"At school; her bus will drop her off around 5."

"I'm gonna be by to take you shopping ok? You need to buy your grandma a gift, and Nica, right?"

When Tank arrives, he spots new electronics, a big screen TV, and other gadgets. "Someone has some pretty toys," Tank comments. Trey said, "Yeah, her husband been buying shit lately." Tank suddenly realizes that the money he had started giving Treys grandmother was not making its way to Trey.

Tank handed Trey a $100 bill when they arrived at Target. His eyes lit up. "What this for?"

"Christmas shopping, son. Go, have fun. You need to get your grandmother and your sister a gift before you spend it on yourself though, ok?"

"Veronica likes baby dolls," Trey said, as they stood looking at the well picked over selection of dolls in the toy aisle. "Oh, man she'd love this stroller, too. Ah, I can't get that. Don't got enough."

Tank excused himself. "Trey, I'll meet you in the front of the checkouts in 30 minutes, ok?"

Trey stood in the line of customers with his gifts. A baby doll, and a pretty shirt for Nica, and he found a fuzzy throw blanket for his grandmother in yellow, her favorite color. And he had a gift for Tank. He didn't know what to get him, but he figured a DVD of The Matrix might be good. He met his father and had a smile on his face. "Thanks, Tank." Tank just smiled silently. "No problem son, no problem." He said, as they walked to the truck.

-------------------------

"Merry Christmas!" Tank stood at the door of Trey's apartment. Trey opened the door, and let him in. Veronica was behind Treyvon, hiding. "Nica doesn't like men, Tank."

"Merry Christmas, Veronica," Tank leaned gently around Treyvon and gave the little girl a beaming smile. She looked up shyly, then turned her head so she was protected by Treyvons' arms. Trey carefully pried her arms away from his waist, and looked down at his little sister. "Veronica, this is Tank. He's my father. Say Merry Christmas, Nica."

Veronica was almost 8 and tiny for her age. Her hair was plaited in corn rows and each braid was ended in brightly colored pony beads. Her eyes were bright, but it was obvious that she was a child with Down syndrome. She looked up at the large man standing with his arms full of gifts. "Melly Chismas," she whispered.

Tank handed both Trey and Veronica gifts, and told them to open them up before they left. He got the expected wide eyed excitement when Trey opened his box to find an MP3 player. "Cool, man, cool!" Veronica awkwardly opened her present, and she grinned when a large stuffed panda bear appeared in front of her.

She took Tanks' hand and put it to her face in a gesture of thanks.

Tank smiled at her, and said, "Let's get moving, ok? I've got someone sitting in the car."

"Can you take us to the hospital first to see grandma maybe? Just for a minute?" Treyvon hated to ask Tank for favors, but he had to give his grandmother a gift, and he thought that Nica might like to see her too.

"What hospital?" He opened his phone to let Carlos know that they were en-route but would be late.

Tank pulled up to a brick home in a modest neighborhood in Newark, and let everyone out before going to find a parking space elsewhere. The Manoso household was overflowing. Stephanie took Veronica's hand, and urged Trey to carry the shopping bags full of gifts up the flight of stairs to the porch. "Ring the bell, Veronica," she said, as she pointed to the doorbell.

The door was opened by a child of about nine. "Hi. Merry Christmas!" She said. "Come in. Who are you? I'm Ainslie."

Stephanie laughed and introduced herself. "My name is Stephanie, and"

"Babe." Ranger walked to the door and grabbed her. "Merry Christmas, Babe" he said and kissed her, his arms around her waist. Tank jogged up the stairs at that moment, and said, "Uh, yeah, man, sorry to interrupt, but it's freezing out here. Let everyone in already!"

Trey found a quiet corner and sat down. Quiet didn't mean empty, but there was just one girl sitting there. "There's an awful lot of people here," Trey said to Julie. "Who are they all?"

"Cousins, I guess. I only know a few of them."

"But I thought you were Ranger's kid, aren't you?" 

"I'm Julie Martine. I'm 11. Ranger's my birth father. But I was adopted by my Dad when I was a little baby. I never even saw Ranger a lot until this summer. Did you know I was kidnapped this summer?"

"I heard about that."

"So, are you one of my cousins? What's your name? How old are you? Who's your parents?"

"Um, well, I don't know if we'd be cousins or not. My name is Trey and I'm 16. My father is Tank."

"Uncle Charlie is your dad? That's cool. I love him a lot. He's my godfather. Your sister Daisy was my bestest friend when I was a little girl."

"I never met her. I just met Tank this summer."

"That's too bad you didn't know her. But I'm glad you got to meet your dad. I don't think you'd be my cousin, though, because Daisy wasn't my real cousin. Ranger was her godfather though, so he was like her uncle. I'm not really sure. Maybe we are cousins."

"Why does she do that?" Julie pointed to Veronica, who was twirling in slow circles.

"She hears music in her head I think. She likes to dance. Nica, slow down." Trey grabbed her hand.

"What's her name? Who is she? How old is she? She doesn't like to talk much does she?"

"Her name is Veronica, but I call her Nica. She is my sister. She's 8, and no she doesn't like to talk as much as you like to talk." Trey smiled, and gave her a small punch in her shoulder as he said it.

At that moment another group of people entered through the basement doors. Treyvon and Julie looked up amazed more people could even fit in this house.

"Oh, man." Trey whispered.

"What?"

"That's my Spanish teacher!"

"You're kidding."

"No. That's her."

Treyvon got up and went over to Celia, and stood quietly while she greeted Ranger and some other people he had never seen.

"Señora Stevens."

"¿Treyvon? Feliz Navidad. ¿Qué usted está haciendo aquí?"

"Vine con mi padre. ¿Es esta su familia, señora Stevens?"

"Sí. ¿Quién es su padre, Treyvon?"

"Tank."

"Charlie? Bien, cómo recepción maravillosa a nuestra familia Treyvon. Éstos son mis hijos, y mi marido."

Trey listened carefully, and he concentrated as Celia slowly tested her student's Spanish vocabulary with this little speech.

Ranger smiled at Charlie's son. "Small world," he said to the two of them. God, I wouldn't want Celia as a teacher!

"Ok. Hey there everyone. Now that Celia had decided to join us…." Ranger stood up and attempted to get everyone's attention. Celia reached over to rap Carlos on the head.

"Thank you Carlos, for corralling everyone. Dinner is about to be served." Rico stood by the Christmas tree, looking out on his family. His heart swelled. The people who meant the most were there today with he and his wife. Life was good.

"I would like for us to take a moment to review our year, and think about the blessings that we have all received. Our family has grown this year. Drew, you had managed to escape our family Christmas's so far. Marisol and Mikhail welcomed little Francis almost year ago into their family. Charlie has found his son Treyvon, and his sister Veronica, who both are sharing Christmas with our family. And Julie, Carlos' little girl, has finally had the chance to come to be with us on this wonderful Christmas."

"We should take a moment to thank Stephanie," Rico nodded towards Steph, who was leaning comfortably in Rangers embrace, "who is directly responsible for Julie being with us." Stephanie looked at Ranger, and he squeezed her tightly. "We are grateful that Carlos has recovered from his wounds and are gratified that a reunion has been affected between him and his daughter."

"Feliz Navidad, a usted todo. Esta familia es mi corazón, y todos estamos parados juntos."

Everyone clapped, and then the chattering of close to 40 people who want to visit began again.

Ranger spoke up. "Just quickly…there are about a thousand of us in this family, and you are all here today." A laugh ran through the room. "Julie has asked me, repeatedly, who all of you are. So, for the benefit of Julie, Stephanie, and Treyvon, can we do a bit of counting off?"

And with that, Ranger started around the room, with each family group.

"Mama—Mercedes, and Popi,--Rico. Abuelita Rosa. My oldest sister, Celia Stevens, her husband Jamal, their sons, JJ, Mike and Tony. Pilar and Jesus Rodriquez and their daughter Becca. Marisol and Mikhail Demarski, their girls Alya and Zoe and son Luca. Renata and Drew Kemble, daughter Kaitlyn and son Scott. My brother Manuel and his wife Cynthia; their daughters Ainslie, Bethany, Cassandra and Daphne. And just for kicks mama has invited about half the neighborhood, so if there is anyone who you don't think you've been introduced to, then it's a fair bet they are not _close_ cousins. Did I forget anyone? Ok. There will be a test!"

Stephanie was quietly observing. She was so surprised at this Carlos; who laughed and joked and was open and funny. Today was absolutely huge as far as learning who this man was, she could tell she needed to really pay attention.

After dinner, the gift giving began. Treyvon walked over to Tank, and spoke to him quietly. "I am going to take Nica for a walk, ok? I don't think she'll understand that the presents aren't for her."

"Trey. Stay. There are gifts for you both here."

"But, you gave us something already, when you picked us up?" 

"That was from me. But I happen to know Santa has left Nica a doll stroller, and I know Mama Manoso asked me what types of things you liked. Wasn't able to answer too well," he laughed, "cuz I used what little I've found out so far for my own gifts. But stay. Ok?" Tank reached out and put his arm around his son for a moment. "This is your family, Trey."

The children's gifts were doled out first, so that the adults could have a slightly quieter exchange afterwards.

Tank handed Stephanie two boxes. "Steve, it wasn't hard to decide what to buy you, little girl." She burst out laughing and held up a t-shirt with the quote "Men confuse me, Chocolate I understand" printed in rhinestones. The second box was obviously a large box of Godiva Chocolates.

Ranger handed his mother a box. While she was opening it he said "This is for you and popi." She pulled out an Eskimo doll. Rico looked at his wife and then at his son. Mercedes eyebrows raised in mute question.

"It's a cruise to Alaska, mama. Whenever you want to go, although they say summer is best. And you need to let me know, because I need to give Tia Ella and Luis the time off…they're going with you." Ranger at that moment handed a similar box to Ella.

"Ah, mi hijo. You are wonderful, Carlito!"

"Mama!" "Carlito??" Ranger and Stephanie choked at the same time.

"Don't," he mumbled. Ranger's eyes were slits as he looked at Stephanie.

"Damn it mama!" Ranger laughed. "Do you have to?"

"Language, Ricardo!" Rico bellowed.

"Si, popi. Im sorry." Ranger said contritely. But Rico laughed lightly and smiled at Stephanie. "Carlos will always be her little boy."

Julie was sitting on Rangers lap, watching the gift giving. Someone handed Ranger a gift for Stephanie, from him, that had been sitting under the tree but he shook his head and said, "We're going to exchange later…Stephanie left my gifts at home." He looked at Steph, sitting next to him and she nodded agreement to that decision.

She didn't know why she hadn't thought to bring his gifts with her. Duh. Probably because of the incident she had been so worried about occurring at her parents when she got to tell them that she was leaving early to go to the Manoso's for dinner. She had left his gifts on the 4th floor, and the scene went down exactly as badly as she had expected. It was bad enough if she had wanted to go to Bella Morelli's for dessert on Christmas; and how was Joe supposed to handle her going off to Newark? Surprisingly, it didn't get better when Tank rang the door bell at 4 pm to collect her.

"But Daddy! You have to give it to her now," Julie whispered loudly into Rangers ear. He laughed a moment, and then grabbed her arm gently.

"Daddy?" He asked her, looking into her eyes. "Julie, you called me Daddy?"

"Is that ok?" She watched him closely.

"Si, querida, it's wonderful." He pulled her to him for a moment and gave her a hug.

Everyone in the room was watching this poignant exchange. Then Ranger's sister Celia took up the call, "You have to give Stephanie her gift now, Carlito!" And Renata, and Pilar and Marisol all joined in. Ranger and Stephanie both looked embarrassed. But Ranger knew something Stephanie didn't know. He was most assuredly not going to be the victor this time. He never won with his sisters. Ever.

"Come on then." Ranger said. Julie handed the gift triumphantly to Stephanie. "Steph, I saw this, and well, it reminded me of you." Stephanie tore off the bow, and the paper quickly, and held the long box for a moment.

"Open it!" Ranger's sisters cried together. And so she did. And lying on a cushion of red satin was the platinum claddagh necklace. Her eyes looked to him, and he took the box from her hands. "The heart is for love," he whispered as he opened the fastening, "the crown for loyalty," he stated as he swept her hair away from her neck, "and the hands for friendship." He looked into her eyes, as he fixed the clasp around her neck.

She looked back into his eyes, smiled and put her arms around his neck. He leaned in to kiss her, and the room went wild. As he pulled away laughing, Julie jumped in. "Look, Daddy got me a ring just like your necklace Stephanie! He told me about yours. Isn't it neat?" She pranced around in front of Stephanie, showing off her ring and smiling.

The goodbyes took forever.

"Carlito." "Mama." Ranger needed to bend over to wrap his arms around his mother, but the embrace that Mercedes gave to her youngest son was strong, and sincere.

"Carlos. You are growing up."

"Mama. I'll be 33 next year." Ranger's voice had sound of benign annoyance, but it was tinged with laughter.

Ignoring his response, she continued, "You are a good father, Carlos. Julie dotes on you. I am so happy to see her here with you, finally."

"I've been a fool, haven't I mama?" 

"Si. You and Stephanie will make beautiful children too, Carlito."

"Mama."

"You will be marrying her, si?"

"Si, mama. But please, mama. This is still new…I haven't asked her, but it is what I want. Please don't say anything to scare her off, ok?"

"Carlos!" As if, her tone said.

"Mama!" He said with warning. "Por favor?" his voice begged.

"Ok …" Mercedes voice sounded resigned.

"Not a word to the girls or it'll be over….and Steph won't be given a moments rest."

Julie was asleep on Ranger's bed. He had carried her in from the car and gently removed her boots and skirt and tucked her in.

Ranger came out and sat down. "So? What'd you think? My family pass?"

"Christmas was perfect. Your family was wonderful. Your mother is a force of nature."

"Uhm yeah."

"She really knows how to keep things in line. I don't think I have ever seen you or Tank follow orders so quickly and completely," Stephanie laughed. "Is the big bad mercenary afraid of his mommy?" Steph teased. "Damn straight," Ranger muttered without missing a beat. Stephanie threw her head back and laughed.

"My necklace is beautiful." Stephanie grabbed his hands in hers. "I love you Carlos. You make me happy, you know that? It was the perfect gift, Carlos. Absolutely perfect."

"No, not perfect. The gifts I have yet to give will be better." He raised his eyebrow at her and smiled.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" She loved a mystery, and she loved getting presents. She wondered how hard it would be to get him to tell her about other gifts. She sat back on her knees and leaned over and started planting kisses all over his face. "Like what? Tell me," she whispered seductively into his ear.

"Like your engagement ring." Ranger kissed her neck, leaning her down into the couch.

"Like our wedding bands." His lips trailed along the top edge of her bra, stopping now and then for a longer taste, as his hands worked around back to unhook the bra.

"Like the babies I want to make with you." One hand cupped her breast and the other continued an exploration of her abdomen, sliding his fingers inside the waistband of her sweat pants, his lips moving from spot to spot, making them both crazy with desire.

She gasped. To say she was astonished with both the presents and the ease in which he shared with her was an understatement.

He looked at her and grinned a huge grin.

"Babe, watching you with little Frankie tonight… I could see you with your belly round, our baby growing inside you. I saw you holding our son…" his hands automatically reached to her stomach, and his fingers splayed protectively across her belly.

"This is all so rapid, Carlos."

"But surprisingly effective, don't you think babe?" His forehead touched hers, in a manner not at all seductive or sexual, but instead full of trust, and devotion and caring.

"Is this what shell shocked means? Carlos? I –you- I thought you weren't relationship material."

"I very well may not be, and I know I've told you that in the past. But babe, I can't deny my feelings for you. And no, they don't jive with my expectation of how my life needs to be lived. I don't seem to have control of that part of my life. You do. You are my heart and my soul. You are what is causing me to want these things in my world. I've told you before that you had all the power. And despite some strongly conflicting emotions, I am learning to listen to my heart."

"I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to say. That wasn't a proposal. You'll know when I propose." His wolf grin ogled her. They settled back into the couch, holding each other and there was truly nothing more to be said. They both let their minds, and their hands, wander.

The phone rang, and Ranger grabbed it. "What?"

"Actually, looking for Steph, boss," Ram said.

"Why?"

"Visitor."

"Who?"

"Joe Morelli."

"At this hour? Shit." And Ranger hung up the phone.

"Steph. Morelli is downstairs."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. What do you want me to do?"

"Let me go down and see what's up" 

Ranger shifted on the couch to let her up, acting casually. Stephanie put on some boots and a sweater and left the apartment and Ranger.

One minute later, he was at the elevator, and got off at the control room. Ram and Tank were monitoring tonight.

"Don't do it man," Tank said but Ranger switched over to the camera in the garage so he could watch.

"Do_ not_ turn on the volume." Tank actually swatted Ranger's hand away. Ram decided now was a great time for a coffee break.

Ranger sat and watched them standing, talking, gesturing. She shivered and jumped up and down a bit in the cold. They spoke for about five minutes. Joe tried to embrace her, and she let him for the smallest moment. He tried to kiss her on the lips but she turned her head. He tried again and was successful placing a kiss on her forehead. Then she shrugged, she nodded, shook her head.

He tried to reach for her again, but she pushed him away. He reached out and handed her a present. She looked at him a long moment, and then she backed off and turned away. She hit the button for the elevator and got back in, without looking around at him. He was standing, watching, until the elevator door closed. He turned and walked away.

Stephanie got off the elevator and walked into the control room without a word. She stood, leaning against the doorframe for a full minute. "Fancy finding you here," she smiled at Ranger. "Come on, big boy, upstairs." Tank let out a breath he had been holding since the door opened, and then laughed out loud. Ranger glared at him. "She got your number man!"

_(Mrs. Stevens? Treyvon? Merry Christmas. What are you doing here? I came with my father. Is this your family, Mrs. Stevens? Yes. Who is your father, Treyvon? _

_Tank. Charlie? Well, how wonderful. Welcome to our family Treyvon. These are my sons, and my husband.)_

_Merry Christmas, to you all. This family is my heart, and we all stand together._


	11. Chapters 19 and 20

CHAPTER NINETEEN 

Stephanie was quiet as they rode the elevator to the 7th floor. Ranger seemed to know it was a bad idea to try to embrace her, so he stood slightly apart, looking at her intently. She ignored his stare, and got off as soon as the door opened. She walked into his apartment, and dropped Joe's gift on the pile of Rangers' still un-opened Christmas presents.

"What was that about, Ranger?" Stephanie spun on her heels, her voice low and angry.

Ranger stood for a moment, his hands across his chest, his head just the slightest bit tilted to one side. "How'd you know, babe?" He finally asked, refusing to answer her question.

"My spidey sense, Ranger," she said sarcastically. "I'm becoming aware of my surroundings. You are somewhat predictable, you know?"

She stomped over to the couch and sat down. She got back up and started pacing the floor. "Be glad Julie is asleep in the next room Ranger, because I really feel like yelling at you! Who the hell do you think you are? I'm an adult. I can go downstairs and talk to whomever I want without having you watch me! What the fuck was that? I saw the cameras move; you think Joe didn't? Did you at least have the decency to not turn on the volume? Did I have ANY privacy at all? Or did everyone in the control room get to listen in?"

"The volume was off." Ranger spoke quietly. He looked defeated. He sat down in the chair opposite her, and put his head in his hands.

After a long tense silence, which he could tell Stephanie wasn't going to fill, he started speaking. "The last two years I've been waiting for you to finally realize how much I love you. Waiting for you to finally love me more than him. You've had us both all this time. Babe…I've been sharing you with a fucking cop!!!" He took a breath and stood up from his chair.

Walking over to the window he stated, "And I don't do sharing well."

He looked out at the snow swirling around in the wind, illuminated by the street lights below. "And I don't like cops."

"I've had the short end of the stick for too long. Kisses in god damned alleys, and the knowledge you're in his bed, night after night. I've had to approach you, get turned down by you, and then I have had to watch you leave for Morelli's bed time and time again." His voice never raised; Stephanie needed to strain to hear him speak to the window.

"You sent me there, jerk." She mumbled at his back.

He flinched, but otherwise ignored the barb. "….I kept coming back to an empty one…"

"Wait a minute… your sex life, or lack thereof, was my responsibility? You couldn't find someone? I see women falling at your feet on a daily basis…what about Jeanne Ellen?" Stephanie's voice was beginning to rise again, and she was pacing furiously around the room.

Ranger ignored her response and continued on with what he felt he needed to say. "I watched while your relationship with Morelli nose-dived, while you were horrifyingly unhappy, while he had used you and messed with your head. Yet you still went back. Every time. And it hurt." He turned from the window at that moment, and looked into her eyes. "So, tonight? I just expected to have it end up no differently. I'm sorry."

He looked at her once more, shrugged his shoulders at her, and sat back into the chair. He was wiped out by the amount of information he just laid out for her to absorb. He wasn't used to sharing or apologizing.

"What is it that's happening Ranger? We had this incredible night. We talked about feelings and it was wonderful. And then you up and left. Like before. You say all the right things. Do you think words are going to work? I want actions Ranger…You go off to Miami and try to not tell me. Why did you think you couldn't tell me about Julie? Damn it, I saved your daughter's life; why couldn't you tell me she would be here for Christmas?" Stephanie stopped pacing; she sat down on the floor in front of Ranger and looked up at him.

"And at your parents for Christmas—you were a different person there, with them, open and genial. Ranger, I want to know Carlito. He is a wonderful person! You were so comfortable around all your family…I've never seen you so relaxed. That man, he is the one I want to spend my life getting to know. I realize you are Ranger, too, and that is the man I fell in love with. In your personal life, I would like to see a little more Carlito and a little less ex-Special Forces, ya know? In Miami, I got to know Carlos some, and he I loved as well. Batman I will always love; but I fell in love with you because I saw beyond the surface; that there was more to you than just Ranger."

"Babe. Anything, ok? I'll do or say what you want, but don't call me Carlito. Only my mother can get away with it, and _only_ because she's my mother. Please." His mouth twitched up into the smallest smile as he spoke, and rubbed her head with his hand.

She looked up at him, and grinned. Her head rested against his knee, and she was finished being angry. She knew it was impossible to stay irritated at him for long.

"Carlos." He nodded and grinned back. She spoke softly into his leg. "You come home tonight and tell me you want children?! You've told me time and again that you don't do relationships, that you won't make mistakes like pregnancy and marriage. And you act the jealous, non-trusting fool….what am I supposed to decipher from this type of conflicting behavior?"

"Babe, it's always been a question of when, not if, we get together. In my mind anyway. I've always told you someday. And someday is now. I have had a lot longer to think this through, I will agree with that."

"I think you've been talking to yourself a lot Carlos. I don't recall having these talks." She shook her head. Whatever. He's opening up, stop taunting him. She looked at him, and quietly spoke again.

"Will you tell me things? When they are insignificant, like what your favorite color is? Or when they are important, like why and how long have you been in love with me? Back in the summer I felt like we had crossed a line, like we started sharing. Making something happen…but then it left again, all these past months… back to the old ways…" Stephanie shrugged her shoulders around her legs, adjusting herself, but Ranger reached down for her.

He settled her into the crook of his arm, and they lay curled on the couch while he spoke.

"Black. My birthday is August 15, I'll be 33. My favorite food is Thai. I hate country music. I like thunderstorms." He took a deep breath before he continued.

"Babe. I think I fell for you almost the first time I met you, but I've known I loved you since Ramos. When everyone was after me to give myself in, you just wanted to know if I was ok. I knew then I wanted you in my life forever. You trusted me."

He kissed her cheek, and then continued. "There was no real reason to trust me or to believe in me. You knew nothing about me or my past. I've told you before; I was never a boy scout. More like a juvenile delinquent. You name it, I've done it. I've been involved in every type of trouble out there, every bad or deviant or socially unacceptable behavior. But still you saw something in me that made you more worried that I was Ok than was I was guilty."

"I've been in lust with you for far longer!" His wolf grin appeared and he began to nibble at her ear. "Ever since you called me to remove those handcuffs, I've been crazy for you." He whispered into her ear, as he rubbed his hand along the edge of her sweatshirt.

"Carlos," Stephanie moaned at the torture his fingers were creating.

"Hmm?"

"Don't. It's late."

"I know, time for bed." He nuzzled her cheek.

"I'll see you in the morning." She started to stand up, to leave.

"No stay."

"I can't."

"Please."

"Julie is in the next room."

"Babe. We've slept together before without anything happening. It won't happen unless you want it to."

"Your daughter…" 

"Babe. I can behave; are you saying you can't?" He looked at her as if he could eat her whole, and raised his eyebrow at her. "Get up so I can pull open the bed. Stay with me babe. This couch will be far more comfortable with you in it than alone."

Of course, Stephanie gave in. How could she turn down the chance to fall asleep to the sound of Ranger's beating heart?

"Ranger?" Stephanie murmured into his shoulder a while later.

"Hmm?" He was just drifting off to sleep, and he reached over to snuggle with her as he answered.

"I'm not even a good hamster mommy. Why would you want to have children with me? I wouldn't be able to do it right. I even forget to feed Rex sometimes."

"Babe." Ranger chuckled under his breathe. "That's what great about babies, Steph. They come with sirens. You can hear a hungry baby three counties away… you can't forget to feed them. They won't let you."

He rubbed the edge of her shoulder mindlessly while he whispered to Stephanie. "Babe. I want marriage, and children. If you want them. It's your choice, babe. Our future is together. Someday. Which as I told you, to me is now. Why wait? I want a permanent, exclusive relationship. I love you. I've loved you almost from the day we met. What's holding us back?"

"Why rush, Carlos?"

"Don't you love me, want me?"

"You know I love you. I love you Carlos Manoso, and you know it! But you are starting to sound like Morelli. I don't want to give up me, Ranger!"

"You don't have to."

"… oh, and I suppose I will be allowed to go out and collect FTA's seven months pregnant? You'll stay home with the kids while I skank around in some bar dressed for a distraction job with Tank?"

"Babe."

"Really. We need to talk about this. Your life would have to change some too, if you expect that mine should. I am not so selfish as to expect or want to be running around falling in garbage while I was pregnant. But do I want to even do it? Do I want to have children at all, or with you? How much will you tell me about you? Would it be a bad idea to have you be my children's father? What don't I know about you? Will you be honest?"

"When I can. There are some chasms that I can't cross, Babe."

"Won't."

"What?"

"Won't, not can't—it's a choice."

"True. My past is my past babe.

"You keeping secrets separates us, Carlos."

"So be it. Some things stay in my past, babe."

--------------------------

Julie woke early and came out into the living room. She started to climb onto the pull-out bed with Ranger as she greeted him quietly. "Good morning, Daddy….Oh," She whispered as she rubbed Rangers rough cheek.

"Quierida?" 

"I'm sorry, daddy, I didn't know Stephanie was here. There's not enough room on the bed."

"Always for you, querida." And Ranger shifted slowly to the center of the mattress as Julie climbed in beside him.

"Daddy?" Julie continued whispering into her father's ear.

"Hmm?" Ranger was drifting in and out of sleep. He and Steph had talked until almost 4 am. But it was good between them now, he thought, as he put his arms around his daughter and tried to go back to sleep.

"It's snowing out! I've never seen snow for real before. Will we be able to go out and play in it later? I can't wait!" Her voice was low in volume but high in excitement.

He opened one eye and looked at her and smiled. "Sure querida. Settle in under the covers, ok?"

" 'k."

"Daddy?"

"Hmm?"

"Does Stephanie live with you?" 

"Hmm? No. No, Julie, we fell asleep talking last night."

"Oh. Daddy?" 

"What, Querida?" Ranger guessed that he was done with sleep for the time being. Julie loved to talk to him in the mornings, he mused, and rubbed her head mindlessly for a moment. They had had some interesting conversations this way, and he felt he was learning about his child. It made him smile to think of some of the silly talks they had ended up having.

"Are you gonna marry Stephanie?"

"What? Why are you asking, Julie?"

"Because I like her. And she makes you smile. Daddy? There's a box of condoms on your bedside table."

"What? Julie?" Ranger's eyes opened wide and looked at his daughter.

"I know what sex is daddy. I have sex ed classes in school. You're supposed to use condoms, so you don't get sick or make babies."

"Julie, I don't know if I want to continue this conversation, ok?"

Julie sat up and crossed her legs under the blanket, looking at her father. "Why, daddy? Daddy. I am not a little girl. I think it's good that you love Stephanie. I think you should marry her, and then you wouldn't need to use condoms. You could make a baby, and I could have a sister or brother."

"Julie. I am not really comfortable having a chat with you about my love life, ok?"

Daddy. You are silly. I learned all about babies and sex. I even had my period. I'm not a child."

"You've what? When?" Oh, this conversation is not happening. It's way too early in the morning for this conversation. No, way too early in his life for this conversation. Rangers head was swimming. "Julie. You are only 11."

"Uh huh. Just about all my class had their period already, except for Nancy Elizar and Terese Rodriquez. Daddy? What's wrong? Why are you squinting your eyes like that? Do you have a headache?" Julie's soft fingers reached out and caressed Ranger's forehead.

"No querida. I guess I just never thought about having this talk with you. I think of you as my baby. I think you are growing up too fast for me." He glanced over at Stephanie. How does she sleep through all this?

"It's ok, Daddy. Mommy and I talk about sex too. I know I can ask her stuff. Mommy said she would take me to Macy's soon so I can get a training bra. I think I need one. We learned all about penis's and vagina's. And how the mans sperm gets to the egg inside the lady and makes a baby. Daddy? You married mommy because you made me, right? You didn't love her first, did you? I think you should marry Stephanie first before you make a baby with her, because then you won't get divorced again."

Whoa. Between the eyes, that one. "Querida. Your mom and I made some mistakes, that's true; but Julie, don't ever for a minute think that you were one of them. You were probably the only mistake we didn't make. I wouldn't ever go back and change that night, because that was the night you came into being. Any other night, any other way, you wouldn't be you. I don't ever want you to feel badly about it."

Julie lay back down, her head on Rangers chest. She loved spending her mornings getting to know her father. All through the fall, they had developed this quiet morning ritual, lying in bed talking every weekend that he came to Miami to see her.

"Daddy? Why did you let Popi adopt me? Mary Reynolds dad and mom are divorced. But her dad didn't put her up for adoption."

Ouch. Tank needs to call and tell me there's a problem. Somewhere. Anywhere. He hadn't been able to will the phone to ring, so Ranger took a deep breathe.

"Querida. I haven't always made the right decisions, Jules. Most of my life, actually. I felt that it would be better if you had a stable family. Ron and your mother wanted to provide that, and I couldn't. Not then. So, giving you up for adoption to Ron, it seemed best. I wasn't always reliable. I couldn't be there to help. With school or medical care or even with child support sometimes. It took a long time for me to grow up. It was long after you were born and living a safe happy life with your parents actually, before I realized I was making a lot of really bad decisions. Giving you up for adoption was not one of them."

"I only started thinking straight, and trying to make something out of my life 5 or 6 years ago. Before, querida, I was a sorry excuse for a person. I couldn't have been a good dad. I thank god every day that your mom found Ron." Ranger held Julie tightly in his arms and rocked her as he spoke. "I thank him every day for having Ron allow me to be part of your life now."

"Daddy? I love you. I'm glad you are here now."

"Me too queirida. Me too."

"What time is it anyway?" Ranger looked to his watch. 6:47am. "You are an early riser, my love."

"I guess we can't run this morning, can we?"

"Nope. Not in the snow. But you can use the gym downstairs later, ok?"

"Cool. I remember you telling me about the gym. Daddy, do I need a body guard here?"

"No, you've got me. Besides this building is secure. You can go anywhere and there is someone watching on a monitor in the control room."

"Ok. I'm hungry."

"I'll call Tia Ella and have her bring up breakfast, ok?"

"Where does she live? Can I go to her?"

"If you do, Stephanie won't get breakfast…you remember what she is like in the morning?"

"Ooh, yeah." Julie giggled. "Well can I go help her make breakfast? I want to explore."

"Sure, querida." Ranger and Julie both got out of bed. Ranger went to the tray by the door and handed her a key card. "This is your pass to get up here. Only a few people can get up to the 7th floor, so don't lose it. The gym is on the 3rd floor, and the apartments for the guys and Steph are on the 4th. Uncle Charlie is 4c. The control room is on the 5th floor, where my office is. Don't get too lost."

Ranger picked up the phone. "Ella? You up for company? Julie wants to have an early breakfast and explore some. I'm sending her down as soon as she gets dressed."

"Go then!" He swatted her on her behind, and she ran, full speed into the bedroom to get dressed.

Ranger sat back down on the bed. Wow. That was quite the conversation, he thought, as he looked over at Steph. "Morning, Carlos." She opened her eyes and smiled when she felt his eyes on her.

"Babe. You awake long?"

"Just for that last bit."

"How far back?" He rolled over onto the mattress and reached for her lips. The kiss was slow, and comfortable. Soft. Meaningful. And something that he didn't want to stop. Stephanie finally did, though, and then told him what she had heard.

"I woke up somewhere in the middle of her adoption. You handle her well, Carlos. She loves you."

"I love her. It's amazing to me sometimes how much I love her. So, you heard she wants us to marry before making babies?"

"Um, no I must have missed that part." Stephanie gulped.

"Well, she found my condoms on the table. And that is where that all started from. She would like us to get married before I make you a mother."

"And what did you say to that?" 

"I was dumbfounded. She started to have a conversation about sex ed right here in the bed this morning."

Stephanie laughed at the obvious discomfort on Ranger's face.

"Stop laughing at me. The girl started discussing penis's and condoms with me!"

CHAPTER TWENTY 

Stephanie slowly worked her way into getting out of bed. It wasn't as hard as usual, because this sofa bed was no better than any other. It didn't invite a person to stick around. It certainly wasn't like Ranger's bed. Especially since the most comfortable part had gotten up to shower.

Ranger came out of the bedroom, dressed, but without shoes a while after Steph sat up for good. Oh, he smelled heavenly! He came over and gave her a hug. "Up you go, Babe. Gotta put this bed away." She groaned as he lifted her, but she made sure she got a good grip around his waist. He stopped working on moving her, and instead settled in for a long and tasty kiss. His arms came around hers, and she rested her head on his shoulder. It was peaceful.

The door opened and peace ended, as Ella and Julie descended upon them with breakfast.

"Daddy! Uncle Charlie is gonna come up for breakfast too!! I found him in the gym. That's a nice gym, daddy. I like this place. And Tia Ella made pancakes for you, Stephanie. I helped." She skid to a stop at her father and Stephanie, who still had not let go of each other. She looked at them for a second and then just hugged them both.

"Can we go in the snow later? Tia said she could find me some boots to wear. I almost wear her size. Please?" Stephanie laughed. Julie was almost bouncing.

"Morning." Tank boomed. He stepped inside and held the door for Ella, who was just getting ready to leave.

"Well, looks like I am underdressed," Steph mumbled.

"You are fine, Babe. Sit and eat, while breakfast is hot. Shower later."

And so the four had a wonderful, if not more talkative breakfast than normal. "Uncle Charlie, does Treyvon and Veronica live here too?" Julie put her fork down and looked hopefully at Tank. She smiled at him, a smile he just loved to see.

"No, pumpkin, they live in Newark. Near your abuela. There are no kids in the building. Sorry."

"Oh. That's too bad. I liked him, Uncle Charlie. He's nice. Maybe I will see him the next time I come to visit? Daddy, I can come again, right? Or maybe when you visit me again, Uncle Charlie, you can bring him with you. He said he never went to Miami before. Why haven't you brought him there?"

Ranger watched her and wondered how it was that Julie found time to get any food into her mouth, it was so busy talking. "Julie. Eat. Leave Tank alone, will you?"

Unrepentant, Julie looked at Tank. "So, Uncle Charlie, do you want to go and play in the snow? Daddy said we could. Stephanie you want to, don't you!" All agreed a snowman might not be a bad thing to make.

That topic closed, Julie moved on. "Hey, Daddy. You never opened your presents from last night! How could you forget? Stephanie, can I give them to him?"

Stephanie had forgotten as well. "Sure. Bring them over." Julie brought over three boxes and handed them to Ranger. Ranger picked up the first, and made eyes at Stephanie, before setting it down on the table. Joe's gift. Uh oh.

"Ok, these are mine, right?" He said, as he began to open the box. Inside was an almost black cashmere scarf. It was a very fine knit, but wide and very long. Every so often there was one row of white yarn. "Oh, daddy that's perfect! You can go out in the snow!"

The second box contained a pullover sweater, again, fine knit cashmere, this time in true, pure black. "Babe. They're wonderful. Thank you." Ranger got up and kissed her, and playfully put the scarf around her neck. He then yanked on the ends of the scarf, pulling her closer to him.

"Really. Thanks, babe." He whispered in her ear.

"I didn't know what to get you, Carlos. You have everything," she whispered back.

"You are right, babe. I have everything. I have you."

"Daddy, I want to call Mommy, ok? I want to tell her about the snow!" 

Ranger, Julie, Ella and Stephanie were sitting around the table, enjoying the cocoa and cookies that Ella had brought up for after the adventure in the snow. Stephanie watched as Ranger almost ate the cookie. He played with it, broke it in half, but didn't devour it. God, such a fool to pass up such delicious food!

"Sure querida." Ranger smiled at Ella as Ella took his hand for a moment.

"You're a good father Carlos. I'm proud of you."

"Tia Ella, These are yummy!" Julie pranced around the table and stood between her father and Ella. "Ah, sweetie, it makes me glad to see you enjoy. You know, a long time ago, your father used to enjoy them too….. when he was a little boy."

"Daddy doesn't eat sugar, Tia."

"I know. But when he was a boy, your abuela and I would make these cookies, and your father and his brothers would always be in the kitchen trying to steal them as they came out of the oven."

"Tia. Don't be telling tales." Ranger smiled at Ella as he said this, and she grasped his hand again. "Carlos, you may think you are a big, mean man, but I changed your diapers. I can tell whatever tales I like." She stood at this declaration, and kissed him on the forehead. "Will you be home for dinner?"

"Tia?" Stephanie looked at Ranger as Ella walked out the door, stopping to hug Julie, who was busy explaining to her mother why the snowman they built was wearing fatigues.

"Hmm?" Ranger was listening in on the conversation Julie was having. Or trying to. Julie was on the far side of the room.

"Ella is your aunt?"

"No. My mothers best friend. They met in 6th grade."

"Oh."

"Babe?"

"I just thought it was weird you would have her working for you if she was."

"Her husband and she used to work in hotels. When Luis was laid off, I just had started RangeMan and needed help. And I trust them." He smiled at her, but continued to try to listen to Julie.

Inevitably Ranger ended upon the phone with Rachel, trying to clarify Julie's description of the sleeping arrangements. Why oh why is this so fucking hard? Rachel and he got on most of the time, but sometimes she just felt the need to push the "I'm the mother and you're the irresponsible cretin who knocked me up" bullshit. Apparently this was one of those times.

"Rachel."

"Stephanie is my employee. She lives in this building."

"Yes, I have a relationship with her."

"No. I am not a fool."

"I realize Julie is a young girl. I'm not stupid, Rachel, I'm not about to have sex in my living room while my daughter is here."

"Oh, for gods sake. Rachel. Just drop it, ok?"

"I'll have her home tomorrow night."

"Stephanie? I am so glad that I got to come for Christmas, and got to see you again!!"

"Me too, Julie. This has been a fun visit."

They were all waiting in the lounge at Newark for the flight to Miami. Ranger had Stephanie pulled close to him, and Julie was busy playing with her video game. Ranger held Stephanie's hand and wove his fingers in and around hers, gently rubbing them, and nibbling on her ear.

"Babe. Gonna miss you."

"Me too, Carlos."

"I'll be back on New Years Eve, for the PAL ball, ok? I am really looking forward to the after-party. I miss touching you."

"Hmm. Me too."

"That feels nice."

Tank sat next to Julie watching her play. He tried a game or two, but they both gave up; his fingers were too big and beefy to manipulate the small buttons quickly. "You are the worst player ever, Uncle Charlie!"

She put her game away, and looked at the big man for a minute. "Uncle Charlie?"

"Yeah, pumpkin?"

"I'm glad you got your son."

"Me too."

"Will you promise to bring Trey to Miami next time you come? Please?"

"I'll see pumpkin."

"Uncle Charlie?"

"What?"

"Do you think he likes me?"

"Hmm?"

"Treyvon ---do you think he likes me?"

"Everyone likes you pumpkin, why wouldn't Trey?"

"But do you think he _likes_ me? Uncle Charlie? I think I like him."

"Oh. Um. Well. I don't know." It took all of Tank's training not to burst out laughing. Uh oh, Ranger's gonna freak---Julie has a crush on my hoodlum son! Oh, this is rich.

"He has the nicest smile. It's like yours. Whenever he smiled at me, it made my tummy all jumpy."

Tank was saved by the loudspeaker, calling the flight.


	12. Chapters 21 and 22

_CHAPTER TWENTYONE_

At this point, I should probably just let you all know this story is going to get angsty. VERY ANGSTY. It's getting difficult in Plum world. I just want you to be aware. Jump ship now if you feel the need. End of warning...

Stephanie hung up the phone in her cubicle, and stared into space. Damn. Her eyes teared up, and she sniffled just the tiniest bit. Tank was walking by when he heard her.

"Hey, why the long face, Steve?" 

"That was Carlos." She nodded at the phone as Tank perched on her desk.

"And he's causing that reaction so soon?" Tank waggled his eyebrows at her with a grin on his face.

"Oh, stop Tank. No. His flight was grounded. There's an ice storm from Georgia up to near DC. He can't get home till tomorrow or the 2nd.

"Sorry." Tank didn't quite see why this was the kind of news that invoked tears, but he hugged her anyway.

"Tank. The ball? It's tonight." She rolled her eyes at his bewildered look. Men. "It's our first New Years Eve together, and we have to spend it apart! I have this beautiful gown and I was looking forward to dancing in his arms all night. I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I haven't had the chance to spend any time with him since the Christmas party. I've seen less of him since we decided to try a relationship, it seems."

"Aw, little girl. You're still gonna come, aren't ya? Ranger bought two tables there."

"I don't know. Why bother?"

"Little girl, go get your cute little ass upstairs and get ready to party. We're gonna have a good time. And you can talk to Ranger on the phone at midnight, ok?" He stood up and mock saluted her, and then left her with a big decision. Mope or carry on?

---------------

Stephanie was glad that Tank cajoled her earlier into joining the guys for the New Years Ball. Some of them even brought dates. How pathetic it would be to be sitting in sweatpants in a borrowed studio apartment that belongs to your boss on New Years Eve. Much smarter decision to come and dance the night away. After all, while Ranger may be what she wanted, dancing a slow dance with Lester or Tank didn't exactly qualify as a hardship. RangeMan employees were certainly not hard on the eyes.

The Police Athletic League held this ball every year, and in past years she had attended with her ex-husband, and with Morelli, because it was a big benefit for everyone in the law enforcement community. She always felt like Cinderella because of the whole New Years Eve thing and countdown each year. Get that special kiss right on the stroke of midnight.

But this year, it looked as if she may turn into a pumpkin after all, because Carlos was in sunny Florida. Well maybe not sunny, they were at the tail end of the bad weather, but he wasn't here in her arms, either.

The table that Stephanie and Lester and Tank sat at was not the quietest place to be. The booze was flowing and the waiters were careful to not allow any glass to empty. When Stephanie wasn't up dancing with one or another of Ranger's tasty crew, she was sitting and laughing at the increasingly outrageous stories being told to Lester's and Bobby's dates about her bounty hunting career.

They were almost screeching with laughter when Tank spotted Lula from the corner of his eye. He stopped and his eyes raked appreciatively over her choice of gown. It was turquoise and of course three sizes too small, but hey, isn't that what spandex was made for? She was on the arm of a smallish black man, who did justice to his monkey suit.

Tank put down his almost empty drink, and then stood and took her hand. He made a great show of kissing the back of it with a flourish. "Baby doll, you look outstanding." His grin widened as she responded to his flirtation.

"Big guy, you aint too bad yoseff, this fine evening," she breathed, her eyes running up and down his massive form.

Their eyes locked for a moment. Everyone's attention had gone to Lula and Tank. Greg squeezed her arm gently and looked at Lula with a question in his eyes. The moment passed, and Lula came back to the present. She began introductions.

"Tank, this is Greg Taylor. He works for the state prison as a computer programmer." Lula stated to the entire table, as they waited for introductions.

"Greg, this is Tank. And Stephanie Plum, and Lester Santos. And Bobby Brown." Tank took over introductions and it was decided that extra chairs could be found. Stephanie looked at Lula, and could see the happiness radiating from her friends face. Greg seemed like he could be the one. She was glad for her, and then suddenly felt alone again.

She was missing Carlos. Her emotions must be on display she thought, since Tank suddenly grabbed her hand. "Lets dance, little girl." She leaned into his arms for the dance, and she realized abruptly he had needed to get away from the table even more than she did at that moment.

"Tank?" Stephanie bent her head back to see his eyes.

"Hmm?" He breathed into the top of her head, where he rested his chin. His eyes were closed.

"You okay, Charlie?"

"Yeah. She looks happy, doesn't she?" Tank nodded his head gently in Lula's direction, and then squeezed Stephanie tenderly.

After the dance, they decided to go out to the enclosed balconies, to get a bit of relief from the crowded main hall.

Stephanie leaned against the concrete column near the full length window, just looking out at the sparkling street lights reflecting on the snow.

"Tank, someone's out there for you, you know that, don't you?" Stephanie felt for her partner. Here I am lamenting not being with Carlos tonight, and Tank has no one. What a poor friend I make.

"Yeah, maybe. I had my turn, little girl. Antoinette and Daisy were my turn. I don't want to begrudge anyone a shot at happiness. And Lula looks happy."

The night was spectacular. The wine and laughter flowed. Stephanie couldn't remember when she had had so much fun dancing. Each RangeMan danced better than the last; and Carl and Big Dog and half of the police department made sure that they weren't left out. Big Dog and Stephanie were dancing a second dance when Joe cut in. Big Dog looked at Steph, to see what she wanted to do. She shrugged, "Yeah, its ok," and found herself in Morelli's arms.

"You look good Cupcake."

"Joe."

"Stephanie. You do. Look, I'm sorry for being a jerk. Christmas night, at Haywood, I pushed too much. I know that.

I just can't understand you. I guess that's what our problem has always been, hasn't it?"

He pulled back a bit and shrugged. "I don't understand you, or how you think. You're not a child. Aren't you ever interested in growing up? Settling down with one man? I thought you left me for Manoso. Now you're dating Tank, too? You act like you're in high school."

"Joe! Tank is my partner."

"He looks at you the way Ranger and I both look at you. I hated that Ranger looked at you like that. I can't imagine Ranger liking Tank's ogling you."

"Joe, he's my friend."

"Yeah." Joe believed not a word. He saw Tank staring at her not ten minutes earlier, and he knew that wasn't a partner look. "Whatever. Look I am sorry about that night at the restaurant. Calling them names. That was childish. I would like your friendship, Stephanie. Since you won't quit working for Vinnie or Ranger, we're going to run into each other all the time and I would like for it to be less tense someday."

"Thanks." Stephanie smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "I know you didn't really mean it. You're right, though. You don't understand me. But I think we can do friends." The dance ended just as Tank came over to cut in.

"You ok, little girl?" 

"Yup. Tank? Let's walk, ok? It's almost midnight, and I want to be somewhere a bit quieter to call Ranger."

Tank agreed and grabbed two glasses of wine from the waiter walking by. He grinned a mammoth grin at her as he handed her a glass.

"You are really enjoying your liquor tonight Tank! I don't think I've ever seen you so relaxed."

That was an understatement, she thought. RangeMen never seemed to show their alcohol consumption.

"Ah, little girl. Its new years. A night to celebrate making it through."

"Tank, you are celebrating the fact you are feeling no pain!" They both laughed at that. He couldn't argue one bit.

They found a secluded corner and propped themselves against a wall facing the window. "So, what did super cop want? He bothering you? I'll take him on if you want."

"No." She sipped her wine, and then looked at him again. "Tank? We're just friends, right?"

"Steve." Tank looked Stephanie in the eye. Wow, that was as full as one of Rangers "Babes".

"Steve, you are too scary to be in a relationship with. But I wouldn't mind jumping your bones…" He leered at her with a goofy expression on his face.

"Well, since you put it so sweetly Charlie, I hardly know how to refuse." Stephanie laughed, and kissed his cheek.

But then her look turned serious. Ok, the alcohol is definitely affecting him tonight, but she figured she still needed to state the obvious. "You know I'm not interested in you like that don't you, Tank?"

"Yeah, I know. Eyes only for Carlos."

"Stop picking on me Charlie. You are gorgeous in your own right, but yes, Carlos is the one for me, ok? No hard feelings?"

"No problems, little girl." Tank smiled gently. He looked at his watch, then handed her his cell phone. "Give your man a call, little girl."

Stephanie dialed Ranger, and waited tense seconds until his voice broke through.

"Carlos!"

"Babe. Miss you tonight."

"Me too. The ball is fun, but I'd rather be in your arms."

"Whose arms are you in?"

"Currently? No ones."

"But?"

"I've danced with just about everyone…all of RangeMan for sure, and half of the police department, too. My feet are aching!"

"Babe."

"What are you up to?" 

"Nothing. Sitting at a bar, watching Dick Clark. Missing you."

"I wish you would be here for midnight. I've got no one to kiss." Stephanie whined just ever so slightly.

Tank leaned in and whispered loudly in his deep baritone into her other ear, "Yeah, little girl, you can kiss me."

"Who is that? Tank? What did he say? Put him on the phone, I'm gonna beat his ass."

"Uhm, Ranger, Tanks a bit, well, tanked, actually." Stephanie laughed slightly at her pun.

"That's not like him." Ranger chortled.

"I didn't think so either, but he's feeling no pain…although he hasn't stepped on my toes while dancing, and he's willing to challenge Morelli to a duel if I need him to."

"Morelli? Babe."

"It's fine, Carlos, really. We've agreed to be friends. He's apologized for being a jerk."

"Ok, if you say so babe. Listen, when Tank is loaded he gets horny. If he gets out of line, just start rubbing his earlobes. He'll mellow out and leave you alone."

"I don't even want to know how you know that do I?" Stephanie squeaked.

"No babe, probably you don't. Put him on the phone." Ranger laughed deeply.

"Carlos? Man, when you coming back? We miss you, Stevie and I." Tank sat his wine down on the window ledge and held the phone very carefully to his ear with both hands.

"Been going at it a bit heavy, big guy?" Ranger's voice sounded amused. It wasn't often that alcohol got the better of Tank; he was sorry he was missing it. It usually was entertaining.

"Huh? No. I don't think so. I feel good tonight. Aw, man, you should see Lula tonight, Ranger, she looks fine. And Stevie here, she could start a fire. We wouldn't even need to call the fire department, cuz they here already."

"That so?" Ranger chuckled. "Thanks for keeping an eye out for my babe, Tank. And keep your hands to yourself, ok? She's mine."

"Yeah, boss, my hands are no where near her. I need them both to hold this phone, and my drink, ya know? I think I need to go now, but I know she's yours. You a lucky bastard alright. I'm gonna let her talk to you again, ok? Carlos, I love you man."

"Yeah, Tank, I love you too. I told Steph how to control you, so you better behave. Give me Steph, ok?" Stephanie couldn't see him but could hear the whole conversation, and could see Ranger's eyes rolling, his head shaking back and forth.

"Babe."

"Carlos.'

"It's just about midnight. I'm thinking about how you feel in my arms, pressed up against me, kissing my neck."

"Ooh, Carlos."

"Babe. Happy New Year."

"You too. I love you."

"Same here. Babe, call me when you get home, ok? Whatever time. I'll help tuck you in."

"Ok. Happy new year, Carlos."

"Babe."

The phone disconnected. She stared at it for a long moment, willing herself to breathe again. How much longer does one stay after midnight? Isn't it time to go, now?

_CHAPTER TWENTY TWO_ APRIL Ranger reaches over her to the table by the bed, but Stephanie puts her hand on his arm. "No condom, Carlos, ok?" she whispers in his ear. He puts his arm back down next to her head, holding himself over her, and looks straight into her eyes. He is hard for her, she feels the pressure of his body, the strength of his muscles, but she doesn't blink. She stopped taking her birth control pills last month. She has had plenty of time to assure herself that this is what she wants. 

"Are you sure babe?" They'd talked about this. He had promised her he was ready to be a full partner in their relationship. That he wanted the whole family package. He had dreamed of their son often since Christmas.

"Yes. I want to have your children, Carlos. I'm sure."

"Oh, Babe, we'll make a beautiful baby." His lips find hers and he possesses her in a way that he can't recall ever happening before.

"Wow."

"No kidding."

Ranger turned on the bed to face her, lying on his side. He ran his fingers along the edge of her body, stopping here and there to massage her, to see her face as he found spots that excited her. This wasn't how he had envisioned the proposal, but adaptation was sometimes necessary.

"Babe, if we made a baby—Babe, I love you. Will you marry me? Be my wife?"

"I love you too, Carlos." The right emotion was in her voice. She kissed him, grabbed his head to hers. She didn't answer his question.

"I shouldn't take that as a yes, should I?" Ranger smiled wanly at her. She is still so scared of life sometimes. Yet she's willing to make the permanent commitment of a child with me. God, she confuses me, but oh, how I love her.

"Will you at least tell my parents were the can find my body then, after your father takes me out?"

"More like my mother, Carlos." They both laughed, and the tense moment of a proposal denied was erased.

Ranger rolled onto his back, his hands behind his head, his eyes closed. Exposed. "The offer has been put on the table. It's there for the taking. You let me know when you're ready. Your ring is in my safe."

"Ring?" Stephanie gulped.

"Ring. It's been in the safe for a while now."

"Define 'while'."

"Two years? Two and a half?"

"Why? Why do you have a ring in your safe for me?" Stephanie sat up and looked at him.

"Because I love you Babe."

"Carlos. Explain now. Two years ago I was entirely with Morelli."

"But you were in my heart already, Babe."

"Not good enough. Spill it."

"Undercover job. I needed to pose as a fool in love at a high end jewelry store to see if I could discover who was skimming valuable stones."

"I made an appointment with the gentleman in question. I had to have a cover, so of course, I used you." He stopped to put a quick kiss on the tip of her nose. "I spent an hour, looking at rings, learning about them, pricing them, seeing what kind of deals he'd make."

"Finally I discovered that if I asked for a ring to be designed and made specifically that I could take advantage of the 'deals' he could provide."

"So, I designed a ring, one that reminded me of you, that I could envision placing on your finger."

"So, essentially, you have a hot ring in your safe to give me?" 

"Babe. The owner gave me my fee after the sting was over; and a nice discount on your ring. We kind of broke even." He gave her a tiny wolf grin.

"I made the far better deal, because I have had a ring for you for a really long time. I take it out and look at it sometimes. I can't wait to see it on your finger."

-------------------------

SEPTEMBER "Stephanie. I love you. I love you for your belief in me and the abiding way you trust me. You are the most amazing and selfless person I know." He took her hand in his, and ran his fingers around in her palm. The candlelight in Rossini's did beautiful things to her eyes, he thought, gazing into them.

"Babe, you sure you're ok about having a baby with me? Remember I told you once I was too dark to pass as white and too light to pass as black? Our child could be one or the other. My father didn't ever want us to be mistaken for Anglos. Our baby could be darker than me."

Ranger stopped speaking while the waiter came to the table with their dinner. He picked up his fork, and looked at Stephanie again. "You realize our children will be minorities, don't you?"

Stephanie put down her glass of water. "What? Ranger, I don't ever think of you as anything but gorgeous…your skin tone isn't relevant to me. Is this bothering you?" Her fingers laced with his while she sat quietly, looking into his eyes, waiting for him to continue.

"Babe. We are an interracial couple. We're talking about bi-racial children. How are your parents going to react? I mean they know we're together, and they seem to accept me well enough. For a friend. I know you've told them repeatedly that Morelli is history. And now he's married. But do they expect us to be together long term?"

"Carlos."

"Babe. We've been together almost a year now, yet just last month I heard your mom telling you she wishes you'd find someone nice and Italian to settle down with. Read 'white'. I know she's commented on my skin color. Babe. She's said it to you while I sat just a few feet away in the other room. We're going to your parents tomorrow to tell them you're pregnant. Will they be ok with a Latino grandchild?"

"Our baby will be half white, Carlos."

"Stephanie, half white in this country means non-white. It means minority."

"Don't you have any faith in my family's ability to be accepting? How is your family going to accept the baby?"

Stephanie was beginning to get nervous. Are her parents that provincial? Have they always been judgmental? Silently she had to admit they probably were. God, have they really been that obvious? Well, they wouldn't have to be; Carlos reads people so well. She thought back to the firestorm of yelling and argument that erupted after Tank showed up at Christmas. Then he was seen dancing closely with her at the New Years Ball, in front of half the 'burg; the thought that she was dating a huge black man set her mother to ironing the bath towels.

It seems that as much as mom protested she wanted me happy, she expected me to be happy with whom she thought I should be with. Thank God Joe ran off and eloped during the summer with Marie Jankowitz! Not that her mother was sure that was permanent, but at least she had to stop suggesting he was my knight in shining armor! Or at least an available knight.

And really, it wasn't all that bad, was it? Carlos managed to avoid dinner at her parents most of the time. He came just often enough to not appear rude, and he was always the soul of manners and taste while there. Secretly she thought her mother was impressed by him, but she didn't seem to think he was impressive enough for her little girl.

Ranger's response interrupted her musing. "It's the freaking UN at the Manoso's at Christmas. You've been there. Cynthia and Jamal are African American; Jesus is Latino, Mikhail's Russian, Drew's Native American. Tossing a little Italian and Hungarian in there should be child's play. There'd be no problem if the baby comes out green."

He took her hand and held it to his cheek. "Babe. I just wanted to make sure you've thought this through. That you won't be distressed or upset if reactions are mixed."

"Ranger, I can't wait to have your baby, and I have always envisioned our children looking just like you. My parents are going to just have to get over themselves, ok? They have to accept this, and be happy for us, ok?" she smiled at him as she finished her proclamation.

Ranger got out of his seat, and came around to her side of the table. He reached into his pocket and found a small black velvet box. "I know of a way to help them accept this babe." Ranger got down on his knee, and took her hand in his. "Become my wife. Marry me. Not for them, but for us. I love you with all my heart. Let us make a family, babe."

Stephanie's eyes filled with tears, and her heart started racing. On one level, she and Carlos were the only two people in the world, but in the other part of her consciousness she realized the noise level in Rossini's had dropped and that all eyes were on the table in the back corner where they sat.

"Yes, Carlos. Yes. I love you. Oh, how I love you."

Ranger took the ring out of the box, and held her hand as he gently placed it on her finger. He stood and hugged her and as she kissed his lips and placed her arms around his neck, the other patrons of the restaurant began clapping.

"Well, I guess we don't have to bother going over to your parents tonight to share, do we?" Ranger gave her a grin and nodded at the number of cell phones that suddenly seemed to be in use.


	13. Chapters 23 and 24

angst will begin shortly...

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

Stephanie had fallen asleep in the car after dinner. Marry Carlos. Oh, I must be dreaming. She looked down and no, it wasn't a dream, she had on her finger the most exquisite ring she had ever seen. She looked out the window of the BMW. They were pulling up in front of her parent's house.

"Ranger?"

"Babe."

"What are we doing here? We're having dinner tomorrow."

"We skipped dessert. I am sure your mom will have cake, even at this hour." Ranger's mouth curved up just the slightest bit. He knew she wouldn't turn down dessert.

"Ranger, you don't eat dessert."

"Babe. Grab the bull by the horn. Your parents deserve to hear of our engagement from us, not from burg busybodies. Come on, look, your grandmother somehow knew we were coming."

"Stephanie! What a surprise. And you brought your Ranger. How nice." She glanced him up and down, as she did every time she saw him. He shivered slightly. Very little creeped him out, but he recalled Stephanie saying that Grandma wanted to see him naked. He shivered involuntarily.

"I guess you heard the news? Your mother is beside herself." Grandma Mazur held open the front door for them and followed behind them, the better to get a glimpse of some fine Cuban ass, of that Stephanie had no doubt. Stephanie looked to Ranger with a question on her face, but he shrugged and the entered the hallway.

"Mom. Hey, we decided to come for dessert." Stephanie walked into the kitchen while Ranger stopped in the living room to speak with Mr. Plum.

"Mom? Whats up? What is grandma rambling on about? What news?"

"Oh Stephanie." Her mother turned to look at her. She looked back to her iron, and then shut it off. She moved to the fridge and pulled out cake, and started coffee while she spoke. Stephanie marveled at her mother. Whatever is going on, it's certainly not enough for her to forget her burg manners.

"I guess it will never happen. I heard it from Angie Morrelli's hair dresser this morning. Joe is lost to you; his wife Marie is pregnant. That is supposed to be you Stephanie. Joseph Anthony Morelli was your last great chance, and now his wife is pregnant. He'll never decide he made a mistake and come back to you." She reached into the cupboard and quietly poured herself a finger full of cooking wine, looking pained while she stared at her younger daughter.

Stephanie sat down in shock. "Well damn." Then she started laughing quietly at the absurdity of the entire situation. Joe and she split because of many reasons, but one of the biggies was she wasn't sure she wanted children. And now, here I am, finding out that his dream is coming true. And so is mine.

And so is mine. Her almost hysterical laughter reached Ranger, who came in to see what was going on. Ranger looked at Ellen, and she told him that Stephanie had just had a shock. She wasn't reacting to it well. Ellen had been afraid that this was what would happen. That Stephanie would realize all she lost too late. She loved her daughter, but the girl was thick-headed. Maybe Ranger will be able to calm her down.

"Babe?" Ranger swept her into his arms, and sat back down on the kitchen chair. Slowly the laughter turned tears subsided, and she just put her arms around Ranger's neck and burrowed in. He held her gently and rocked her. He gave a glance to Ellen that caused her to decide bringing the cake into dining room right now was terribly important.

"Look at me babe. What happened? What did you say? What did she say? Babe?" Ranger nuzzled her neck and slowly continued rocking. He ran his fingers along her cheek, wiping her tears away.

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry, Carlos. God has a sense of humor. My mother _is_ hooked on Morelli still. You were right. I guess I just have been ignoring it all these months."

"Babe? You're not making sense. Tell me what she said."

"Carlos, Joe and his wife are expecting a baby! Mom is upset because now I will never be able to lure Joe away."

"A baby?" Ranger's laughter barked through the house. "Lure him away? Oh, that's precious. Babe. I guess you didn't get a chance to tell her our news, did you?" Ranger whispered into her neck, because suddenly there were three heads peering into the kitchen. Apparently they'd never heard Ranger laugh before.

"Uhm, is it ok if I come in and get the coffee?" Ellen meekly inquired when they looked up.

"Stephanie? Are you ok?" Grandma Mazur asked, as she scooted her chair closer to Ranger, so that their legs _accidentally_ touched. "You are going to have to let this hottie comfort you, ok?" she whispered conspiratorially.

"Grandma!" Stephanie rolled her eyes and wiped her hand across her tear stained face, and suddenly the shrieking began anew.

"Stephanie! What is that on your finger?" Grandma Mazur screeched and grabbed Stephanie's hand. She turned it over, and examined the ring carefully, and then said, "Well done, Ranger." She winked at them both and moved out of Ellen's way, because Ellen was now almost hyperventilating. Frank walked back in at this moment, and shook Rangers hand. "Welcome son" He came to his wife's side and led her to the dining room. Ranger stood Stephanie up, gave her a reassuring squeeze and they joined her parents at the dining room table. Grandma Mazur followed them and they all sat down.

"Oh, dear me. Stephanie. Is this true? You're going to marry Ranger? This is so sudden." Ellen was shaking her head, nervously stirring her coffee. Frank's hand reached out and covered Ellen's. "Ellen. Stephanie is happy. Ranger is a good man. Your daughter loves him. And he loves her. He has for a long time." Stephanie looked at her father in awe. He spoke. Sentences. About feelings. What a weird day. Overwhelming, actually.

Stephanie's hormones got the better of her, and she began bawling. "Mom. We've been together for almost a year, I somehow I wouldn't call it sudden."

"Mrs. Plum," Ranger looked to Ellen and then Frank, "Mr. Plum has already discussed with me my feelings and intentions regarding your daughter. You must be assured that her happiness is my only desire. I have loved Stephanie for a very long time." His hand was absently trailing along her cheekbone as he spoke, sending tiny shivers through her body. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "Longer than she even believes. I can give her anything her heart desires from a financial aspect; although she seems to have little interest in my ability to provide for her materially. I have already given her my heart. And she has given me hers."

Well, you have to hand it to him, Stephanie thought. When he brought Wall Street Ranger out to play how could her mother resist? Refined, well spoken, well mannered, and astonishingly charming, her mother fell like a pile of bricks.

The 200 watt smile and diamond stud earrings blinding her notwithstanding, Ellen turned to look at the two of them, and for the first time, she saw the love that was between them. She realized suddenly she hadn't ever seen Joe and Stephanie sit at the table looking like this; in all the years she'd known him, Joe had never caused Stephanie to glow with happiness.

Ellen began to speak to them. "Well, if it's what you want Stephanie, I—"

"Ellen. Welcome the boy to your family." Grandma Mazur looked at her daughter with something akin to disappointment. Grandma Mazur got up and walked over to her granddaughter, and she leaned down and hugged both Stephanie and Ranger. Ranger took it like the big ex-army man he was and didn't flinch. Stephanie beamed at her grandmother's well wishes, and gave her a huge hug back.

"Thanks Grandma."

"Name the baby after me," she cackled at them and then declared she was off to the late viewing at the funeral home with Izzy Rockingham. On cue, there was the sound of a horn blowing on the street, and Grandma escaped before the impact of her words reached Stephanie's mother.

"Baby?" Ellen Plum sputtered.

"Yeah, um Mom, we were going to tell you about the baby tomorrow night, but…well, Carlos proposed to me tonight; foolishly in public, and he thought we should beat the phone calls."

'You're getting married because _he_ got you pregnant." Guess the charm aura was wearing off.

"Mother. We decided we wanted a baby. This isn't something that wasn't planned. We've been trying since the spring."

"Oh, Holy Mary, mother of God, why me?" Ellen stood up and started to clear the table. She needed to do something. She began muttering under her breath about how was she going to explain to the neighbors that her daughter was having a baby with that black man they always thought was stalking her?

"He's Cuban Mom." Stephanie said with irritation, "and whose business is it who I marry or what color children I have?

Stephanie stood to follow her into the kitchen, and Ranger tried to stop her. "No, Carlos, let me talk to her, ok?"

"Stephanie. Come here." Her father indicated his lap.

Stephanie walked over to her father's chair, and sat down as asked.

"Baby, I love you. I am very glad you've found happiness. Ranger is a good man, and a good match for you. Your mother will calm down. And she'll accept the baby shortly. This is a lot for her in one night, you know that. I can't wait to be bouncing him on my knee. Now, go face the music." And he swatted her behind playfully as she stood up. She turned and gave him a hug. "I love you too daddy. Thank you."

She carried the plates into the kitchen hoping Ranger and her father would have a less frustrating conversation than the one she felt was in her near future.

Stephanie sat down the moment she walked into the kitchen. She was exhausted. She put her head down in her arms on the table. "St. Valerie gets a pass when she turns up pregnant, by a man she knew for what seemed like twenty minutes; but far be it for me to provide you with a grandchild who isn't a Morelli," she mumbled.

"Stephanie."

"Mom. I love Carlos. We made a conscious decision to start a family. This baby is not an accident. I never even thought about race until he pointed out tonight that you would have a problem with it. Mom, I've known him for almost five years and his race never once crossed my mind. I'm sorry you can't be happy for me. I don't need your approval, but I would like it."

Ellen had sat down at the table by now, and put her hand out to take Stephanie's in hers. "Stephanie. Are you sure about this? Did he ask you to marry him just because of the baby? You don't need to you know, in today's world women have babies alone all the time."

"Motttthhhhhher!" Although exasperated, she was also exhausted, and just blew the curls out of her face, never lifting her head. "He has asked me to marry him at least twice before, and he had this ring made for me over two years ago. It's not about the baby, ok? We love each other. Mom?" Stephanie looked up once again, and Ellen's features softened some. "Mom. I'm having a baby. I'm gonna need my mother, ok?"

Frank watched his little girl go to her mother. He looked at Ranger and smiled. "They always remain your little girls, remember that. You have a daughter, don't you? You know what I am talking about."

"Yes, sir. Julie. She just turned twelve. I haven't been a father to her until recently. It's something I regret, and have begun to fix. Our child will have me as a father from the beginning," Ranger said as he nodded his head towards the kitchen.

"Daughters are special. I was one of five boys. I had no sisters. I think my father really missed out on something special," Frank reminisced. "Although, they do try your patience. You want the best for them. You want a knight in shining armor to protect them, to love and cherish them. Then you remember what you were like when you were young and chasing the girls around and you realize that you are in big trouble, if boys haven't changed since your youth. And I have discovered, Ranger, they haven't changed."

Ranger smiled at that, but it was a tight smile. "I have four older sisters. I recall my father's frustrations. And I am beginning to experience it first hand. Julie has already set her eyes on a boy. She's twelve! Twelve." He shook his head slightly, his fingers tented under his chin, thinking back to the summer just passed.

_He decided that this year, he would be there for Julie's birthday. Last July he was still in the hospital after the kidnapping, and before that he had normally just sent a gift. But he found himself preoccupied with being there for her, so he and Stephanie arranged to visit. Tank brought Treyvon and his sister down, as well. Julie insisted once she found out Uncle Charlie was coming that he bring his son. _

_And Treyvon was followed around by Julie for two days. He put up with it well enough, Ranger thought. Good thing the kid has a little sister; he was used to being followed. Tank laughed at Ranger's foul mood, since he thought it was funny that Julie had a crush on Treyvon. "Oh for gods sake, he's sixteen. He's not paying her any attention, Ranger."_

"_You might want to re-think that, buddy. She's making her intentions incredibly obvious." And they both groaned as they watched Julie walk out of the house and go over to the pool. Julie had gotten her first bikini that summer and Ranger was shocked to find that she was filling it out rather well for a twelve year old. They were rough housing in the pool, and Ranger was certain Trey was paying far too much attention to his little girl. "Call your son off her, man," Ranger growled through clenched teeth as he watched Trey lift her by her waist and toss her into the pool, only to jump in behind her and then try to catch her underwater, again and again._

"_Yeah, I got it." Ranger watched him as Tank stood up from the lounge chair, his ripped ebony body glistening with sweat; and with a grace that belied his size he dove and sliced through the water to the other end of the pool._

"_Oh. My." Stephanie whispered in awe, watching him disappear. Ranger took his eyes off of Tank to gave her an evil wolf grin, "You like what you see, Babe??"_

_Two trips to Disney later, everyone was safely ensconced in their respective beds, in their respective states, and Ranger breathed a sigh of relief. Damn. That was a difficult week. I am never going to invite a boy along, ever again! Of course, Julie wanted to visit New Jersey in August, for his birthday. Treyvon would no doubt be around._

_Keeping Trey and Julie separated was a much harder job than Tank or Ranger expected. Apparently, Julie's interest in Trey was reciprocated, and that was that. Trey listened to his father's lecturing him, to a point, and behaved for the most part. More than once however, Ranger or Tank found them watching TV curled together on the couch or the floor. Ranger knew the boy was street tough and had been exposed to a harsher reality than Julie. He didn't want him around his little girl. _

"_Mr. Manoso. I like your daughter. She's fun to be around and she pretty too. I don't get why you don't want me to be her friend." Trey had cornered Ranger one day at Disney, while Julie took Veronica on a kiddy ride._

_Trey was almost Rangers height, he held himself up straight and tall while he spoke. He looked Ranger in the eye. The boy isn't shy. Damn, he reminds me of Charlie when we first met. _

"_Look, Trey. You are almost a grown man, and I'm new at being the father of a beautiful preteen. She's still six in my mind, ok? And although I know she isn't, she is definitely not old enough to be thinking about boys and wanting to spend time with someone who's sixteen. Just leave her be, ok? Please." And Ranger walked away. Well, it wasn't his worst moment either, he thought wryly._

_The conversation that he and Stephanie had had later that night hadn't put him at ease in any way._

"_Carlos. Come on, you need to relax about this a bit, ok?" Stephanie was on her side, curled into Ranger's arms. _

"_She's twelve, Steph. Twelve, as of last week. She's too young for boys." He quietly spoke into her hair, feeling her softness, smelling her unique smell._

"_I know. But she's a smart kid. There's not much you can do, other than make sure she understands her actions, and the consequences thereof. She was eleven and a half when she discussed our sex life with you, if I recall. She understands."_

"_What if she allows him to pressure her? Or lets someone else?"_

"_Keep the lines of communication open. Make sure Rachel is talking with her. Tank said he'd do his part with Trey, right? Carlos. Breath. You know, I was only 4 years older than she is now when Joe took my virginity. I had had crushes on at least a dozen guys by then. It's been happening since the beginning of time." _

_They were both quiet for a while; then Stephanie murmured, "How old were you, Carlos, hmm?" _

_He flung his head back into the pillow and groaned. "Oh shit."_

"_What?"_

"_I was almost 15."_

"_Almost. You were 14??"_

"_Yeah. Shit. Treys probably already had experience. You see why I can't let him near her?"_

Yeah, being the father of girls was something else, he agreed with Frank, as he watched Stephanie and her mother return from the kitchen. It looks like they patched things up, he thought with a smile.

"You are still coming for dinner tomorrow, aren't you?" 

"Well, actually Mrs. Plum, I would like to take Stephanie to my parents to share the news. How about next week sometime?" Ranger kissed her on her cheek and rushed Stephanie down the stairs before any more could be said.

CHAPTER 24 LATE OCTOBER "Steph. Wake up Babe." 

"Five more minutes."

"Babe."

"No."

"Babe. Your doctor's appointment is in an hour. We get to see our baby, remember?" Ranger rubbed Stephanie's little bump of a belly. His child.

Her eyes opened with a smile. "Our baby."

"Come on babe, up you go."

Stephanie was now far more excited about getting up; thinking about the next few hours, but apparently Baby Manoso wasn't, because the next thing Ranger heard was "Damn it all to hell, I hate morning sickness!"

"Babe. Here, let me help."

"Carlos. You are so wonderful… I love you. But this baby better turn out to be cute, because I am so tired of looking at the inside of this bowl!" Steph moaned. She was curled into Ranger's arms, sitting on the floor in their bathroom. Her forehead was clammy and she felt like crap. He smiled patiently at her, and then helped her up. "Love you, babe."

-------------------

Stephanie and Ranger arrived at the OB's early. She looked absently at the home decorating magazine in her lap. Moving was a lot more fun when you had big burly guys to do the moving for you, she decided. And when you had money to decorate in a style a bit farther away from college dorm/end of semester chic. Plus, no one broke in to destroy her furniture anymore. Oh, the plusses of this arrangement far outweighed the negatives. Her mind wandered to the negatives as she flipped pages.

--------------------------

_They had found the house, their Batcave, in only five days. Stephanie was still astonished with the speed and ease of life with Ranger. Say you want it done, and it is finished. No muss, no fuss. There still was some disappointment that the Batcave didn't exist before her, she thought wistfully. He had gone along with her little delusion of Batman from the beginning, and enjoyed playing the game with her. Who knew Ranger had a playful side. _

_Instead, Carlos took her to a lovely condo and told her it was his Batcave-in-waiting. He had never needed more. Hardly even used this place, since mostly he worked round-the-clock and used the 7th floor. It was a revelation, though, because it was a more personal space than Haywood; much more like the Miami house._

_Their new home was going to be beautiful, but needed updating and security installation. Which wasn't a surprise. Ranger told her to choose anything she wanted---he said everything would require additional security anyway, so pick what she liked. _

_He laughed quietly when she drove him to the house she had found with Marylou one afternoon. It was so tiny! He had expected her to choose something larger, flashier….more suited to the income level that he had attained. But she was set on it. That was his babe. Ranger agreed, because he really didn't care where he lived, as long as Stephanie was there with him. _

_There were definitely improvements that needed to be made. But the property was large, and it was somewhat secluded. He had already hired an architect to add on a wing in the back for some home offices, garages and a gym. The original house had four bedrooms; he convinced her that they should turn the smallest, which attached to the master by one wall, into a walk-in closet and master bath….a lovely suite. They had moved into the condo together. It would be their home till the house was finished getting the full treatment, and was declared safe and secure. Hopefully before the baby came. Before the wedding. She wanted to come back from their honeymoon and move into their new house._

She put the magazine down, and leaned over to rest her head on Rangers shoulder.

"Tired, babe?" He whispered into her ear.

"Uhm hmm." She had her eyes closed and didn't notice that even heavily pregnant women were ogling her fiancé. Ranger was speaking quietly into his cell while he held her. His voice was velvet and started to lull her to sleep.

"Stephanie." She startled at the sound of her name, at the sound of that voice. Joe?

She looked up and saw Joe Morelli staring down at her and Ranger.

"Morelli." Ranger flipped his phone closed and stood to shake hands with Joe.

"This is my wife, Marie. Marie, this is Carlos Manoso and Stephanie Plum."

"Joe. I'm sorry I haven't gotten in touch sooner. I heard congratulations are in order." Smooth, Stephanie.

"Hi, Marie. It's nice to finally meet you. I feel like I know you, I've heard so much about you." Stephanie smiled the smile that won over people everywhere. "Congratulations on your marriage, and your baby. You and Joe look happy."

Ranger sat down, and Joe and Marie took the empty seats next to them.

"Uhm, Cupcake?" Joe looked at Ranger and Stephanie. "Hey, this isn't like running into you guys at Pino's, ya know?"

"I'm pregnant, Joe." Stephanie smiled at him.

"No shit?" Joe gasped. "Hey, that's awesome." Joe looked pointedly at Stephanie's left hand, and relaxed a little when he saw the engagement ring. Well, only a little, because damn, he couldn't even begin to imagine what that rock had cost Manoso.

"So, when are you due, Stephanie?" Marie felt slightly awkward. She recognized the name well enough to realize that this was the girl Joe had been running from when they hooked up. She was a few years younger than Stephanie so had never met her in school, but she knew who Stephanie Plum was. Everyone did.

"Early June, according to the doctor. How about you?" 

"May 11. Wow. We could end up having our babies at the same time," Marie laughed.

"Do you know what you are having? We're having a little girl," Marie rubbed Joe's hand while they chatted.

"Actually we are supposed to find out today. If the baby is cooperative."

"If it's a Plum/Manoso production, I doubt it will be cooperative." Joe laughed, and surprisingly so did Ranger. The other women in the room just fanned themselves, getting a glimpse of Ranger, smiling.

At that moment, Stephanie was called into the office.

"Well, good luck, guys. We'll be seeing each other a bit, I am sure. Take care." They all exchanged quick pleasantries and Steph and Ranger disappeared behind the office doors.

Ranger and Stephanie waited expectantly while her abdomen was exposed and slathered with jelly; while the technician moved the wand around in circles. Suddenly, the quiet was disturbed by the sound of a heartbeat coming from the speakers on the machine, and they looked at the monitor.

They looked at each other and smiled. Their son. Their tiny, perfect son. Ranger kissed Stephanie on the forehead, "Oh, Babe, I love you so very much. Our son, Estaban Rodrigo Jesus Mano…"

"Ughh, no, I don't think so Ranger!" Stephanie smacked his hand lightly, and the technician laughed along with them.

EARLY NOVEMBER "My wedding to Dickie was to make my parents happy. I'd be thrilled to get married on the beach barefoot, as long as you are my groom. What do you think about having the wedding at the house at Little Egg Harbor maybe?" Oh they had such a wonderful vacation there back in August, with Julie coming to celebrate her dads birthday. They were like a little family, she recalled, and rubbed her belly. Ranger owned a gorgeous beach house, and the time spent there had been magical. Currently they were sitting on the floor in the living room, leaning against the couch, listening to a gale force storm swirling around outside, with wedding brochures everywhere littering the floor.

"Babe, summer is a long ways away…" 

"Do you mind waiting till after the baby comes, Carlos?"

"Your choice, babe."

"Thanksgiving and Christmas are almost here. Between the house and the holidays, I've got so many things going on. I think that by the time I get some plans made and figure out what I want our day to be like, that I'll be big as a house and won't fit in any dress I find!"

"Babe." He rubbed her rapidly growing midsection. "You may be right, babe, Cesar Julio is taking up a lot of space."

"Ick."

"No?" Ranger had an evil grin on his face. Every day, he changed the baby's name, and boy was he creative.

Stephanie worked at RangeMan still. She was so glad Ranger hadn't gone and gotten crazy on her. She obviously wasn't chasing skips anymore, but she was pretty sure she's the boss' favorite. She did searches all day for the still elusive and definitely inquisitive Rodriquez. If she needed to come in late because she'd been puking all morning, she always got a pass. If she needed a nap, she could always head upstairs. She worked just a few days a week, but she got to decide. No one else.

She smiled as she left the restroom this time. She was lazily wondering if Ella had made something good for lunch. The other benefit of working was Ella meals. There was no Ella at the condo. Ranger and Ella were teaching her how to cook, but Ella meals were definitely better.

Of course, being around the guys was always good. They were just the best. She couldn't ask for better, more caring friends.

"Morning, Steph!"

"Lester. How are you? You've been gone a bit".

"Yeah, busy in Boston. How's Little Man, huh?" Lester asked, as he kissed her on the cheek, and patted her belly.

"Busy in there today, Lester. I've been feeling him move around for a week or so, but he won't do it when Ranger is nearby. It's making Ranger crazy!" She smiled at him. Ranger didn't believe her; every time she'd tell him to come and feel the baby move, well, it's like he knew it and would stop.

"Funny. He's got his mother's sense of humor. Oh, hey Tank."

"Welcome back Santos. Steve, how are you?" Tank asked Lester and Stephanie.

"Good, man. Well, let me get moving, see ya around Steph."

"Steve?"

"Hmm?"

"How. Are. You. Earth to little girl?" Tank smiled as he tried to get Stephanie's attention.

"I miss you little girl. Sit."

"Whats up, Tank?"

"Nothing. Just miss you. Don't get much fun out of Ranger on a stake out, you know?"

"No kidding." Stephanie recalled only too well the particular torture of sitting in a car with Ranger for hours on end.

"I'm glad he's back in the field, though, Tank. He seems happier."

"He's happier because he has you. And Little Man."

Stephanie smiled at the nickname everyone had tagged onto her belly. Little Manoso quickly shortened itself into Little Man.

"Are things better at Casa Manoso?" 

"Oh, Charlie." Steph reached out and grabbed his hand while she smiled. "Yes. I think they are. He listens more. He's trying not to be so silent; trying not to make decisions for me without at least asking me…I think he believed me when I gave him hell the last time. He realizes he isn't alone, that I live with him, and that I love him. I believe he got it."

Stephanie said goodbye to Tank, and sat back down in her cubicle. She thought back to the last long sit down she and Tank had about her and Carlos. She sometimes didn't know how she would ever get by without Tank's great advice. The man was hard to figure out, and he knew Ranger better than anyone.

_Stephanie sat Tank down the day after she found out she was pregnant. "Tank, we need to talk. Look it's past time for you to get Ranger back as a partner. He's been driving the new guys' nuts, 'training' them. I constantly have to convince Mac and Javier that Ranger isn't trying to get them to quit." She laughed quietly. If he had really wanted to get them to leave, giving them to her would have been the easy way. They just didn't know that._

"_Aw, little girl. I've been enjoying this. I don't wanna go back." Tank mock whined. _

"_Toughen up, buddy." Stephanie rolled her eyes in exasperation, but grinned at the same time._

"_Anyway, that's not really all that I came to talk to you about. I don't particularly want to leave either. I love working with you, doing what I do. But, currently; well, actually I've just taken on a new job."_

_Tank's eyebrows raised in question._

"_Tank. Charlie. Carlos and I are starting a family. I'm pregnant."_

_Tanks eyes opened wide, his mouth fell open, and then he let out a war whoop. He grabbed Steph around her waist, lifted her up, and spun her about, his grin going from ear to ear._

"_Little girl. You're happy?"_

"_Estatic. Ranger is thrilled." _

"_Good. This is good stuff, Steve, really good stuff." _

_They sat back down, and he asked once again. "And you? Are you content?"_

"_Of course." _

"_I'm not asking about the baby, little girl. You. Are you happy?"_

_They sat for a few minutes in silence, the kind of silence that was tranquil. Finally, she opened up._

"_I feel swallowed sometimes, Charlie. The force of Ranger is so large."_

"_Are you happy?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then let it happen."_

"_It feels fast."_

"_Really? Or are you scared because it feels right?" _

"_Somewhere in the middle I guess. But Ranger pressure doesn't feel as stifling as Joe pressure."_

"_Good. Remember this, little girl. Carlos thinks. When he settles on a plan of action, he doesn't see the point in waiting."_

"_I know, Tank. He's pushing, though. It's weird, I want it all, I do…but I don't like the pressure." _

"_Have you told him? He can't understand. His feelings have been sure for so long Steve. He's known without a doubt what he wants –you—and has for a long time."_

"_This news is wonderful. It's the kind that is going to have all these questions settle themselves, little girl. You'll see. You guys are good together. And what a beautiful baby you'll have."_


	14. Chapter 25

_Angst. _

_CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE_

LATE JANUARY

"It's done?" Ranger looked at his friend as he climbed into the Bronco.

"Yeah. Didn't take five minutes for the bastard to sign all the papers." Tank waved off his lawyer and closed the door of the truck.

"Sorry."

"No it's good for me." Tank responded.

"It's good for Veronica too, Tank."

"Yeah." Tank's smile was ear to ear.

"Congratulations then, Dad."

"Yeah." He opened his phone, and called Trey. "Trey, it's done. You are _both_ mine now. Tell Nica that her Daddy is coming to take her to her new house, ok?" He flipped the phone closed and settled in for the ride from the state prison back to Trenton.

He looked over at Ranger. "What are you laughing at?" 

"Just remembering back, Tank. We've done this before—become daddys' together…"

"Yeah, man. We have that, haven't we?"

Ranger settled into his zone, and Tank reflected on the past few crazy weeks.

_He had received a phone call from Treyvon at 4AM New Years Eve, interrupting what had been a fine celebration with the lovely Susanna. He was crying into the phone, telling him that his grandmother had died. Susanna stayed for a bit longer, but she realized that the intimate, romantic evening was done with, and she left Tank on the phone with his son. _

_The next day, Trey was positively hysterical. He was sure that the state was going to take Veronica away. He was glad about it; he hoped they would because he didn't want his step-grandfather to be alone with her. But then he got crazy realizing he may never see her again. He wasn't legal yet, he couldn't become her guardian. _

_It didn't take Tank long to make the only decision he could make. After the funeral, he spoke quietly to Trey's family. He told them that he appreciated the love and dedication they had provided to his son over the years, but he wanted for Trey to move in with him. Yes, he realized that Veronica wasn't his child, but he also knew that Trey would not leave his sister. Would they be sorely upset if he took Veronica? He would make sure that they had ample visitation. _

_He grimaced as he recalled that whole farce. He knew they were only too glad to be rid of her, and would probably not notice if they never saw her again._

_So, there it was. Quickly he became the full time, single father of a 17 year old and a 10 year old. He hired a housekeeper/nanny who would be able to provide Veronica with the care she required. He fulfilled all of the state requirements, and with his lawyer's help was able to get them to overlook his criminal record. After all, Veronica's father was in prison for murder. _

_The state chose to ignore that he was unmarried; to forget the fact that he was working at a rather unsafe occupation. They realized this was one less un-adoptable child to have to foster out. Someone somewhere had a heart._

_Everything moved quickly, and here it was, the last day of January, and his whole world had changed. Mostly for the good. Susanna turned out to not be the one for him. He regretted that. Tank had thought there was something there. But she was not at all interested in a ready-made family, and made no bones about telling him so. _

"So much for our carefree bachelor days, buddy," Tank said to the side of Ranger's head.

"Yeah. Well. I can't wait to hold my son, Tank. And to marry Stephanie." He laughed. Yep, they were both past wanting carefree bachelor days, weren't they?

"At least I escaped diaper duty this time!"

MARCH

Ranger and Tank sat in the Bronco in the middle of the night, in the middle of Stark Street. They were doing surveillance and as was Rangers usual way, things were quiet. Tank broke the silence after watching a variety of emotions torture his friends face. "Hey buddy why so glum? You and Steph at it again?"

"Don't ask Tank, ok? She is the crankiest pregnant woman I have ever met. I thought after the first few months, her hormones would settle down, she'd go back to being my babe, but damn, I am responsible for every ill in the world from the fact she has a pimple on her forehead to the famine in Africa."

"Sorry man."

"I can't stand going home anymore. She isn't my babe any more. We fight about everything. What fucking color do I want the living room to be painted? Why the hell do I care about that?"

"Because it's your home."

"It's Stephanie's house. I don't need all that."

"Ranger. You got the girl, but you are fucking clueless at how to keep her. She wants it to be 'our' house. 'Our' baby. She's looking for the '_our_' in your relationship. Frankly, man, you seem to have forgotten pretty damn quickly how much you wanted her to be in your life, a part of your life."

Ranger shot Tank an angry glare. "I'm not made for relationships. I don't know how to share. I can't be open, and I can't force myself to give a shit about the color of the bath towels. I really can't. I live in the real world. I need to worry about real shit out there."

"You've learned a lot about yourself Ranger, but yes, you can. Yes, you can. You need to stop thinking that this is about winning. About who is victorious in the next round of 'I have control and you don't.' Or about whether it's a worthwhile thing to expend energy on."

"More than likely Stephanie already knows she wants teal bath towels, but she doesn't want you to think she's ignoring your input. She wants to find out that you happen to hate teal. She doesn't care about all the things your money can buy. I think she'd like for you to share _you_ with her a bit more than you do."

APRIL

"How are you babe?" Ranger asked, resigned to hear her answer. He knew what it would be.

"Tired. I don't think I make a good pregnant person, Carlos."

"Not gonna argue with that babe. Hello in there, Cyril Augustin, why are you making your mommy so grouchy?"

"Try again, Ranger." He laughed a tired laugh and placed his hand on her belly. "Soon babe. Eight weeks."

"I know, but Carlos, I think one is all you are getting from me. I may not even let you practice with me again."

"Whatever you say, babe. Alejandro Mortimer, you heard that, right? You will be an only child. Sorry, bud. See you later, babe. Love you." And he was gone.

Typical batman disappearing act. Steph rolled her eyes. She didn't even care.

----------------------------

Ranger sighed and got out of the Porsche. He was tired. Angry. At himself, at Stephanie, at the fucking government. He needed a few rounds in the gym before he could possibly deal with Steph tonight.

Stephanie. He loved her. Really, he did. And she loved him. That was about all he did know anymore. Cubans don't have anything on fucking Italian tempers. He understood, finally, how it was that Morelli and Stephanie were always screaming. Italian times two. He shuddered involuntarily.

How did people do this for decades? Maybe, after he got back; after the baby came, things would go back to normal. Well, as normal as life ever could be with Stephanie in his world. And a baby. His son.

His face softened just a fraction, when he thought of Rafael. He enjoyed teasing Stephanie with horrible baby names, but Rafael was what he wanted his son to be called. He never met his grandfather in Cuba, but he heard tales all his life of Rafael Manoso. Larger than life was how a young Carlos recalled him being described.

Three hours later, Tank came into the gym, and Ranger finally stopped beating on the boxing bag. He was dripping with sweat, and exhausted almost to the point of falling down.

Tank stood stock still, and held out a towel and a bottle of water. "Wanna talk, man?"

Ranger looked up at his friend. "Fuck, Tank. I just got back from DC. I have to tell her I'm leaving in 36 hours. She's going to freak. And this time, I can't really argue the point. I don't want to go. What if the baby comes early? I won't be here. I won't forgive myself if I let her down."

Ranger sat on the bench, and put his head in his hands. "I am such a fuck up." They sat in silence for long minutes. "Charlie. Be there for her, promise me? Don't let her be alone."

"You'll come back, Carlos."

"Promise me."

"Always, Carlos. She'll never be alone." Tank put his arm around his friend. "She'll always have you."

---------------------------

"Babe…" God. Please will you talk to me, please?

Stephanie just sat on the other side of the couch, curled into as small of a ball as she could with her massive belly in the way. Tears silently ran down her cheeks, following the path of those that had been shed over the past hour.

Finally, a small voice whispered to him. "Will you al least tell me _why_ you have to go; if you can't tell me what you have to do? Don't I deserve at least that?"

"Babe."

Stephanie waited. After ten solid minutes of staring at Ranger, he finally threw his hands in the air.

"Fine. You asked Steph, remember that. I've never been a boy scout, babe, I've told you that, right?" He waited for her nod, and then continued quietly.

"The structure of army life was good for me. I did amazing things. I became a Ranger, ran all sorts of covert ops; I was good at what I did, and was proud of how strong a person I had become. Physically and emotionally. I thought I had grown up. I got out and was as aimless as if I had never seen the inside of a barracks. Found there wasn't much legal work for a killer. For a thug. For a soldier.

"I was divorced. I never got to see Julie. I got caught up in crap… running guns, doing anything I could to find the bastard who killed Miguel. I wanted to torture him. I never did find him. But I killed a man. Beat him to within an inch of his life; he died a few days later. The guy was bad news…he was selling little girls, babe. I had a 3 year old daughter, and I watched this guy pimping 6 and 7 year olds."

"I was sentenced to 10 years. For killing a shit. Did the world a favor, but RICO was going to make an example out of me. My lawyer, influenced by Tank…he got Uncle Sam involved. Tank will tell you I've saved his life, but in reality he saved mine. The government essentially bought my prison term. I was let go on a 'technicality', about a year into my sentence. My conviction was 'overturned'. The government owns me for the remainder of my sentence. If I don't do as they ask, when they ask, I will end up back in prison to complete my time."

"I'm paid well. I get government sub-contracts. I have many legally run business partnerships going. There are some things, though that they ask me to do, gratis. In exchange for my freedom. If I comply, my record remains clean. There are no real records for me, I am sure you know that."

"But if I renege, warrants for my arrest would be littering the floor of every police department. My penal record would revert to its original status, and I would have to finish out my term as a felon, lose my rights, and have to be on parole for years. It would sink RangeMan. Everything I worked for, all my employees, everything, gone. I can't do it babe. There are too many people it would hurt."

Stephanie sat still, with her eyes wide. Ok. She was definitely in shock. She knew he did bad things, but for good reasons. She knew he killed people. He'd done it for her, for chrissakes, it wasn't a secret. She felt herself shutting him out, however, building a defense around herself.

When he stopped talking, he remained on his side of the couch. He wanted so badly to hold her. He knew she would push him away. He could see it in her eyes. She was preparing to flee. He was going to be alone.

"How many more years?"

"Two."

"Ok." She started shaking.

The hell with it, he was going to hold her. He came over to her side of the couch, and wrapped his arms around her. She didn't settle into his embrace, but she didn't push him away, either.

"Babe. You were ok with it last year, when I disappeared in June." He wiped a tear from her face.

"But I wasn't about to give birth, Carlos. And I wasn't ok with it. But I had agreed to this when we got together, that you would take off on occasion. And that you do dangerous things. I know. I didn't like it then and I definitely don't like it now."

They finally fell asleep, entwined, exhausted from tears and argument. But no recrimination on her part. This is why I love her. I remember now. She is Stephanie Plum. She must be my other half.

The next 36 hours passed in a blur. Stephanie and Ranger had to talk about serious matters; he had to have his lawyer quickly complete new wills, powers of attorney and sheaves of other documents she had to sign. All too soon, the time came to say goodbye.

"Babe. I love you. Always. Take care of our son. Love him. His name is Rafael Carlos Manoso. I will be home as quickly as I can, if I can."

His arms squeezed her tighter, his lips found hers and he tasted her like she was his last meal. Their kiss slowly ended, replaced by nuzzling and whispering and touching.

"I am sorry. Babe. I love you, and I love Rafael. Remember that always, ok? Go to Tank; he'll always be there, Tank will never let you down."

"Carlos, you will never let us down. Rafael will wait for you. We both will wait. Come home, ok? I love you."

She let his fingers go, and turned her tear stained face away from the door of the Bronco. Tanks' arms surrounded her, and he let her cry till there were no more tears.

_RICO---Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations_

Comments and reviews welcomed!


	15. Chapter 26

_**ANGST. SERIOUS SUBJECT MATTER**_

_**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX**_

Ranger climbed out of the cab at 2:30 AM, and walked up the gravel driveway to his house. He entered the codes necessary, and quietly slipped into the mudroom. Tank had been asleep on the couch and heard the alarms reset. He met Ranger at the door, blinking and rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Ranger." Tank looked at him with concern, but Ranger didn't even look at him.

"I'm home, buddy." Ranger answered in a quiet monotone voice, and walked past his friend and up the stairs to the master suite.

Without turning on any light, and only taking off his shoes and jacket, he carefully lowered himself to the bed and to Stephanie where she lay sleeping. He put his arms around her and she automatically snuggled into his arms. He placed his mouth near her belly, and began to speak in Spanish, as he tenderly massaged it.

"Rafael. Vine a casa para usted te quiero mi hijo; usted me ha mantenido vivo estas últimas semanas del infierno. No puedo esperar para sostenerle en mis brazos. Usted y su madre me han guardado el ir."

_(Rafael. I came home for you. I love you, my son; you have kept me alive these past weeks of hell, of misery. I can't wait to hold you in my arms. You and your mother have kept me going.)_

Stephanie woke to the feeling of Carlos' breath on her stomach, the softly stroking hand, and felt the weight of his head, the warmth of his skin.

"Oh, thank god. Carlos, you're home," she whispered, running her hand over his cheek, feeling the stubble of a beard.

Her other hand found his head, and she gasped as she realized his hair had been cut military fashion. All that luscious hair that she had dreamed of running her fingers through, just one more time; it was gone.

"Oh, Carlos." She started to sit up, to turn on the light, but he stopped her.

"No light babe. I just want to sleep. I love you."

"Ranger." She whispered soothingly.

"Babe. I promised you I would come back," he whispered as he gathered her into his arms. He was dead to the world in seconds.

But Stephanie was keyed up. All her fears, the nervousness of the past 6 weeks; were washed away by the body curled around hers. She knew that the world was finally going to be right once more.

Shafts of sunlight were beginning to reach the bed when Stephanie woke next, needing desperately to get to the bathroom. She found Ranger still asleep, still holding her securely. She would love to stay in his arms forever, but the baby was pressing on her bladder and she needed to get up. She tried to carefully extricate herself from his arms, but he held her tightly.

"Babe. Stay with me." It almost sounded like he was pleading with her.

"Carlos, I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." And she gasped as she looked at him more carefully.

His face was gaunt and haggard. There were dark circles under his eyes, and bruises on his cheek. A new scar ran along his chin. There was what looked like rope burns around his wrists.

"Carlos." She whimpered. She ran her fingers gently along his chin, touching him, and his eyes opened. She looked at him, and she was frightened. He didn't look like the man she loved anymore. His face was blank, his eyes flat, without sparkle or life.

He loosened his grip and she slid out of the bed, heaving her heavy belly up and she waddled to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her, and sat on the edge of the bathtub. The tears she had been holding all these weeks came out in huge sobs. She wiped her hand across her eyes, put her hands to her mouth, and bawled. The relief of his return was quickly replaced by the fear of what had happened while he was gone. Wracking sobs pulled at her belly, and started the baby moving about uncomfortably. Right, I came in here to pee.

After relieving herself, she gave back in to tears, this time silent and soft. She stood against the door, leaning into it, afraid to turn the knob and go back to the bed. Eventually, she pulled herself together and went back to bed. He was home. Her man came back. God, how she loved him.

She climbed back into bed as she had promised, and in his sleep he wrapped himself around her again, and began whispering in Spanish while rubbing her stomach. She heard him use the baby's name and wished she understood more of what he said.

The sun was high when she finally snuck out of the bed and went to get something to eat. Tank was sitting at the counter doing office work from his laptop.

"Little girl?"

"He's asleep. He hasn't said ten words to me, but he wouldn't let me up. He's been talking to Rafael in Spanish, though I have no idea what he's saying." She looked tired. Tank knew she hadn't had a restful sleep in weeks, without Ranger beside her. But having him there hadn't made much difference. She was still anxious.

"Steph." Tank held out his arms.

Without a thought, she went to him and let him hold her closely. "What happened to him, Tank?"

"I don't know. Trying to get some Intel, but they're not sharing. Will have to see what he will tell us when he gets up."

"He looks rough." Stephanie mumbled into his chest.

Tank's arms tightened around her, and he leaned his chin on her head. "I noticed," he breathed into her hair.

-------------------------------

Stephanie perched on the edge of the bed for an hour. She brushed his rough cheek. She felt the warmth of his breath on her fingers as she caressed his hand, protectively tucked near his face. He couldn't be disturbed in his sleep, and that scared her. She sat, staring at the man that she loved and thought about some of the conversations she and Tank, she and Marylou, she and Lula had had. She talked about him for six weeks solid, trying desperately to not allow him to leave her life for even an hour. Her baby couldn't grow up without a father. It just couldn't happen!

_Even she and her mother talked about Ranger. Her mom became smitten with him pretty quickly after the dust all settled about the baby and Morelli. "Stephanie, I look at the two of you and I see love. I watch how he treats you, like fine crystal. But not like he's afraid you'll crack, but more like he knows how amazingly priceless you are to him. It's a tender thing to see from a man who looks as dark and angry and forbidding as he often does. His face shines when he looks at you." _

"_Mom, I do love him. I just wish that I had been better to him before he left. What if my irritable, cranky behavior is the last memory of me he has? My god, what if he dies, and the last thing he remembers is what a bitch I've been!"_

"_Stephanie, dear, he will be home. Believe that."_

_And Tank. The man's patience is beyond belief. Stephanie had cried the day Ranger left and poor Tank had to deal with her. But she woke up the next morning, with single-minded purpose. She would smile. "Tank, I am NOT going to cry. I want for Rafael to get positive energy from me. I don't want him to be in here with a crazy crying mother the next three weeks." She rubbed her belly and smiled. "Do you like Little Mans real name, Tank? Carlos named him Rafael Carlos Manoso. Before he left." Tears started to gather in her eyes as she realized suddenly that Ranger didn't expect to come home again. He gave his son the only gift he might ever be able to give him—his name._

"_Ah, Rafael." Tank smiled, missing the drama in her eyes, and pat her belly. "Hadn't realized we found a name that you both agreed on. Sit, little girl."_

"_Stevie, I think you are doing the right thing. Don't be sad. Think positive. It's healthier for us all." He chuckled as she stuck her tongue out at him. "Ranger is the best. This is what he does, and he does it well. Or they would never have agreed to let him out; to trade his sentence for hire. He was released from prison, where he was serving time for murder. The price he pays for his freedom…killing on demand. Stephanie, the irony eats at him."_

"_Tank?" Stephanie hadn't had a lot of time to ponder Ranger's revelations. She had a lot of questions, but expected Tank could answer only a few. "Why'd you do it? Get him out of jail back then?"_

"_It was the wrong place for him to be Stevie. He's a fighter, and I knew he'd get his ass killed by someone while locked up. Ten years is a long time to not lose your temper. And he had a vicious temper. You've no idea how far he's come. He doesn't usually fight unless provoked, he doesn't hurt innocents unless it's unavoidable. But the scum he killed that night? No one should have even cared the guy was dead. It was an internal gang-like problem. Should have slipped off the radar. Someone set things up for Ranger to go down."_

"_Little girl, he's killed before, and since, right?" He looked at her as he spoke, and she nodded slightly. She knew. "Almost any of those deaths would have been more clear-cut victims than this shit, more deserving of having their death vindicated."_

"_Ranger is like a feral cat, Stephanie. You haven't tamed him. You've domesticated him. There is a difference. What you do for him, how human you have made him, it's stunning. I've seen that part of him before, ---before Miguel, before the drugs and violence took over. I saw it with Julie, and with Daisy, when they were little. Then Rachel took her from him. For a few years, they refused visitation, after this murder rap. Now, Rachel has started to accept more. He couldn't tell her. But his actions the past few years, they have spoken louder than anything he could have ever told her anyway."_

"_Tank. He is so hard to understand. Hard to live with. He really doesn't get why I get angry that he won't participate in things. Why I go nuts when he won't talk. But, I am ready to stop fighting him all the time. He makes me crazy, but I want him to be here to make me crazy. I promise I will stop whining about his overprotectiveness, his aloofness. If only he will come back." Tears threatened again, but she held them back._

"_No one ever promised you a rose garden Stephanie. Certainly not Ranger. That's why he tried to put you off for so long. Why he tried so long to avoid getting involved with you. He didn't want to subject you to his moods. He knows he's difficult to live with. I know he's difficult to live with."_

_The silence lengthened. But there was no great need to talk. She knew Tank would wait for her to think things through. Eventually she said, "He is the first man I can simply say 'I love you' to. I've never told another man that, Tank. And just mean it. No strings, ultimatums, or expectations in return. Not Dickie, certainly not Joe, unless under some stress or persuasion. It is hard for me to open up and express my feelings, so I get the reticence that he has about saying out loud such things."_

"_It seems as natural as breathing to say to Carlos, 'I love you.' How long I held back from saying it, thinking I would scare him off. I can't live without him. How could I raise his child alone?"_

"_Little girl, you won't have to. He'll be back."_

"_Promise?"_

"_Yeah, I promise little girl." Damn it Ranger you better not make me a liar._

Stephanie went about her day, checking in on Ranger every hour or so. He never moved, and he never woke.

"Ranger, you need to get up. Eat something." No response. She sat and idly rubbed his hands, his cheek, but he was stone tired it seemed.

"I will leave him through the night tonight Steph, but in the morning…." Tank looked over at Ranger with concern. "You ok for me to go home tonight? Veronica has ballet class I'm supposed to be at."

"Tank I'm fine. Nica's got you wrapped around her finger pretty well, doesn't she?"

"No kidding. That smile just gets me. I'm happy being a dad again."

"I'm happy for you, Tank. Thanks, love you."

"You too, little girl." Stephanie didn't even notice he left, her attention had already returned to the man sleeping beside her.

---------------------------------

"Morning Steph. Any change?"

At the shake of her head, he told her that he was taking matters into his own hands. Twenty-nine hours? The man needed to get up. He was sinking into a depression, or possibly suffering from post traumatic stress. "Look Steph, this could get ugly. You are easy to wake up in comparison to what I am expecting, ok? Why don't you stay down here, cook something easy for breakfast. Nothing too heavy. I don't think he's eaten a lot lately."

And Tank took the stairs two at a time, knowing he needed to do this now, or he might change his mind. He knew it was a risky move. He had gotten very little Intel in the past 24 hours. But what he had gotten upset him. Rangers' cover had been blown, he had been imprisoned for part of the time he was gone. That was all he could find out. Where, what happened, how long? None of that could or would be answered. He should be happy with the information they were willing to give him. Bloody government, he thought.

"Ok buddy. Up and at'em." Tank pulled the covers off his friend, and jumped back quickly. He knew Ranger's response time would be impressive, even sound asleep.

And he wasn't wrong. Ranger bolted out of the bed, and attempted to tackle Tank. "It's ok, man, it's just me. It's just me." The two rolled on the floor, but Tank had the upper hand, and carefully subdued Ranger. He sat on the floor with his friend in his embrace, and gently spoke to him.

"Man. It's just me. It's Charlie." His voice was like butter, calm, soft and entrancing. "Everything is good, Carlos, it's over. Home. You're home." Ranger's muscles still didn't relax. He's like a caged tiger, Tank thought.

"You're ok. Stephanie and the baby are ok, and you are home now. Come on, up, let's get you into the shower, and get you some food and clean clothes, ok?" His voice, his calmness, was slowly working on Ranger's subconscious, and he let himself be led to the bathroom. He wasn't really with Tank, but he was willing to obey orders.

Tank turned on the shower heads, got some towels, and began to help Ranger remove his clothes. Ranger just stood there, accepting the help, but not attempting to assist. He's almost catatonic, Tank noted with dismay. Tank gave him a gentle shove towards the shower when he finished disrobing. As Ranger stepped into the shower, Tank saw new scars on his back, and contusions around his biceps, ribs and wrists. He reached out and cautiously touched the fading, multicolored bruises that were along both hips and ass. "Shit," he muttered.

Stephanie wanted to go upstairs at the sound of rolling and crashing about. For almost an hour now, she hadn't heard any sounds at all. She wanted to know what was happening, so she dragged her body slowly up the stairs. She was regretting a two level house now that she was nine months pregnant!

When she walked into the bedroom, she saw that Tank was helping Ranger put on a T-shirt. He had on his black PJ bottoms, but they looked big. The T-shirt used to hug the muscles in his chest, but it fell limply. He looked up and saw her and held out his arms. "Babe." He said, quietly. Sadly. He could see the alarm in her face.

"Oh, Carlos. I love you." She let his arms envelop her. He ran his hand gently along her chin, tucked a curl around her ear, and placed a kiss her just above it. Oh, that's good. My Ranger. Loving me… I recall this…. And then she looked at him again, and the sadness returned. But they didn't let go; she didn't want to break the tenuous link she had to the man she let walk out the door 6 weeks earlier.

As they embraced, the baby decided to kick. Carlos laughed faintly at the feeling of his son kicking him. Stephanie's smile brightened as his hand rubbed where Rafael was moving, and his eyes livened up as he felt tiny kicks.

"I've missed you babe." His voice was soft. He bent his head to peck her lips, but was interrupted by Tank.

"Ok, love birds. Downstairs with the two of you. Steph made you breakfast, my friend, and you definitely need to eat. I don't know what kind of tackle that was before, but it was embarrassing to think I ever taught you to defend yourself, man!" He chuckled lowly as he guided them both out of the room and towards food.

Ranger picked at his meal. His fork pushed the scrambled egg whites about, and he only nibbled at the bowl of fruit that Stephanie laid out for him. Stephanie and Tank sat and observed him. He felt that their presence was consuming him. No one spoke.

Finally Ranger stood, took his glass of juice and walked out the back door. He sat down on the lounge chair on the patio, and closed his eyes. The late spring air felt wonderful on his face. He just wanted to disappear into the breeze; become the wind.

"Leave him be. I will talk to him later, Stephanie. Little girl. The news I was able to get, it wasn't heartening. I don't think things went well." Tank took her hand in his and squeezed it. That's the understatement of the century, if what I think occurred really did happen, Tank thought with regret. "This may take time. He went to DC and was de-briefed, and held it together through those sessions. But now…" He tilted his head towards the patio.

Stephanie saw it too---Ranger was falling apart.

"Where's Steph?" Ranger wandered in from the yard hours later. Tank was at the bar, typing.

"Shopping."

Ranger put his empty glass into the sink and turned on the faucet. "Are you babysitting me, Tank?"

"Yeah, man, I am." He continued to type, but he watched as Ranger paced the length of the kitchen and back.

"Shit."

"Whatever. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Fine. I'll be here when you change your mind, man."

"Catch me up."

"Not a chance. You're on medical leave. Then you are going on paternity leave. Then you're on your honeymoon. I'm in charge for a while, my friend."

"It's my god-damned company."

"Not right now its not. You haven't been cleared for duty, and I have all the papers that you signed saying that say it's _mine_. Get over it, buddy. I'll sign you back over when you're ready, and not a minute sooner."

Ranger shook his head out of aggravation. He knew that Tank wasn't about to budge. That's why they were partners, after all. Tank had his back.

Ranger walked to the fridge for a beer. "Grab me one too?" Tank asked as Ranger opened the fridge and reached for a Corona.

He closed down the laptop and walked behind Ranger into the family room. Boxes of baby supplies were everywhere.

"What's all this?" Ranger gestured around the room.

"Lula threw Steph a baby shower last week. She wanted to keep everything out for you to see." They sat, surrounded by the silence of two men who shared everything, who didn't need words, and enjoyed their beer. Tank took the remote and began flipping through channels.

Very casually, he began to speak. "Carlos. You have to tell her, you know that?"

"She doesn't need to know. I don't want her to know." He was getting hostile.

"Tell me what happened. It will make it easier to get past."

"Fuck off."

"Carlos, HIV protocol is meds twice a day for thirty days, right? No unprotected sex for six months? How are you planning on _not_ telling her?"

Ranger sat and stared at Tank for an extended time. He was letting his male pride get in the way of productive action. He knew it. He would be demanding the same responses from any of his men that Tank was pressuring him to give.

"I was recognized. I was picked up about three weeks in. About when I expected to be coming home. I can't tell you more. You know that."

"Carlos." Tank's patience was beginning to be tested. Ranger was being obtuse, and he knew that Tank was going to get pissed.

"My guards weren't friendly, ok?" His fist slammed onto the leather arm of the sofa, and he jumped out of his chair and strode towards the French doors and looked out.

"Your bruises say they were too friendly."

"Yeah." Ranger's voice was small.

"Carlos." Tank's voice was soothing and compassionate.

"I blocked it out. I don't recall."

Tank rolled his eyes ever so slightly, as he did it he realized he'd been around Stephanie too much, but Ranger missed it. He knew Ranger was evading the question. "If you can't tell me, Carlos, who can you tell? Buddy. I love you. Talk to me. And I'll help you tell Steph if you want me to."

Ranger sat back down and developed an astonishing interest in the baseball game right about then. Or so it appeared. If you were to ask him who was playing, however, he probably couldn't have told you. He sat staring at the screen for a full two innings. Tank was good at this. He didn't say another word. But Ranger knew that if he got off the couch without finishing this conversation, Tank was going to hound him. Tank was _really_ good at that.

"I don't know who captured me, or why. Puked everything they fed me because I was beaten after every meal. They weren't using me as bait, I don't think. I wasn't questioned. They just made me. I don't think they planned on killing me. I was shackled most of the time. I was raped from time to time. After a few weeks, I was put on a transport plane and then dropped in an empty FBI parking lot and left for dead. End of story. Only the thought of Stephanie and Rafael being left alone kept me alive."

Now, I can get up and walk away. He'll leave me alone. He stood and started to head out of the room, to go upstairs. To go somewhere else. But Tank was fast too, and reached him before he made it to the door.

"Buddy." Tank put his arms around Ranger's shoulder. "I'm glad you're back. I'll sign those papers after the honeymoon. You take some time and straighten things out with Stephanie, then enjoy your baby and your wedding." The unspoken volumes exchanged as they stood together were even more telling.

--------------------------------------------------

"Carlos?" Stephanie called out as she walked into the darkened house.

"In here, babe."

"Where's Tank?" Stephanie turned on a light in the dim family room, placed her shopping bags on the table and sat down heavily.

"Babe." He gave her his patented non-smile smile. "The babysitter had to go. I've been a good boy, though, and didn't eat too many cookies. I promise." He reached out and rubbed her hand.

"Carlos."

"Babe. I don't need a baby-sitter. And Tank sucks at the job anyway."

"Hey, just a minute buddy, you are always making him baby-sit me; I think he's a great babysitter!" Stephanie playfully pounded Ranger in the shoulder.

"Babe." He winced as she hit one of the many spots on his body that was tender from his ordeal.

"Oh, Ranger, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you ok? Carlos, look at me." Stephanie lowered her voice; she held one hand on his cheek and ran the other along his arm, down until it found his fingers. She wound her fingers in his. He knew she wasn't asking about the playful little punch.

"I'm fine."

"Carlos."

"What did you buy?"

"You're getting as good as me at changing the subject Carlos…I must be rubbing off on you," Stephanie giggled playfully.

"God help me if I start blowing up cars," Ranger mumbled.

"Hey, I'll bop you again." She grinned at him, and leaned over to get the bag on the table. "I've been finishing up on our wedding plans. Marylou has made me perfectly scared about the fact that after the baby comes I won't have a minute to myself, so I want to make sure all the decisions and purchases are complete before my due date."

She proceeded to explain to Carlos about their wedding plans. She and Marylou had been busy. She had driven down to Little Egg Harbor twice in the weeks he was gone, for final food tasting and meetings with florists and banquet halls. Everything was coming along perfectly.

"Rachel called and said Julie's dress arrived and didn't need much altering. Lula and Connie and Val are happy with their dresses. I've double checked on the sizes and availability of all the tuxes we needed to rent. Yours is at the cleaners. My mother is over the moon at the idea of me finally being married again. It's all coming together."

"The invitations were mailed out last week, and we've even received our first RSVP's the other day! Julie is excited, Ranger, she thinks we chose a very nice and not too little girl-y dress. She thinks Treyvon will like it."

He groaned at the last comment. "Babe. You've been busy."

"I needed to keep my mind on positive things, Carlos. I couldn't let myself get lost in you being gone. Then when three and four weeks went by, and you still didn't come back…" She stopped for a moment, and reached for his hand.

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry."

"Babe."

"I did really well after the first day."

"You were crying this morning babe."

"You heard me?"

"Why were you crying, babe?"

"You looked so helpless, so lost and in pain."

Ranger didn't respond, but instead began to root around in the bags, and proclaimed great interest in such objects as wedding bubbles and lavender ribbons. Eventually, the idea of food was suggested by Stephanie's stomach rumbling. "Some things never change, babe."

--------------------------------------------

"We're not talking about things tonight, are we, Carlos?"

"I don't want to talk about it babe."

"You know I love you, right?"

"Of course." He let her put her arms around him, and he held her closely, breathing in her scent, centering himself in her essence, trying to find the calm place in his heart. He listened to her words while his other senses absorbed her spirit, and reveled in her love.

"Then why won't you trust me to carry some of your burden? You've always been there for me, even when I didn't know I needed you. I want to be there for you."

"I know babe." Ranger moved to his dresser and removed a pair of silk boxers, and began to strip his clothes. "I'm really exhausted Stephanie."

Stephanie turned to her dresser and gasped at the view of Ranger's body caught in her mirror. "Carlos." She struggled for breath, her hands to her face.

Ranger looked at her looking at him in the mirror. His eyes went blank, and he shrugged slightly. "I've been worse." He saw her eyes moisten. He reached out and grabbed the T-shirt and boxers, and quickly put them on and walked over to Stephanie. "Come on, babe, it's ok. Come to bed."

But she didn't hear an invitation there for warmth, or for comfort. She heard a wounded man who was looking for the chance to hide. He rubbed his hand over her belly, and stroking it, pulled her into his embrace. "Babe."

Tears hovered on the edges of her eyelashes. Since he came home he hasn't made the slightest attempt to get close to her, or want to make love to her. She was so confused; she shouldn't need to ask him to make love to her. "I've missed you so much." Her breath tickled his neck, and her lips grazed along his collarbone. He stiffened slightly, then took her hand and kissed the back gently.

They got into the bed without further conversation, and Ranger allowed Stephanie to curl into his arms. He gently stroked her; kissed her forehead, gently murmuring into her hair, "You feel so good …I am so glad to be home." She noticed he didn't attempt to invite more intimacy.

Her head ached. What happened to him? Where had her restrained Ranger gone, and please send him back. Because that Ranger, as uncommunicative as he was, wasn't so cut off from her. Soon she was asleep; however it was an anxious non-restful sleep.

Ranger stared at the ceiling for hours. He couldn't sleep. His head was full of the past weeks. And how close he came to losing everything he hadn't realized he wanted. Everything he cherished. All the things he had denied himself these past years, until the day he met Stephanie Plum.

All the years he fought with his inner self, the part of him that told him he couldn't, shouldn't get close to people. And while it hurt to deny her, he realized now that he had been right to do so. Because having given in, given rise to his feelings, he had suddenly found himself vulnerable in a way he had never been before.

Stephanie dreamt that night. During the past 36 hours of his being home, sleeping the restorative sleep that Tank thought he needed, she and Tank talked. In her dreams, she re-played some of the conversations she and Tank had.

_Tank explained to Stephanie that this time, this mission, was the first time that Ranger ever had a reason to come home. "Little girl… before, he never worried about returning; he was fearless…this time his fear of leaving you weakened him. Not physically. But emotionally, he had to not only attempt to do his job, and get out alive, but he had to worry about possibly leaving you behind. That is dangerous."_

"_And that is why we are trained to be so damned obedient. So that even in life threatening situations, we don't allow the civilian world into our heads. We _are_ the mission. And somewhere along the line, Ranger forgot he was a man, and became all about being the operation. He missed the fact that he could be both. He compartmentalizes too much."_

"_He closed the doorways to some parts of himself so long ago. The hinges have rusted. He finally pried the door to his heart open. And to then close them again, well, the doors are not easy to budge, they haven't moved in so long. He struggled to close your door so he could do his job. He thinks he failed."_

"_He told you all this today?" _

"_You could say that. Not in words, exactly."_

"_But you know him." _

"_Yeah, little girl. I know him. And I've been there." _

"_I think when Rafael arrives he will have something to focus his energy on… the depression should lift. Post-traumatic stress, Steph, that, we'll have to watch him on. He needs to talk."_

"_Even when Scrog wanted to kill him…he had no problem with marching into your apartment. He accepted his death. He felt he had no serious ties to the world; he knew I would take care of RangeMan; that I would make sure that Julie is protected. His life for yours, even though he hadn't admitted his feelings for you. He didn't have a relationship with Julie like he does now._

_It's all changed, little girl, for the best of course. He's just having issues with accepting his mortality."_

Stephanie woke often during the night, Tank's rich voice reverberating in her head like he was next to her. She didn't rest well, but she was reassured by the fact that Carlos was there, and that he slumbered peacefully next to her.

"Carlos?" Stephanie rolled over in the bed, to the degree that her belly would allow her to. Which meant that she was able to reach her arms over to stroke his forehead. Rolling over was out, and had been for months.

"Mmm?" Carlos had been awake for a while, but he was enjoying the quiet, the warmth of Stephanie's body next to him. He didn't feel compelled to get out of bed. Very unlike him. He knew he needed to speak with Stephanie. He could feel that he was spinning out of control. He needed to get his control back. If he told her, would he then feel his world wasn't wobbling on its axis?

"My weekly OBGYN appointment is at 10 am, do you want to go?"

"Naturally, babe. Things are going well? You look amazing. Have I told you that? Seeing you so round and soft, it's really soothing. Makes the world feel right."

"I may look good, to you. But I think I look like a beached whale. And I feel like one for sure." She listened to their breathing, lying together in bed, and she felt peace. "Carlos. This feels good. Lying here, talking quietly about inconsequential things. I love being near you."

"Talking about our baby isn't inconsequential, babe."

Stephanie felt like Ranger was coming back to her, just a little. Tank told her that they needed to talk, but Ranger seemed to be in his monosyllabic element and wasn't sharing anything. But she remembered all the things she claimed she'd accept if he would just come home. Since he did his part by returning, she figured she needed to do hers. And accept it if he wanted to keep things to himself. It really was part of his charm and part of who she fell in love with, right? She shouldn't expect him to change his elemental persona.

They got ready for her appointment, had a quiet, comfortable breakfast, and arrived at her doctor's office a few minutes early.

The exam was brief. As Stephanie re-dressed her doctor began to speak. "Well, Stephanie, Carlos. I would suggest that the two of you go on one last date as a couple. I expect that you will become parents very shortly. You've already started to dilate, Stephanie. I don't foresee you lasting another 2 weeks. Soon, you will be a family. And dating will be a thing of the past. Go and enjoy yourselves. Call me when you need me. Have fun!"

They got into the car, and Ranger looked at Stephanie. She had a slightly dazed look on her face. "Babe?"

"It's really happening, isn't it? We're going to be parents, soon!"

"Babe." He gave her a tiny grin and a peck on her cheek. She turned her head when he kissed her, and her lips met his. The kiss ratcheted up a few notches pretty quickly. Soon they found themselves breathless, and groping each other over the console in the car. As they broke apart, Ranger tucked a curl behind Stephanie's ear and smiled. "Where to, on your last date as a single woman, no kids?"

"The beach! I want to wiggle my toes in the sand. The day is beautiful for it, and it's before the Memorial Day weekend.

"Barely, babe." The drive to Point Pleasant was not as bad as it would be in another day or so. They walked in the sand, and the water, while colder than Stephanie would have liked, felt wonderful on her aching feet. Stephanie laughed out loud when Ranger actually bought her cotton candy.

"I love you Carlos!"

"Stuff's gonna kill you babe," but he smiled when he said it.

They had a late lunch and walked some more. They held hands like teenagers. They smiled at each other like honeymooners. They laughed at each other and couldn't stop touching each other.

Ranger tugged Stephanie into a storefront. "Babe." She looked at the name on the door. 'Point Pleasant Photography by Ramón.'

"I look like a wreck."

"You look beautiful." He rubbed his hands over her button-down white shirt, massaging her belly. Smiling the smile that made women state-wide drool. "I want to. Come on." It was the 1000 watt smile, and so in she went.

Ranger walked to the receptionist, and sweet-talked her into finding a way to fit in a studio sitting, for the two of them, right away. Stephanie grinned and thought to herself this girl would find a way to do just about anything, with Ranger looking at her the way he did. Apparently Ramón could be paged and agreed to be there shortly.

That was a lucky thing, Stephanie thought, because it gave her time to borrow a brush and attempt to tame her hair. "Babe. Leave it. I love the way you look." She looked at him in the mirror, his hands around her, his head next to hers, and she felt a moment of pure happiness.

"It's easy for you to say Carlos. You look like you walked off the cover of GQ; I look like I was released from a horror film."

"Babe. You are beautiful." And she looked into his eyes, and she saw that he believed that.

Ramón arrived and happily took their photos. He got their email addresses and told them he'd have proofs sent to them within the next 48 hours. They got to look at the images on the LCD before they left, and both Stephanie and Ranger were excited. They had never sat for photos together. They only had snapshots one of the guys took on distractions, or the times that Julie commandeered the camera on vacation and used them for target practice. Those photos were cute, but these. Wow.

They really did look good together. And how mellow Carlos looked in some of the photos, gently embracing her belly, enfolding their son in his arms. She saw the love in their eyes for the first time. And both spontaneously understood what it was that everyone else saw when they watched them together. It made sense, all at once, why everyone was always on them about being in love!

They were together on a bench, her head in his lap, her slightly swelling feet elevated onto the rest of the bench. He was running his fingers through her hair, brushing the soft curls, and letting them ring around his fingers. It was quiet; the sun was starting to disappear, and clouds were beginning to gather over the ocean.

"We haven't made love since you came home. You haven't even driven me crazy kissing me until today in the car, Carlos. What is wrong?" Her voice was soft, and she tried not to make it sound like an accusation. Stephanie didn't want to break the spell, but she decided someone needed to start this ball rolling. And it obviously wasn't Mr. Silent-treatment.

He tensed. She opened her eyes, and tried to see inside him. She didn't let him break eye contact. "Babe." His voice was tortured.

"I love you. Whatever happened. Whatever you need to tell me, I love you Carlos. You are my heart. That will never change."

"I was recognized. I was locked up by—I don't know who. As you saw by my bruises, I was beaten. Stephanie. I have to take some precautions for the next six months; till I know I wasn't infected; so I won't get you sick if I was infected." He spoke softly, his voice was flat.

"Carlos?" He could see the confusion in her eyes. "I'm lost."

"I was raped. I didn't start taking the meds early enough. I could have HIV. They tested me for everything else, I'm ok. But that takes a while to surface." His tone was lifeless, he could have been reading the phone book for all the emotion expressed. He wasn't looking at her any longer, but watching a huge freighter gliding along the horizon.

"I've fucked everything up babe." Something close to a tear appeared in the corner of his eye, and that scared Stephanie. She had never seen him cry. She sat up, and put her arms around him.

"Carlos, it's not your fault. You were the victim. It's never the victim's fault. Rape is about power and control. Carlos. These people wanted you to know you had no power. It's not your fault." She was gripping his chin, making him look at her. Her voice got stronger and louder as she spoke. He needed to hear her.

"Carlos. I love you." He wrapped his arms around her and held on for dear life. She felt his wracking tears, and she instinctively knew that she just needed to let him cry.

He let her go after some time. She kissed his nose, his forehead; she placed her hands on his cheeks and pulled him closer to her. Their foreheads touched. "I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too."

"Carlos. You need to talk to someone --a counselor; a therapist."

"Babe."

"Tank? Someone. You can't keep it all inside."

"Babe. I don't talk."

"Oh, I don't envy the person stuck with you. It will take him a year to understand the difference between this shrug and that one, and the subtle nuances of 'Doc' or 'Doc' or 'Doc'…" she gave him a little grin, and then continued. "But you need to try. Carlos. Really."

"Babe." She stared at him. "We'll see," he finally stated.

They sat, silently until the last light of the setting sun disappeared. "We better get going, a storm is coming in." He helped her to her feet, and they slowly walked the length of the boardwalk to his car. He gently settled her into her seat, and kissed her on the lips before going around to the driver's side.

_**Reviews always welcome….**_


	16. Chapter 27

_**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN**_

Ranger and Stephanie settled into the BMW for the ride back to Trenton. 195 was backed up; the storm they had seen down at the beach seemed to be moving quickly, and it was following them back west. She cuddled into a throw blanket Ranger kept in the car, and started to nod off.

Stephanie was more at ease than she had been earlier. She still had a lot to think about. My god, poor Carlos. No wonder he had shut down. That's why Tank was so distressed. Her head couldn't get around anyone hurting Carlos so badly. He was supposed to be her superhero. Superhero's were impervious. His ability to shield her was her constant. That he couldn't protect himself…it hurt her, more deeply than any other thing. All her bruises and beatings, they didn't amount to anything like the ache she was feeling for the man next to her. Her heart.

Her cell rang and woke her from her reverie. The rain was coming down in almost horizontal sheets, hitting the windshield with force. She was glad she wasn't driving.

"Hey Mare."

"Stephanie? You hear the news?" Her connection was poor; Stephanie had to struggle to hear her.

"We've been out of touch all day, Mare, what's up?" She listened intently-

"I can barely hear you, what?"

"Really? Oh, that's great! Did everything go ok? Terrific! I'll have to stop over to the hospital tomorrow—you want to go with?"

"Okey doke—You keep breaking up, I'll call you in the morning."

"Thanks Mare."

Ranger looked at her, one eyebrow raised as she clicked her phone off, then re-opened and saw she had four messages. She figured they were all about the call she just ended, so she closed her phone with a smile.

"Babe?"

"Marie and Joe had their baby today." She rubbed her belly.

"Meredith Seraphina. Seven pounds 8 ounces. A baldy, according to Mare's sources."

Ranger grinned at that. The burg was nothing if not thorough when there was news to spread.

The storm was worse; the trip was taking forever. She could hardly see the car in front of her. All Steph could think about was getting into bed. Her back ached; probably too much walking. She put her head back, rubbing her belly.

"You ok?"

"Just some twinges."

"Babe?"

"Don't think dinner agreed with the baby."

"You ate a lot babe."

"I'm eating for two." She pouted. That answer had tortured Ranger for the majority of the past 9 months. He appeared constantly astonished at the food she was putting away.

"Looked like for an army babe. And I don't want Rafael to eat that junk. It's going to kill you babe."

She just stuck her tongue out at him.

"Is that an invitation?"

Her eyes were hooded. "Get thee to the bat cave, Mr. Manoso, and you shall find out."

He growled, and turned his attention back to the road.

"Ranger?" She knew he liked to stay in the zone when driving, but tonight, she really felt like talking. She had missed him more than she thought she could. She didn't want to have the things he told her separate them. She wanted life to stay as it was. They had been happy. So every once in a while, she let out one of the thoughts in her head. Just to keep the connection alive.

"Hmm?"

"You remember what you learned at Lamaze, right?"

"Yeah, babe." Ranger smirked.

Stephanie laughed when she saw his smile. "Tank told you?"

"Babe". He barked a laugh at that.

Stephanie laughed out loud.

"Only you babe."

_Stephanie closed her eyes again thinking about her somewhat unorthodox Lamaze classes. Ranger had attended the first three of six weeks, before he had to leave._

_He had been a distraction anyway; all the women in the class were just drooling when they heard him whispering to her, rubbing her, attempting to sidetrack her from her 'labor' pains. His voice, always sexy, was distracting enough to her. But to see him kneeling there, his voice hypnotic, her head in his lap, well apparently it was too much for some of the ladies. There was a lot of panting going on in class and not all of it was pretend!_

_Stephanie enlisted Marylou to attend the last three lessons. She couldn't attend by herself, and Marylou had done this three times already. There was a visible letdown when Marylou followed Stephanie's waddling figure into the classroom. She explained to the instructor that her boyfriend was away on business and Marylou would be her partner. _

_That worked well for two weeks. Then Marylou's husband Lenny had to work late, and the babysitter she usually used had broken her leg. There was no one to watch her three un-holy terrors. And Stephanie had to attend this class, it was the last one!_

_Tank. Carlos said Tank will always be there for me. Let's test that theory. She pressed 2 on her cell, and smiled into it as she greeted him. _

"_I'm gonna regret whatever I agree to, aren't I," Tank responded. He heard the smile in her voice, and knew her too well._

"_Tank, I think I am offended," she giggled._

_His laughter was like cannon fire. "Whadaya need, little girl." _

"_A babysitter."_

"_For?"_

"_Marylou. Her babysitter can't watch the kids and we have Lamaze class." _

"_Oh hell, I'd rather go with you to class than watch her kids, Stevie! Isn't there anyone else?"_

"_Tank."_

"_Little girl. You are killing me. It's Mrs. D's night off; if you bring them to my house 'I' have to watch them."_

"_Fine. Pick me up at 6:45 and you can be my partner." Stephanie stated. Heck, he offered. She assumed he'd be ordering pizza and watching Mare's kids, no problem. _

"_Oh, bloody hell. I said that, didn't I?"_

_And he went! Showing up with a Cuban sex god for three weeks had been distracting, and Marylou had been knowledgeable; she even knew some of the participants. Hey the burg is the burg. But showing up with a delicious 6'6" ebony black, bald, ripped bad-ass definitely was off the scales. But, Tank being Tank, he got into it, and found himself comfortably massaging her shoulders, and talking her through her 'pains'. Gotta love Tank. _

Steph dozed on and off for the next hour. Really, this is crazy traffic, she thought. She was glad they decided to head to the beach when they did; because the radio DJ said the downpour would last all weekend. Ranger had turned it on the last time she fell asleep, and she was enjoying the soft classical tones of Beethoven, blending with the windshield wipers, and the sound of the rain pelting the car.

She saw their exit sign coming up. She heard him click on the blinker. Almost home. She reflected on the first time she took a road trip with him, catching a skip, and how surprised she had been at his choice of music. She had met street Ranger and thought he'd be into Hip Hop. Then found there was this other, suave Ranger. Classical seemed to suit that Ranger. Wasn't her thing, but---

"FUCK!" Her eyes flew open at Ranger's exclamation and she saw in the side mirror headlights that shouldn't be there, and then felt him try to control the car, but it slid on the sodden grass and grazed the guardrail as the airbag deployed. She screamed for Carlos, and for Rafael, but the sound was muffled in the cocoon of the airbag, and she was aware of a razor-sharp pain in her back.

The beeping was familiar. High pitched. Steady. Impersonal. The light was bright, even through her closed eyelids. Sight and sound work. The horrid antiseptic smell of hospital assailed her nose. Taste and touch. If all five senses work, I'm alive. Then I can figure out what happened. Nothing to taste; that will have to wait. She moved her hand to touch her belly, to caress her son, and she screamed.


	17. Chapter 28

**SERIOUS SUBJECT MATTER**

**SERIOUS ANGST**

_**Chapter Twenty Eight**_

The instant the air bags deployed, an alarm sounded in the control room at RangeMan. Ram was on duty that night. He located the BMW on the GPS and rang Rangers' cell phone. When he got no response, he contacted the local police and EMT's.

As the bags deflated, Ranger reached down and unbuckled himself. He grabbed his cell, and hit 911. He reached out for Stephanie. She was moaning quietly, holding her arms over her stomach.

"Babe? Babe, can you hear me? Are you ok? Oh, god. Babe." He wiped blood from her forehead, stroked her hair. When the dispatcher got on the phone line, he pulled his attention from Steph for a moment.

"We need an ambulance at the Trenton exit of 195."

"We are pinned against the guard-rail."

"Two. My girlfriend is 9 months pregnant."

"No, she's not responding to me."

"She's bleeding from a head wound."

"I have no injuries."

"No, she's conscious. Moaning and holding her stomach."

"She's due in 10 days."

"Please, hurry."

He hung up. He was almost hyperventilating. Breathe, Manoso. Chill. You are gonna scare Steph! He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and focused. His attention was to be on the mission. The mission was to protect this woman. He was not going to allow diversion. Emotion. Later.

He tried again to get Stephanie to open her eyes. "Babe. It's ok. An ambulance is on the way. Can you hear me, Steph?" Ranger reached down and pulled the blanket back up over her; she had begun to shiver. "Babe, I love you. Do you hear me? It'll be ok."

He moved the airbag away. He reached over and tugged on the door handle. Jammed. FUCK! He heard his phone ring and looked about the car. Where the hell did he put it? By the 4th ring, he found it and answered.

"Boss?"

"Ram."

"We got an alert. You ok?"

"No. We were clipped getting off the damn exit. Fucking car on the acceleration lane ran into me. We skid into the guardrail. Steph is bleeding. She's not responding to me. I called an ambulance."

"Yeah, we did too. They should be there in 2."

"It's fucking pouring here. The door looks like it's crushed. Fuck, Ram." Ranger's voice was wavering. "Thanks Ram."

"Boss. Keep us informed ok? I don't think they'll be taking you to St. Francis; you're closer to Robert Wood. It'll be ok, Ranger."

Ranger was frustrated. He could do nothing. Stephanie wasn't responding to him, he couldn't get her out of the car, because of the torrential downpour and the fact the door was crushed against the rail. He could do nothing except hold her, and so that is what he did. He held her, and whispered to her, telling her he loved her; that everything would be ok. He continued to press the blanket against the cut on her forehead. She moaned intermittently but she didn't react to him.

He saw the blue lights of the police cruiser reflecting in the rain drops long before he heard the sirens. When the first firefighter arrived, he forced Ranger to let go of Stephanie and get out of the car.

"Sir, you need to let us do our jobs. We can't work over you. We need to stabilize her; we need to get her out of the car. You need to have your head looked at." He motioned to the EMT walking his way. "Take him to the rig and check him out. He's bleeding from the head, and going into shock."

Ranger barely registered that he had been bleeding the whole time. He put his hand to his forehead, and found blood covering it when he pulled it away. He walked away reluctantly, and called out to the rescue workers as he left. "The baby. Save my son. Please." He let the EMT work on his head, but the whole time watched the firefighters cut into his car with the Jaws of Life, trying to rescue Stephanie.

His phone rang. It was Tank. "Ranger?"

"Oh, god, man. They still haven't gotten her out of the car. It's been a half hour already."

Ranger was wrapped in a blue blanket, sitting just inside the back door of the ambulance. His head wound had been cleaned, and wrapped with gauze. The EMT's wisely didn't suggest taking him to the hospital right away. They sensed they'd have a fight on their hands if they tried to make him leave his girlfriend, so they settled him in the back, gave him some painkillers and a blanket, and left to assist the firefighters.

"Shit Ranger. Where are you? Where are they going to take you?"

"Hold on." He called out to one of the police officers who had cordoned off the accident scene. "Excuse me; will we be going to Robert Wood?"

"Yes, sir, it's just 7 minutes from here."

"Robert Wood, in Hamilton."

"Ok, Ranger, I'll meet you guys there. Be good man, ok?"

Ranger ran to the car as they finally lifted Stephanie onto a gurney. "Babe! Babe, I'm here, ok?" She nodded to him slightly. Her eyes tried to focus, but she couldn't find him. She tried to lift her hand. She was awake at least. Thank god. He reached out and grabbed it, and squeezed it gently. It was cold. She was shuddering. He blanched when he looked at her again. Even in the dark, her color was poor. Then he observed her again. Her clothes, her pants were covered in blood.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked the closest EMT.

"She's hemorrhaging." The EMT was setting up an IV on her arm.

"The baby?"

"We're headed to the hospital now, sir." They were lifting the gurney into the rig.

"My son?" He looked the man in the eye. The man looked at him for a split second, and shook his head almost imperceptibly. "We don't know, sir."

Ranger felt a punch to his gut. Rafael. He faltered for a second. The EMT quietly touched his arm. "Hop in, you want to ride along, I'm guessing."

The ride was the longest 7 minutes of his life. Stephanie slipped in and out of consciousness. They said it was from loss of blood. The EMT's monitored her heart rate, they put pressure on her head wounds, and they listened for a heartbeat through her belly, but they could do nothing else until they arrived at the hospital.

The emergency room doctors were assembled at the ambulance entrance. The moment they arrived, it was as if time sped up. The movements, the lights, the sounds; they all beat upon Ranger's consciousness.

"Sir?"

Has it been five minutes or five hours? Time has lost all meaning. I need to see Stephanie. I have to be with her. Where is my son? What is going on? Someone please tell me. My god. His forehead was stitched, he felt the bandages. He put it back into the palms of his hands, and continued to lean on his knees. When did they stitch me up? It must be more than five minutes. I gave them permission for surgery. A caesarean they said. They needed to get the baby out. Why hasn't anyone told me anything?

"Sir."

Ranger flinched at the pressure on his shoulder.

"Sir." The doctor looked down at Ranger with something like compassion in his eyes.

That look, it scared Ranger. He quickly stood and asked, "Stephanie? The baby?"

Just then, Tank barreled through the doors. Ranger looked over at him, and gestured for him to come closer. "Doctor. Please tell me." He spoke through gritted teeth.

"I'm sorry, sir, the baby… without oxygen….the placenta abrupted…we may need to do a hysterectomy….transfusions through the night….in recovery…soon, you can see her for a moment…sir, your son…."

He began to collapse; he was falling from a great height, and the air rushed by him as he accelerated… the ground was about to swallow him, and then Tank was beside him and caught him.

"NO!" He fought and struggled against Tank's arms. But Tank refused to let him go. His arms surrounded him, held him protectively. Tank lifted him up, and placed him back in the chair, never taking his eyes from Ranger's face. "Carlos. Look at me. Carlos. CARLOS!"

From somewhere far away, he heard his name being called. He didn't want to answer; he needed to stay hidden where he was. It was quiet, although mosquito infested. They would find the only wet spot in the god-damned desert to hide from an ambush. The bullets would stop soon enough. No. Not bullets. Stop calling my name. You have no right to use my name. Don't touch me. God, please, don't hit me again. I need to get home. Stephanie is probably going out of her mind. But he was hit again, this time in the face.

He opened his eyes when he felt the sting of someone's hand smacking his cheek. Tank. I'm in the hospital, not out in the desert. I'm not tied up, a prisoner in a dark room. Stephanie. Rafael. Ranger is agitated as he works through all these images and ideas. Finally he comes back to the present. There was a car accident.

"Carlos. Look at me. Are you ready to see her?" Tank asked gently.

"Stephanie will be ok?" Ranger looked up at the doctor, who stood, weary and blood-stained in front of him.

"She should recover. She will require another transfusion; she has lost a good deal of blood. We can't rule out a hysterectomy, but we will see how she does the next 48 hours. Her injuries from the accident are mainly superficial. She lost consciousness because of the loss of blood. I would call her condition guarded but stable at the moment."

Ranger took a deep breath. He shook his head to clear it. "Ok. See that she has everything she needs, doctor. There is no procedure I want denied to her. There is no cost I won't pay. Make her better." There. That was more like it. I have control again.

"The baby. Rafael. I want to see my son." He looked at the doctor.

"Mr. Manoso, he is gravely ill. I am sorry. I don't believe he will survive the night."

"But he is alive?"

"Yes, but he is not breathing on his own, he had an APGAR score of 0. He is seriously deficient in every way Mr. Manoso. He was born with no pulse, no reflex, or muscle tone. He was oxygen deprived after the accident, when the placenta tore. Placental abruption was caused by the trauma Miss Plum endured. His condition is grave. I am sorry, sir, but I believe that you and your girlfriend will have some serious discussions ahead of you."

"Tank, get my parents and the Plums here immediately." He stood and turned to his friend. "NOW." As Tank nodded and walked away with the cell phone in his hand, Ranger stood up and indicated to the doctor to lead him down the hall. "My son, Doctor."

He was breathing steadily. Following this man down an endless brightly lit tunnel; it was cold and eerily silent there. The sounds of monitors beeping, of people scurrying about, it all faded into a white noise. The overall impression to him was silence. It was disturbed by the doctor's question. "Do you wish to see Miss Plum?"

"Not until I can tell her I have seen Rafael."

"Yes, sir. This way. You will need to wash up, and put on this gown. Marissa, this is Mr. Manoso. Please see that he has a quiet place where he can be with his son." And then he left.

Marissa hated nights like these. Being in the NICU was a double edged sword. And she knew that this, tonight, was the sharp and bitter edge. She gently led Ranger to a room where he donned the required clothing. Then she had him follow her to a dimly lit room where there was an incubator; the mattress had a blue sheet with small balloons printed on it. There lay an infant, with a riot of black curly hair. He was poked and prodded by tubes, and needles, machines whirred around him, and Ranger realized immediately that one of them was breathing for him.

"Mr. Manoso." She indicated a chair. "Do you have a name for your son?" her tone was tender, comforting.

He walked over to the chair, but didn't sit. "May I?" he questioned her, as he began to reach out to stroke the baby's cheek.

"Of course." Her smile was small, but it was sincere.

"Rafael. Rafael Carlos Manoso." He looked at her with tears in his eyes, then looked back down, and whispered, as he felt the silky skin of his baby boy's leg.

"Rafael. Te quiero. Usted es mi hijo, y daría cualquier cosa hacerle mejor. Su madre y yo le esperamos. Usted era mi razón de vivir. Deseé para sostenerle. Para ver su cara dulce. Usted tiene pelo de su madre. Enrollamientos maravillosos, salvajes. Y sus dedos. Perfeccione."

_"__ Rafael. I love you. You are my son, and I would give anything to make you better. Your mother and I waited for you. You were my reason to live. I longed to hold you. To see your sweet face. You have your mother's hair. Wonderful, wild curls. And your fingers. Perfect." _

He sat then, and picked up his son's hand, and he let it lay in his. "Incredible. So small, so flawless." He began to pray, harder than thought he knew how to pray. He knew his prayers were small; his life had been a life lived far from God's grace.

It felt like forever, but in reality it was probably only minutes that he rested there, carefully enveloping his son's small hand between his two large palms. Ranger was observant. It didn't take long for him to realize that while the rest of the hospital was bustling and busy, with doctors and nurses working furiously to save lives, to save Steph; that this room was eerily lacking in activity.

"Mr. Manoso?" Marissa squatted down in front of Ranger. "My name is Marissa. I will be with Rafael until morning. I promise you I will look after him. He won't be alone." She took her hand and placed it carefully on his knee. She couldn't look into his eyes, and he didn't know how to look into hers. Because he knew then he would see the futility of his prayers. Rafael would be joining the angels soon.

His tears began to slowly trace their way down his cheek, but he didn't let go of Rafael's hand. He let them fall. His tears were quiet. He didn't tremble. He didn't wipe them away or sob loudly. They just quietly fell from his face, and onto the sheets. One fell on Rafael's leg. Ranger watched it intently as it slid from his leg, to the sheet. He took his thumb and wiped the rest away. Finally he stood and placed the gentlest of kisses on Rafael's forehead. "From your mother, little one. I love you, hijo."

"Marissa. How can I find Miss Plum's room?"

"I'll show you." She led him to the doorway, and pointed to the elevator. "Take that to the next floor up; make a right when you get out. She is near the nurses' station of the ICU."

"Marissa. Take care of him for me. Please."

"I will, Mr. Manoso. I will."

Ranger finds Stephanie's nurses. She still hasn't awakened, but her vitals are stable, she's stopped bleeding. "I will be with her. I will not leave her again until she wakes," Ranger stated in a voice that brooked no argument, as he took a seat in the chair he pulled over to her bed.

"Babe. I'm here. I love you. Babe. Wake up now, ok?" He took her hand in hers, and had a flashback of the time just a few minutes earlier, when he held Rafael's' hand in his. I can't even tell her it's going to be ok, because it isn't. Oh god, how do I tell her? I can't do this. Stephanie. He put his head back, and, holding her hand, fell into a fitful sleep.

"Man." Tank softly spoke into Ranger's ear. "Your family's here," he said, as he Ranger came awake. "How is she?" He nodded at Stephanie, sleeping and bruised in her bed.

"She hasn't awakened yet. They said she stopped bleeding. I don't want to leave her, but I don't want to talk in here. Where are they?"

"Just outside."

"Ok. I'll tell them they can come in and see her for a minute. The nurses will probably want to give me grief, though. Stay with her, Tank. Do not let her be alone. I will see if I can find the doctor, or at least try to catch them up before they come in."

"Ok." He turned to leave. "Ranger. Rafael?"

Ranger just shook his head in the negative. He couldn't say it yet.

His mother and father were sitting in the waiting room directly across from Steph's room. The Plums were there with them. They stood as one unit when they saw him, and they collectively gasped. He didn't realize what he looked like—thin and gaunt from his past six weeks of undercover work, and the stresses of the past few hours. His hair was short, his face covered in dried blood, with tear tracks along his cheek. His head was bandaged. His clothing was no better. Dirty, torn and un-tucked. He was a wreck.

"Carlito." That was all it took. His mother's use of his childhood nickname. Ranger lost it then. He came over and sat down on the couch. His body shuddered with tears, and held his hands over his face.

"Ranger." Mrs. Plum took his hand. "Stephanie?" she murmured. He took a deep breath. "She's still unconscious from the surgery. They performed an emergency c-section. They thought they may do a hysterectomy, but decided against it for the moment. She's lost a lot of blood."

Mrs. Plum let out a sigh. His mother touched his face, made him turn towards her. She wiped a tear from his cheek. "Carlito, the baby…"

_The beeping was familiar. High pitched. Steady. Impersonal. The light was bright, even through her closed eyelids. Sight and sound work. The horrid antiseptic smell of hospital assailed her nose. Taste and touch. If all five senses work, I'm alive. Then I can figure out what happened. Nothing to taste; that will have to wait. She moved her hand to touch her belly, to caress her son, and she screamed._

Tank jumped up, and Ranger raced into the room as he heard her scream. Her eyes opened, her hands went to her stomach, and she felt bandages. But it was too small. She caught Tank's eyes. She glimpsed pity in them. Then she saw Ranger. His head had a bandage on it; he was covered in dried blood. Mine? His?

He stood before her, and took her hand. He bent down, and kissed her face. "Babe." He breathed softly into her ear, as he rubbed his cheek against hers.

Mercy Manoso came into view, and unobtrusively took the wet cloth she had gotten and wiped Ranger's face of some of the blood covering it. He didn't notice. Stephanie didn't notice. She couldn't remove her eyes from Ranger's. She tried to find, in the depths of the blackness of his eyes, the answer she was looking for. But nowhere in them could she locate the comfort she was craving.

"Carlos." She broke the tense silence.

"Babe." He sounded tired to her.

"Where is he?"

"Downstairs. In the NICU."

"Have you seen him? Held him? Is he ok?"

"I saw him before I came to see you Babe. I knew you'd want a report. He has your hair. Wild and curly, but darker, like mine. His fingers---they are perfect. The nails are so small." He took a deep breath. "Babe."

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Babe." He shook his head. "He's not breathing on his own. They have a ventilator. I haven't seen the doctor assigned to him yet; it's only been a few hours. Babe. I don't think it's good."

She heard her mother gasp. "Mom?" She looked over Ranger's shoulder, and it finally registered. Her parents were here. His parents were here.

"Carlos?" She whimpered.

"I don't know, Babe. I don't know."

"I want to see my son. Now."

"Babe."

"Now."

"I'll find the doctor, Babe. I love you. Know that, ok?" he bent and kissed her on her lips.

"Um hmm." She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her mother replaced Ranger in her view, and she gently reached down to hold her little girl.

It was decided that Stephanie could be brought downstairs after a doctor checked her progress, and determined her bleeding had slowed to an acceptable level. "Miss Plum, you need to be very careful. Your body has suffered great injury, and in order for you to recover, you need to allow for the fact you can't move about much."

She knew by this time about her condition, what had happened. Both she and Ranger had matching head wounds. Her parents, and his, were allowed to see the baby even before she could. When Ranger came back into the room after showing them the way downstairs, she got annoyed.

"Ranger. Now. I want my son." Her tears were close to the surface. She needed to get a grip, she knew that. But he was alone. And she was his mother. She needed to be with him.

"I know, babe. Let them go down and have their visit. The doctor wanted to talk with us. Babe." He squeezed her hand tightly. The door to her room opened again, and an older woman walked in. "Mr. Manoso, Miss Plum? I am Dr. Krishna; I am in charge of Rafael's care. Miss Plum, how are you feeling after your surgery?"

"Groggy. Weak. Not much pain yet." She grimaced silently as she held up the pain-killer button they had wired to her somewhere. She had it and she knew how to use it.

"Best invention we've come up with yet." The doctor smiled softly at her as she spoke.

SORRY, BUT THINGS MUST BE THISWAY

REVIEWS AND COMMENTS WELCOME-- PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK


	18. CHAPTER 29

ANGST

SERIOUS ANGST

SERIOUS SUBJECT MATTER

_**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE**_

"You have spent some time with Rafael, Mr. Manoso?"

"Yes, ma'am, I was downstairs earlier."

Stephanie let out a small whimper. Everyone but me, she thought.

"Miss Plum, we will have you downstairs shortly. I need to speak with you both about Rafael's care, and condition."

They nodded. Ranger sat on the edge of the bed.

"Ok. You are aware that you suffered a placental abruption, Miss Plum, when you were in the collision? There was a long gap between the time of the accident and when you had your son. The amount of time that the baby went without oxygen –well, it far surpassed how long one can survive without damage."

"When Rafael was delivered, we immediately placed him on a ventilator. He has not been able to be removed from it. We have performed a number of very thorough tests, every few hours, and his condition has not improved."

"No." Stephanie whispered.

Ranger put his arms about Stephanie, and held her closely to his side.

"Your son suffered severe brain damage. His condition will not improve. Currently we have determined him to be in a persistent vegetative state."

Dr. Krishna waited while this news sunk in, and allowed them to compose themselves and wipe their eyes.

"Doctor. Continue," Ranger finally spoke.

"Mr. Manoso, Miss Plum. There is another set of tests that I want to run. I need to run them twice, if the results are the same both times--" She paused. I hate my job sometimes, she thought.

"Doctor."

"The tests are to determine if Rafael is brain dead." Again she stepped back, and allowed them room.

"NO! no no nononono nooooooooooo." Stephanie was crying full out now.

"Babe. Stephanie. I've got you. Babe. Look at me. Babe. I love you." His voice was like a caress. It brought her back to him. "Carlos. I want to see my son." Her voice was whisper quiet, but he nodded. "Soon, babe, soon."

"Explain the difference between this diagnosis and the other, please. The outcomes." Stephanie looked up at Ranger. Thank god he is here to do this, she thought. How can he be so strong? She saw the glimmer of wetness in his eyes however, and realized it was a mask.

"The outcomes are similar. Provided we continue to provide fluids, and nutrients, and a ventilator, your son can exist for an unknown length of time. Days, weeks. He will never awaken. He is not currently and will not ever breathe on his own."

"Brain death is defined as irreversible cessation of all brain activity. Two EEG's—the test I would like to perform, that show no electrical activity coming from the brain. Persistent vegetative state only differs in that there is some electrical activity present. He could possibly, rarely do one of the following—blink, grimace, grasp your finger, react to your voice. He could survive longer. But his life will be no different."

"I'm sorry. I am very sorry that I can't offer you more hope." Dr. Krishna stood quietly for a few more moments. "Is there anything I can help you with? Answer any more questions?"

"What do we do next?" Stephanie spoke up.

"Visit with him. Hold him. Touch him and get close to him for the time you have. He won't know you are there for him, but you will. It will help the healing process."

"And then, when you are both ready, tell us. We will help you let him go."

She took a deep breathe. "And we need to ask of you one thing. One incredibly large, and impossible thing, but it's very important."

They both looked at the doctor.

"Please, donate his organs. There are thousands of families' suffering just as you are, and some of their children can be helped. Cured. Please, allow for Rafael to do this good deed."

The ride down the elevator was short, the hallway she was rolled down even shorter. But the trip was interminable. She was going to meet her son, and somehow she was going to have to say goodbye to him.

Ranger had wiped her face with a cool cloth, and went into the bathroom and tried to clean himself up. But when he looked in the mirror, the tears began again. After pulling himself together, they set out, both grimfaced but determined.

Sitting in the waiting room of the NICU were their parents. And Tank, Lester, Marylou, Lula, and Connie. They stood when they saw him roll her around the corner of the hallway. Steph and Ranger stopped for a moment to greet them.

No one had a smile or congratulations on their lips. It was obvious to everyone that Rafael was receiving palliative care. There were no heroics, just peace and calm in his little room.

After a round of hugs, of murmured love and concern, Ranger turned her to his room. As he approached the door, Marissa opened it for them. "Marissa, this is Stephanie. Rafael's mother. How is he this morning?" Ranger asked as he rolled her through the door. This sounds oh so normal, like she should tell me he's resting comfortably, Ranger thought.

But she didn't say that. Instead she spoke to Stephanie. "Good morning, Stephanie. Oh, I see where his curls come from. She grinned at Stephanie's unruly halo of hair. "Come, meet your son." And with that Marissa rolled Stephanie to the side of the incubator, and gently reached inside.

"Here you go." She wrapped a blanket lightly around his body and lifted him up. "Be careful with this tube here, it's his ventilator." She placed him into Stephanie's arms, patted her shoulder and walked away.

"I'll be right next door if you need me, ok?" And she was gone.

And Stephanie was in love. Ranger grabbed the rocking chair and pulled it beside her. He looked into her eyes, and the tears that had threatened to fall escaped, and shortly both of them were leaning together, with their son between them, weeping silently. Ranger's arm went around Stephanie, and his other hand gently held the tiny foot that poked out from the blanket.

An hour later, Marissa came back. "Mr. Manoso. Miss Plum. My shift is over. This is Amy. She will be with Rafael until midnight. Let me check him for you once more," she said, and leaned in to make sure his tubes and wires were all in place. "Looks like he needs a diaper change, mom." She smiled at Amy, who quietly brought over the materials needed. Marissa gave Stephanie a hug, and Rafael a kiss. "Goodbye little love."

Amy helped Stephanie lay him back down and un-wrap him. "Do you want to do this by yourself, Miss Plum?"

"Stephanie. Yes, please."

"Ok. I'll be outside. Call if you need me."

"Babe? You know how to change a diaper?" He raised his eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I don't, but_ you_ do, dad."

And they took their time, touching him, wiping his skin with the wash cloth, memorizing him. They counted his toes and placed his foot along the edge of Ranger's thumb, amazed that his thumb was larger. They grinned and kissed him and each other, and ran their fingers through his curls. They studiously ignored the wires, the tubes.

"Babe." Ranger put his arms out. "My turn."

"Ok." She placed her swaddled child into his father's arms.

"Mi hijo." He sat, gently rocking Rafael, lost in thought.

Stephanie sat and looked at them. What a pair. My men. The love she felt in her heart was painful.

"Babe?" Ranger looked up when he heard her crying.

"What do we do? Carlos? What do we do?"

"What we can, babe. Talk to Tank. Go, find him, tell him the story." He never even looked up; he was so absorbed in studying his son.

"Leave you alone?"

"Babe. I've done this before. And Amy is right there. Go find Tank."

She waved to Amy. "Can you wheel me out into the waiting room, please?"

Everyone stood up again when she came out of the room. She gave everyone a small smile. "I need Tank."

Tank quickly walked over to her. "Little girl?"

"Wheel me somewhere quiet Tank."

"What is it little girl, hmm?"

"Carlos told me to talk to you. I think he wanted to be alone with Rafael, but he told me I was to tell you what's going on." And so they sat, tears rolling down both faces, and splashing on their entwined hands.

Finally Tank responded to her story. "Stevie. Do it. Let him be free. Daisy will watch over him, I know."

"I receive letters, and Christmas cards every year, little girl, from the people who are alive because of my girls. Twelve people survived their illness. Another six received other tissue and had their lives improved. Every year, Steph, these people let me know how big of an impact my family's gifts have had on them. They are anonymous. I don't want to know the names of those they helped, although you can if you both agree. They send their letters to the donor clearinghouse, and they reach me. I get through the holidays because of that envelope."

"Rafael is an angel sent to help these people, Stephanie. Let him do his job. You will be proud of him."

Stephanie finally found the courage to speak again. "Bring me back to his room, Tank."

When he opened the door, she looked at Ranger. "You already know what you chose, don't you?"

"Yes, babe, I do."

"I'm sorry, sir. Only family." Amy walked through the opposite door.

"He's Rafael's godfather," Stephanie spoke up. Tank put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it.

"Amy, please find Dr. Krishna." Ranger said.

-----------------------------

"I want for our family to have a chance to hold him first." Stephanie spoke clearly to the doctors who surrounded the incubator.

"Of course. You will take the time you need. Let us know when you want this to happen. We need to have his blood type and such entered into the donor base anyway, to help locate matches. His being Hispanic will be a good thing; there are far fewer minority donors."

The decision made, Stephanie realized that she was in pain, and exhausted. "Ok. I need a nap. I need to rest for a while, before we do anything else. Ranger. Please stay with him? Don't let him be alone. Or have my mother, your mother, someone be here, and you come rest too."

Each of his grandparents spent hours holding their grandson. They rocked and sang lullabies, and told him stories of his parents. They collected on the couches outside, and napped. Lester made a food run. Each of the people who meant something to Rafael arrived and met this beautiful little boy.

--------------------

Stephanie woke. "It's morning, isn't it?"

"Yes, babe, it is." Ranger sat up from the edge of the bed, where he had spent the night.

"I need to go downstairs. Now."

"No. you will eat first. Then get dressed. Then we will go."

She started to protest, but her stomach had other ideas.

"Resolved." Ranger smirked. So, after being bathed and dressed and fed a nasty, bland, soft meal, she went to see her son.

She spotted everyone resting uncomfortably in the waiting room. They had either slept there or returned early on. When they opened the door to Rafael's room, they found Grandma Mazur rocking gently, cooing into Rafael's ear.

"Miss Plum? Mr. Manoso. Good morning. My name is Andrea. I have a very delicate job to do here. We offer grief services and recommend you avail yourselves of what the hospital provides."

"We realize your son is very ill, and so many things have been told to you, and you've had barely 48 hours to absorb it all. If you would like photographs of Rafael taken I can do that for you. I can take a family photo if you like, or just of him… Consider doing this. You don't have to ever look at the photos, but having the option…."

Ranger looked at Stephanie, and she looked at him. They both were thinking about yesterday. Was it just yesterday? The day before? They had been joyful and happy and whole, and having portraits taken.

Steph shook her head, yes.

They sat then, and took the baby from Grandma Mazur. She kissed them both, and wiggled Rafael's toe one last time before leaving them. They each took turns holding and rocking their son, for the last time. They didn't notice Andrea and her camera; they were intent on being a family.

--------------------------

"Babe?" Ranger finally broke the delicate silence.

"Yes. Call them."

"Ok."

"It won't get easier if we wait, will it Carlos?"

"I think it will get harder. I love you, babe."

"I love you too."

"And you, Rafael, I love you. So, so very much." She held him closely and breathed in his scent, and felt his hair tickle her nose.

The door opened quietly. Dr. Krishna was followed by the other doctors who had been with her yesterday.

"Marylou and Tank need to be here; when is the priest arriving?" Stephanie looked to Ranger, and Ranger left the room.

Moments later he returned, with the hospital chaplain and the entire waiting room in tow.

The priest gently and calmly recited his prayers, and baptized Rafael Carlos Manoso while his godparents Marylou and Tank stood together, Rafael in Marylou's sheltering arms.

Marylou handed her newest godson back to his mother, and left the room. Stephanie sat, with tears slowly running down her face, as each of the people in the room came and kissed him goodbye.

When the room was empty except for the doctors, Stephanie, Ranger and Tank, the anointing of the sick was offered to Rafael. Ranger took Rafael from Stephanie and held him gently. They looked at each other, and then at their son.

Ranger nodded imperceptibly towards Dr. Krishna, and she turned the knob on the ventilator.

A short time later, Tank lowered himself on his haunches, looked Ranger in the eye, and opened his arms. Ranger hesitated, but then placed his son into the massive embrace of his godfather. Tank stood. Marissa came and unhooked the tubes and the wires that tethered Rafael to this world.

_Hey, folks, I took what artistic license needed to make the story work, so if my medical jargon/diagnosis, etc is off, please, cut me some slack. I am not a doctor and don't play one on TV._

REVIEWS WELCOMED


	19. Chapter 30

This story picks up where Janet Evanovich leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)

_ANGST_

_Chapter 30_

Ellen Plum carefully tucked the covers around he daughter, and then sat down on the edge of her bed. "Baby, is there anything else? Marylou gave Rafael's outfit to Skip; your pain pills are right here, next to you. I turned off your phone. Do you want anything else?"

Stephanie lay on her back, staring off into space. She wanted to be left alone. She wanted the blinds drawn, she wanted to curl up under the covers, but the incision in her stomach prevented even that. She wanted it to be last Wednesday, when life was good. Before she found out about Rangers' imprisonment and suffering, but after he came home. Those last few hours when they were almost whole. They were almost completely happy. They were innocents then. They would never be again. A tear formed in the corner of her eye. She needed Ranger, though. She didn't want to be totally alone but she wanted all these people, this well-meaning crowd of family, to disappear, so she could break down. "No, I'm fine," she responded, her voice thin and weak.

"Ok. I'll be downstairs then."

Stephanie watched her mother putter about the room, emptying her bags, hanging her clothes, expending her nervous energy the only way she knew how---housework. "Go home."

"No."

"Mom."

"I am going to make sure everyone has eaten. Make Ranger dinner."

"Mom."

"It's what I do, Stephanie. It's what I do." Ellen reached over and brushed a curl from Stephanie's forehead. Stephanie closed her eyes and sighed. Her mother was right. That's just what she did. I should be glad someone is paying attention to the rest of the world; it's still moving despite my desire to just make it stop.

"Mom, ask Carlos to come up, please. I need him with me."

"Ok, I will baby. Stephanie, I love you."

"I know, mom. I know."

Ellen stopped at the door and glanced back at her youngest daughter. Oh, if only I could take this burden from her shoulders, she sighed, as she turned to go downstairs and prepare dinner for the Manoso's and Plum's who hadn't gone home yet.

Ranger hadn't been alone since Rafael was taken from his embrace by Tank. His parents came home with him; Ellen Plum needed to be busy, and so she came to the house too. Tank and Lester and Ram, all his friends, they hovered, feeling the sense of loss and helpless that permeated the air. What is there to do next? How do you move beyond this, until later? Ranger had always thought that the period of time between the death and the funeral was surreal.

The full time opportunity for introspection, appreciation, and memory helped sustain those left behind. And the connection of others, those who also knew the departed, well that bond was powerful. And of course, the hustle of preparation for the event itself. But this was different. Rafael had never had time to make memories. His was a life untested. Others were there for him, to handle the arrangements. That left him with the time between yesterday and tomorrow. And the day after. And the one after that.

Julie had been the hardest phone call of them all. Ranger spoke to Rachel first, so she would understand what was going on. Rachel's expression of support and sadness was touching, but telling Julie? Being a father was proving to be the most difficult job Ranger had ever tackled. Opening up his heart to his children exposed him to the pains they suffered, and he experienced them two-fold. The hurt of losing Rafael almost paled compared to the anguish he encountered when he had to tell Julie that her wished for baby brother had died in his arms.

It struck him like a punch to his gut that these were the very rationales he had always used when he pulled back, denied himself the succor of intimacy and family. He had rejected the opportunities to become close; he turned away from emotional attachments for so many years. It was because of this. The certainty of having to say goodbye, of having bonds and promises broken.

He stood outside their bedroom door, and contemplated the years he had known Stephanie. Of how long he had loved her from afar, because he was too scared to get close. Because if he got close, she could be hurt. _No! _Because if she got close, _he_ could be hurt. Be honest, Carlos, dammit, be honest with yourself at least! When had he last shed tears, when had he last given in to the torment of loss? Miguel, he silently answered himself. He saw himself suddenly, alone, a teenager, holding his mother on the hallway floor as her heart broke.

He shook the cobwebs, the bad memories from his head, and opened the door. "Babe?" Ranger perched on the beds edge, and took Steph's hand in his. But she had already nodded off to sleep by the time Ranger made it inside their room, so he took his shoes off, and quietly lay down next to her. He closed his eyes, never letting her hand leave his. She needed her sleep, she was going to need strength for tomorrow.

-----------------

Ranger's arms sheltered Stephanie during the short graveside service that was held on a calm Tuesday morning. Borne to the graveside by two large men was an impossibly small white casket. Stephanie couldn't help but notice that Tank could have shouldered the responsibility without any assistance, but she was glad that Manuel took some of the heartbreaking duty from her friends shoulder.

She didn't recall a minute of the service. Her head was swimming with memories of the few short hours she had held Rafael. Of the long months of pregnancy, when she and Ranger would lie together, feeling the baby move inside her, and talk about their hopes and dreams for their child.

She couldn't tell you that all the people she loved were there, supporting her and Ranger in their misery. What prayers were said? She hadn't a clue. She focused instead on the sounds of the birds in the trees nearby, trilling and warbling and providing an uplifting quality to the thoughts of her little angel. Oh, I pray that today someone benefited from my son's existence. That someone somewhere is thanking him right now for being their angel too.

Ranger helped her stand, and they stood together, his arm around her shoulder, supporting her. They looked for a long moment at the ground. The grass was soft and green. Stephanie was so grateful that Grandma Mazur offered for Rafael to be buried with Grandpa Mazur. At least he wouldn't be alone.

"Babe?" Ranger finally squeezed her arm.

"Yeah, ok. I'm ready, I guess." Her words shook, as she turned her face away from the casket.

Joe hesitantly began to walk towards Ranger and Stephanie. As he approached, he slowed his pace, unsure of what he should do next. Ranger stepped aside, Joe noted gratefully, and Joe strode towards Stephanie. She looked up when Ranger moved, and the tears began to fall again at the sight of her friend.

Without words, Joe took her in his arms. He held her while she cried. She finally looked up at him and said, "I should be out of tears by now, Joe."

"It's ok, Steph, you cry all you need to, ok? I am so, so very sorry, Steph. I can't even begin to understand what you are feeling."

"Joe? How is your baby girl? She's beautiful? Me and Mare were going to come see Marie and the baby." In between tears and sniffling, Stephanie began her descent into denial, because she'd been there before, and she knew it well. It was a comfortable place, she thought, where bad things slip away.

"Stephanie."

"Joe, I am happy for you both. Really, I am. I just don't know if I will be able to come and visit though, ok? Not right away." He brushed a tear from her cheek, and nodded. "They both have the same birthday, you know that? Rafael and your daughter. He was born at 10:57 pm."

"Meredith. Yeah, I know, Steph."

"Ranger. I'm truly sorry for your loss." Joe greeted Ranger with a handshake as he stepped back to Stephanie's side.

"Thanks Joe. And thank you for being here for Stephanie. She needs her friends."

"Cupcake, take care of yourself, ok?" Joe took one more opportunity to give her a gentle squeeze, he touched the bandage on her forehead and shook his head slightly, and a sad smile crossed his face briefly. How many times had he found her bruised and battered? How many times had he asked her to take care of herself? "Thanks for counting me among her friends." He shook Rangers hand again. He turned and walked away, and Stephanie leaned into Ranger, needing the support.

"Babe. Home. This has been a lot for you. You need to rest."

And she didn't even want to protest.

--------------

The house was finally empty. Except for the squeaking wheel of Rex's exercise routine, the humming of the fridge, the whirring of the ceiling fans, the house was quiet too. Stephanie was asleep, lulled by exhaustion, emotion and painkillers.

Ranger turned off all the lights, and sank down into the soft leather sofa in the darkened den. After a while, he carefully opened the envelope that was lying on the table, clicked on a table lamp, and one by one, studied the photos that he had received from the hospital. He examined and memorized the shape of his son's head, the way his toes curled, how his fingers stretched out on Stephanie's palm. One picture in particular had him mesmerized. He and Stephanie were leaning together, their matching forehead bandages almost touching, and Rafael was between them. His back was to the camera, his little diaper clad rump was perched on Rangers' arm, and his head was resting against Stephanie's shoulder. It was the epitome of family bonding, of love. Except for the ventilator tube that marred the delicacy of his face, the surgical tape holding it in place, the little electrodes and wires attached here and there.

He groaned and tossed the stack of photos onto the table again. He went over to the bar area, and grabbed a glass and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

He sat back down, dimmed the light again and poured himself a drink.

This was a short one, but I need to get it out of the way (and out of my head)

Thanks for reading…reviews welcome.


	20. Chapter 31

This story picks up where Janet Evanovich leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)

ANGST. SERIOUS SUBJECT MATTER ( YOU AREN'T SURPRISED BY THAT ARE YOU?)

CHAPTER 31

Mid June

"Clear me. I'm coming back to work. End of discussion. My ribs are healed. My head is healed. I have no reason for paternity leave, or a honeymoon. I can't stay in the house with her forever Tank. I need to do something constructive soon…"

Tank's expression didn't change. He had perfected the blank look Ranger assumed so often, and he just sat behind his desk, watching his friend intently. Ranger took the basketball that Tank kept in the corner of his office and began to palm it back and forth between his hands. He took a few deep breathes, and tried to calm down. It didn't work.

"So help me Tank." He slammed the ball back into its corner. "Gym in 5. I need to beat the shit out of something, and it looks like it's going to be you."

Tank continued to glare at Ranger. He watched the door to his office slam shut. He threw his hands in the air. Arguing with the man was pointless. "Fine. You want your ass kicked Manoso, it'll be my personal pleasure. I'll put a hurtin' on you you won't soon forget," he mumbled as he removed his utility belt, and his knife, and placed them in the bottom drawer of his desk before heading to the gym.

Ranger was out of shape. He'd been gone for the 6 weeks of his FUBAR'ed mission, and then the accident and the baby… For the last two months, he had not trained or kept himself at the physical level he'd attained through years of hard work. The all-night drinking sessions hadn't helped. He was haggard, exhausted, and unmotivated. Tank knew all of this, and was determined he'd beat some sense into Ranger. A little bit of tough love, something he was getting field experience with finally, after years of study and intellectual understanding of the concept. But it's working with Treyvon, he thought. I think I can use it on Ranger.

-------------------------

Stephanie was asleep as usual when he arrived home from his midnight visit to the ER. He never got home anymore before she fell asleep. He made sure of it. There was a shit load of managerial stuff he needed to focus on, he told her. He had been gone too long. Even though all he did while at RangeMan was sit on his ass, and shuffle papers around, because Tank wouldn't sign his damn company back to him.

He couldn't stand being alone with her any more. It broke his heart, a heart he had been unsure he owned, to see her pain. He didn't know how to mend her hurt, since his own ache was hammering a hole in his heart. The only release he had were his nights in the den, with his photos, and his buddy Jack D. He stayed there till dawn sometimes, staring in a drunken stupor at photos of his family. His son, and the two supposedly happy parents that little boy was meant to have. And all of it was an illusion.

He was glad Stephanie suggested they move the wedding date to later, after she'd recovered. To after they'd mourned. The original date had been six weeks after Rafael was due, and it seemed so far off, back then. Now, the idea of a wedding a mere six weeks later made them both ill. Of course they hadn't chosen another date yet. He couldn't talk to her long enough to find a good day, a good season, a time when the two of them would be whole enough, healed enough to celebrate.

He sat down, defeated, in the darkened den. Damn it his head hurt. Tank had broken his nose, and beat him up good this time. Tank had dropped him off after the ER, and as Ranger closed the door of the SUV, he heard him call out, "You're on medical leave." Jerk.

Shit, we're getting too old for this crap. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the prescription for Percocet. He sat the pill bottle on the edge of the side table, got himself a glass and his Jack Daniels, and settled in with the scrapbook Stephanie had made of their son's brief life. By now, it included compassionate, anonymous letters from relieved parents, whose children were alive because of Rafael's organs. It held glossy 8x10's of the photo shoot that afternoon at the beach, when the world was theirs for the taking. This book was his anchor.

Each night, he examined it carefully, hoping something new would appear, something that would tell him Stephanie's mood, her level of acceptance. Some days he found new letters, some days, a poem that she had written. Some days, all she could manage was to add some stickers or quotes that were pre-printed. He chuckled sadly as he realized that her obsession with making this book was probably a healthier outlet than his drinking.

He knew she was disappointed in him. He had permitted her to see how cracked and fractured his armor really was. She had discovered that Batman was in actuality a dark knight. A tormented soul. A human man. Not her superhero. And while he knew intellectually that she only called him Batman as a silly, intimate joke; he had apparently started to believe the hype. He had begun to feed himself the line that he was her superhero. He was not faultless; he knew that would never be true. But no one before had ever given him their trust, shared with him the pure belief in his abilities to protect and comfort and be there for them. No one had ever believed in him the way she believed in him. And he was making a fucking mess of it.

He popped a few Percocets into his mouth, and washed them down with a shot. He turned out the light, and carefully closed the scrapbook that lay on his lap. He rested his head on the back of the couch.

_He replayed the nights sparring session. He realized he was outmanned quickly. Tank was a fucking huge guy, a tank, right? But he'd been able to wipe the floor with his ass all his life. Tank was baiting him; that had to be what was going on. He called out to Ranger; he taunted him to get him to swing when he knew he shouldn't. He was left in a pile on the floor, panting and sweating, bloody and bruised faster than had happened since he was a young kid._

"_Uncle?" Tank hovered over Ranger's prone body, blocking out all the light from his vision._

"_Fuck you," Ranger grunted, and hooked his ankle between Tank's feet, and yanked hard. _

"_Uncle?" Tank was faster, and had Ranger in a choke hold, sitting on the mat, his rapid breath panting into Rangers ear._

"_Get the fuck out of my face."_

"_Uncle?" Tank flipped him quickly onto his stomach, and pulled both arms behind Ranger's back. He rested his knee into the small of his back, and waited. _

"_Uncle." Ranger muttered into the mat, spitting blood out of his mouth in disgust._

_They sat in the waiting room, the ice pack Tank had gotten him chilling not just his nose, but his brain. The place was packed tonight. Looked like they'd be waiting a while. _

"_Wanna talk, Ranger?" _

"_Fuck no." _

"_Carlos."_

"_Charlie. Drop it."_

"_Carlos."_

"_Charlie, I was going to do this RIGHT this time. I missed Julie_ _being little. I was going to be a good father. I was going to love Rafael, and raise him well. I was going to be there this time! It's not fair." _

"_What in life is fair, Carlos, huh? You know better than that!! It doesn't work that way. Life has never been fair. But what the hell are you doing to yourself? You've been drinking for two weeks straight. You need to cut this shit out, Carlos, before it leads somewhere you don't want to go."_

"_I can handle it."_

"_Carlos."_

"_I can. I just need to be numb now. It's helping me sleep." _

"_No, it's making you unconscious. Big difference. You've lost weight, you haven't been exercising, or eating right. You obviously haven't been sleeping. I haven't ever taken you down this fast before. You didn't even see my fist, did you?"_

Stephanie moved in the bed, stretching slowly, hoping against hope she'd find Ranger there this morning. But like every morning since the funeral, he was missing. There was no indentation on the pillow. A tear ran down her face. She knew she'd find him in the den. Curled on the couch. The empty bottle beside him on the floor, a blanket covering him, if it hadn't been a bad night. If it had been a bad night, he'd be sprawled on his stomach on the floor. There had been more bad nights so far, she glumly noted, as she gingerly got out of bed. She found her robe and slippers, made a quick trip to the bathroom, before she faced another agonizing day.

She passed the nursery, and closed the door. So, he had come home for sure. She kept it closed, he wanted it open. He wanted to leave it set up for a child, she wanted to pack away every last indication of a child. It hurt her to see all the reminders; it hurt him to erase the reminders. Every day, the world was grey, and he wanted to keep it that way, and she was trying to find a way out of the grey, out of the fog. She wanted sunlight again.

She went straight to the kitchen and put on some coffee. She stared at the brown liquid, drip drip dripping into the pot. She sat with her mug poised in both hands, waiting. She needed a cup of coffee before she went to find him. Before she tried waking him, before convincing him to go upstairs and shower. To take his antiviral meds. Brush his teeth, and wash off the stale reeking of alcohol on his breath. The stench seeped through the pores of his skin, it was in his sweat.

Mugs in both hands, another cup already consumed, she made her way to the edge of the den, and leaned tiredly against the door jamb. She looked in and didn't see him on the couch. A bad night. She walked slowly to the other side of the room, and bent down, placing the coffee on the table. "Ranger. Carlos," she stroked the back of his head; feeling the soft hair that was growing back. She absently noticed that his hair was growing in with some grey. He moaned and rolled over, and she gasped.

"What the hell happened to you?" She whispered furiously. "Carlos? Who did this?"

His eyes tried to focus on her, he tried to comprehend what she was talking about, but it was too much. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and it felt like someone was inside him, sticking him with needles from the inside out. He sat up abruptly, and ran his hand over his face, trying to wake up, to stop the stinging, but winced when his palm grazed his nose. He dropped his hands beside himself, and leaned against the couch. He closed his eyes again.

"Carlos. Coffee. What happened?" Stephanie sat next to him, and helped him hold the warm mug in his hands.

He took a sip and cursed when the hot liquid burned a cut on his lip.

"Tank." He looked over at her for a moment, then closed his eyes again.

"Tank? Did this to you? Why?"

"Dunno."

-----------------------

Thanks for reading. Reviews and comments are welcome. Sorry it's not headed where you'd like; it has to be this way.


	21. Chapter 32

ANGST ANGST 

_**CHAPTER THIRTY TWO**_

The dawn sky strained to reach through the partly drawn gauzy curtains, and made the room glow. It's still early, Steph realized. Couldn't be much past 5 AM, since Carlos was still wrapped around her body. Nice. She smiled lazily. He wasn't here when she went to bed; he must have come in pretty late. But at least he'd gotten some rest. He had slept some. She felt the warmth radiating from his body onto hers. It's good to have him there. He'd stayed mostly sober, most of the time, since Tank beat the shit out of him last month. He was gaining his weight and his strength and his will back.

Day by day, he slowly was becoming the man she had once met. There was definitely a difference. He was back to being an unapproachable, unflappable, blank faced automaton. He was behaving more like the enigma she had met years ago in a cafe, than the man she fell in love with, but that was better than the morose stranger who had been living here. Take what I can get, she reminded herself. Her mother was probably right about that. Who was she to decide at what pace Ranger should grieve? When did I start taking my mother's advice, she briefly wondered.

Herself, well, her days were starting to have meaning again. She wanted back to the way things had been. And she wanted to move on. She was shocked still by the depth of emotion that a tiny baby could elicit in only a few short hours. Holding her son, she had felt such a sense of contentment, of completion, even knowing how it was going to end. She surprised herself by acknowledging that she wanted, more than anything, to have another child. Since that couldn't happen till at least the beginning of the year, after Ranger was declared healthy and HIV-free, she wanted to rebuff the agony that had befallen them.

She felt him move, and saw his eyes flutter.

"Morning."

"Morning babe." He nuzzled into her neck, and his arms snaked around Stephanie, pulling her closer to him. The blankets shifted, and he tugged them back over their entwined form.

It felt good to be in his arms, Stephanie thought once again. The concept was so simple. Carlos nearby just made everything better. Her sleep had been restful and restorative. She smiled to herself. She kissed his earlobe, and delicately nibbled at his ear.

"Babe." Ranger groaned.

"Carlos."

"You know what today is?" she asked him seductively, stretching languidly, like a cat, still nibbling on his earlobe.

"Mmh. That feels nice. Our wedding day."

"I love you Carlos."

"Babe."

Stephanie snuggled closer. Oh, his body fits me so perfectly. I want for this to be forever. "You know what that means," she whispered with meaning into his ear. "We can have our honeymoon till we choose a new wedding day. The doctor cleared me yesterday."

"Babe, it's been too long." Ranger's hands roamed and rubbed, and found their way under the tiny tank top she was wearing. His fingers gently caressed her breast, sending shivers up and down her spine at the same time. Her moan set Ranger on edge.

"Don't stop Carlos. Keep touching me. Don't let go, ok?"

"Babe."

--------------------------

"Ranger, Stephanie, good morning. Glad to have you both back." Tank looked at them both momentarily. There was no need to acknowledge why they'd been gone; everyone in the room had been to visit them often since Rafael's birth. "Ranger, I will conduct this morning's meeting, and then we can sit down to begin transferring everything again."

Tank handled the daily meeting with a decisive and commanding manner. Stephanie hadn't ever seen him at such a level of authority. She was impressed. She looked around the room; no one else seemed overly awed by his performance. Hmm, Tank wasn't just another pretty face. One more thing that she was the last to know about.

Steph was unsure about coming back to RangeMan. She had not planned on it after the baby was born, of course. But she was at loose ends. Every day, staying home only reinforced the loss they had undergone. She didn't think she could move on if she stayed at home, after all she knew she wasn't cut out to be a Burg wife. And Carlos wasn't asking that of her. But there was no financial need for her to put Rafael in day care or have a nanny, just so she could work. So they had agreed she'd stay home till she couldn't take it any longer. Now, the house was just a shell. How? Rafael had never even come home. Yet his presence loomed large in every corner.

Due to continued expansion at RangeMan Miami, the Trenton office was short a computer researcher. Who else could deal with the never-ending pile of requests from Rodriquez? Surprise! Stephanie Plum, that's who. Or at least that's what the guys all told her. Of course she had a slight suspicion that it was because they hated computer work so much that they found her to be so efficient. Coming back to work seemed sensible. She could move forward, help RangeMan, and heck she was dammed good at it. Her spidey sense and her Burg connections tied together to make her one of the best researchers they had in the company.

She settled back into the routine quickly. She had gone out on a distraction or two, but rarely. She was proud to be more valuable to the company as a researcher than as a piece of ass. She enjoyed living away from Haywood, she decided. That way there was a clear separation between work time and playtime. Having a place to hide upstairs was nice when she needed a break, and Ella meals were a real bonus, but the ability to leave was freeing.

Rarely did she and Ranger drive to work together. Their schedules were too inconsistent to allow that luxury. They saw each other often throughout their days. But their old relationship wasn't working any longer. They needed to find a new way to exist. Post-loss. And it was harder than anything she'd ever done.

Ranger was still distant. He was physically recovered from the mission and the car accident. He had spent the summer rebuilding his strength. He could and did whip Tank's ass, or another unlucky Merry Man, on a weekly basis, just because he could. But Stephanie felt that psychologically he was still locked down tight, burying all of his emotions deeply inside.

She didn't know what else to do for him. She loved him. She mourned her son. She wasn't sure what she wanted any more. How could she help him? Ranger alternately pushed her away when she needed comfort or would become needy and demanding when she felt the need to pull back. The pressures of his demands on her emotional psyche were torturing her. She needed space. She wanted a child. She wanted Ranger to be near her; and to leave her alone. In other words, she was a mess.

Julie came to visit later in the summer, and stayed for three weeks. It was mostly a pleasant change, having her with them for weeks at a time. She was a nice buffer between Ranger and Stephanie. Finally they had something to discuss.

The night after Julie arrived, Trey came to see her. Ranger saw Treyvon's SUV in the driveway, so he had known he was at the house when he got home late that night. But he didn't expect to walk into the den and find Trey draped over Julie on the couch, his tongue down her throat. He flipped on the lights, and when they jumped off the couch, he quietly growled that they needed to become more aware of their surroundings.

Julie turned bright red, Trey looked down at his feet and mumbled goodbye to Julie and to Ranger as he tried to duck out of the den quietly. Ranger followed him out the door and lit into him. He grabbed his shoulder and spun him about. "She just turned fucking 13 three days ago!!!"

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry sir."

"Bullshit. You're not one bit sorry. She is my _daughter_. Keep your dick in your pants Treyvon, or so help me god…"

"Yes, sir. Goodnight." He quickly mumbled as he got into his SUV and tore out of the driveway.

Ranger kicked the tires on his own vehicle a time or two, and then strode purposefully to the back of the house, where he had an addition built with a gym. After beating the tar out of the punching bag, until his hand swelled and reddened, he went back into the den with some pain pills and grabbed a couple of bottles of Corona from the fridge; turned out the lights and sat down on the couch, remote in one hand, bottle in the other.

Julie found him early the next morning when she got up to go for her sunrise run. At first she thought he had awakened early. She saw his head leaning against the back of the couch, and rushed in to ask if he was running with her. She had always enjoyed their runs in the past. It was her daddy time…she inwardly grimaced at that thought. 'Daddy time.' I'm not a child. But still, she told herself, it was a good time to spend with him, alone, no Steph or Uncle Charlie or the guys to interfere.

"Daddy? Dad?" Julie touched his face, and still couldn't wake him. His head was tilted to the side, he was snoring gently and totally unaware of her presence. She looked over at the table next to him and frowned. She picked up the bottle and read the prescription name. Vicodin. "Daddy?" she whispered. She palmed his face, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "What's the matter, dad?" She felt his arms come around her; so she settled in and snuggled into his embrace. She opened up the scrapbook that lay on his lap, and quietly gazed at the photos.

Rangers hand came up to her head, and he tousled her hair. "Querida," he mumbled, and his breath was rank. "Dad?" She looked deeply into his eyes. "Why are you hurting yourself? You shouldn't be taking pills. Those are for when you have surgery and stuff. Mom had them when she had her back surgery."

"Julie, it's not your place, ok?"

Julie looked up at him and shrugged. "Fine. Let's go run." She grabbed his hand to pull him up and he winced as she squeezed the hand he had injured the night before.

"What's wrong?" she asked, as she dropped it again. "The pills were for this querida. Busted my hand last night."

Suddenly last night came rushing back. Treyvon and Ranger had left together. "Dad, you didn't hit Trey did you? It wasn't his fault! I wanted him to kiss me. I asked him to. Dad?" Her voice was rising, and she became agitated. "Dad! What did you do to him?"

"Nothing querida. This time. I don't want to see what I saw last night ever again, do you understand me?"

"Dad." Julie groaned.

"Julie."

"Fine. Are you running or not?"

Ranger ran his good hand over his face. "Yeah. Give me a minute, ok?" He knew he lost his cool. Shit. This is not the way to start out our visit.

About 3 miles into their run, Ranger slowed the pace a bit, so they could talk. "Julie. About last night."

"What."

"You're too young for what I saw."

"What did you see dad, can't you even say it?"

"Julie."

"Dad. I am not a child! I wanted him to kiss me. I like him."

"I am aware of that Julie. I know you like him. I don't think you should be getting involved with someone so much older than yourself. You shouldn't be getting involved with anyone. You're only thirteen"

"Daddy." Damn, when did Julie perfect Stephanie's eye roll?

"Julie. He's almost grown. He's going to college next year. You aren't even in high school."

"Daaaaddy."

"Julie."

"I haven't been a little girl in a long time. I haven't ever been a little girl, I don't think. I killed a man; I'm not a baby. I will kiss him if I want." And she speed off.

Fuck. Ranger decided to approach this from a different angle. After all he promised Rachel he'd talk to her, and Rachel hadn't expected the conversation to involve Trey, but school and her attitude.

"Julie, your mother wants me to discuss your lack of interest in school last year. What's going on there, hmm?"

--------------------------------

A few days after Julie arrived for her extended summer visit, Stephanie took her to the mall for some female bonding and shopping. They were having a good time, despite the fact that Julie had grown into the same sullen teenager that Stephanie recalled being herself at that age. But shopping had lit a spark in her eye, so they roamed in and out of stores. Stephanie laughed when Julie wanted to try on one revealing outfit after the other. "You can try them on, missy, but don't go thinking '_I_' am going to explain to your father why his daughter looks like a slut! They stay right here in the store."

"Steph, please? Let me buy this! Please please please!! It makes me look sexy!" Julie smiled as she spun around in the mirror. "Treyvon asked me to go out with him on Friday, Steph. I need something new to wear."

"Oh, you are the devil, Julie." Stephanie laughed. They settled on a somewhat less revealing, but still 'sexy' outfit slightly more appropriate for a young teen, and Julie almost did cartwheels, she was so thrilled. Stephanie knew she was being had.

"Your father isn't all that interested in you going out with Treyvon, Julie, and you know it."

"But I like him. And he likes me. Why can't we go out together?"

"Julie, you're 13, and he's 17. That's a big age difference. Your father's just worried."

"Well, that's stupid. I don't like the boys my age. They're dorks. And none of the boys at school are like Trey. He makes me feel special Stephanie. He always has. He can make me smile, even when I am angry at my mother. We IM and he makes me laugh, and feel good about things again."

Yup. Something is definitely going on with her. Ranger had asked Stephanie to try to get into Julie's head. She was getting out of hand back at home, and Rachel was at her wits end. So, while this visit was of course welcome, it was also designed to see if they could figure out what was going on in her teenage mind.

They sat with their bags and their pizza and cokes in the food court, and Julie's eyes wandered from one teenaged boy to the next. She pointed out one after the other to Stephanie, and explained why they were hot or dorks. Quite an education, Stephanie idly considered, sipping on her coke. She looked to where Julie was pointing this time, and gasped.

Joe had just walked past them, not even aware of her, because he had baby Meredith on his shoulder, and was attempting to maneuver her stroller through the food court with his free hand. Stephanie's eyes followed them, she couldn't tear herself away. She had yet to go meet Joe's daughter. It seemed too hard, too soon. Julie realized she was being ignored, and finally turned to Stephanie.

"What's the matter Steph? Stephanie? What's wrong?" She noticed Stephanie was staring at a man with a baby. "Steph? Do you know him? What's the matter?" She watched as the man maneuvered the stroller and then pulled out a chair at an empty table and sat down. When he sat, he looked their way. His eyes smiled, and he stood back up to greet them.

"I know you. You're the cop guy, right, who calls Stephanie 'Cupcake', aren't you? You used to be her other boyfriend." Julie spoke up brightly as soon as he walked over.

"Yeah, that would be me. You're Manoso's little brat, right?" Joe joked with Julie and she laughed loudly.

"Steph? Hey, how are you?" Joe sat down at their table. "Julie, right? Could you go over and get the stroller for me? Thanks."

Stephanie looked at Joe's face, and then down at his shoulder, where Meredith was bobbling her head about. "Steph?"

"Hi, Joe." But her eyes never moved from the baby. "She's big, Joe."

"Yeah, she's growing fast." Shit, this is awkward, he thought. "Steph, do you want to hold her?"

Julie came back with the stroller and watched the two adults; they seem tense, she thought. "What's her name? And what's yours anyway? I forget." Steph shook her head to clear it. "Julie, this is Joe Morelli. And his baby is Meredith. Can I, Joe? Really?"

"Of course, you can, if you want. Here you go," and with that he stood and gently placed the now wiggling infant in Stephanie's arms. "We are out on a birthday present mission for Mommy today, but Meri doesn't seem to be much of a shopper yet." Joe watched as Stephanie held his daughter. There was a pang, just a small one, as he thought of how close this had been his reality.

"That's a pretty name, Meri." Julie piped in. This feels odd, she thought. They are really uncomfortable together. "How old is she?"

Joe looked to Stephanie with a look of pain, and then turned to Julie. "She's three months old, Julie." Stephanie let out a small sob, and both of them turned their attention to her.

There were tears forming in the corners of Steph's eyes. Meredith was trying to play with Stephanie's nose. Her fingers were pudgy, and flapping at Steph's face, touching her cheeks and nose. Steph turned her face into the baby's neck and breathed deeply. Joe stood again, to take her from Stephanie, when he heard the tears. He knelt down, and put his hands out. "Steph, let me hold her, ok?"

She looked up at him and nodded her head. She sniffled, kissed the baby on her forehead, and handed her over to Joe. He took her and placed her in her stroller, and then turned back to Stephanie. "Cupcake. Look at me. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Yes." Sniffle. "I'm good. Really." And with that, the waterworks turned on and Stephanie began bawling.

"Stephanie, what's the matter?" Julie was freaking out. What was wrong? "What did you do to her?" She asked Joe.

"Julie, calm down. Meredith, well, she shares a birthday with your baby brother."

"Oh." Comprehension dawned. "Oh. Stephanie, it's ok. Stephanie, do you want me to get daddy? Please, Steph, stop crying." Julie stood next to Stephanie, holding her, rocking her head in her arms.

People were studiously avoiding the little drama in the food court; all the while making sure they filed away every bit of information for later dispersal. After some time, Joe stepped a few feet away, and pulled out his phone.

When Ranger arrived a few minutes later, Stephanie was gulping air, but the tears had stopped. Ranger held her and talked to her till she calmed down. After a while, Ranger stood and walked over to Joe. Julie looked confused, as her dad and Mr. Morelli stood talking for a minute. Mr. Morelli nodded, and then her father bent down, and picked up Meri himself, and held her for a moment. She saw his eyes get watery before he handed her back to her father.

That's when Julie absolutely lost it herself. She let Stephanie's hand go, and ran out of the building. Ranger and Joe saw her leave, but Ranger shook his head. He knew Tank was outside; he'd given him a lift since he would be driving Steph's car.

------------------------

Stephanie was in bed, after a long and soothing bath, and a thoughtful, solicitous evening spent with Ranger. He tucked her in and held her close to him until her breathing settled and he though she was asleep. He didn't know what to say to her, so he didn't say much, but he paid her close attention, and attempted to provide for her every need. Things, he could do for her. Words, well he knew they failed him.

Checking in on his daughter, he found her asleep with the lights on, so he carefully closed her book, tucked her in and turned out the lights. Walking down the stairs carefully in the dark, he worked his way to the den, for another long and sleepless evening.

Stephanie wasn't asleep. Her mind was in turmoil. She couldn't believe the amount of tears she had cried that evening. And what shocked her was that she was crying not just about Rafael, or about how Meri had felt in her arms, but about the fact that Joe was happy, and that it could have been her.

She cried about the pressure to finish grieving, the pressure from Joe to solidify their relationship before she had split with him. There were tears from the pressure Ranger had exerted then, to move forward, beyond Joe. The pressure now, to both stand still in their grief and move far beyond it. He has to be grieving still, or he'd stop drinking. He'd talk again. Will he ever talk to me again? Can it ever be the same? What else can I do? What do I do with my life? How do we move forward?

Where the hell is my life going anyway?

REVIEWS WELCOMED


	22. Chapter 33

_This story picks up where Janet_ _Evanovich_ _leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)_

_**TOUCHY SUBJECTS ANGST**_

_**CHAPTER THIRTY THREE**_

Summer quickly faded into fall, and the leaves fell from the trees soundlessly, covering their yard, their garden, their deck. Stephanie remembered what it was like as a child, to roll in the leaves, to watch them fly when she kicked up a pile on the side walk while walking home from school. It was like a kaleidoscope of color floating in the air, and it always made her happy.

But little this year could lift the grayness of her life. Had they really once been in love? Happy? The world had been their playground once, and life had made her smile. Fuck that, it must be a fantasy world, something she made up, like being Wonder Woman or something. Being a grown up full time sucked. The real world was a cold and mean place, and adults had problems unlike any that Stephanie had ever guessed.

Why the hell did we all want to _be_ grownups anyway? No school, no bedtime, eat what we want, sex. Oh yeah, all stupid reasons, shallow even, she realized. She was getting next to nothing in the sex department, she still had 20 pounds of baby weight to lose, and the #$# alarm clock blared every morning for work, no matter what time she turned in at night. So exactly WHY had she wanted to be an adult?

Hmmm, maybe this thinking could work with Julie. God knows she wants to be an adult. While she was here Ranger spent so much time trying to keep her out of trouble that he couldn't get in much himself. She smacked the alarm clock and slipped back into her semi conscious state… she reflected on the summer, and all that had happened.

_The day she had her little meltdown the mall, as she now laughingly referred to it, Julie_ _had run into Tank in the parking lot. She was hysterical about the baby, about seeing all the adults around her breaking down and crying. Seeing her father hold Mr._ _Morelli_'_s_ _baby was just too much. "Uncle Charlie, why is everyone so tense all the time? It was never like this before when I visited. Dad is like he used to be, before I was kidnapped. He doesn't joke or chat or play with me anymore. He just sulks in the corners of the house."_

"_I'm sad the baby died Uncle Charlie, I am, but everyone is weird now. I don't like it. Can I stay at your house tonight? It's not so depressing there." "You can, but you and Trey will be supervised, understood? I am not any happier than your father with the way the two of you have been behaving, Julie. _

"_Yes, sir._ _Fine. You can chaperone, ok?" she rolled her eyes and blew out a breath. "Why doesn't anyone want me to be happy?" She slouched into her seat and crossed her arms over her chest. "You still want to come over? I can drive you to your father's house now, if you are going to be like that young lady. "Fine. I'm sorry. I want to go to your house." She was quiet for the rest of the ride. Tank called Ranger on his cell to let him know the plans for the evening. _

_Tank drove her back home in stark, angry silence a few hours later, because she and Treyvon had snuck down into the game room while he was helping Nica balance on her new two-wheeler. He discovered them groping each other in the dark. Trey was grounded for a week, his keys taken from him and he had KP duty for the entire summer. Ranger had no idea what to do to punish her. She was challenging what little patience he had left._

_Trey got into the backseat with Nica after they dropped Julie_ _back home. He pulled his I-Pod out of his pocket and got ready to turn it on when Tank spoke to him. "Treyvon." Tank looked at his son in the rear-view mirror. He smiled internally; it was really like looking in the mirror at his past self. Well, with the exception of the dreadlocks that Trey had begun that spring. The boy was taller than him too. Already 6'7"! Tank shook his head for a second._

"_What?" Trey looked back at his fathers eyes in the mirror._

"_Up front._ _I want to talk to you. Let Nica have your I-Pod."_

"_Whatever." He turned on the music and put the buds in his sister's ears. She smiled at him, and gave him a kiss. He laughed, rubbed her head, and got into the front seat to face the music himself. _

"_Trey._ _I know you have feelings for Julie, but she needs to grow up, ok? Wait till you are both adults, see if you feel the same way."_

"_Dad." He groaned. His eyebrow raised in mute question. Like he'd ever have an issue with the way he felt. He knew that Julie_ _was really young, but damn, whenever she got around him he got all stupid. She was so pretty, and he liked how she felt when he touched her. Still, he couldn't believe that he had allowed her to get them in trouble twice in a week. _

"_At least let her grow up some. She's barely a teenager. She doesn't need that kind of pressure from you."_

"_You guys all act like she's some kind of princess or angel or something." _

"_What?"_

"_I said it's not like she's some angel. She is always getting into shit. She gets into more trouble than I do."_

"_You'd know that how"? Tanks voice was calm, and quiet. But not a tone that gave you the option to not respond_

"_She tells me stuff."_

"_Like?"_ _Trey turned and looked out the window. "Treyvon."_

"_She's my friend, Dad. I don't want to rat on her." Shit. I can't believe I fell for that. He's gonna be like the freaking Spanish inquisition now. _

"_I understand that. And that's a sign of a good friend. But if she's doing something that could hurt her or others, then being a good friend would be telling."_

_Treyvon_ _didn't respond. The rest of the ride home was silent, except for the sounds of Nica mumbling along to the music in her ears. He was shocked that his father hadn't pressed the issue. Whoa, that was close, he thought, as he went to his room and flopped on his bed in the dark._

_Trey came and sat down in the den with his father later that evening. Tank noticed that he seemed wound tight, but he didn't want to push it. They watched as the credits of the movie roll past, and Trey finally turned to his father. _

"_What would be something that I should tell, dad? What do you mean by things that hurt her?" _

"_You wouldn't have to tell on her if she cheats on a test. Keeping that confidence would be a good friend. But if she were to be hurting herself physically, for instance, then that you should share."_

"_Ok." They were silent for a while, and Tank kept aiming the remote, letting the channels stream by. "Well, one night when we were IM'ing. She said that s was at a party and that a guy did her."_

"_A guy _did _her? Exactly what would that entail, Trey?"_

"_You know."_

"_No, I don't."_

"_Sexual stuff."_ _God I can't believe I am telling him this._

"_How long ago?"_

"_Back around spring break."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because he called her a baby and a chicken._ _He said she wouldn't do it." _

'_She had sex on a dare?"_

"_Just a blow job, I think."_

"Just?"

"_Dad?_ _She had been drinking she said and the guy talked her into it. She's been a mess."_

"_Drinking?" Holy shit, Ranger is going to lose it when he gets wind of all this crap, Tank thought. "And so the moment you see her all you can think to do is start groping her?" _

"_Dad."_ _If Trey knew how Stephanie_ _did it, right then his eyes would be rolling._

"_No Trey, honestly."_

"_She wanted me to."_

"_Trey."_ _Tank's patience was wearing thin, but he knew this was hard for his son, and so carefully lay out the opportunity for Trey to share. _

"_She didn't like how it had felt. I told her it's not supposed to feel bad, and that I would show her one day that it's supposed to feel nice, not scary. She was scared."_

"_He hurt her? Why didn't she tell anyone?"_

"_She was afraid."_

"_And you? Why didn't you tell me?"_

"_She trusts me."_

_Treyvon."_

"_I know she's gonna be mad I'm telling you now."_

"_The kid forced her?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_He raped her?"_

"_No. I don't think so. I think it was just oral stuff, dad. She didn't say that she had sex. She just didn't like it and she got afraid."_

_Tank sat quietly. He took a deep breath, and looked at his son again._

"_There are things, that when a friend is in trouble, you need to go to the adults in your life." _

"_Yes sir."_

"_This is one of those times. Thank you for telling me."_

"_She's not going to tell me anything ever again. She's not gonna want to be my friend any more, because I got her in trouble."_

"_Trey, you did the right thing."_

"_I hope so," he mumbled._

"_Do you know why? What's going on in her head? She just turned 13, and she's drinking, and having sexual experiences?"_

"_No." He was quiet for a few minutes. " She does other stuff too dad. She smokes. And sneaks out of the house at night. She knows how to get her bodyguards to not see her when they are with her, and sneaks away from her friends' houses. Her mother and father think she's somewhere, and she tricks the bodyguard into thinking so too."_

"_Where is she going? What does she do?"_

"_I don't know. She just does it, because she can, I think."_

"_Trey, you are a good friend. Julie needs some help, I think. We wouldn't know that, if you hadn't shared."_

"_I feel wrong."_

"_Its ok, son._ _We'll get her the help she's asking for. Maybe she hoped you'd tell. Maybe that's why she let you know."_

"Darned alarm clock," Stephanie growled, when it started beeping again. Guess I better get up and face the day, she thought. The shower seemed as good a thinking place as any, so she settled all the jets into the perfect configuration and stepped inside. The walls of the room sweat the scent of Bulgari, she realized, taking a long sniff. Bulgari. Carlos. Sadness. Everything points back to the mess this adult life is, she pondered. Well, it points back to her almost stepchild, a teenager from hell if there ever was one. No that's not fair Steph, she thought. The girl really had her head messed up. And Ranger's head was as messed as hers, she thought sometimes.

_Ranger and Stephanie_ _had a long three weeks with Julie. After Tank shared his eye-opening conversation with them, they explained to him all the issues Rachel_ _was having with Julie_ _as well. _

_Her temper control was non-existent. She was argumentative, defiant and deliberately annoying to all around her. She had dropped out of the cross country team at school, much to the chagrin of her coach. She was hostile, and withdrawn. She didn't chatter. Stephanie_ _was amazed at how much she missed this girl's incessant talking. It was like a switch had been thrown. _

_Tank sat down with her one day, and refused to let her leave the room they were in until they had come to an agreement. The agreement involved her speaking to him. "Pumpkin. Everyone is worried about you. Tell me. Please, Julie. I know there is something bothering you. You have changed. You were once a happy girl. What happened to you that has caused you to be so distant?"_

_It took most of the day, but he came to the conclusion she was suffering from PTSS, all these years later. The kidnapping had adjusted her view of the world. As she grew older, she realized how dangerous it had been. At the time she had looked at it as something of an adventure. Her mother didn't discourage that view, because it made it seem less forbidding. She learned that her life was capable of being ended. And had proof she could take life._

_She decided her parents didn't care that she had survived; her mother got pregnant right after she came home. She hated all the attention that her new baby sister Alyssa_ _got, and selfishly wished she could move to Trenton. She wanted to be an only child again, with just Ranger and Stephanie, instead of two brothers and a new sister. Then she found out Steph was pregnant as well. She blamed herself for Rafael_'_s death—she had bad thoughts about the baby before he was born, because there was nowhere she felt was wanted. _

As Stephanie drove to work, she thought about timing her day properly so she could meet Ranger's flight from Miami. He had made the trip every two weeks since Julie went home and started high school. He had family counseling sessions with Julie and Rachel. He really was a good dad, she reflected. Now, if only the counseling would put his flipping head back on straight, she pondered.

His work never suffered. That was one thing that amazed her. Despite everything, he was able to run RangeMan, both in Trenton and down in Miami, since he spent so much time there. And yet, at home? Well, when he was home, she amended. The business thrived. No one would ever know the turmoil that went on at home. But rest assured she knew she'd find him shit-faced at least one day of every weekend. They lived two separate lives, in one home. And she had no ideas on how else she could fix things.

He denied up down and sideways that he had a problem with drinking, and all the empty pill bottles in the world refused to convince him he was abusing pain medications. He doesn't talk. 'That's it. Case closed. Why do you want me to talk all the fucking time, Stephanie? That's not me and you know it. I'm fine. You just need to accept me as I am. I accept you for you; give me the same fucking courtesy, ok?' And he's off on another bender.

So she learned to stop asking, and he stopped yelling, and they worked well together, both ignoring the huge elephant that sat in every room they both shared. The tension at RangeMan between them was nonexistent because they were both professionals. It wasn't like anyone was fooled, but it didn't interfere with their work. They never worked with each other in any event.

'The bad days will happen less often, the good days will be more frequent.' She repeated the mantra Tank told her, referring to her grieving process, but she had adopted that as the chant for the relationship she and Ranger were destroying, as she got out of her car and headed towards the elevator.

'Today will be a good day,' she demanded of herself, as she pasted a smile on her face and finger waved to the guys in the control room.

------------------------------

"Steph? Its me, I'm outside your gate. Open up, I've got a present for you."

"Joe? Its--," she rubbed her eyes and looked at the readout. Fuck. "--3:32."

"I know, cupcake. I'm sorry."

"Be right there." Steph mumbled into the phone and hung up.

_Reviews and comments welcome!_


	23. Chapter 34

_This story picks up where Janet_ _Evanovich_ _leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)_

_**angst **_

**_ANGST_**

**_ANGST_**

_**CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR**_

She rooted around the dark room for her slippers, quickly pulled on her robe, and went down to open the front door. Joe stood with Ranger propped against his shoulder, mostly unconscious. Joe gave her a sad expression. "Upstairs?"

"Yeah." She closed the door and leaned against it. She slid down, and put her head on her knees. I am not going to cry in front of Joe. I won't.

Eventually, Joe came and sat beside her on the floor. She picked her head up, and banged it twice on the door behind them. "Where'd you find him?" Her voice was flat. Exhausted. Indifferent.

"Got a call. He was in the back corner of a bar just west of Stark. Wouldn't leave, the bar-keep called it in. Big Dog guessed it was him, so called me."

"Ok."

"You know someone named Bartholomew Reyes from Miami?"

"No. Why?

"Found this in his pocket." Joe reached into his jacket and handed her an empty prescription bottle made out to Reyes for codeine. She looked at it, and then flung it into the living room, where it rolled under the Christmas tree. She smacked her head against the door again.

They sat like that for a long time. Finally, Joe took her hand. "It's been quite a while, Steph, since I've picked him up, right? It's better than it was, isn't it?"

She shrugged.

"He's not hurting you, is he? Cupcake? Look at me."

"No. Yes. He's killing me emotionally. I can't stand watching him self-destruct, Joe." Her voice was small, low, and toneless. "But all the physical stuff, he's doing that to himself. He has never raised so much as a pinky to me."

"Ok." They both leaned back against the door for support.

"Joe, I'm gonna go get some sleep. Julie gets here tomorrow for the holidays and World War lll is scheduled shortly thereafter."

"Right. Teen years are gonna suck with Meri, aren't they?"

"You don't know the half of it Joe."

"You know, I wouldn't have minded if Meri had decided she liked Rafael, you know that, right? I know I joked that I didn't want a Manoso boy around my daughter, but you know I was kidding, right? Steph? "

"Yeah, Joe, I know." She gave him a sad smile. "You are going to need to be beating the guys away from her." She handed him the scarf he had dropped when he came in earlier, and didn't resist when he pulled her close to him. His hug was warm and safe, and she didn't want to let him go.

"Cupcake." What do I say? He pulled back and looked at her. He had no answers. "Take care of _you,_ ok?"

"Uhm hmm."

She closed the door, and walked to the phone. She picked it up, and put it down three times. Finally she just grabbed it and dialed the number.

She heard Tank's groggy hello.

"Charlie? Do it."

And she hung up, before her tears overwhelmed her.

----------------------

I'm not afraid  
Of anything in this world  
There's nothing you can throw at me  
That I haven't already heard  
I'm just trying to find  
A decent melody  
A song that I can sing  
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool  
But darling look at you  
You gotta stand up straight  
Carry your own weight  
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together  
You've got stuck in a moment  
And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better  
Now you're stuck in a moment  
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake  
The colors that you bring  
The nights you filled with fireworks  
They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted  
By the light you brought to me  
I listen through your ears  
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool  
To worry like you do  
I know it's tough  
And you can never get enough  
Of what you don't really need now  
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together  
You've got stuck in a moment  
And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now  
You've got yourself stuck in a moment  
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep  
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall  
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together  
You've got stuck in a moment  
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better  
Now you're stuck in a moment  
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over  
And if the day won't last  
And if our way should falter  
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over  
And if the day won't last  
And if your way should falter  
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment  
This time will pass

_Stuck In a Moment You Can't Get Out Of_ _U2 _

It was New Years Day, and the city was hung-over. No one was out and about. Except for Stephanie and Ranger. And Bob. Bob moved back in with Stephanie and Ranger back in October because it was decided that Marie Morelli was allergic to dogs. Stephanie wasn't sure if it was that Marie was allergic to Bob, or the results of Bob's prodigious appetite. After all, cleaning up after a baby's diaper all day was one thing, but following Bob around, yikes.

Last night had not been the best New Years Eve she'd ever experienced. She felt like shit, and Ranger looked like shit. God, he shouldn't even be standing this morning, he was so tanked last night.

She had a lot of nervous energy, and was able to persuade him to take a walk. Lately that was about all they did together, walk Bob. And talk. No, clarify that. She talked. He walked Bob. Somehow, talking to him while roaming the streets of the neighborhood, not looking at him, being able to dash off a stick for Bob to fetch if things got too heavy, well, it was the only coping mechanism she had left.

They never spent time together otherwise. He left for work early, came home late or not at all. Steph knew he wasn't with another woman. She had access to the GPS read-outs, and he didn't go offline and disappear. But he was certainly not with her, either. He had been to Miami frequently, trying desperately to get Julie back on track, but that too seemed to be a losing proposition. Her Christmas visit illustrated how far apart they had become, Stephanie mused. Enough. You need to do this, stop procrastinating, she chided herself.

"Ranger, how do you hurt someone you love?" Stephanie stopped walking. She turned to him, and tugged her scarf about her more snugly. The wharf area was breezy, but private. The water looked bitterly cold, but somehow compelling. Something about being down here always calmed her nerves.

"I don't know Babe." His eyes stared ahead. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his leather jacket, and as a concession to the cold, he too wore a scarf. Stephanie absently recognized it as the cashmere one she had given to him a lifetime ago. His cheeks were red from the cold, as were his eyes, but that of course was from last night.

"How do you tell someone you love that you can't be with them any longer? That it's not working any longer? That it's destroying them both?"

"Babe. You'd owe it to them to be honest. They'd deserve to hear the truth, not excuses." His voice was a monotone. He looked over her head, far beyond the horizon.

"Oh, Ranger," she said, as she took his hands in hers and pulled him close.

"I would especially hope, Babe that you wouldn't be telling this to me." Bob looped the leash around them both, and tried to get their attention.

He put his hand under her chin and tilted her face to meet his. He saw tears forming in the corner of her eyes. His eyes melted and quickly hardened, and looked for the horizon line again, sure of her response. He was sure she couldn't tell him any other way. She stepped back.

"Ranger. I need to go; to get out. I can't breathe any more. Part of me died with Rafael. I can't pretend any longer that we can fix this. I don't know why we can't fix it. I hate that it can't be fixed." She was crying, hiccups interrupting her speech.

He felt sucker punched. The air left his lungs. He sat quickly on the retaining wall behind him. "Look at me babe."

There were tears streaming down her cheeks when she looked at him. "It's over Carlos. I'm sorry. I'm moving out." She pulled off her gloves, and started to pull her ring off.

He closed his hand around hers. He shook his head no. "It's yours, babe."

He looked at the horizon for long minutes. He had known it was coming. It was inevitable. There had been a fissure, even before the mission. They were made for each other, they completed each other, they were each half of the others heart, but they destroyed each other at the same time. The force of their personalities together was volcanic. He had never yelled so much, fought so much, lost control so much, as he had since they had moved in together.

Both were sure they were right. Both were naïve about the difficulty of caring for a relationship, of supporting and building on each others strengths. Both were selfish. They gave no quarter. He felt the difference in his life. Before Steph, his world had been black and white. Easy to navigate. It was left, or right; up, or down; yes or no. Stephanie made his world Technicolor. Neon. Curvy. Magenta _and_ pink, teal _and_ green. Layered. Confusing.

Since his return from his last mission, he had been distant and cold. Even he recognized that he had been remote, inaccessible. Sure, he'd been beaten and raped and held captive. Things could have been worse. Shit, he _had_ been through worse. But something snapped this time. It was as if the sum total of horrific occurrences in his existence were held in balance, and this last, miserable spring tipped the scales towards despair.

And then his son died. Their son. The grayness of life seemed overpowering. He didn't know what he could do to change anything. The drinking, the pills, they certainly weren't helping. He's not that dense. But what right did others have to tell him how to feel? How to grieve, how to live? It was _his_ head, his heart that were in anguish and torment. They were the only things that got him through the long days, the even longer nights.

He opened his eyes, looked down at her hand in his, and let it go. "I'll move babe. It's your house anyway."

"No."

"Babe." His voice begged.

"I can't afford to keep it up. And I can't stand to be alone in it anyway."

He considered her words. He knew he couldn't talk her into doing something, anything that she didn't want to do. He was not a total fool. He had learned at least that much through the years of trying to keep Stephanie safe.

"Do you need help?" he finally asked with resignation in his voice.

"No. I'll handle it. I found an apartment already." He jerked his hand from hers at that news. He was clearly more surprised by her determination to move on than he realized. "The guys will help. Ranger, I do love you. I just need to be away from you. I need my life back. I'm drowning." Stephanie whispered.

"I know." He pulled her close to him for a moment, breathing in her scent, feeling the beating of her heart. Then he let her go, and handed Bob's leash to her. He pushed her away gently from him.

"I love you too, babe. Always."

Reviews and comments welcome!


	24. Chapter 35

_This story picks up where Janet_ _Evanovich_ _leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)_

ANGST, BUT ONLY MILDLY SO...

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

"I thought our love was stronger than this, Tank. Why? Why couldn't we fix it?"

"Stevie, somewhere, something happened before Rafael died. His imprisonment? Before that? I don't know. The two of you are strong personalities. It was always going to be a difficult ride, you do realize that? Everything about you two together has been difficult."

"No. That's not true."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Little girl, even the sex was difficult."

"No! No. The sex was the one thing that always worked, Tank. Always."

"It was. Trust me. I put up with a lot of shit from Ranger in the years it took to get the two of you together. Trust me."

He looked at her intensely for a moment. "Couples who have a strong history and deep connections and past; very often even they can't get beyond the loss of a child." Tank looked down at his hands. He couldn't look Stephanie in the eye. "I don't know if we'd still be together if Antoinette had lived."

"Tank!"

"Privately Stevie, I blame Antoinette. I know it's unreasonable, but it's a fact. I blame her for my daughter's death."

They sat in silence for a long time. Stephanie realized he had been through loss too. But at least he got to hold his child, watch her grow. God, which would be harder? I don't think I could have done that.

"What made me think that we would be able to do this forever? Why did I think we could marry!! Our first hurdle and we both blew it." She tossed her head back into the couch and groaned.

They were on the living room floor in Steph's new apartment as the darkness of a January afternoon descended upon them. Cal and Lester had left a while back, after assisting her with the moving of her meager belongings. They were happy that she had chosen a safe apartment, unlike her old one, but were saddened that such a task was required. They all were under her spell, however. Hell, yeah, Ranger was their buddy, and even had been commanding officer to some of them, but Bombshell, well, she was their friend.

_They were both lost in thought. What a fiasco Christmas had turned out to be. No one in the Manoso family would forget this Christmas anytime soon, and for all the wrong reasons. Tank arranged everything with the family for the intervention that Steph and Tank had decided need to occur. Ranger was slowly killing himself, and destroying all the things he'd built over the years. The children were all off having some grand adventure outside in the happily white Christmas back yard, and inside, the sum total of those who loved him assaulted him with their pleas. _

'_Quit the drugs; stop the drinking, get over yourself, Carlos.' That was the mantra that was repeated over and over, by his sisters, by his father, by his brother and brothers-in-law. By his mother. "Carlito, I lost one son to drugs. Please, don't let me lose a second one." _

"_I'm not addicted. I haven't touched cocaine since I was 23, god damn it! I know better than to do that shit again."_

"_And the Percocet?_ _The Vicodin, Codeine? Fuck, Ranger. You're mixing alcohol and pain killers to avoid dreaming at night. You try to work 24 hours a day; and you mostly ignore that I even exist. Your 13 year old daughter knows you're abusing, Ranger. For the past six months you've not allowed me in."_

"_I have tried to grieve with you, Ranger. I carried our child inside me. I felt him move, I'm sure he knew my voice. I lost _my _child, as much as you did. But I can't continue dying every day. I have to move forward. _You _need to move forward. Your life is a good one. You have family and friends and a successful business. Stop trying to ruin it all, will you?" Stephanie_ _stopped to take a deep cleansing breath, to wipe her eyes, and to try and re-focus her thoughts._

"_Fuck, Ranger, professional courtesy is the only thing that's kept the police off your ass. Be glad Gaspick hasn't been the one to answer a call or your ass'ed be in jail. Be glad Morelli cares enough about Stephanie_ _to not allow you to be tossed in jail for stupid shit like this." Tank had the door blocked to the back yard. Manuel_ _and Drew_ _were near the hallway door. The den was now a prison to him. He had no choice but to let his family assault his mind with their judgments and opinions of his behavior._

_Tank continued. "You are off in Miami_ _every other week, and even down there, everyone knows you're looking to score. You have guys on the street calling a fucking security firm, looking to see if you need pills. These fuckers are the guys we go after, damn it. You are going to destroy this business and that's not just about you, but about all of us who work with and for you. You will destroy our dreams too."_

_Ranger continued pacing the length of the den, glaring first at one and then another of his family. Who died and made them my fucking conscience? I can't believe they are doing this to me. "So what if I drink? I am an adult. I'm allowed to do so. I don't black out; I don't forget where I am or what I should be doing. RangeMan is running fine. If I want to take the edge off of a hard week, who the hell are any of you to tell me otherwise? If I get drunk, whose business is it but mine? I don't drive. I don't do anything stupid." He was ranting. He knew it, and he couldn't stop. It felt good, not as good as kicking Tank in the fucking balls would. That would probably be a bad idea till he got him back to RangeMan and away from his brother. Tank was responsible for this, of that he was sure. It smelled like Tank's psycho-babble coming from other people's mouths._

"_You don't black out?? What the hell reason do you have for me finding you lying on the floor of the den? You aren't drunk when Joe_ _brings you home. You are stoned; high as a kite, Ranger. Not drunk. When you are drunk you are sullen, brooding, morose, angry and irritable. You don't make a happy drunk Ranger. When you take pills too, you are quiet. You stare. You zone. You think I can't tell the difference between the two? You think Joe_ _could have carted your ass home all those times if you were just _drunk_? You'd have beaten the shit out of him. Just the mere fact he gets you in his car tells me you've taken some pill or other. I don't have to check your jacket pocket."_

"_Julie_ _isn't going to learn better coping mechanisms if all she sees is you drowning your sorrows and popping pills. You go to her therapist every other Friday, and what are you doing, feeding him a line that you are going to do what's right for her? Be a good father, try to keep things open and true? Think about her, will you? She's got issues bigger than yours. She thinks she's not enough for you, and your response is to annihilate yourself with this crap. I liked you a lot better when you thought your body was a temple, not a dump. You were _you _then." Stephanie sat back down on the couch, defeated. She could see in his eyes that he wasn't listening. It took her all to open up in front of his family like that, to admit that she wasn't enough to keep him going._

"_Maybe this_ is _me. Maybe all these years of control have just been me denying that all I am is a fuck up. I put on a good show, but all I can do is make one mistake after the next. And it just gets worse and worse. I just want you all to leave me the fuck alone, ok?"_

_It didn't get any better. It went on into the night, with one then another of his siblings trying to reach him. The only reason he stayed was because he had no choice. His car keys were taken from him. He finally decided this was his penance and sat and let them talk over him. Because he didn't argue, they felt maybe they reached him. But in reality, he had gone to another place. He was zoning. He certainly didn't want them to think he was listening. But some of what they said reached his deepest unconscious brain, and it filed away their pleas._

_Stephanie_ _was quiet as they drove home Christmas night. Ranger wouldn't talk about what happened, but he was missing from their bed by morning. He flew home with Julie, and was arrested on possession charges in Miami. His lawyer got it taken care of, but it was a wake up call to Stephanie. She made the hardest decision she, the queen of denial and high princess of procrastination ever had to make. It had to end. She had to end it._

Tank broke the silence finally. "Stevie, that was a tough hurdle for the first one. I don't know why bad things have to happen. I think you are doing the right thing, though. Getting out is probably the best thing for you. For Ranger. He needs to clear his head, work through some serious stuff. He's not in any shape to maintain a relationship. And you deserve to have a chance to find happiness. I'm sorry it didn't work with Ranger, I really am. You two are the closest friends I have. You're my family."

Tank scooted over to the couch and pulled her onto his lap. His arms snaked around her, and he rocked her as she wiped the tears that threatened to fall. "I hate to see you both in so much pain, so much heartache." His mouth was a tight line, he loved this woman and he hated that she was in distress.

"Tank? Is he ok? Have you seen him?" she turned her face up to his, and she blinked, trying to make the tears stop. She relaxed back into his arms, and counted to ten, trying to gather her wits. I am absolutely not going to cry for the rest of my life. That's all there is to it, she thought. I made this choice; I need to follow through with it.

"He left for Miami again, little girl. He wouldn't talk to me. I think he realizes I will make him try and see sense, and he's not ready for that yet." The quiet filled the room, and they were both loathing to break the silence.

"Tank, will you ever go into practice?" Stephanie finally twisted in his embrace, and looked at him with interest.

"Huh, well, yeah, I figure some day this ol' body will fail. I can't be catching FTA's when I'm 50. I already counsel on the side, you know."

"No I didn't."

"Yeah… for the Army… Civilian Readjustment Team."

"You're good at it."

"Just like to gossip, is all, Steve."

_Comments and reviews please! thanks Lindsay!_


	25. Chapter 36

_**CHAPTER THIRTY SIX**_

_This story picks up where Janet_ _Evanovich_ _leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)_

Thank you Lindsay, for all your thoughts and comments. It's a stronger chapter because of you.

APRIL

Tank came awake as Steph stirred on the couch. She scrunched her eyes, trying to focus. The blue screen of the TV was the only light in the room.

"Tank?" She said, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, Stevie?"

"Why are you still here? It's got to be 3 am?"

"Closer to four, little girl, but it's ok. You needed me to be here." And the night came crashing in.

"Oh, shit." Stephanie shook her head. "That date was a bad dream, wasn't it? Please say it was!"

"Girl, it's been four months since you and Carlos broke it off. You gotta move on little girl."

"I am. I had a date tonight." Her bottom lip stuck out petulantly.

"Oh, yeah, that went as planned, didn't it?" Tank rolled his eyes at her, but he smiled.

"Well at least I tried. You haven't been out on a date in forever!" Stephanie stuck out her tongue at him.

"You need to move on, girl. I am proud of how you and Ranger have been able to work together."

"When he's in Trenton, Tank, which is almost never."

He ignored her interruption and continued. "I'm proud of how your basic friendship and confidence in one another has remained. You are allowing him to work out his issues, and you are being a friend. But you need to start moving forward. And you are right, I do too." Tank rearranged himself on the couch, so he was facing her.

Stephanie made a face at him indicating her displeasure with the direction of the conversation. This was starting to sound too much like a lecture for her liking, especially at, what did he say it was? Four in the morning.

"I thought I could help us both move on." Tank tilted her head up with his hand, till she was looking at him. His fingers covered the entire side of her face. He bent forward, and kissed her, his full lips taking hers and softly breaking into her mouth. Her arms went behind his head without thought, and she pulled him closer. He stopped mid-kiss and looked at her, pleased at her reaction. "Little girl, we're going to take our time." He bent back to her lips, and just as he captured them she spoke.

"Tank."

"Yeah?"

"Don't take as long as Ranger."

"Oh, is two years too long? How about five?"

"Wow." Stephanie moaned at the feeling of Tank's hand on her back, rubbing in small circles as he pressed her closer to him. Tank's low laughter rumbled through him; she felt his chest shake. She opened her eyes and looked at him. His eyes were black, and heavy with desire. She ran her hand over his smoothly shaven head, and then down over his cheek. His beard was short, and rough, and it felt incredible against her fingertips. Tank's lips were like fire on hers. He was so warm, and she clung to him; running her hands over the huge expanse of espresso toned biceps that rippled from his white t-shirt.

_Nothing ever was wrong when Tank was around. That was a fact of her life, she realized. He always seemed to be there, to lift her up, and support her. He could talk her down from the ledge like no one she'd ever met. She had grown more than comfortable with him. Ranger had once again left the Trenton_ _office in Tank's competent hands while he wandered about Miami_ _trying to find himself. _

_She and all the Merry Men had developed strong friendships. They were closer to her than her family. Even Marylou_ _sometimes was second, she briefly thought with sadness. Working and laughing and hanging out with these guys, and their wives and girlfriend's was more real than anything she'd ever experienced. It was where she belonged. She could easily understand why she had always felt constricted by the Burgs standards. This was right, not that tight, little bubble world._

_Tank had allowed her to make her own way, to adjust to life without Ranger. She got to decide whether she would stay at RangeMan, and she chose to stay because she was highly proficient at her job. Researching was her niche. Her spidey sense was legendary at this point. And Ranger wasn't being a jerk about her walking away. He was just making himself scarce. He had retreated to Miami, and took over the running of RangeMan Miami full time. _

But she couldn't keep up this line of thought, not with Tanks' hands roaming over her body. The way he was making her feel right now, she couldn't even remember why he scared her so much when they first met.

"Come on, girl, let's get you to bed." Tank led Stephanie to her room, and he pulled at her covers with one hand while he held her about the waist with the other and kissed her along her neck, her chin. His arm circled her waist completely; she was so fragile, so small next to him. She felt so good. He had waited so long.

"Tank," Stephanie mumbled into his ear, fumbling with his cargo pants, his lips distracting her horribly from the task at hand, "do you have a condom?"

"No need, little girl."

"Tank."

"Snipped; and clean, ok?" he breathed softly into her ear. He licked the edge. He kissed her forehead, he bent to kiss her lips again, her neck; and she abandoned herself to the feelings he was creating.

---------------------------

Ranger studied the GPS tracking printout, and cursed roundly to himself. He breathed deeply and picked up the phone.

"Yo."

"Yourself, man. When you roll into town?"

"We need to talk. My office in five."

Click.

Well, this is gonna be fun, Tank thought.

"Close the door, Charlie." Damn. He knows.

"Want to tell me what's going on?"

Not being a foolish man, Tank knew better than to pretend he didn't know why he was being called on the carpet. "You've no claim on her any more, Carlos. It's been over between you two for months."

"You moving in on her?"

"Yeah."

Ranger's fists clenched. His jaw tightened. He turned around and looked out the window.

"Stephanie deserves to be loved." Tank spoke to his back.

"She hasn't been the same since Rafael died."

"You shut her out. She's begun to move on. You two lost it. You two lost it before Rafael died. YOU haven't been the same since the baby died. And you fucked it all up with your precious pills. Your drinking. You gave _your_ pain more importance than her pain."

"I disagree."

"Too bad. I've stood on the sidelines for years while Morelli and then you fucked up Stephanie's world. I won't let this Jeremy fool mess with her head too. She's too important to me." Ranger spun around to face Tank and his eyebrow rose, shocked at Tank's admission.

"You were there for her when she came home from her date?"

"Got a call about the argument at Rossini's before she even dumped her drink on the poor fool." There was an oppressive, dangerous silence in the room.

"You sleep with her?" Ranger growled at Tank.

"You've no claim, Ranger. Yeah." The silence stretched. "Wanna punch something?"

"Gym in ten."

The session at the gym was explosive, and bloody. Neither man pulled their punches; they all landed true to aim. They didn't stop until both were so out of breathe and sweaty that they couldn't grasp each other.

Tank sat down on the bench near the mat; breathing hard, and wiping blood and sweat from his face. After a long while, Ranger came and sat down next to him. He leaned into Tank's open arms and cried while Tank held him. Thank god Ranger had scrambled the signal before they started sparring, Tank thought, as he let Ranger have the release that he so desperately needed. This was a long time coming; honestly facing the realization that Stephanie was no longer his.

"Carlos, I didn't sleep with her to get you mad. You know I love you man." Released from their embrace, Tank stood up to hit the showers.

"I know. Be good to her Charlie, ok? You're right, she does deserve happiness." Ranger's elbows were on his knees, his head in his hands. "And so do you my friend, so do you."

------------------------------

Stephanie arrived at RangeMan after a nice afternoon shopping spree with Marylou at Victoria's Secret. She felt guilty about not telling her about her night with Tank, but at least she had finally gotten together with her on their long delayed girls day out. She thought she'd spend the rest of her day doing some computer searches unless Tank needed her. Tank. Wow. Her head was full of the night before, of the way she felt when she woke at 9:30 to find him still asleep in her bed. The feeling was one of absolute comfort and trust.

And love. But what kind of love? What did this mean? Tank was the closest thing to a brother she ever had, at least that was always how she considered him. Yes, she had always admired him; like every other Merry Man, he was gorgeous, but she'd considered him untouchable. She grinned inwardly, recalling the hot kiss they had shared while on stake-out so long ago. She knew it had done something to Tank, she'd seen it in his eyes. But she was so caught up in Ranger at that point; she had ignored it for being anything more than the catalyst for her break-up with Joe. But last night seemed so right. She hadn't even realized _how_ attracted she had been to him until his lips began their torturous assault on hers. But then it seemed ideal, just the right thing to do.

_And Ranger._ _What about Ranger? Yes, I walked. And he didn't stop me. And he hasn't looked back. He was trying, she knew, to work things out with Julie. Rachel kept her informed of Julie's progress, because despite everything, Stephanie_ _and Julie_ _had developed a close relationship. She was able to accept that her Dad had moved on, as long as she could keep Steph in her life. And that worked for Stephanie. Ranger and she had had no more than a half dozen conversations in the past four months. He never had anything personal to discuss, but he respected her abilities at her job and would call on her skills on occasion. _

_What she did know, however, was that he hadn't made much progress in the way of straightening out. He had fallen off the wagon a number of times, but she tried to look at it the way Tank told her to see it. He was _trying_. He may not be successful yet, and everyone agreed he shouldn't be trying alone, but since there was no convincing him to seek professional help, they all had to assist him in any way they could. He had a lot of people on his side. Eventually he'd get it right._

_Maybe what he said that Christmas night was true. She had at last accepted that it was possible that all the time she knew him he had been just playing a role, and he couldn't sustain it any longer. The reasons he claimed his life didn't lend itself to relationships had more to do with his personal flaws and liabilities than the dangers he would expose her to professionally._

_The tightly controlled, blank faced soldier whom she met one day in a cafe was only a character. He didn't have the control of Batman. He was just a broken, imperfect and wounded human, who was afraid to ask for help. He was just some guy from the barrio, who pulled himself up, higher and farther than he ever expected to go. But he wasn't special. He was just a man. That's what he tried to tell her, time and again, but she didn't want to dilute the fantasy she had created for him. His strength was inadequate to the responsibilities he tried to lay upon himself, and he cracked under the pressures he forced onto his shoulders. She was disheartened by the fact she couldn't reach him, but she knew she had done what she could. She had a dull heavy feeling in her heart when she thought of the pain he was in, but she had finally accepted that staying would ruin her life as well._

Hector said he thought Tank was in the gym, so she headed that way, just so she could see him. She was sure it wasn't going to be awkward; they had been such good partners; they worked so well together; they'd become such good friends in the past few years. She knew he'd make her feel good about what happened. She hoped he wanted to be with her again.

She peeked into window on the gym door to see if Hector had been right. Her eyes grew wide, and she quickly turned away. She walked back the way she came, shaking her head trying to clear her mind. Finally she took out her cell phone and dialed 2.

"Yeah, um, Tank. You need me for anything. I was gonna head home." Stephanie was sitting in her car in the garage, ready to bolt.

"Steve." She could hear his smile. "You ok? You sound distressed. Little girl, about last night."

"Uhm." Ok, here's where he says it was a bad idea.

"Can we repeat it sometime? Soon? Tonight maybe? Except for the part where you go out with that Jeremy fool. Cut straight to the part where you're in my arms?"

"Oh, Tank! You're such a goof." She had no choice but to laugh. He just always made her smile. "Yeah, come over with Pino's later, ok?"

Stephanie showered and climbed onto her bed, adjusting herself into her thinking position. She needed to do some serious thinking about what she had seen earlier. What kind of answer would she get if she asked Tank what happened in the gym? He didn't lie to her; so she really needed to decide if she wanted to hear his answer. She closed her eyes to think. And asleep was how Tank found her three hours later.

"Wake up sleeping beauty." Tank's hand touched her forehead, and he waved the wrapped meatball sub under her nose. She sat up quickly, trying to reach for it, but he was fast and her door was closed in an instant. And the sub was on the wrong side of the door.

"Damn it Charlie, that's mean!" She chased him out into the dining room when he took off with her dinner. She tackled him, and he grabbed her around her waist, lifting her off the ground. "Gotta pay for it first little girl." And his lips descended, and took possession of her mouth.

"Dinner's going to get cold." She tried to wriggle out of his arms.

"That's what microwaves are for, little girl." He pulled her closer.

Her stomach decided to voice its opinion. "Ok, I know when I'm beat." He laughed and let her go. She went into the kitchen for plates and two Coronas.

Dinner was silent. "What's up, little girl?" Tank had been watching an internal battle on her face all the while she ate.

Stephanie sighed. If she didn't ask now, then that's it. She couldn't bring this up in a month's time, once she stewed over it for so long. She took a swig of her Corona, and wiped her mouth. She twisted in her chair; she shrugged.

"Out with it. Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as you are plotting for it to be in your head, Stevie."

"Today, I –Hector told me I could find you at the gym when I got back from the station."

"Why you call, then?"

"I didn't want to disturb you and Ranger." She looked at him levelly in the eye.

_REVIEWS AND COMMENTS WELCOME!_


	26. Chapter 37

_**CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN**_

_This story picks up where Janet_ _Evanovich_ _leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)_

THANK YOU LINDSAY!

Oh, shit. "What do you mean?" His eyes blanked. When had she come? Had she just seen me beating the tar out of him, or him out of me? Or? Damn. She saw us on the bench. He looked into her eyes. She saw us---going at it like two love sick fools. Shit shit shit shit shit.

"What did you see Stephanie?" Maybe I'm reading her wrong. Maybe she did just see us kicking each others ass.

"You tell me Tank." She placed her beer bottle on the table very carefully; too carefully, really, like she was preventing herself from flinging it against the wall. She stomped into the living room. He got up and followed.

He sat on the opposite end of the couch and he just looked at her. They sat staring at each other, refusing to break eye contact. It took a good long time before she glanced away. How the hell am I supposed to explain this, he thought.

She finally looked at him again and said, "I'm ready."

He stared some more, and then jumped to his feet, his cell in his hand. He walked into the bedroom and closed the door.

"Yo."

"Carlos. Look, uhm, shit. Stephanie saw us today. In the gym. After our workout."

"Damn."

"I don't know of another way but the truth. Are you ok with this, man?"

"Ask her to be discreet. And tell her I'd rather not discuss this with her. Ever."

Click.

"Stephanie." Tank sat down, hands on his knees, leaning forward like he was ready to make a quick exit if one was provided to him.

"This doesn't just concern me. I wanted to get his consent before I spoke with you." Her eyes shot daggers at him.

"Look, if you walked in on me with some stranger, I would just tell you, ok, and fuck up the chance at a real relationship with you. Would serve me right. But Carlos is a part of both of our lives; our employer, at the very least. I owed him the courtesy of informing him, ok?" The wound tight look slowly faded. She sat back.

Her voice was hollow. "Tell me, Charlie."

Tank sat, and thought a while. How much do I tell her? I need her to believe I'm telling the truth. Shit. He took a deep breath, and sat back on the couch. "We've known each other since I was 17, Carlos was 13. We were thugs, ya know? It was before Miguel died. I liked him from the start, he was cocky, sure of himself, but he wouldn't do some of the shit that was expected of us. Even at such a young age."

"We were never into gangs; well, nothing like the Slayers or anything. He stood up to people I was afraid to stand up to. After Miguel was killed, he signed up. I didn't like being on the street without him. Even though I was older and bigger, I think sometimes he protected me in a way he had failed to protect Miguel." He took a regretful pause, shaking his head at the memory.

"I lasted 2 months before I enlisted. I wanted something different. I knew where Carlos was, and what he was up to. Cynthia had gotten engaged to Manuel; I didn't need to stick around since I knew that my sister was taken care of. It was just her and I once we turned 17 and my granny died. I was a fool and a punk but I loved my twin. I felt ok leaving her once she hooked up with Manuel."

"I was able to get myself in the same division as Carlos. Two lost souls; two street punks. He took to army life. He moved up in rank. He pushed me to excel. I got into Special Forces because he insisted I could do it. Remember, now, we're off in deepest Africa, or wherever the hell it was they sent us. At a certain level, we only trusted each other."

"When you're male, and twenty-something, you need certain things. You get tired of your left hand being your only friend." Tank paused for a moment, and glanced at Stephanie for a second. "We were certainly not unique. We were together for a couple years. We finally made it stateside one leave. I flew to Trenton to see Cynthia and found that this girl I had dated on and off, Antoinette, well she was still waiting for me. We got married that weekend. Carlos went to Miami, because his parents were vacationing there. He went clubbing, met Rachel; had a fling."

"After leave, we were back in Texas for 3 months. Rachel traced him there and told him he was gonna be a daddy. He married her. Antoinette flew out to spend a weekend with me before we were shipped back to hell. We went back overseas; both married men. I soon found out we were gonna be daddies together."

"Our relationship changed. It became an emotional one, and very rarely a physical one. I've never been with another man, Stephanie. Ranger has never chosen to be with anyone else either. I love him to the core of my being. I wouldn't still be alive today if it wasn't for him; of this I have no doubt. I owe him my life."

Stephanie couldn't speak. The story was heartrending. Had it not concerned two men whom she loved, she would have been teary eyed by the heartbreak of love gone astray.

Tank glanced at her again. He knew he had just risked the chance for love by telling her this. What was she thinking?

"When was the last time you two were together?"

Well, that wasn't the reaction he expected. Count on Stephanie to always throw the curve ball.

"A very long time ago. We console and soothe each other. We care for each other. It's an emotional relationship. Rarely does it progress even to what you saw yesterday, Stevie."

"And you are both good with that? You don't want more from each other?"

Tank didn't hesitate. "No. We're good."

"Ok." Stephanie took his hands and held them between hers. They sat together, unmoving for a long time.

"Stevie. Carlos has asked that you be discreet, which I don't think I need to ask of you, but he also told me he'd rather never discuss this with you. Will you respect his wishes?"

"Yes. Of course." He pulled her closer to him, and she cuddled into his lap. The quiet was a welcome quiet, and they sat like that for some time.

"Can I stay tonight?"

"Um. Charlie…really, I need to process all this. I know it seems like I just take it all in stride; bounce-back-Stephanie; but uhm, wow, that was a biggie."

"I understand. I still would like to stay. On the couch if necessary, but I would rather you not be alone with that overactive imagination of yours." Tank sat with her for a few more minutes. He then pushed her from his lap and turned to look at her.

"Stephanie. Look at me and listen to what I have to say closely. When you discover something, it doesn't change who the other person is. The only thing that changes is your perception of the person. The other person is the same as they were the day before. _You_ change. You loved him without knowing he and I were together. _Knowing_ we were together doesn't change Carlos nor does it change Charlie. It changes Stephanie."

"Knowing I love the man you loved doesn't change me. I have his love whether you know about it or not. Me falling in love with you, which by the way is rapidly happening, will not change the fact you've had a child with my lover. Nothing changes unless you want for it to change little girl." Tank reached out and pulled her into his arms. He felt home, at last.

"I told you because I wouldn't lie to you, but honestly I'm not particularly comfortable having this conversation either. I would prefer we left it here and didn't bring it up in the future, ok? You are the only other person in the world who is aware of our relationship. I'd like it to stay that way."

"Charlie, I can't think of a good way to work into any conversation the fact that my lover and ex-fiance were lovers, so I think you're safe." "Unless it was with your Granny Mazur."

"Oh my god! Can you imagine?"

"I can hear the conversation now…."

"Those two big bounty hunters?"

"With the nice packages?"

"Oh, that must be something."

"Have they let you watch?"

Steph and Tank were hysterical on the couch by the time they thought of all the things grandma Mazur would want to know… And it was good. They were good. Stephanie could handle this. Tank was right. Nothing had changed, except the knowledge was out there.

_REVIEWS AND COMMENTS WELCOME!_


	27. Chapter 38

_**CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT**_

_This story picks up where Janet_ _Evanovich_ _leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one, LOL)_

THANK YOU LINDSAY!

MID MAY

They sat squished together on one side of a booth at the Olympic Diner. It was 2 in the morning, and they were just coming back from a night on the town. Tank filled most of the vinyl bench, so Steph had to sit very close to him. That didn't bother her one bit. He leaned towards her head and took a playful nibble on her ear. "Little girl, stay tonight? I have been away from the house too many nights." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Oh, yeah, you've definitely been away from home too much, she thought. And happily keeping my bed toasty and occupied. Ooh. Hot flash. She smiled at him, and his heart leapt.

"I don't know, Charlie. Your kids?"

"Stevie. They both know you, and like you."

"It seems soon, doesn't it?"

"What's the matter?"

"What if this doesn't work? I don't want to mess up the progress you've made with Nica."

"Why shouldn't this work? The past month has been wonderful. At least it has for me, little girl." He gently turned her face towards his, leaving his hand to caress her cheek. "Stevie, I am not looking to be a place holder. Tell me if this," he gestured between the two of them, "us, is just till Ranger gets his act together, and tell me now, before I do and say things I will regret. Are you telling me you aren't trying this for the long haul?"

"I love the time we spend together."

"And if Ranger re-appeared tomorrow? If he showed up with his life straightened out, am I going to be admiring your fine ass walk out the door on me?"

"Charlie."

"I'm serious Stevie."

"I know you are. No. Ranger and I had our chance. We both screwed it up. 'Us' has nothing to do with him." She quickly kissed him on the lips and continued. "'Us' is really nice, Charlie. I am happy for the first time in a long time." She snuggled closer to him and put her head on his shoulder.

"Good. Stephanie. I'm almost 40. You're not a teenager either. We have something special, don't you think? Let's let it happen, ok? Stay."

"Charlie?"

"Little girl, I don't want you to wake up by yourself tomorrow."

------------------------

Tank rolled over, and Steph groaned. "No, it's too early to get up!" She moaned to herself. "Shush, little girl, it's just me."

"Oh. Good. I can sleep?" She mumbled to herself as she settled back into his arms.

"Daddy? Daddy. I is hungry. I want breakfast."

Tank opened one eye and saw his daughter standing in front of him. Then he closed it again, and mumbled into the pillow. "Veronica. You are supposed to knock before you enter a room. You remember that, don't you?"

"Sorry. I hungry."

"It's barely 7, Veronica. Go back to bed."

"Daddy. I is hungry. I make breakfast, ok? For you too, Stepne?"

"Oh dear god, no. You are nearly as bad in the kitchen as Steph." He grunted as Stephanie's elbow connected with his ribs. "Wait till Mrs. D. gets here ok?"

"Mizz D. off today. She said she goes to see her children. It's Mothers Day."

"Ok. Right. Give me five, Cookie, ok? Go get dressed in the clothes that are hanging on the closet door. And put on socks before your shoes."

"Kiss, daddy." Nica leaned down and pursed her lips. Tank grinned at her. How could you resist that face?

"Mmmuah. Go. Don't forget the socks, Nica."

Stephanie lay there silently, smiling to herself. Veronica had come a long way since the first Christmas they'd met, when she was afraid of men and wouldn't talk. Now, she spoke to everyone. What was missing in the clarity of her speech was made up for in her enthusiasm. She had bloomed with the support of a school that catered to her needs and the attention and love she received from Tank and Mrs. D.

"Muah, huh? What do I have to do to get one of those?" Steph propped herself up on Tank's chest as the bedroom door closed, and smiled down at his face. He reached up, brushed her hair from her face and said, "You just gotta ask, little girl." And he grabbed her face with both hands and pulled her to him.

"Ok, enough of that. If I don't get downstairs the kitchen will truly be trashed. Nica is very 'expressive' in the kitchen." And he jumped out of bed, and tossed her one of his robes. "It's a bit chilly today, I think."

-----------------------

Trey was getting ready to leave for work as the doorbell rang. "Hey, Ranger."

"Trey. Up and about early?"

"Nah, gotta be to work at 8:30" he said with a grimace.

"Got it. You pick a school yet?"

"Yeah. University of Miami. I was scouted for wide receiver for the football team. Got a partial scholarship." Trey had a big grin on his face. He was proud of his accomplishments on his winning high school football team. He had been voted MVP. He knew his father kept Ranger informed about all the bad stuff he got into. He seemed to find trouble. Or it found him. He wanted Ranger to know he was trying to stay on the right side of things for a change.

He tried to clean up his act during his senior year, mostly at the behest of his coach. 'College teams don't want no trouble makers, Forbes. You better be better'n God if you think you can get on a team if you are a fuck up.' For some reason, hearing it from Coach gave it meaning, even though his father had been preaching the same gospel since he moved in with him. He grinned too, because he knew that Ranger would be less than thrilled to know that he'd be in Miami.

"Good for you." Ranger gave him the smallest of smiles. Shit. Miami, of all the fucking schools in the damn country?

"Thanks man. How is Julie?"

"She's good. Trey, I know it's been rough this past year. I hope you believe me when I tell you that I am glad you told your dad."

"Whatever. She won't talk with me much anymore. I just want to know she's ok."

"She's getting there."

"Gotta go, man. Dad! For you. Later, man." and he closed the door behind him, leaving Ranger in the hallway.

"Ranger. Didn't know you were in town." Tank strode into the hall, wiping his hands on a dishcloth.

"Tank." They shook hands, and Tank gestured towards the kitchen. "Breakfast?"

He shook his head no and said "University of Miami? Tank."

Tank's grin was wider than Trey's had been. "Hey, man, what can I tell ya?" He had known that it was going to frustrate Ranger to no end to have Trey that close to Julie, but it entertained him. Trey wasn't a bad kid. Not really. Tank was proud of the fact the boy had stayed out of Juvie; and was satisfied he hadn't been picked up by the cops once all year. Unlike last year, he mused briefly, when the Elizabeth PD and Trey were getting to be best buddies.

Ranger stayed where he was. Well, shit, this is uncomfortable. "Can I have a word with Stephanie?"

"Yeah, sure. We're just finishing breakfast."

"Unca Ranger!" Veronica flew from her chair and landed squarely in Ranger's arms as he walked into the kitchen.

She gave him a big kiss and a tight hug. "Veronica, let's go get your braids done, and your teeth brushed. Come on Cookie, now." Nica held tightly to Ranger's hand and shook her head no. "I stay."

"Veronica." Nica recognized her father's angry voice, but decided to see if she could get away with disobeying. She hadn't seen her Uncle Ranger in a long time.

"Veronica. Now." She placed herself behind Ranger's body, and refused to listen. Ranger finally took pity on his friend, and turned around to Nica. "Nica, go with your daddy, ok? I need to talk with Stephanie. You and I can spend time together later, ok?" His eyes were laughing at Tank as she meekly walked to her father and took his hand. Tank and Nica head up the stairs to give Ranger and Steph some privacy.

"Ranger. Good morning." Stephanie looked over at him, and then looked towards the stairs, and shook her head. "Nica has a crush on you!" He flashed that 100 watt smile and she instantly remembered how easily that could happen. She didn't bother to ask how he knew to find her here. Blasted GPS. Well, I have to face him sometime. Why does this feel like a firing squad? "Come, sit. Tea?"

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"How are you Steph?"

"Good. I'm good, Ranger."

"Shit, this is awkward, Steph." He nodded slightly, taking in Tank's robe wrapped around her body, and being in Tank's home. "I, well, look. I didn't want today to go by without seeing you." She looked down into the depths of her mug. Oh, man. This was gonna be hard. I thought I'd done pretty good, ignoring all the advertisements for Mother's Day. I thought I'd make it through. "Ranger."

"Go with me to visit Rafael today?"

She bit her lip. "Yeah, ok. I have to get showered and dressed, ok? Damn. I don't have anything to wear to my parents later. Can you drive me to my apartment? I can shower and change there."

He nodded, so she dashed up the stairs. "Charlie? Ranger's gonna drive me to the apartment, so I can get some clothes to wear to my parents." She shoved her legs into her jeans as she spoke. "He wants to go to the cemetery. Will you meet us there, so I can have a ride later?"

"Sure. Little girl, you ok?"

"Uh hmm." She smiled slightly at him. He was a man among men, so considerate of her feelings. She had never felt this way before. She felt like an adult for the first time, with him. She was his equal. They had been partners at RangeMan, and it astonished her that they maintained equal footing in their personal relationship. It was a peculiar feeling, one she'd never experienced in a romantic relationship. It was a feeling she believed she could get used to. If she survived 'The Conversation' with Ranger today.

She knew Ranger was aware that she and Tank were together, after all, Tank had a bruised cheek for a week. But Ranger had run back to Miami shortly afterward, and the two of them had not had so much as an email communication since then. She startled herself when she realized that it scared her to have this conversation. What a freaking chicken I am. She nodded again. "I'm fine." There. The mantle of denial firmly placed on her shoulders, she took his hand.

"Good. Nica and I will meet you there at about 11? Will that give us enough time before lunch?" They were walking toward the stairs, hand in hand. When Tank got to the landing, he turned around and pulled her into his arms. "Happy Mothers Day, little girl" he whispered into her ear, and kissed her deeply before they continued their descent.

Ranger was at the bottom waiting for her, and he couldn't help but see their embrace. He felt a tugging in his gut. They looked _happy_. Damn, I wasn't prepared for that. I've lost her. He looked up at them, his face a carefully crafted blank mask. Don't let them know how it affects you to see the easy warmth they have for each other.

When she got into his BMW, Ranger reached behind him and grabbed a bouquet of flowers. "Ranger. They're beautiful. Thank you." She held them to her face, and inhaled the scent of roses. The ride to the apartment, and to the cemetery, as usual was made in silence. Ranger was in his zone, and today, Stephanie was in hers.

He held her by the elbow, and guided her carefully through the cemetery rows, until they reached Rafael's headstone. First Ranger, and then Steph walked to it and stroked it. They both spoke quietly to their son. Steph bent down, and lay some of the flowers that Ranger had given her down in the grass. She began to idly weed, pulling at the grasses that were too long and stuck up against the granite. Her fingers ran through the grooves of his name. He'd be walking. Or almost. Last week, she'd taken Bob to run at the park. Joe was there with Meri, who was giggling and wobbling on the grass. Her hands out before her, her chubby legs lifting ever so carefully. She smiled softly at the memory, and then choked back a tear. She had forgotten that Ranger was even with her.

"Babe." Ranger leaned down, and put his arms about her shoulders. "Come." They walked a short distance to the tree that shaded his grave, he lay out his jacket on the grass, and sat down, leaning against the trunk. "Sit." He indicated his jacket, and so she did, first kicking off her shoes.

"This is for you, Stephanie." She looked up and saw the tears pooling in his eyes. In his eyes she saw the hurt of loss. Of the loss of Rafael, yes, but also the loss of their future. She took the long, narrow box he offered, and just sat, idly fingering the boxes, her thoughts a million miles away. This all felt odd, but in a way, it felt right. This is giving us closure, she decided. They were together, for the first time since the breakup, without the benefit or distraction of work or files or other people. This was about them.

"Happy Mothers Day." She looked up at him, and then down again, at the box. "Open it, babe." Finally, she did just that. Nestled in a Tiffany blue velvet casing was a platinum pair of wings on a chain. "They're angel wings. Rafael is our angel." He took it from her, and unlatched the hook. "Stephanie, these are the wings you've always wanted. I want you to fly, babe." He kissed her lightly on her forehead after he closed the clasp around her neck.

The tears began to stream down her face. She wiped at them with the back of her hand. He watched her intently. She grabbed his hand. "Would it have been different, do you think?" She spoke quietly, almost to herself.

"Do we lay our issues at our son's feet, Steph? Make _our _shortcomings his fault?"

"Our son. We had a son, didn't we, Ranger?"

"Yeah, babe. We had a son. Although you never got to see him smile at you, or feel him hug you, though I never got to walk him through the park, or read a goodnight story to him, we had a son. No matter where we go from here, Stephanie, all our lives you will be the mother of my son. My first and probably my only son."

She looked carefully into his eyes. "You are the father of my son. Maybe the only child I will have."

"Babe."

They sat in tranquil silence. The air around them invited contemplative thought. There was a melancholy beauty to their conversation, Stephanie thought. More gentle and meaningful words hadn't passed their lips in a long time. They were finding their way, trying to learn this new relationship. It was good. Hard, but good.

And necessary. She believed that she and Tank, well, there was something special, indescribable, building between them. She understood Ranger needed to be a part of Tank's life, and therefore would always be a part of hers. They needed to find a way to step beyond the pain they had caused each other.

"How are you, Ranger?" She rubbed his arm, looked into his face.

"Ok."

"Ranger."

He looked her in the eye, and then away. "I've been clean for 21 days."

"Good. That's 6 more than last time."

"Tank tells you?"

"Of course he does," she said softly.

What more can be said? That one line says it all, Ranger realized. Tank tells Stephanie things. They are open with each other. There is no mystery, no secrecy. They are equals in this relationship. This is where we stumbled. Not being equals. I was always her savior. She was always wanting or needing or waiting or allowing me to rescue her. I love her, I always will. But I need to accept this part of her life. The part that is without me. The part where I have to live with the regrets. I love them. I want for them to be happy.

All he had ever hoped was to have Stephanie's friendship. He never thought he deserved her or could win her love. What he had found when they fell in love, it had been a gift. It had been a precious, delicate thing that he had crushed and broken, tossed on the floor, and stamped on in anger and hurt and frustration over the turns life had taken. He couldn't be granted such gifts without strings. Those strings had turned into a noose that slipped around their hearts, obstructing ---

"Deep thoughts, Ranger?" Stephanie asked lightly, watching the play of emotions flit across his face. He chuckled at her twisting his always joking words back on him. "Just because I don't speak, doesn't mean I don't feel, Steph."

"Cryptic, but more syllables than normal, Ranger." They both laughed quietly.

Ranger carried Veronica as they all walked back to the vehicles. She had spotted him and had once again launched herself at him. He spoke to Stephanie and Tank as they stood in the breezy May sunshine. "I'll be heading up to my parents now, for a Mother's Day lunch Celia has planned; tomorrow I fly to Boston. I may be back through on Friday before I head back to Miami."

"Oh, good. Ranger, if you are here Friday, that would be awesome."

Ranger raised his eyebrow in question.

"Lula is graduating! She's getting her Associates degree. She's invited everyone, including you. She'd love you to be there."

"I'll see, ok? But if I don't make it, tell her I knew she could do it, ok?"

Tank and Ranger shook hands, and Tank went to buckle Nica into the car. Ranger led Stephanie to her door, and took her hand. He looked her in the eye. "Babe." He pulled her to him, and held her close. She put her arms about his neck and squeezed back. He released her just a bit, and looked back into her eyes. He fingered the necklace he gave her, and asked "Tank makes you happy, doesn't he?"

"He does."

"You deserve this babe. Be happy. Fly, ok?"

He let her go and strode away, leaving her standing, staring after him.

"Little girl?" Ranger's arms were replaced by Tank's.

"He wants me to fly Charlie."

He pulled her to him and held her tightly. "Then fly, little girl. Fly." He kissed her forehead and smiled at her.

"You two ok?" she asked Tank.

"We are."

"Good."

----------------------------

"Happy Mothers day, Mom! Grandma, Happy Mothers Day!" Stephanie called out and waved. How do they do it, she silently wondered, as she reached into the back of the SUV to pick up the flowers and gifts. They are always waiting on the porch! She checked their faces, but knew what she would see. Surprise. Curiousity. Hesitation. She handed Veronica the bouquet of flowers to carry, and shut the door. Tank relieved her of the gift bags and followed her resolutely up the stairs.

He knew this was going to be a difficult day for her; Stephanie and he had pretty much kept their relationship quiet while they took the time to discover each other. They didn't want outside forces pushing, pulling or influencing them. And Steph's family! Hell, the one dinner he had here years ago had turned him off pot-roast. All it did was bring back scary memories of Grandma Mazur trying to handle his goods! Stephanie greeted her family with loud enthusiasm, to cover up her feeling of dread about how this luncheon would end up. Lisa came toddling towards her, and Steph swooped her up, and kissed her. Lisa was the one family member that she admired and understood. The girl loved to eat, and could throw a tantrum like you'd never seen. Both great traits, in Stephanie's mind.

"Stephanie, I didn't know you were bringing guests…." The unspoken end of her speech was sure to be 'who are these people. Please tell me you aren't dating _him_. Why did you ever leave Ranger? At least Ranger had money, and he loved you.' Stephanie laughed inside at the little dialogue she was composing, because she'd heard it a thousand times, but it usually had Joe in place of Ranger. Heck, maybe there was hope for Mom yet.

"Mom you remember Tank, don't you? This is his daughter Veronica." Tank put out his hand and greeted Ellen, and then Grandma, who wouldn't let go of his hand. She gave him a lecherous smile, and he groaned deep inside himself. He knew this was gonna be _fun_.

"Nica, can you say hello to Mrs. Plum? Hello, Mrs. Mazur?" Tank finally was able to remove his hand from Grandma's so he could encourage Nica's manners. "Nica, would you give my mother those flowers?" Nica looked up at Stephanie and then her father, and when he nodded, she shyly handed Ellen the bouquet. "Thank you Veronica." She smiled at the little girl, then turned and started for the kitchen with the flowers. Stephanie knew she was expected to follow.

"Hey who are you?" Mary Alice came running out of the kitchen, chocolate frosting rimming her lips in guilty acknowledgement of having been sampling the dessert.

"Mary Alice. Did I not tell you to stay away from the cake? You will ruin your appetite!" Ellen shook her head, "That child is an uncivilized creature if there ever was one," she mumbled to herself. She reached into the cabinet for a vase, and as she turned on the faucet, she spun around to look at her daughter.

"Stephanie, why is he here?"

"What?"

"Your Mr. Tank. He makes me nervous. Are you in trouble again? Isn't he one of Carlos employees? Are you being stalked again? I thought you said your job was safe."

"Tank? He's a teddy bear. Really mom, he is."

"Well, he's very overwhelming. He's too big for this house. It feels crowded with him in the dining room."

"Mother."

"And what kind of a name is Tank? Can't you ever have friends with names for names? How old is his daughter? What's wrong with her? Why isn't she with her mother today?"

"You can call him Charlie if you don't like Tank. Nica's …"

"I'm 'leven. I don't have a mother." Nica declared as she walked into the kitchen. She then loudly whispered to Stephanie, "Stepne, I need to go potty."

"Did you tell your daddy?"

"He's talking to the man in there."

"That's my daddy. Here, go straight up those stairs, and when you get to the top, turn left." Stephanie squeezed her left hand. "Don't forget to wipe, ok? Hey, Mary Alice, can you show Nica where the bathroom is?"

"She likes you."

"What?"

"Veronica. You are confident when dealing with her. She trusts you, doesn't she? You've spent a lot of time with her. She said she doesn't have a mother?"

"Well, yeah, I guess. Her mother died. Tank has a housekeeper who works well with her, but yeah, I guess she likes me." Good. Deflect. Distract. Maybe her mother will forget to ask why they came.

-----------------------

Stephanie sat on the porch steps with her dad, watching Angie help Lisa chase her ball in the small front yard. Lunch was over. All had survived relatively intact. No fires, no gunshots, and no projectiles, with the exception of the spoon full of mashed potatoes that Lisa launched in the direction of Angie. You go girl, Steph had thought. Angie needed to get a life and stop being so serious. She was supposed to be a teenager, not a 50 year old! Geeze. Frank looked at the peaceful smile on her face and spoke quietly, "Baby, I haven't seen you smile in a long time."

Steph looked at her father and gave him a shrug. She looked down at her hands and grinned a little wider. "Dad, I saw Ranger today. We talked. We've made peace with each other." She fingered her necklace idly as she spoke.

"Oh, I thought the smile might have had something to do with _him_," he nodded his head towards the living room where Tank, Albert and Val sat, watching 'Lilo and Stitch' with Veronica and Mary Alice.

She looked up at him and the shine in her eyes wasn't from tears. "Mom's gonna _really_ freak this time, daddy."

"I'll handle your mother, Stephanie. Is he good to you?"

She beamed.

"Good. Then it will be fine. I, we-- your mother and I, we just want you to be happy, baby."

FRIDAY AFTERNOON

Lula pushed open the door, and Connie, Stephanie and Greg spilled into her apartment. Stephanie wandered into the kitchen area to help get everyone something to drink, and saw the flowers. There were three dozen yellow roses on Lula's kitchen counter. A card lay on the counter and Stephanie, nosy as always, picked it up.

'_Given water and sunshine, all roses bloom. Congratulations, Ranger.' _

Stephanie put down the card and looked up at Lula. "Ok girl, don't hit me, but that Batman is fine."

"He is, Lula." Stephanie laughed. "He is."

"So, you two ever gonna get back together, girl?" Lula put her hands on her hips, ready to launch into another of her speeches. Saved by the doorbell.

"Baby doll, congratulations." Tank stood filling the doorframe, his hands full of balloons and a huge stuffed bear.

"Tank! You lug! You missed my big day!" Lula swatted at his chest, but he just twisted away, and let out a boom of laughter.

"Sorry, Lu, I had a stake out. Couldn't get out of it."

"I thought you were the big kahuna and didn't do that shit no more."

"Not too often, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do."

He set the weight attached to the balloon bouquet next to the roses, handed Lula the bear, and grabbed Stephanie into a hot embrace. "Missed you, little girl." He whispered as he let her up for breath.

Lula's eyes bugged out at the PDA she had just witnessed. "_Something_ just answered that question, white girl. How is it I am the last to know? Hmm?" She tapped her foot, crossed her arms and grinned like a fool at the two of them.

The little party for Lula swelled, and an hour later, there were over a dozen people squeezed into her small apartment. Tank and Greg ended up sitting in a corner near the window. "The big day is almost here huh?" Tank ribbed Greg.

Greg smiled. "It certainly is. Lula and I are ready. She's got quite the shin-dig planned."

"Oh, I don't doubt that. Nothing Lu ever does is small. Looking forward to it."

LULA AND GREG'S WEDDING DAY

"Little girl? Dance with me." Stephanie smiled up into Tank's eyes as she stood. The wedding definitely had Lula's touch on it. Everywhere she glanced, she smiled. The centerpieces were monuments to Lula's glittering, show-off personality. Feathers, and glittered ting-ting and huge multi-colored tropical flowers. But somehow, it worked. Just as Lula could wear things that others would gasp at, her sense of style spilled over into the décor of the Tropicana Ballroom. She saw Lula and Greg gathered into a small knot of people, laughing and carrying on. She was so happy for her sparkling, sequined friend.


	28. Chapter 38, part 2

I just reviewed Chapter 38, and it seems to have truncated at this part. So, here is the end of chapter 38!

LULA AND GREG'S WEDDING DAY

"Little girl? Dance with me." Stephanie smiled up into Tank's eyes as she stood. The wedding definitely had Lula's touch on it. Everywhere she glanced, she smiled. The centerpieces were monuments to Lula's glittering, show-off personality. Feathers, and glittered ting-ting and huge multi-colored tropical flowers. But somehow, it worked. Just as Lula could wear things that others would gasp at, her sense of style spilled over into the décor of the Tropicana Ballroom. She saw Lula and Greg gathered into a small knot of people, laughing and carrying on. She was so happy for her sparkling, sequined friend.

She put her arms around him, and leaned in, to smell the musky scent of his cologne. They danced, and held each other, and he whispered how much he loved her into her hair. She leaned back and looked up at him, and the love she felt was reflected in her eyes. "Charlie. I love you too." She kissed him gently.

"This is a 'we', isn't it, not a you and me thing, right?"

"It is, Stevie. It is." His fingers massaged the small of her back, and she groaned softly in contentment.

"I feel healthy, Charlie."

She continued the conversation in her head. I feel like an adult. I feel like the love I have for you is based on us, not on Burg standards, and not only on sexual attraction. She liked the way it made her feel. She grabbed his face, and pulled it down so she could kiss him. The song ended, and he started to release her, but she held on tighter. "No, let's not stop. I like how this feels too much." And so they rocked together gently, and the lyrics to the new song reached her. Wow. She smiled to herself. She loved this man, and it was good.

_I had no choice but to hear you  
You stated your case time and again  
I thought about it _

You treat me like I'm a princess  
I'm not used to liking that  
You ask how my day was

_Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole  
Youre so much braver than I gave you credit for  
That's not lip service _

You are the bearer of unconditional things  
You held your breath and the door for me  
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met  
You're my best friend  
Best friend with benefits  
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before  
I've never wanted something rational  
I am aware now  
I am aware now

Chorus--_ You've already won me over in spite of me  
Dont be alarmed if I fall head over feet  
Dont be surprised if I love you for all that you are  
I couldnt help it  
It's all your fault_

_**Head Over Feet** by Alanis Morissette_

After the second dance, Stephanie tried to pull him off the dance floor. "I need to call Ranger, Charlie. I haven't spoken to him yet and it's Father's Day."

"I understand, Stevie."

Lula had planned everything to perfection, save this. It was Fathers Day. At least the wedding was in the late afternoon. They had a rushed lunch at her parents, after Nica and Trey made Tank breakfast and did gifts. The preparation for the wedding had left her no time to call Ranger, although he had been on her mind all day.

They attempted to wind their way through the guests and find a door to the outside, but "Hot Hot Hot" started playing, and they were too close to Lula and Greg to make a clean get away. Lula of course would want to conga to this! They got sucked into the conga line and went around the room, dancing and laughing at Lula putting on a Lula show at the front of the line. But when a door appeared, they broke the line to get outside.

They were both chuckling and out of breathe by the time they found a quiet place to make the call.

"Yo."

"Ranger."

"Steph." 'Ooh, let me talk,' she heard Julie's voice begging in the background. "Julie. Stop."

"Ranger, I just wanted to talk to you today. See how you are. Happy Fathers Day, Carlos."

"Thanks babe."

"Are you having a good day?"

"Well, it's more like daughters day than Fathers Day, I think. Julie has dragged me to a greasy burger place and now we are waiting in line to see some chick movie with Heath Ledger."

"Poor dad. Too funny."

"How's the wedding?"

"It's everything you'd expect of Lula, Ranger. It's perfectly her!"

"Good. I'm happy for them. She deserves this happiness. Tell them their gift should be at their house by the time they get home from their honeymoon."

"Ranger. You are a good person, you know that?"

"Wait till you see what I bought them before you say that, Babe." Ranger chuckled.

Stephanie and Tank were holding hands, meandering about the grounds of the reception hall while she talked to Ranger. There was a large wooded area with a stone pathway. Benches were situated here and there along the path, and some of them were occupied by couples sharing a quiet moment. Torches and luminaries wavered in the breeze. It was hot for a June evening, and the breeze felt good. They sat as she said her goodbyes to Ranger, and to Julie, who would have talked all night. With the assurance that she'd call her soon, she finally got off the phone.

It was a good thing, too, because Tank's hands had begun to wander over the front of her gown, and down her shoulders, and he was nibbling on her neck. She was having a hard time concentrating on Julie's chatter. She handed him the phone, and leaned in to participate in this gentle loving.

Tank pulled back finally, and took her hands. "Is it tacky to propose marriage at someone else's wedding? Or is it just a cliché?"

"What? Tank, what are you talking about?"

"Little girl. We've both gone through a lot in our lives, we've both loved, and we've both lost. And together, I feel like we've both found something that makes us whole again. I haven't been as happy as I am now in years. Literally years, Stevie. I've gone through my life on auto pilot. I didn't give two thoughts to anything meaningful; I didn't allow anything good in my world for a very long time."

"Then I found out I had a son, and suddenly the future existed again. I knew it would be hard, he had spent his life without me, but we've managed to find our way together. And I have a precious little girl in Veronica. She is the light of my life. I almost felt whole."

"This spring, watching you make the first steps at moving forward, putting yourself out there, by going on that date …"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"No, that was an important date, little girl. Because it's going out with what's-his-name that made me realize that it should be _me _trying to make you happy. I've been attracted to you for a long time; I've always loved and respected Carlos too much to think of moving in on what he had claimed as his. And because I loved him, I wanted him to be happy with his choice, so I had always backed the idea of you two together."

"It hurt me to see you and Ranger end, little girl. But I realized that night, after that disastrous date, that it hurt more to see you move on, without me. I can't give you everything. Certainly not the things Ranger could give you. I can't give you children, and that saddens me. But little girl, what we have, it feels precious. Like it should be taken care of, and nurtured; and not at all, never should we take this for granted."

"Stevie, I'm asking you to take on new roles, as a full time step-mother, as a parent of a disabled child. I'm asking you to give up the idea of having more children, but of living your life with me as your partner. We've been good work partners; I can see us being good life partners, too."

"I have money, but not like Ranger has money. I will always provide for you, take care of you. I love you Stevie, and I want more than anything for you to agree to be my bride."

Stephanie's mouth was hanging open. She was overwhelmed by the declaration of love Charlie bestowed upon her. Her voice was low, and shaking when she responded. "Yes. Charlie. Yes."

She threw her arms around him, and the tears of happiness soaked her cheeks. He pulled her to his lap, and nuzzled her neck. "Yes? You're sure, little girl?"

"Yes. Oh, yes. Charlie that was the most wonderful……everything you said, you're right. We _are _good together. And we will always be good together. I love Veronica already, you know that, right?"

They sat in peaceful calm, the music barely filtering from the ballroom. His arms around her gave her the strongest sense of protection, of love and safeguard. "Charlie, we could adopt, maybe, couldn't we? Oh, this is right. I feel it. I love you."


	29. Chapter 39

_**WARNING---ANGST -----HEAVY DOSE**_

_**CHAPTER THIRTY NINE**_

The SUV rolled up the driveway, and Lester shut off the headlights, and cut the motor. He turned in his seat and looked at Ranger. His boss. His friend for all these years.

"I can't do this Lester."

"Then let me come with you."

"No!" Ranger was adamant. "I have to go alone." His hand clutched the door handle. The blue light of the dash illuminated them slightly. Ranger's eyes were red-rimmed; he looked as beaten and miserable as Lester had ever seen him.

"Ok then." Lester spoke quietly, his voice breaking. He looked Ranger in the eye, silently giving him strength. Ranger nodded, and opened the door. His mind drifted back to this morning.

"_Daddy, daddy!"_ "_Daddy, daddy!" came the identical screeches of 4 year olds Lily_ _and Johno, running through the hallway on the fourth floor. Lester_ _barely avoided being run over by them as they made a beeline for their father's office door. Heads popped up momentarily. They laughed and went back to work; the twins hadn't quite grasped the concept of stealth yet. _

_Not too far behind them, their mother followed, stopping here and there to answer a question about computer searches or respond to a greeting. Ranger stepped out into her path, and she stopped in surprise._

"_Babe._ _They're uncivilized." _

"_I know." she responded with mock defeat. She rolled her eyes. "I'm taking them to the zoo this afternoon after the meeting. Maybe they'll learn some manners from the monkeys." _

"_Babe."_ _Ranger chuckled._

"_Lily. Put that down. NOW. Lily." Stephanie walked to where Lily was standing with a stapler in her hand, holding it like a gun. She removed it from her daughter's hand, and placed it back on Ram's desk. She took Lily_'_s hand firmly in hers, and began to walk to the office door. She stopped, and spoke again. "Johno, if Lily was told to put it down, I believe it follows that you can't touch it either. Hold your sister's hand."_

_Suddenly the door to the office was thrown open, and Tank filled the doorway, his arms folded severely across his chest. He glared down. "Who is making all this ruckus?" he bellowed in false anger. He was immediately tackled by the twins, who clambered up him, using his legs and arms like a jungle gym. "Daddy! Daddy!!! We're going to the ZOO!" they both chanted in unison._

"_The zoo, huh?_ _Well, see if you can't find my children in the monkey cages, because I seem to have two monkeys instead of children, ok?" He smiled broadly at his children and then glanced over to his wife, and smiled again. He kissed Lily on top of her unruly mass of curls, and dropped down to let them both out of his arms. "Behave, ok? Five minutes is all we ask, kids. Mommy has to sit in on a meeting, then she'll take you to the zoo." He parked them on the couch in his office, with some crayons and paper that was kept there just for them._

_After the meeting they were climbing all over Ranger too. "Uncle Ranger! Come to the zoo! Daddy, you come too. Daddy, you can be the tiger! He goes 'roooaar!' We'll have fun!" _

"_Will you go sleigh riding with us, Uncle Ranger?" _

"_Where's Julie. Why didn't she come with you?" _

"_Uncle Ranger, in the spring, Daddy said we could get a kitten." _

_With them chattering ceaselessly, Tank and Ranger each grabbed a child and hauled them down the four flights of stairs piggy-backed, to the great enjoyment and laughter of them both. Stephanie_ _opened the van door and Tank got them settled into their safety seats. "Be good for your mother, you two, ok?" _

"_Yes Daddy!" they chimed._

_He kissed them both, and climbed back out of the van. _

"_Love you daddy!" they screeched. _

"_Love you too. See you in the morning, ok?"_

"_Little girl, you have fun, ok?" Tank looked at her and shook his head. He didn't envy a day at the zoo with those two at all. You needed about 12 arms and eyes all around your head to keep them out of trouble._

"_Of course we'll have fun, Charlie," Stephanie_ _laughed and gave him a hug, which he returned generously. "Love you little girl," he whispered into her hair. His fingers caressed her in the small of the back in an easy, familiar manner. "See you in the morning. Probably won't get home till 4 or 5 am, ok?"_

"_Ok. Love you too. Ranger, how long are you in Trenton?" _

"_Just through tomorrow._ _I have some merger meetings back in Miami."_

"_Ok. Well, come for dinner before you fly out, alright? Be safe, you two, ok?" She waved at Ranger and blew a kiss to Tank as she pulled out of the parking garage._

He plod wearily up the snow-covered driveway, and onto the walk. He took each footstep up onto the porch with trepidation. He felt like he was going to a hanging. His fingers found the door bell, and he stood rigidly in front of the door, eager to awaken from this nightmare he found himself in. After what felt like an age, the porch light came on, and he saw the rustle of curtains and heard the scraping of locks on the other side of the doorway.

As Stephanie pulled open the door and caught sight of Ranger standing there, she swallowed a scream. There came unbidden a bleak comprehension in seeing Ranger standing unaccompanied on her porch. Her mind raced to the day she heard about Miguel dying, and Mercedes' reaction to two men at the door. She knew Tank was gone. Her hands went to her mouth and her head shook back and forth, willing him to go away. "No, Ranger. No. No. No, no, no, oh no." He caught her as she tumbled into his arms, and they rocked together, the storm door propped open by their bodies, the wintry February night blowing into the hallway.

Their tears were mingled; Stephanie grasped at Ranger like she was drowning, and she felt that maybe she was. "Charlie. No. Carlos, no, not Charlie," she wailed into the night air. Lester got out of the SUV, took Stephanie's hand and pulled her up. "Bombshell, let's go inside. I'm so sorry, Steph." He enfolded her in his arms and reached down again. "Ranger, up." He closed the front door behind them all, and went into the kitchen to start some tea.

Stephanie stood, staring at the refrigerator door, shaking like a leaf. She walked across the room, and gently touched a snapshot of her and Charlie and all the kids, taken at Christmas. Their last Christmas. "Oh, god no." She leaned her head against the refrigerator door, and shook. She finally asked, through her tears, "What happened?" as she turned to Ranger. Lester turned away from the stove and sat her down. He wiped the tears from her cheek with his own fingers, and quietly sat down beside her as he handed her a tissue. He passed one to Ranger as well.

"Babe…the only thing I can say, the only thing I can offer you, is that it was instant. He felt no pain, he didn't hurt…." His voice was low and rough. Ranger's elbows were propped on the counter, his hands cupping his head, his tears spilling onto her countertop. "Please, someday find some peace in knowing that." He took the proffered tissue, and wiped roughly at his face.

"The stakeout Tank asked me to join him on, it went as expected. He told you he wanted to be the one to bring in Velazquez; it was a personal thing at this point. The guy's been bothering RangeMan for years. Well, we sat for a few hours, and then got Intel he wasn't even there, so we broke it up early. Kind of like expected but I went along for old times sake. Tank wanted to stop at 7-11 for coffee, so I pulled in. He took off his Kevlar, reached to the back seat to get his wallet, and went in, while I was on the cell with Ram."

"I was watching through the window, though not really paying attention. Tank had his coffee, and was walking to the register. I saw the kid at the checkout had bent down behind the register, and then saw gunfire. I saw Tank reach for his gun, but he fell before he could turn around. There had been two perps, one at the register, one walking around. He must have seen Tank go for his Glock.

"Where?" Her voice trembled.

He reached out and took her hand. He held it closely in his while he continued. "He was hit in the back; straight shot to this heart. Babe, he was gone by the time I made it inside."

She took a deep breath. "Ok." She murmured. She swallowed her cry. She looked Ranger in the eye. She needed to know. "The shooter?"

"Got him in the knee as he tried to run. Joe was the first responder Babe. I went with Tank in the ambulance, but he was DOA. I'm sorry, Steph. It's so god-damn wrong."

An hour later, Ranger and Stephanie were sitting together in the den, Lester across from them in the recliner. Tank's recliner. Ranger finished going over the things that needed doing in the morning. "We'll let everyone else get a full nights sleep. Nothing anyone can do tonight," Ranger stated, as he gave Stephanie a squeeze. "Start making calls at 6am, before the papers get out. My parents, the Plums, Cynthia. I'll call Trey's school, and Julie." Stephanie was watching as Lester sat there, and all the things Ranger was discussing went past her as she had a flash of memory.

_Stephanie_ _had awakened on her own. The echo of silence surrounded her. She was surprised because for the past 7 weeks, since the twins came home, she hadn't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep before one or the other would waken. And it seemed the cry of the one would start the other to wailing. She couldn't believe you could be this tired and still live. She wondered if you could die of exhaustion. But she was sure the last thing she'd seen was the clock flashing 2:39, and now, the sun was shining, and she could smell the coffee that Mrs. D always started when she arrived at 6:30. And Tank wasn't in bed, and the babies weren't in their bassinet. She found her robe, and ran her hands over her hair as she drifted down the stairs. Mrs. D was quietly puttering in the kitchen. She spotted Stephanie_ _and quickly held her finger to her lips as she pointed towards the den and smiled. Steph meandered through the dining room, the living room, and quietly tiptoed into the den. The moment she did, she wished she had come in with a camera. Because there lay her family._

_Tank was prone in his recliner, black sweat pants rumpled, tight white tee-shirt covered with baby blankets, and in the crook of each arm he cradled an infant. The table beside him was littered with baby bottles, pacifiers and rattles. And the three were angelic, deep in slumber; dry, fed, and content. She leaned against the door jamb and beamed in delight. Her family. She was still shocked, and thrilled with the ease in which the adoptions had moved. They had barely gotten back from their honeymoon when they received a call from Maria_ _Templeton_ _at the adoption agency. They had interviewed and started doing all the paperwork and home visits before the wedding. A young white girl, 14, found herself pregnant by a black teen, and her parents refused to assist her if she kept the child. _

_Charlie_ _and Steph had been told it would probably be easy to find an infant if they didn't have a racial preference. They agreed they didn't, and indeed a bi-racial child would be fine. Either sex. Miss Templeton shocked them however, when she called and told them to be ready for a baby in 2 months. The second shock had been the phone call the following day, when they found they would be getting boy/girl twins. The honeymoon over, they got started on pulling together two sets of everything. They were going to start their family before the ink on their marriage license had dried. It was an exciting time. Every day was full of preparation and anticipation. Trey was aloofly excited, as befit a 19 year old male college student when told about infants. But Veronica_ _was over the moon. A real baby doll. No, two real baby dolls!_

_The easiest thing had been their names. Tank had always wanted his son to be John_ _Oliver, to honor his grandfather who had raised him. Stephanie liked the idea of family names; after all, Rafael_ _had been named after a grandparent as well. She chose Liliana, to remember her father's mother. She also liked that it recalled Daisy, Tank's first daughter._

_Veronica_ _decided that Liliana_ _Elizabeth_ _was too difficult, so she shortened it to Lilybeth. Oliver she couldn't pronounce, so even before they brought them home, they became Lily and John-O. They were the most beautiful creations she had ever seen. Charlie and she met their birth mother, a scared little girl is what she really was, Stephanie_ _realized, and she allowed them to be in the delivery room. Charlie was the first person to hold Johno, and Lily_ _was held by Stephanie_ _before anyone else._

_Oh, it seems a life time ago. Now, in the morning, she had to destroy their world._

"Babe?"

"Hm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"I –no. I was just remembering something."

"Lester is going to leave, get a few hours shut-eye. He'll take over in the morning, ok? Babe?"

"Yeah."

"I have to go in for questioning; Joe let me come here tonight, but I told him it was alright to come get me at shift change."

"Ok. Fine. No, Lester, why don't you stay? There's plenty of room."

"Thanks Steph, but I'm needed at Haywood. I'll see you in the morning. Javier will be parked outside. I'll find my way," he said as she stood to walk him out. "Bombshell, I am so, so sorry." His arms embraced her, and as he let them loose, he tilted her head up, and kissed her forehead.

"Babe. Come, let's get you to bed." His voice was tired. Lifeless.

"No." She looked at the clock. 3:41, it flashed.

"For a few hours."

"I can't."

"Babe." Ranger walked back to where she stood, and put his arms around her. She turned in his arms, and buried her head into his neck and began to quietly weep. Her hands were bunched up into his sweater, holding on for dear life. He held her like that for an eternity. His heart was broken. Smashed to pieces on the floor. He had watched the one person who knew him better than he knew himself fall to the ground tonight, dead before he could even cradle him in his arms. Before he could tell him once more that he loved him, had always loved him. That he was sorry for all the misery he'd caused him over the years. That he would do anything, _anything_, to make this change.

His hands drew idle circles on her back, and he murmured nothings into her ear. His eyes absentmindedly traveled around the room, a room they'd all had happy times in. They lit on a framed picture of Tank and Stephanie's wedding day on the mantelpiece. They all looked happy. Even him.

_The first call on that Fathers Day was somewhat expected. He knew that Stephanie_ _was a compassionate person, and that she would remember him as he had remembered her. Fathers Day had been easier than Mothers Day, because they had made their peace by then. And he had a daughter to spend the day with, even if she was hell-bent on finding new ways to turn his hair grey most days. So, he had endured almost two hours of sickening pseudo-romance on the big screen, after lunch at a place where he was sure you could die from just breathing in the greasy air. Whatever his purple-haired querida wanted. _

_The second call, well that one was not expected. It was late, and it was Tank. Tank, who wanted to make sure that he, Carlos, was the first person to hear his good news. Tank, who wanted to make sure that he heard it from him, and not accidentally. Too thoughtful, Ranger groaned, as he hung up the phone, desperate to get off the line before he broke down. _

_Sobriety was a delicate thing, a balancing act, Ranger had found. He understood Tank's need to tell him himself; it put more weight on the sober side of the scale. But a few days later, all the errors of his relationship with Stephanie, all the fucking screw-ups he'd made in his life, they climbed onto the scale too, and he tipped. Sixty-seven days of sobriety went down the toilet. That was a see-saw ride he found he would experience over and over. _

_Of course, he was Tank's best man. Their wedding day was somewhat surreal to him. They planned it for the Saturday after Thanksgiving. All the roles were the same, it's just the actors had changed. The understudy was now the lead, the leading man was relegated to the role of supporting cast. But it was a happy day on balance, he reflected. He saw in their eyes love, understanding, caring. He knew it was a good match._

"Babe." He finally came out of his reverie, and released her. "I came straight from the hospital," he said, tugging at his sweater. "I need to shower."

"Sure. Come upstairs, you can wear something of Charlie's." Her voice broke.

He followed her noiselessly down the hallway, to their bedroom. She flipped on the light, and went to the dressing room. She returned quickly with a change of clothes, and handed it to him. She sat down heavily on the edge of the bed as he began to peel off his sweater on the way to the bathroom. She gasped. "Ranger," she whispered, and he turned toward her, the sweater balled into his fist. His chest was smeared, his forearms were dark.

"Is that--?" She couldn't finish the thought. Ranger nodded, defeated, and came to kneel before her. "He didn't hurt, Steph, he didn't. Ok?" She ran her finger over his chest, shaking as she stroked her husband's blood, dried and crusty on him. She took the sweater from him, "Go, and shower."

-------------------

The sound of Mrs. D struggling to keep her sobbing under control awakened Stephanie and Ranger. They had found their way back to the den, and Stephanie had fallen into an exhausted slumber after some time. Lester stood easily with her, helping her gain her composure as Stephanie shuffled her way into the kitchen. Ranger was right behind her. The sight of Stephanie set off another round of tears and Mrs. D and she clung together, Mrs. D loudly lamenting the loss of a fine man.

"I haven't told the kids yet," Steph said gently to Mrs. D as she handed her a tissue. "Oh, of course. Let them be innocents a while longer Miss Steph. I'll put on some coffee, I am sure there will be a full house before long." And she gave Stephanie one last squeeze, and set about preparing for an army. "Out, out," she pushed Ranger, Lester, and Javier through the door with Stephanie.

"Ranger. I was hoping to wake up this morning and find this was a nightmare." She sat with her head in her hands. Coffee cups littered the table, and Mrs. D had placed plates of pastries on it as well. "Babe." Lester reached out and pat her on the shoulder. "We're here for you, you know that?" She gave him a tight smile. "I know."

Stephanie groaned, a soul-wrenching low sound. "I need to tell the kids. Nica wakes at 7 every day. I think I should do it all at once. Ranger, will you come with me?"

"They're my godchildren."

They walked together up the stairs, Ranger holding Stephanie's hand. She stopped in front of Veronica's door. "Good morning, cookie," she gently whispered, as she stroked her forehead.

"Morning mommy," Nica yawned as she stretched her arms up and opened them for a hug.

"Nica, put your robe and slippers on, ok? Come with me darling." They waited outside the door as she dressed.

"Johno or Lily next?" Ranger asked quietly.

"Lily. Johno usually is in her bed anyway. He doesn't like to sleep alone."

"Babe."

She shrugged. "Monsters in the closet."

Sure enough, when they opened the door, there were four legs and four arms all entangled in a bubble gum pink Barbie comforter. Stephanie rummaged around carefully in the pile, and found two small caramel-colored heads. "Baby, come on, Lilybeth, wake up sweetie." Stephanie carefully disengaged Johno's head from Lily's arms and pulled her gently towards her. Johno mumbled in his sleep, but didn't wake. Steph helped the sleepy toddler with her robe. Lily rubbed her eyes and reached under the covers, where she found her yellow rabbit. She yanked it towards her, tucked it under her arm and stuck her thumb in her mouth. She leaned into her mother and closed her eyes again. Ranger walked over and took her from Stephanie's lap. Lily looked up with surprise and mumbled, "Unca Ranger." She pet his stubbly cheek, and the thumb went right back to her mouth.

Stephanie finally had Johno up and in a robe as well. They were sleepy, and lay softly against her. "Nica, sit here, ok?" Steph pat the edge of the bed. Ranger had pulled the rocking chair closer to Lily's bed. The kids all watched this activity, but didn't say anything.

"Kids? Nica, Lily, Johno." Stephanie closed her eyes and prayed. Please let me do this right. She opened them again, and saw Ranger nodding imperceptibly. She took a deep breath and began.

"Something bad happened last night. Something very sad." She choked on her words, and Johno straightened in her arms and hugged her. "I wuv you mama."

"I love you too, baby." She swallowed, and began again. "Something very, very sad happened. And it's ok to cry about it, alright? Last night,--last night your daddy died."

There was silence for a moment. Nica spoke first. "Mommy, Robert died, right? From school?"

"Yes."

"He went to heaven."

"Uhm hmm."

"Is daddy in heaven too?"

"Yeah, cookie he went to heaven too."

"No, mommy I want daddy here." Lily spoke then.

"I know, so does mommy."

Johno stood on the bed and pulled her face to look at his. "Then why he go, mommy?" He stared straight into her eyes. "He not go to heaven. He lives here."

Stephanie took his hands from her cheeks and hugged him tightly to her. "He – he was hurt last night. It was too big a hurt for the doctors to fix."

"Mommy, was it a bad man? Did a bad man hurt daddy?" Lily whispered.

"Yes, baby. But daddy doesn't hurt anymore."

_As always your reviews and comments are welcome!_

_Thanks to Lindsay, as always._


	30. Chapter 40

_**CHAPTER FORTY**_

"Julie? What happened?" Treyvon called out from the terminal's escalator at Miami airport, his duffle bags tossed lightly over his shoulder. He approached the check-point with the self-confident grace of a man certain of his place in the world. The security guard gave him a smile as she searched his luggage. He was alarmingly handsome, and she briefly wondered what it would feel like to have those broad-shouldered arms wrapped around her. "You sure are tall," she commented with what she hoped was a clever smile, looking him up and down.

He had grown used to the stares, and to the smiles. He'd had three and a half years of traveling with the college football team, of being the one the commentators always wanted to interview after a good game, or, worse, having to do an interview after a fuck up of a game, to get used to it. Normally he'd smile, and then laugh silently as he saw the women stutter or fan themselves. It was certainly a large part of his charm, the fact he didn't see himself as anything special. It amused him. But today he was distracted. His mind was on his father; his eyes were drawn to the tall willowy Latina sitting on the seats near the entrance, aluminum crutches beside her.

He strode towards her as she explained, "My mother's fur ball…." She rolled her eyes, as if there needed to be any other explanation. He grimaced. "Bet Coach is pissed." He helped her stand and she took the crutch he offered. She leaned on it for a second, then just melted into him and held on for dear life. "Trey. I am so sorry. When daddy called me this morning, I –I didn't want to believe it. It's so wrong…."

He tilted her head up, and placed a kiss on her forehead. He wiped the tear that ran down her cheek. "Thanks Jules." He hugged her for all he was worth. Tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to give in this time. They already felt raw. "I don't want to go home; I don't want to do this. It's not fair. I only had him for a few years. God. How do I walk in the house and face the twins? What about Nica? What is she thinking? Damn it. And Mom? How will she handle this?"

------------------------

The plane was not full. How many sane people headed _north_ in February? She sat curled next to him on the flight, her head on his shoulder, and cat-napped. She woke up to find that her fingers were carelessly twisting his dreadlocks. She looked up at this man, and had an overwhelming desire to kiss him. She could feel his lips; she knew they were the most incredibly soft things, and she loved how they felt against her skin. But she knew he'd get mad if she made a move like that, so she didn't bother.

He placed his hand over her fingers and stilled them. He flashed her a small grin. "I'm thinking of cutting it."

"Hmm? What?"

"My hair. I was thinking of cutting it off."

"Don't, it's sexy Trey." His laughter boomed and other passengers looked their way. "Ya think? Well then maybe I won't." He paused, and when he spoke again, his voice had lost all humor. "Dad hated it, you know."

"Trey." She wanted to say so many things to him. She wanted to comfort him.

_The first semester that Trey was at the University_ _of Miami, Julie_ _wouldn't see him. She was still so angry at his betraying her trust. She refused his phone calls, and told her mother to say she was sick when he showed up on the doorstep. Damn, what an infant I was, she thought. Her therapist tried to convince her, her parents tried to convince her, but all she could see was his betrayal. She couldn't see that Treyvon was smart enough, and cared enough, to try to get her help. Her parents had forbidden her to date. She wasn't allowed to stay overnight at her friends' houses anymore. Parties were verboten. She was a prisoner in her home, allowed out just to go the stupid counselor and to school._

_To the stupid all-girl Catholic private prison her father found for her. They didn't have a track team. Despite the fact she'd stopped running, she railed about its lack for months. Finally her father contacted the track coach at her last school. He had connections and knew Julie_ _was really good. He got her a spot on the college level track team at the University_ _of Miami. The coach there took on special runners occasionally and had even had Olympic success. Since she had made a _major _case of there being no running at her new school, she had no choice but to join. Definitely out-maneuvered there._

_But running reminded her of her old life, the life of her childhood, of the carefree time before kidnappings and bodyguards, before she had taken such pains to alienate everyone. She found she had missed running. The wind in her hair, the slapping sound of feet on the track, the deep exhausted breaths she took as she collapsed on the ground at the finish line._

_And at some point she realized having Raj bodyguard her wasn't a punishment, he wasn't an indicator of a lack of trust; he wasn't anything but a manifestation of her father's love. And he encouraged her, and never commented on the bad choices she'd made, although she knew he'd heard about them. She knew he had gotten in trouble because he had allowed a teenager to outsmart him. And he never took it out on her. Or treated her with anything but respect. _

_By May of that year, she had come full circle. She had almost finished her first year of high school, her grades had improved, and her attitude had improved. She had grown up, for real this time. She couldn't believe all the crap she'd done in the past year. Drinking, smoking, fooling around with guys who didn't know what '_no'_ really meant. Close flippin' call Manoso, she realized. _

"What are you grinning at Jules?"

"Just remembering. I was a scary kid, wasn't I?"

"No shit."

"Uncle Charlie was so good to me. He tried so hard to make me realize I was loved."

"Yeah, he could talk, couldn't he?" And they both became suddenly silent, and looked out the window of the plane. "He's up here, I know that," Trey whispered.

"What?"

"Dad. He's up here--- in heaven." He gestured out the window, where spots of glowing sunlight bounced off the clouds. His eyes welled with unshed tears. "He has to be."

"Trey."

She kept her eyes trained on the clouds, and recalled being very little, Daisy was still alive; and Daisy and she lay on the ground, pretending the clouds were different animals. "He's not alone Trey. He's with Daisy now." She squeezed his hand in a gesture of solidarity, of understanding, of love. And she did love him. She grinned inwardly, remembering her first real encounter with him in Miami.

_Her track team was having trials, and she was stretching, warming up, with all the other runners. Most of the others were like her, specially chosen and still in high school. One group of girls stopped their stretching and started whistling and hooting and cat-calling across the field at a bunch of college jocks that had come out for football practice. Julie_ _listened to them whispering and watched them ogle the crowd of hard male bodies. She shook her head in disbelief at the girls' antics. Those guys _so_ don't know we exist. _

_Their timed trials started, and her mind totally went toward her goals. She lost sight of the other runners, of the coach, of Raj prodding her on. She collapsed, like all the others, at the end of the track. There was quiet except for the heavy breathing of exhaustion. Slowly chatter began about their times, about what they needed to do next time, and Julie, as she normally did, just sat, head in her knees, thinking. Breathing. Feeling all her muscles speaking to her. She guessed it was like a meditation, but she did it after every race. It focused things for her. Her eyes closed, the sweat dripping down her face onto her arms, she suddenly realized that the chatter had screeched to a halt. The air had been sucked from the field._

_She felt rather than saw the shadow looming over her. She tilted her head slightly towards the shadow as she heard him say her name. "Julie?" Her eyes opened wide. She knew that voice. "Trey? Trey!" She hopped up with the ease of someone who hadn't just run herself to exhaustion and jumped into his open arms. He swung her around, kissed her soundly on the lips, and the forehead, and stood her in front of him. He put his hand on her head and jokingly measured her to his body. "You're getting tall, Jules," he said, tapping his hand at his shoulder._

_He held her out at arms length. "You are beautiful Julie. Beautiful." She blushed, and tried to cover up her unease by laughing. "I stink. I've got sweat and funk running down me everywhere."_

"_You're beautiful," he reiterated. "I missed you at Christmas, Jules."_

"_Yeah, well I wasn't done being angry with you then."_

"_Are you done now?"_

"_Yeah, I think."_

_He let out a huge burst of laughter. "I missed you so much. What are you doing here?" They both were oblivious to the stares of the other girls, drooling and jealous. She filled him in as they walked towards Raj, who greeted them. "Tank's boy, right?"_

"_Yeah._ _Tank's boy," Trey laughed. "Jules, I gotta get back or Coach will flay me alive, but I have to see you again. Can I call you? Will you talk to me?"_

"Happy memories, Jules?" Trey was relaxed against the seat; head turned looking at Julie, who hadn't taken her eyes from the clouds.

She looked over, startled out of her reverie. Her cheeks flushed. Her hand snaked out to gently grasp his. "I'm glad you were my first, Trey."

His eyes darkened with memory and old flames of desire. "I am too. Am I still your only?"

"Yeah." She spoke softly, her eyes closed, her head pressed back into the seat.

"Good. That Pedro jerk you were seeing just wanted sex, Jules."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Know it all. I miss you sometimes, Trey. I miss you all the time, actually."

"Julie, we make better friends than we made boyfriend/girlfriend. I mean, we both agreed it wasn't working. It's like we just expected to be together, like we fell together. Look, when we were dating, I liked it. A lot. I love you, but it's not ever going to be the right way. Our expectations, our goals, they are so different."

He sighed. They'd been over this before. A hundred times before. Damn. Girls are so much work. Julie wasn't like his sister. Nica was easy. Julie's face, her scent, had fueled many a fantasy in his teenaged nights. She had starred in many a wet dream. But reality? Well, maybe there _was_ too much difference in age. Or something. She was whiney and needy, he thought. Not a spoiled brat, but damned close. After finding her, it was like something in him had awakened again. Something he didn't know he was missing.

_He remembered the scene that exploded when he told his father that he ran into Julie_ _on the track. Damn, he was all but shitting himself about me getting involved with her. "Trey, you don't want to start having sex with her. If you care about her, you need to let her get her act together, get healthy. Grow up some. She is having too many issues." _

"_She said she's figured things out. Why are you making such a big deal about it, Dad? It's just sex."_

"_It shouldn't be."_

"_What, you did it. You don't even _remember _my mother!!"_

"_You want to start making all the mistakes I've made Treyvon, because I can make you a long list and you can get to work on it, ok?" His father threw something. He heard it hit the wall over the phone. Damned good thing there had been a thousand miles separating them._

"_Respect that girl, Treyvon." He recalled the phone slamming down of its own volition. Shit. I didn't just hang up on my father, did I? He threw himself onto the top bunk in his dorm room and stared at the ceiling for hours, before he got the nerve to call her. It took him three days before he got the nerve to apologize to his father._

_They dated for almost three years. They tried to keep their relationship on the right track. But it was hard. They finally agreed to end it around Christmas._ _His father had tried to help Trey understand how they ended up together, helping to ease the pain he felt over his first love, lost._

"_Treyvon, you both found yourselves suddenly in the midst of this ocean of family, of love, that you had never known existed. It was always there for you, both of you. And you two held on to each other like you were on a sinking ship. It was intense, and the only other person who could understand how chaotic it made you feel was Julie, because she was similarly overwhelmed. It forged a bond that the two of you will never break, if you can get past this romantic breakup. For both of your sakes, tread carefully, ok?"_

"You know, today of all days is not the time to go over this again. I know you'll be happy some day. And I want to be happy. And you make me happy, in a lot of ways. I really want us to be friends, Jules, because we make the most awesome friends."

"My dad finally accepted the idea of us. Thought you were a good influence on me. Kinda funny, don't you think? He spent all these years trying to warn you off me, keep me away from you, and he had reached the place where you were suitable. And then we went and called it quits."

He chuckled. "We both have such amazing things to look forward to. I love you Julie, I do. You are my best friend, ever. I want to see you make your dreams come true too."

She squeezed his hand, "I know, Trey, I know. You are _my_ best friend."

She closed her eyes, his hand comfortable in hers. A few minutes passed, and she looked over to him. "You're still taking me to the prom, right?"

"You want me there, I'm there, Jules. Count on it."

-------------------------------

"All buckled up, Joe." Stephanie turned towards Joe, and he closed the door of his minivan and walked over to her. Joe looked into her eyes, gave her a sad smile, and then put his arms around her. Their hug was intense, and fraught with emotion. Stephanie pulled away first. "Joe, thanks for taking the twins. The viewing yesterday was as much as I think they can handle."

"I understand. It's not a problem. The girls love having them over. And I know that Marie likes the fact that they are distractions for Meri and Melissa. Keeps them from going at each others throats." Steph gave a small laugh. She remembered being a child with Valerie and could totally understand what was going on.

"Good. I know they can be hellions. I hope that they don't get so loud they wake the baby."

"Aw, Steph, Mikey has no choice. If he wants to sleep, he has to sleep with the sounds of his sisters bickering. Five weeks old and he's sleeping through the night!"

"I think your kids will be a diversion for them, too." She sighed deeply.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm numb Joe, just numb. All the men in my life—Charlie, Ranger, you, heck all my friends, all of you work such dangerous jobs. I've always known something like this _could_ happen. It just feels so pointless for him to be part of such random violence. It's not how he would have wanted to go." She began to shiver from something other than the cold. The noise level inside the closed van was starting to rise.

"I guess I better get going. Go inside, Steph; rest a bit. You look beat."

"I am. Thanks again Joe."

"No problem." He kissed her cheek and climbed into the van.

Stephanie wrapped her scarf more tightly about her neck and slowly walked the path to the porch. She looked up at their home, and saw Charlie, balancing on a ladder, scaring the shit out of her, as he strung Christmas lights across the porch. 'Damn man, are you trying to kill yourself?' she remembered hollering at him, and he flashed her a smile that had made her melt. She shook her head to clear the vision, and opened the front door.

Ranger was on a bar stool, pen in one hand, cell phone in the other. He acknowledged her with a nod, and continued twitching the pen in his hand.

"Sondra." His eyes looked pained, his voice weary.

"I'm sorry, but I can't make it. Send my regrets to your parents; I'm in Trenton for at least two weeks."

"No."

"Sondra. Please."

"You're welcome to come up here. But I've a friend to bury and a business to straighten out. Those are my priorities currently, not making sure I make my social appearances to placate your family." He looked over at Stephanie. His eyes begged her for something, but she couldn't figure out what. She poured herself a cup of coffee, and held up an empty mug to him. He nodded.

"Sondra. I'm beeping. I have to answer this, ok?"

"Me too," he mumbled as he closed the phone.

"Trouble in paradise?" Stephanie carried his mug to him as he set the phone down. "Umn, Ranger, your call?"

He gave her a smirk.

"You little bastard," she laughed at him. "Is she coming for the funeral?"

"Her parents are hosting a huge shin-dig fund-raiser at the end of the week, and she is the press liaison and event coordinator. She can't or won't make time, and her parents are angry that I am not attending. RangeMan already bought three tables; I don't think my presence is required." His head landed in his hands. They sat together, sipping coffee, Stephanie nibbling on some cookies that Mrs. D had left on the counter. "Is that all you've eaten today?"

"No. I had two Boston crèmes earlier."

"Babe."

"I'm not hungry. I can't eat."

The silence of the house was suddenly noticeable. "Steph, what are the twins up too? It's awfully quiet."

"That's because they aren't here. Marie and Joe are keeping them tonight. Last night was too much for them."

"Babe." He squeezed her hand gently.

"They said their goodbyes, Ranger. Any more and it will just confuse them. _I_ almost lost it there, you know?"

"I know, babe, I know." They both remembered the previous evening; Johno holding one hand, and Lily the other, Stephanie walking towards the casket at the far end of the room. The room was full of mourners already. Tank had an army of friends and family to see him on his next journey. The room took on a ghostly silence as they walked forward. The widow and the children. Stephanie felt herself blanch as she realized her role. Her knees almost gave out. Nica held onto Trey's hand and they followed Stephanie. All the explaining in the world didn't prepare the twins for seeing their father's body prone in the casket.

Stephanie couldn't hold back her tears either. She knelt on the kneeler, her arms around her children, and she studied the still face of her husband. She spoke quietly to the children, trying to reassure them. And then Lily spoke.

"Daddy's sleeping, mommy." Lily looked up at her mother with a question in her eyes.

"Mommy, daddy needs PJ's on. He shouldn't sleep in his good clothes." Stephanie squeezed Johno tightly to her.

She kissed his forehead tenderly. Everybody nearby heard Johno's proclamation, and had to laugh. Her heart tensed. Out of the mouths of babes.

"Your daddy is in heaven. His body is here, but his soul is in heaven and he is watching over us. He will always be with us, alright?" They nodded, but it made no sense to them. They saw him right in front of their eyes. "It will be alright."

Stephanie stood finally, and bent over to kiss Tank's forehead with care. "Charlie, I love you," she whispered. The simplest words are sometimes the best, she realized. No qualifiers, no adjectives were needed. She loved this man, and she always would.

"Mama I kiss daddy too?"

"Yes, baby, you can." And she bent to pick up her daughter, but Trey got there first. And Ranger came and scooped up Johno. They touched Charlie's hands, they kissed his cheek, and then they each snuggled into the large arms that held them safe. They burrowed their faces into their necks and sobbed softly. Stephanie took Nica's hand, and they all sat down in the front row.

It wasn't long before the twins were restless. There were a lot of people coming and going; they kept saying they were sorry. Lily wondered what they had done that they needed to apologize for. At some point Stephanie recalled Cynthia and Manuel arriving.

Cynthia was bereft. Her twin, the one constant in her life, was gone. She pulled her niece and nephew onto her ample lap, and hugged them hard. They loved their Aunt Cinfy. They knew she was special because she was a twin too. Lily touched her face, and whispered in her ear, "I can share my twin with you if you want Aunt Cinfy."

"Aunt Cinfy, I can help you cry if you want me to," Johno told her seriously.

-------

Ranger stood in front of the bedroom door, ready to knock. It was morning, and today was the day they were going to bury Charlie. My closest friend in the world. He's left me alone, and I am not sure I can forgive him for that. Ranger hadn't really slept in days. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Charlie reach for his gun, and then fall to the ground. He should be capable of getting beyond this, he'd seen worse. No. Never worse, because never was the person on the ground someone he loved so much. He swallowed deeply, took a deep breath. "Steph." Ranger tapped lightly on the door. "Are you ready?"

"Come in." He opened the door, and stepped in. She was sitting on her bed, shoes in her hands, dressed only in her robe, her outfit lying on the bed beside her; tears were rolling down her face. Ranger sat and took the shoes from her, placed them on the floor and hugged her.

"It's real. He's gone. I'm alone. I don't want to do this."

"Babe." His fingers gently wiped the tears trailing down her cheeks.

He let go of her face, and they sat side by side. He let her lean on his shoulder. "You'll never be alone." There were no more words and they both knew it.

Ellen Plum eventually came to find Stephanie. "Sweetheart," she quietly said as she rapped on the doorframe. "The children are dressed and all set." Ranger nodded at Ellen and stood to leave. She looked at him and sighed. She saw the pain in his eyes, the dark stain of exhaustion that had settled deeply on his face. It wasn't much easier for him than it was for her daughter to carry out this chore.

Charlie, he had been a breath of fresh air in their lives. She could no longer recall the time that she didn't like the man. She had had serious reservations about the union of her youngest with him; from his size and career to his race to the fact he was bringing along baggage in the form of children. He had won her over however, with his genuine adoration of her daughter. He was one in a million, Ellen would say, whenever anyone questioned how things were going. And yes, what a relief to finally have her daughter honestly and truly settled.

Charlie was open; a candid and funny man. He was thoughtful and educated and everything that she in her first assumption had decided he wouldn't be. When he smiled at Stephanie, which he did constantly, you could see his soul. When they adopted her grandchildren, she fell even more in love---with them and with him. A more dedicated father you couldn't find. It was truly a tragedy that he was taken from them like this, so young. He had just turned 44. I can barely recall being 44, she thought. So long ago.

By the time her thoughts had run their course, she had Stephanie dressed and her shoes on. She helped her into her coat, and had escorted her down the stairs. The poor child was running on auto-pilot.

------------------

Johno had wrapped himself around her neck, and was sitting surprisingly still while the coffin was carried to the graveside. Lily was in her 'Grandpa' Manoso's arms. Stephanie looked over at Rico and Merci. They had lost a second son. She knew that to them Charlie was no less a son than Carlos. Cynthia was stoic. Her hand was held tightly by Merci; her eyes staring straight ahead, focused on something just beyond her vision. Steph watched, spellbound, as Lula shook with tears in Greg's arms. Lula was taking Tank's death hard. If she could have been there, Stephanie would be lying in bed, hysterical. She swallowed her tears, watching Trey, Carlos, Manuel, Lester, Hal and Cal shoulder the casket. Intense and dignified, they bore the weight of her world on their shoulders.

"Mama." Stephanie was glad of the children. They kept her in the present. Johno and Lily were as identical as fraternal twins of different sexes could get. From their warm caramel skin to their hazel eyes to the softly kinky brown hair they shared, they were the same. Lily's hair was always an unruly mass of bouncy soft curls. Today it formed a huge poof on the top of her head, pulled into a pony tail with a crisp white ribbon. Johno's hair was kept short, and it felt nice when she ran her fingers over his head. Charlie would have had him scalped if he had his way. Heck, Lily would have been too. He had the darnedest time dealing with her hair.

Steph smiled inside. She had experience with wild hair, she had told Charlie, and she was not allowing Lily to have a short style just for her ease. She cringed when she thought of her own school pictures. Her mother had kept Stephanie's hair very short, since Stephanie didn't have the patience to deal with it. "Mama," Lily repeated, reaching over to her, wanting to be in her arms. Stephanie took her in her arms and sat her with Johno on her lap. She buried her face in Lily's curls and remembered the good times.

The prayers, she didn't hear. _She heard Charlie_'_s voice, talking to her, the two of them lying in bed, in the dark. The twins would be coming home in the morning. Their last night of couple hood. Their last night before screaming infants invaded their sleep. "Stevie, no going back, ya know."_

"_Charlie," she giggled, as he lightly ran his hands along her body, tickling her here and there. They had made love, long, slow, and languorously. As always she felt satisfied, satiated. Adored. The warmth of his body next to hers radiated. _

"_I can't wait to see them again. Think about how wonderful it going to be. I can't wait to be a grandfather. To watch my sons go off into the world, to see my daughters happy. We might have the next president of the US_ _moving in tomorrow, Stevie."_

"_Charlie, I like how you've moved past the 1.6 million diaper changes that we have between now and then."_

"_And the sleepless nights," he said. "Don't forget them." _

_He turned to her, pulled her face towards his. He gave her one of those smiles that turned him into the most handsome of men. "Eyes on the prize, little girl. This is what's gonna get us through the next few years. Knowing how it's going to be. Imagining all the ways we are gonna be happy. I am so glad we are gonna do this together. And grow old together. I love you Stephanie_ _Plum_ _Wellington. I love you with all of my heart."_

She felt Ranger's hand on her shoulder. "Babe." The tears were spilling down her face, quietly landing on Johno's scarf. "It's cold, let's get the kids into the limo."

"I'm not ready to leave."

"Ok. Trey, take your brother and sister."

Steph looked up and saw that it was over. People were hustling quickly to their cars. It was too cold, and the sky was that steel grey color that appeared when snow was on its way. The air even smelled like snow. Good. She could bury herself, her kids, inside the house and not have to deal with this anymore. Maybe there'd be a blizzard. The snow would cover everything, and they'd be left alone. No. they were already left alone. Shit! Charlie was dead. Why? Why? Why?

She and Ranger were the only two left. They were silent together, holding close to their thoughts, the emotions so close to the surface. Ranger noticed snowflakes whirling about, and knew that the cemetery workers needed to finish their job before the storm rolled in.

Stephanie stood, staring at the gravesite; at the casket, the flowers that surrounded the entire area. She began to shudder, tears overflowing, finally allowed their release, alone now, all the others gone. Ranger stood just beside her, but not touching.

He turned to her, reaching for her gloved hand. "Babe."

"You promised me, Ranger," she gulped through her tears. "You promised me that Charlie would always be there for me. You told me ---He'll always be there, Tank will never let you down."

"Babe." He folded her into his arms, and held her as the tears flowed. They turned finally, and headed towards the limo.

------------------------------------

Stephanie closed the front door and leaned against it solidly. That was the last of them. All those people who just needed to tell her one more time about how wonderful he was; about how sorry they were. What a shame, those poor children without a father now. Poor Stephanie left with four kids. Ooooh. She really wanted to slam her head against the door and scream, but those poor children were asleep. Ranger startled her out of her trance. "You'll be ok tonight?"

"Uhm hmm. Yeah. I'll be fine."

"Let me help you clean up a bit."

"No thanks, it just bothers Mrs. D if we take over her kitchen. Leave it for her."

"Right." He sat down heavily on the couch in the den, put his head back and closed his eyes. She locked the door, turned out the lights and joined him. She sat at the opposite end of the couch, pulled the blanket from its back over her and curled up. She laid her head back and sighed deeply.

The quiet was all-encompassing. It felt good. Left alone with her thoughts, she replayed the past few days. She had made it through. Charlie would be proud of her, she thought. Charlie was going to have to continue to be there in spirit for her, she considered. She wasn't able to do this alone. When Rafael died, Tank had been there for her; for her and Ranger, and for her when Ranger gave up.

Ranger. She opened her eyes and glanced at him. He looked like shit. This past week was horrible for him too. Her mind slipped to Rafael again. And to how Ranger had coped. Or not coped. A small squeeze of worry touched her heart.

"Ranger. Stay with us."

"Babe?"

"I mean it. Stay."

"I will. As long as you need."

"Your spirit…don't leave. Don't fall backward, ok?"

"Babe I've been clean, sober, for 2 years, 8 months. I'm going to feel all the pain this time. No hiding."

_Her mind slipped back to a summer vacation at the beach. They were sitting on the deck of Ranger's beach house. The twins were two and a half. They were having a blast in the sand, carrying their little buckets back and forth from the sandbox to the edge of the beach. Sand, sand, and more sand. And buckets and pails and shovels and water and big kids to play with. What more could you want in life? _

_Ranger sat on the edge of the chaise lounge, elbows on his knees, watching. Stephanie and Tank were nestled together on another lounger. Trey and Julie were on twin duty, and Nica was busy with her new toy, a hand held video game. She had become quite adept at playing games and her teachers encouraged such diversion. It was Julie_'_s 16th birthday, and the two families came together to celebrate. _

_Stephanie_ _looked over at Ranger. She felt some small guilt, some sadness tugging at her heart. Her heart, her life, was complete and idyllic. There were her children—she looked at them for a moment and smiled. Her children. Didn't think she'd ever have that kind of feeling for little people always pulling and tugging at her, but oh, the way they hugged her. The way they thought she was so wonderful. Mama. And Charlie_'_s kids, now hers, legally adopted and happily settled. And there was Charlie. She snuggled back into him just a bit at the thought. Happiness. Contentment. And Ranger, he sat there, alone. Still aloof._

"_We need to find you someone, some way to make you happy Ranger," she blurted out._

"_Babe."_ _His eyebrow rose at the comment that had broken the peaceful silence._

_She smiled to herself. It had been a long time since she'd heard that name. After she and Charlie_ _married, there had been some distance. It was necessary. But it hurt. There was a level of formality that bothered her. She knew that Ranger was trying to not step on Charlie_'_s toes. She'd become Steph to him. Steph, Stephanie. But not Babe. And she hadn't realized how much she'd missed that little intimacy. _

"_I've resigned myself to it. … Maybe I'm supposed to be alone. I've spent so much time perfecting the alone part."_

_Charlie groaned at this pronouncement, like any good friend should when confronted with a line of bullshit._

"_I have you," he spun his hand in a circle encompassing everyone around him. _

"_Ranger."_ _She gave him a world class eye roll._

_He looked up at his friends. "I'll have been sober for a year next week."_

"_Ranger."_ _Stephanie_ _stood up and went to him. She put her arms around his shoulders. "I'm proud of you. Really."_

"_Thanks."_

"_I love you."_

"_Me too."_

"_Hey, that's my wife you're squeezing," Tank laughingly said to them. _

"_Jealous, Charlie?_ _I love you too." _

_They laughed. It was as if a huge wall came down at that moment. From then on, the three had become able to live together, work together, play together. There was hardly any residual awkwardness with the odd relationships they shared with each other. There was certainly comfort in being around people who knew you so deeply; people who didn't need to hear the words, but knew intuitively how you felt…_

He felt her eyes on him, and opened his to look at her, resting on the couch. "No hiding Babe. I'll be here. For you. For them," he said nodding towards the stairs and his sleeping godchildren. He looked at the photo of Charlie that was on the side table, in a frame that Nica had made in school.

"For him."


	31. Chapter 41

CHAPTER FORTY ONE 

This story picks up where Janet Evanovich leaves off in Twelve Sharp, a few pages BEFORE HER ENDING. Her characters belong to HER, mine to me, but I think I may try to keep a few! (Ranger, for one LOL)

MID FEBRUARY The doorbell rang as Stephanie was coming down the stairs, a towel wrapped around her head. She looked through the peep hole and groaned.

"Steph. Morning."

Why did she get the feeling she wasn't going to be up for whatever they were after? "Bobby? Lester?"

"Hey Bombshell."

Well, no delaying the inevitable. "What's up guys?"

"Came to help you get the kids off to school."

"Um, guys? Mrs. D?"

Bobby looked at Lester as if to say, told you she wouldn't buy that. "Yeah. Well, we need you at the office too, so, we figured…"

"Yeah," Lester added lamely.

"Right. Ok. I don't want to go to the office. Why do I have to?" Stephanie knew this day was going to come. Charlie's funeral had been Friday; she knew it was only a matter of time before she needed to face the world again.

"Ranger said you need to come in Steph. Charlie's lawyer will be there." Lester looked at her with a sympathetic grimace. "And not that I am rushing you but his office, well, his things. You might want to go through them?"

"Oh shit." She groaned at the two of them. Frick and Frack, she thought. Aargh.

"Steph. Come on. Lawyers, wills, all that paperwork –it's been allowed to slide, but for business purposes it's gotta get done. I know it's tough."

"I know. I just… oh, fine." She turned back into the house and they followed her. "Let me get ready. You go get some coffee." She came back in a while later, and gave her children their kisses and hugs. Mrs. D. walked to her and gave her a small hug as she wrapped her scarf around her neck. "Miss Stephanie. You'll do fine." Stephanie didn't really care how Mrs. D. reacted to her scowl.

----

Ella placed coffee and pastries on the conference table. She squeezed Steph's shoulder as she left the room. Marcus Storm, Esq. sat at one end of the table, Ranger at the other, and Steph was between them. Lester was sitting in what Steph thought of as Tank's chair. She swallowed at the implication. There was even one of the secretaries taking notes today.

Ranger stood and began to speak. "Stephanie. This is the official meeting of RangeMan LLC to designate a new COO of RangeMan Trenton. Before we begin all of that, I want the following on the record. Charles 'Tank' Wellington lived his life in a way that all here admired. He was someone that everyone wanted to please, and to emulate. He was an integral part of this organization and if it hadn't been for his dedication and hard work, RangeMan wouldn't be as successful as it is. All of us have expressed to you our sorrow, our grief and our sense of loss."

Ranger walked to her, and took her hand in his. "Steph." He stood for a long moment, just holding her hand, looking down at her. There were tears welling in her eyes. He gave her another squeeze, trying to tell her to be strong, and returned to his seat.

He picked up the stacks of files in front of him, and made a show of organizing, sorting and flipping through them. Stephanie realized he was giving them all, himself included, a moment to compose themselves. He looked up at her, and she nodded slightly. He began speaking again. "Charlie was a partner in RangeMan. You now have a 25 stake in the company. Lester has 15 and I have 60 …"

"I wasn't aware of that. I thought RangeMan was yours."

"It is. 60 anyway. Lester has slowly been upping his involvement and monetary interests. I gave Charlie 25 of the company years ago, before it was so large. But still, it's yours now. We are privately held. Just the three of us. You can sell to me or to Lester or keep it. If you choose to keep it I would prefer you maintain an active interest. You are an asset to RangeMan, have been since you started with us. If you sell, you'll make a lot of money. But I suggest you let Storm go over all the rest of Charlie's will and legal papers."

Storm took over. "Your husband, like all the employees of RangeMan, had extensive life insurance policies. He was aware of the nature of his profession. You are financially secure, Mrs. Wellington. Each of your children has a healthy trust fund. You are the beneficiary of a large life insurance policy. Mr. Wellington arranged for you to be taken care of."

"Steph. Lester is going to run RangeMan, Trenton, if you agree. He's been with us since the beginning and he has the experience and knowledge."

You're going back to Miami." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah, Babe. I live there. My life is there now. I trust you to make the right decisions. Know that you can call me for any reason. Anything at all. Personal or professional, I am always going to be available to you. But I have to get back. I am in charge down there. There isn't a Tank, or a Lester; not yet. I need to oversee things. I know that all of you can maintain the quality of work that Tank demanded."

Stephanie sat, shell-shocked. She was a wealthy widow, it would appear. Well, at least far better off than she'd ever expected to be. She had no idea that Charlie was a partner. She wondered why they'd never discussed it. She had always thought he was just Ranger's right hand man. And she was going to be well and truly alone. No. She could trust Lester. He'd run the company properly. She knew that Charlie trusted him.

She owned part of RangeMan? She had the opportunity to help run it? Ranger was leaving. Her head hurt. She didn't notice that the meeting had ended, that Marcus and Lester had left the room. Ranger came and stood beside her. His hand idly massaged her shoulder. "Babe?"

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. She nodded. "I'm ok. It's all so much. Too much."

Three days later, Ranger was back in Miami. He made sure his first stop was Sondra's penthouse apartment. He knew better than to be seen anywhere in Miami by any of her many friends and acquaintances before she saw him. Besides, he needed the comfort of a warm body under his tonight. He hoped she wasn't still angry. He quietly slipped into her bed, and she awakened to the feeling of his hand rubbing her thigh. She twisted in his arms, and tried to ask him how he was. "I don't want to talk tonight Sondra. I just want to be inside you," he mumbled into her neck as he thrust hard against her, willing her legs apart.

Three days after that, his cell phone rang. It was 1:30 in the morning, and Sondra just groaned as she handed it to him. She loved the guy but couldn't he _ever _have the damned night off?

"Babe?" He sat up sharply. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything. I'm so lost."

"Babe. Is someone hurt?"

"Oh, no, Ranger. I'm sorry. It's late, isn't it? I just couldn't sleep. I haven't slept since, since…well, it's been a while."

He quietly slid from the bed and padded over to the sofa on the other end of the bedroom, so he wouldn't disturb Sondra.

"Want to talk?"

"Yeah. I just need to talk about him for a bit. Do you mind?"

"No. I've told you before, babe, I'm here for you, ok?"

"Yeah. Why did it happen? Why did someone take him from me? Ranger, I loved him so much! It's not fair. Our children. The twins are going to reach a place where they aren't even going to remember him."

"Babe. That won't happen."

"It will-- how much do YOU remember from when you were four Ranger? I can hardly recall a thing."

"Babe."

And thus began a pattern of late night calls Stephanie made to Ranger as she adjusted to the life of a single parent. She found herself calling him every few days, when the pressure of it all became too much. Most of the time it was Stephanie talking, and Ranger listening to her, encouraging her to release her feelings. The conversations were generally short, and they traversed a subject matter from serious to sublime. She learned more about Tank as a teen, and by default, about Ranger.

Ranger found it cathartic as well, to talk with someone else who loved Tank, to keep him alive in their hearts. He didn't notice that he was opening up to her in a way he had never allowed himself to do before. They learned, in these quiet conversations, curled under a blanket, or sitting, staring out a penthouse window, so much about each other. There was comfort, and a level of honesty they had never shared. They developed a deeper understanding of who they were, together. With a thousand miles separating them, they formed an alliance that was stronger than anything they'd experienced before.

10:47 PM …"You know what Lula told me at lunch? She told me how much she loved Tank. How she broke up with him because she was afraid of him dying on her. She's still broken up about it, Ranger. She gets all misty eyed when she comes over to visit."…

He hung up the phone and settled back into bed. Ranger thought about Tank and Lula, and smiled. He thought of Tank and Antoinette as well. Tank knew how to find them, that's for sure. He had had the love of three spirited, wonderful women. Lucky bastard. Ranger and Tank had been down on the gun range, just before Tank got married. Ranger was basically whining, he realized in hindsight. Damn Stephanie, I never whined before I met her.

"_Before Steph I didn't know I wanted all that. Love. Family. After her, I don't know how to find what I'm looking for."_

"_Are you still looking for Steph?" Tank asked, while changing out his paper target._

"_You two are so good together…I missed my chance. There is just this level of disconnect in my life Charlie; I don't know how to fix it. I watch the two of you and I realize what I lost." _

"_Someday Carlos._ _It'll happen for you too. Trust that, ok?"_

1:43 AM …"What happened to happily ever after Ranger? I signed up for happily ever after." Stephanie knew she was whining, but it had been a tough week. She really needed Charlie's strength this week.

"And that's what you got. Tank had a happily ever after, babe…till the minute he died he was happy. You loved, honored, and cherished, just like the vows said. He was pleased with his life; I had never seen him as satisfied."

"Small comfort to me, Ranger. I didn't get the happily ever after, he did."

"Babe."

"I know, I'm whining. He was happy?"

"Babe. He was ecstatic. He loved you, his kids, his life."…

As she hung up, she slid under the covers, and recalled a night when she and Charlie were curled together. _They were still new, and it was still magic…She had been telling him how she admired his ability to always see the good in every situation. He was such a positive thinker. 'Little girl, every minute with you is like dessert; you are the cherry on top, it's something special that I never thought I'd have again. I thought the good times were gone when Antoinette and Daisy died; I didn't expect to find this again. I have survived a lot, I've lost a lot. I know how to appreciate the good times, little girl. Gotta store them up, it gives you something to hold when you need something to keep you afloat. Stevie, I _know _it can all end tomorrow. Seen it happen. I'm good with it. If it's over tomorrow, I know I did everything I wanted in my life. I have made sure that I haven't left things undone or unsaid. I don't want to live with regrets. _

11:16 PM … Ranger's voice was low, "I never stopped loving him."

"I know."

"I never stopped loving you either, Babe."

"I know. I think your capacity for love is so great Carlos that it scares you, and you shut down all your feelings---to avoid the pain…"

"You are putting me on a pedestal I don't belong on Babe. I fucked up."

"No. Even falling apart, you knew your responsibilities to RangeMan and your men.…."

As Stephanie hung up she thought about all the times Tank had been there, been her conscience, or her sounding board. She remembered that time in Miami, when he was still learning to deal with the news about Treyvon; he was still was so willing to continue to try and help Julie and her. Ranger had been the same way, even falling apart with Rafael's death; he still cared deeply about those he was responsible for. Must be any army thing, she pondered as she curled up under the blankets.

"_How'd you get so smart Tank?"_

"_Hey you think I got to my position on looks alone, little girl?" Tanks laughter bellowed for a moment and then was lost in the crashing of the waves. He helped her up and brushed the sand from her back before they headed home…._

1:03 AM… "Ranger, you ever hear that old song called _Desperado_? It reminds me of you so very much…. I wish you would accept others in your world, you know?"

"Babe? I have."

"Not truly; not openly. Grudgingly. You don't really want to have fences around you forever, do you? You are no more open with Sondra than you were with me." Probably less, he thought.

Once again, Tank's words came back to him. "_Carlos, go for it. No matter what; even if it's just for tomorrow. Be with her…don't let life pass you… believe me; I am glad I didn't, as much as I have to suffer now at being left behind. I wouldn't give up one moment of the pain I suffer every day ---because I had the chance to love and be loved."…._

12:28 AM …"I would have fought any other guy for you, you know that."

"Not Tank though."

"Not Tank. I loved seeing him happy."…

When he hung up that night he heard Tank's voice echoing in his head.

"_What if she found someone else who made her happy? Could you still be in her life? Would you be able to handle me falling in love with her?" Tank looked at Ranger carefully as he said this._

"_You have a thing for her don't you?"_

"_She's gotten under my skin, yeah. But man, she's not mine. She's crazy in love with you. She's yours. I know how to respect that boundary."_

"_She has a way of doing that…welcome to the club."…_

10:28 pm … "Ranger, why did you let me leave?"

"You wanted to go."

"No. No, I didn't."

"Do you regret going?"

"No. I can't. I can't regret anything that would mean I wouldn't have my children. I can't regret anything that would mean I wouldn't have had the love I shared with Charlie."

As he disconnected, he realized he wasn't at all surprised that lately the high point of his days had been waiting for Steph's calls. Ranger recalled a conversation that Tank and he had long ago.

'_I love you Carlos, and so that's why I'm telling you to give the girl some room right now. Don't pressure her. Let her process Joe, mourn this loss. Have it be over.' Tank put up his hand to fend off Rangers response. 'Carlos. Think on this. Every morning, just getting out of bed is an unspoken acceptance of your life as it is. Whether you hate your world or love it. Getting up in the morning is clear recognition of how the world is right now, for you. Let Stephanie_ _mourn all of the things she loses by walking away from Joe. All the future she might have had. Even if you believe that she didn't want half of those things; even if she didn't really want them. Getting up each day, at some level she accepted that as her life.' _

'_I'm not a rebound Charlie, we've been together before….'_

'_That's not enough for you to just jump back in. Give her time. I'm telling you as a friend. If you want this to work you need to let her get over him. Be her friend. Let her mourn him. Her future has changed. Don't push now. Show her you truly are the friend she believes you to be.'_

Damn. That man knew what he was talking about.

Slowly, as the children adjusted to their new circumstances, life took on the sheen of normalcy. They were adjusting far better than she was. It saddened her as much as it relieved her that they were able to move forward. She wished she could get back on track; wished she had the resilience of youth on her side. But she knew it was a good thing for her children. They had many people to fill the void left by their father's death. So many men who had loved him stepped up and spent time with his children. For that she was supremely grateful.

LATE JUNE Trey knocked on Ranger's office door. "Come on in. What can I do for you, Trey? Your shift doesn't start for an hour."

"Yes, sir, that's what I wanted to talk to you about." Trey shook hands with him, and folded his lanky frame into the chair that Ranger indicated. "I wanted to talk to you about, well, sir, I have appreciated the opportunity to work for RangeMan since graduation. But I think I have decided what I want to do with my life. Your computer systems are great, Ranger, I have found my work satisfying …" Trey struggled to get to the point, Ranger noted, and it was unlike him.

He had been highly impressed by Trey since he started working in the Intel department of RangeMan Miami. He smiled at him. The boy, no the man, he looked like his Dad. It was sometimes uncanny. His tone was approachable when he said, "Spill it son."

"I have decided to enlist, sir. There are incredible opportunities in Intel in the Army. I have been doing some investigating…"

"The Army?"

"Yes, sir." Trey swallowed. He didn't know why he was so nervous.

"Good. You'll do well Treyvon. Your father would have been proud." The smile Ranger gave him was genuine. "I'll miss having you here." Ranger stood and walked to him and they embraced. He looked up at Treyvon with a raised eyebrow, "You tell your mother yet?"

"Um, no sir." He had the good grace to look embarrassed. "It'll be fine. Trey. It'll be fine. When do you leave for Basic?"

LATE JULY Stephanie packed the children into the van, and closed the door with a sigh. "Marylou, thank you. Thank you so much for keeping them last night."

"Oh, Steph, you know it's not a problem. I love having little ones around again. Mine are at the age they'd like to pretend they crawled from under a rock, fully grown and motherless." They both laughed. Stephanie recalled the last time she _almost_ saw Marylou's kids; they practically ran her down trying to get out of the house to avoid getting stuck eating dinner with the family.

"How was the funeral?"

"Sad, Marylou. Sad." Steph wiped at the sweat that was forming on her forehead and shrugged. "Rico was 74, and he had a good life. We were all shocked, but I think that's the way to go, in your sleep, peacefully. But Mercy, she was strong. And Ranger was too. Celia lost it a few times, but the others, well, they did ok."

"Lily asked me last night if Grandpa was with Daddy, Steph. I told her yes. She was ok then. But Johno, he didn't want to talk about it at all."

"Ok. Thanks for letting me know. Johno holds things in. Hey, I gotta get going, ok? Mare, thanks again." They hugged, and rocked slowly together. Marylou was still such a good friend. What would she ever do without Mare? She was happy that there was someone from so long ago, someone who knew her so deeply.

"Kids. Ratchet it down a bit, ok? Just till we get home, ok?" The ride finally was quiet. She blasted the A/C, trying to cool down the hot July that had baked into the van during the afternoon. She thought about the luncheon after Rico's funeral. Stephanie hadn't seen Ranger in a few months. But he welcomed her embrace with enthusiasm, and accepted her condolences with sincerity. Sondra looked a little miffed, but she had the good sense to know that someone's father's funeral was not the time to try and stake a claim.

This was her family too, Stephanie thought. Sondra was going to have to earn that, just like she had. Today had been the first time that Stephanie was together with all of the Manoso's since Charlie's funeral. She was reassured when she found her place in the family structure was still intact. They were _her_ family, she realized with a sigh. It wasn't just Charlie's family and it wasn't just Ranger's family, it was hers too.

Stephanie sat with Mercy in the corner of the room. Stephanie was in awe of how composed she was, handling all the family and acquaintances who had come to pay their respects. The conversation roamed from place to place, and she looked across the room and saw Sondra hanging on her son's arm. She tut-tutted at the sight. Stephanie got an odd, perverse pleasure out of knowing that Mercy didn't approve of Sondra. Why, she didn't know. Ranger seemed happy enough, and from what Steph could tell, Sondra truly seemed enamored.

"Stephanie, you know, Rico and I tried. With all of our children, we tried our best, to find out what they needed; to provide them with a happy life. I've read about this thing, something called benign neglect. I think maybe that is where we failed Carlos. He was our one non-intense child. We felt blessed to have one of the seven not require so much of us; we thought he was our success. He didn't have tantrums. He was pleasant, he was mature and he didn't require of us the kind of attention the others did."

"We may have ignored him. We may have convinced him of his ability to not require others. He didn't ask for our assistance. We always told him how proud we were that he was so independent. Maybe he took it too far… maybe he thought he could only gain our approval by being independent, and somehow he unlearned how to accept assistance from others."

"Mercy. You and Rico, you did a wonderful job. Ranger's issues are of his own making, I think. Don't do that to yourself." Stephanie put her arms around Mercedes and gave her a hug.

"Stephanie, Carlito's a good boy."

"I know Mercy, I know."

CHRISTMAS EVE Stephanie closed the door behind her surprise visitors, and took their coats. She gave Julie a squeeze. "I wish I had known you were coming," she said as she turned to Ranger and gave him a welcoming hug as well.

"It was Julie's idea," Ranger replied, reveling for a moment in the comfort of Steph's arms.

They followed Steph into the kitchen while Julie explained. "I got a message from Trey while on the plane, Steph. He said he was on leave? I just wanted to see him."

"She couldn't wait until tomorrow…" Ranger teased her.

Julie swatted at her father. "Daddy!"

Steph giggled at a light hearted Ranger. "Oh, its fine, Julie, really."

Stephanie went to the sink for a rag, and wiped off the flour from the bar stools. "The kids just finished baking Christmas cookies," Steph stated, explaining away the disaster site that was formally known as a kitchen. "Mrs. D is getting them cleaned up before she leaves."

"Thought something smelled good," Julie said as she peeked into the oven.

"Julie, he's upstairs, you can go find him if you like."

"Babe." Ranger stepped over to Stephanie and took the damp rag from her hands. He found a clean corner and wiped at her cheek. "Looks like you were all having fun." He placed a small kiss on the spot he had just cleaned. "All better." He smiled at her, and she reached up to hug him. "Ranger. I'm glad to see you. Merry Christmas." They embraced, and it felt easy and natural. It was a comfortable place to be, and Steph realized she craved for this warmth, this ease.

"Did you drop Sondra at the hotel first?" Steph inquired, as she set herself back to the task of unearthing the countertops.

"Well, no, she…"Ranger began, but he was tackled by two tornados dressed in red sleepers. "Uncle Ranger!!!!" They jumped on him and hugged and kissed and climbed all over him. "You guys are the biggest monkeys I've ever met." His laugh was infectious and the twins began giggling too as he set them onto the countertop.

"Uncle Ranger. Santa Claus is coming tonight! We made him cookies. Mommy said he likes chocolate chip cookies." Lily was very serious in her pronouncement. Her mommy _knew_ things. Ranger's eyebrow rose at that piece of news.

Trey and Julie appeared and laughed at Lily's explanation as well. "Hey Ranger."

"Trey," Ranger nodded. "How's it going?"

"Good. I'm on leave through tomorrow, and then I fly out to Germany. I'm pulling a tour there, working Intel and computers. I like it a lot. It's good, Ranger."

"Good for you."

"Well, if you don't mind Julie and I are going to go out for a bit. Mom? That ok?"

"Sure. Just remember no matter how late you drag yourselves in, that the children will be looking for an early start to present opening."

"Trey! Santa is coming tonight!" Johno had slid off the counter and was jumping up and down. Trey picked him up and he wrapped his legs around his big brother. "I know, big guy. I know." Trey grinned at him. "I'm glad you came home, Trey."

The twins trailed behind Trey and Julie like the Pied Piper. Stephanie watched the procession and smiled at Ranger. "They adore him. They've missed him since he left." She locked the door behind Trey and Julie and rounded Lily and Johno up. "I have, too. Come on, kids, we have to get to bed, so Santa can come."

"A story, mommy, a story. Uncle Ranger, are you going to put us to bed? Please?" Lily was wrapped around his neck at this point, standing on a stair tread so she could reach him.

----

Ranger closed the door behind them quietly. "Wow. They are intense. Where do they get the energy babe?"

She shook her head as she descended the stairs, and laughed. "I don't know. I just don't know."

"So." Stephanie stuck her head into a closet and pulled down a small toolbox. "We don't get to just sit and visit, Ranger. I have two two-wheelers that have to get built. I can't believe I forgot them when Trey said he was going out! You are going to have to help, ok?"

"Sure babe. Let's get started."

Ranger laughed at her bemused face staring at the jumble of pink and blue parts. He started to sort them out by which belonged to which, and got to work playing Santa's elf. She watched with gratitude as he began the assembly with out even cracking the instruction manual.

"You were tackled when you were getting ready to tell me about why Sondra wasn't here," Steph looked down at him as she struggled to hold the frame and the front wheel steady as he took the wrench and adjusted the nuts. "Yeah. We're not together any more."

"When did that happen? You ok? Wanna talk about it?"

"Yeah, couple weeks ago. Not particularly." And that is all he said about that. Some things never change, Steph realized.

Ranger thought about what actually _had_ happened_. Sondra pretty much told him to take a hike, because it was obvious to everyone but him that he was in love, but it wasn't with her. He surely wasn't about to explain _that _to Stephanie. He hadn't really sorted out all of his feelings associated with Sondra, and with her absolutely positive take on where his loyalties lay. He certainly didn't feel he could share them with Steph, not yet._

She watched his face; she could see he was thinking _something_. But she knew he wouldn't change his mind about talking, so she changed the subject. "Charlie wanted them to have bikes this Christmas. He mentioned it last year, but I thought four was too young. We agreed this year, there would be bikes."

"Think they are going to love them babe." He smiled up at her. Damn, she thought. It had been a long time since she had adult conversation and companionship; at least that didn't involve work, or the discussion of children. No, strike that; they were standing here, building bikes and talking about her kids. It had been a long time since she and Ranger had had a light and easy conversation. No, they spoke on the phone constantly, and those conversations have been a wonderful addition to my life; it wasn't that either. Comfortable time spent with him—that's what she was missing. She was missing having him around, being a physical presence in her world.

It took two hours, and a lot of cursing and muttering under their breath, but finally two shiny two wheelers, complete with training wheels, were placed in a spot of honor in front of the Christmas tree. The living room was dark except for the sparkle of twinkling lights. She admired how they glinted off of the bicycles. It was a bittersweet thing to see them set in front of the tree; it brought back memories of the Christmas's she had shared with Charlie, and the laughter and love she felt. But she felt good about keeping this promise to him, giving the twins one last gift from their dad.

She wiped at her eyes, a tear had formed unbidden. Ranger stepped over to her and put his arm around her shoulder. "Babe."

"Tea, Ranger? Something to nibble on?"

"Tea would be fine."

"Ok, I'm making hot chocolate for myself."

Ranger wandered into the den while Steph got their drinks. "Want me to keep this fire going, babe, or do you want it to go out?"

"Oh, let it go out. It's comfy in here," Steph said, as she handed Ranger his tea. "I have to go and find all the other presents from Santa now. Make yourself comfortable, 'k?"

Stephanie came through the room three times with overflowing bags of presents. She found Ranger sitting on the floor near the fireplace leaning his back against the loveseat. He had taken a few scrapbooks down from the bookshelves and was leafing through them.

Steph grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and retrieved her hot chocolate. "Babe. They've grown so fast."

She nodded, and sat beside him on the floor. They quietly laughed and chatted as they looked through the pages. "You've done a really nice job on these, babe. They are wonderful. Great memories. Well done," he said has he reached for the next in his pile. "I'm in a lot of the photos, I noticed."

"Well, thank Julie for that Ranger. She loves taking pictures of the kids when she's around. And when she's around, you're bound to be around. She loves taking your picture. I think she's trying to find something in your face, capture a fleeting emotion or something. She's really good, too, Ranger. She's always emailing me her latest work."

"I'm proud of her; she's doing well in her art classes too."

Steph scooted closer to Ranger as he opened the book on his lap. "This is one I made after Charlie died. It really helped me deal with his death, and the kids, they just eat it up. Look at the grubby fingerprints! They love to sit on the couch and look through the pictures. Lily and Johno sit with Nica between them. Nica reads all the little quotes to them and they talk about daddy, and how they remember this day, or that. It's really precious." Her voice quavered. She wiped her hand across her face, and sniffled.

"Babe."

Stephanie couldn't stop the tears, once they started. "Ranger. I'm sorry."

His arm snaked around her, and he pulled her close. He planted little kisses on her forehead, in her hair, as he murmured to her that it was all ok. "Nothing to apologize for." He tugged the blanket closer to her to wrap her and hold her. "Babe, you still have this?" He looked at the blanket he remembered buying at the beach a lifetime ago, and then at her.

"Yeah. I do. It's got good memories, Ranger." She smiled at him. That night toward the end of summer at the beach had been a special one. She recalled with a shiver how much in love they had been then. They had been trying to make a baby. Who knows, maybe Rafael had been conceived on this very blanket.

"Tank knew this blanket's history, babe?"

Steph smiled. "Yeah. He called it his lucky blanket too." Ranger's laughter bellowed at that.

They sat that way, close and resting on each other, now flipping through the pages of Rafael's album, their thoughts each roaming. What a hard time. How much I fucked up. How much pain he was in. Ranger saw himself; sitting in the dark, night after night memorizing these photos. Stephanie recalled pouring out her heart into the little poems and stories she had written. It was comfortable and intimate; the memories were precious.

"Do you think about him, babe, what he'd look like, who he'd be like?"

"I do. When I see kids his age. When I see Meri. I hope he'd be like you Carlos" she whispered, and closed the book.

Ranger's arm tugged her tightly to him, and he kissed her cheek. His fingers ran along her chin, and he gently tugged at her face till it was close to his. His lips brushed over hers, and his hands ran up and down her arms, warming her, sending shivers down her spine. Her arms snaked around his neck and she returned his gentle kiss. They held and touched and kissed and stroked each other, in a re-introduction to one another's bodies. They didn't think, they didn't wonder nor have concerns about anything except the feelings they created. They felt that every stroke, every caress, every spot where a kiss was placed, was more intense than anything they had ever experienced.

Suddenly Ranger jerked away from Steph, and began to straighten her sweater as he whispered. "Car door. Kids are home." They both began to readjust themselves and their hair, their clothes, while giggling like teenagers. By the time Trey and Julie walked into the den through the garage door, they were the picture of innocence sitting on the floor, photo album on Steph's lap, a cup of tea in Ranger's hand. Thankfully the room was somewhat dark, the table lamp gave off a soft glow, and Steph could blame the flicker of the softly glowing embers in the fireplace for any unseemly blush.

"You guys didn't wait up, did you?" Julie said as she walked over to her dad. Steph closed the book, and offered her hand to Trey, who helped her stand. "_You_ left before those bikes were done, mister."

"Oh, shoot mom, I forgot."

"Don't worry. Ranger helped me a great deal." She looked at him with a new intimacy in her eye. "Well, Julie, Nica is thrilled you will be sharing her room. I didn't think you'd want to have me pull out the couch," she indicated its proximity to the living room. "Just in case you wanted to sleep in, past, oh, say, 5 am…the twins were horrid to get to sleep tonight; they were so excited by Santa."

"No, that's fine Steph. I'm gonna head up then. Five you say?" She groaned, taking a glance at the clock on the DVD player blinking 1:57 AM.

"Yeah, five, more than likely. We probably all should wrap it up. Trey did you put all your presents out?"

"Oh, dad, give me the key, I can get ours to put under there too."

"Got it already querida." Ranger kissed her goodnight.

"Night daddy."

Stephanie carefully opened Nica's door, the hall light casting a beam for Julie to find her way. "Night Steph." Julie gave her a hug.

"Merry Christmas!" she whispered. "Ranger, the guest room is ready for you, as well. Goodnight." She looked away quickly, embarrassed.

"Thanks, babe." His wolf grin was barely visible.

Steph closed her bedroom door behind her, and leaned back onto it. She took a deep, cleansing breath, now that she was finally away from him. Everyone was snug for a long winters nap. No strike that, a short nap. Definitely a short one. Oh, there was no way _she_ was going to fall asleep though. What just happened down there? And Jesus, the physical release she longed for, but it was the old feelings of Ranger and the way they came back to her. Oh, he was just as overwhelming as she remembered. She turned off the light in the bathroom and padded quietly to her bed in the dark. There was no reason to set the clock alarm; she had almost five year old twins! She sat on the edge of her bed to take off her slippers, and she jumped when she felt a hand reach out to touch her.

"Babe. shh. It's just me." She turned to find Ranger propped up on the pillows, quietly waiting for her.

"You…. You scared the shit out of me Ranger, why do you always do that!!!!"

"Babe." He spoke gently as his lips descended onto hers. "Shh. Babe." His fingers began their gentle torture again, as they stroked her back, her neck, her breasts; from top to bottom she was shivering from need and desire and as he rolled a nipple between his fingers, his tongue continued the sweet agony against her lips. He rolled on the bed to pull her under him, and she gave in to the overwhelming sensations he was creating. "Ranger. Oh, god, that feels so good. It's been so, so long." They loved each other long and leisurely, and fell into an exhausted and satisfied slumber, wrapped together.

_Stephanie_ _melted into Charlie_'_s embrace. She ran her fingers up and down his arm; his hand was splayed across her stomach and she mindlessly twined her fingers with his. He rubbed gentle circles over her belly with their entwined hands. He held her so snugly; he made her feel so safe. His other hand caressed her upper arm. Even in his sleep he loved to touch her. _

She opened her eyes with a start when she realized the scent wasn't that of her husband but of Bulgari. The fingers trailing across her arm were mocha colored, not the rich dark chocolate and pink of her husband's hands. She shook violently, suddenly, awakening from her dream.

"Babe. Shh. What's wrong?" Ranger breathed into her ear. "Oh. God. Carlos." Steph twisted out of his embrace and sat up. She glanced out the window and saw that dawn still was far off, despite the fact the clock read 5:03 AM. "Charlie, he was in my dream. He was so real!" She put her head down on her knees, and shook. Tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. "He was holding me like you were, he was caressing me, my stomach, my arms, and he was whispering into my hair. I could feel the warmth of his voice as he told me it would be ok, everything would be ok."

"Babe. It will. It's going to be fine."

"What did we do? Last night. Oh, god. Ranger. You have to leave. Go back to your room. The kids will be pounding on my door at any moment…"

"Babe? I don't regret last night. Not for a minute, ok?" He kissed her forehead gently, and hugged her tightly.

"Ok. Yeah." She nuzzled into his neck, absorbing his warmth, his scent. He stood in the dark and began to retrieve his clothes. She stood too, and walked to him. "Carlos. I don't regret it either." She held open her arms for a hug, and he was more than willing to oblige. "Thank you. For being you. For staying with me…."

REVIEWS COMMENTS---keep in mind this chapter covers almost one YEAR!!!!

Lindsay, as always, thanks.


	32. Chapter 42

CHAPTER FORTY TWO 

CHRISTMAS MORNING

Ranger barely made it back to his own bedroom to retrieve a robe when he heard the whispers and giggles of Lily and Johno sneaking past his room on a quest to see if Santa had come. Apparently they were satisfied with their brief peek down the stairs because suddenly it sounded as if an air-raid siren had gone off, as they shrieked and ran to Stephanie's room. "Mama! Mommy! Santa came, Santa came!" he heard them squeal.

He grinned and shook his head. Those two were hell on wheels _without_ bicycles. Someone better warn the neighbors. He figured he should get dressed while waiting for the official summons to join in the present opening chaos. A short while later, Stephanie knocked on his door.

"Showtime," she smiled at him. "Merry Christmas, Carlos."

"Merry Christmas, Babe." She saw a softness in his eyes that recalled her old life, the one where she was so happy, before Rafael, before the mission. She though of how his body had felt wrapped around her last night, and she blushed. That dream, though, with Charlie. It still felt so real!

Ranger placed a kiss on her forehead, and put his arms about her for a hug just before he was tackled by Johno. "Santa came!"

"Did he now?" Ranger chuckled as he let him climb onto his back, and they followed the rest of the family down the stairs and into the living room, where the squealing began anew at the sight of shiny bicycles.

After the initial rush of Santa excitement, Julie followed Steph into the kitchen to help her make coffee and hot chocolate. Julie turned toward her and stared for a moment, making up her mind finally to just ask the question and be done with it. "Steph?" Julie said, eyebrow raised; mimicking her father. "Uhm, are you and my dad, uhm, are you two together again? I feel like we interrupted something last night." Julie's eyes sparkled as she questioned her. Her almost smile told Steph that she was sure they had interrupted something. And that she was happy there had been something to interrupt.

"Julie." Steph tried to adopt a tone that indicated the girl had rocks in her head to go along with the stars in her eyes.

"Steph." Julie dragged out her name, in a way that told her a five year old could tell something was up.

"Your father and I will always be close friends, you know that."

"Sondra bailed, he tell you that?" Julie challenged her.

"Julie. Stop." Steph laughed slightly. "Yes. He did. Grab that plate of donuts ok?"

xxxx

The moment presents were finished, the twins begged and begged until Trey agreed he would go with them to the garage with their bikes so they could try to ride them. "I don't know how successful you guys will be in sleeper pajamas," Steph said, but everyone traipsed towards the garage to watch. Julie had been having a blast with her camera, recording the excitement of the morning. She positioned herself in a corner and continued to take photos of all that occurred. She knew Abuela would get kick out of looking at the photos after dinner.

Nica followed them, but sat down quietly, with the stack of books that she had gotten for Christmas and began to read the back covers. She had been excited to get a whole series of books called _Nancy Drew_ that her mom said she used to read when she was a little girl. She didn't know anything about them, but she loved to read, ever since she learned how. Her mom would help her with the big words, she had told her.

"Mom? It's not really that cold out. You think I can let them try on the driveway?"

"Trey, they aren't dressed!"

"Just for a bit. Come on." She looked over at Trey and she saw Charlie grinning back at her. How could she refuse?

"Fine. Kids, put on your coats." Ranger opened the garage door, and then he and Trey tried to explain to Johno and Lily the finer points of balancing a two-wheeler.

xxxx

Ranger and Trey were outside together, loading the presents to take to the Manoso's into Steph's van. "Looks like _Santa_ left everything here," Trey grumbled, wedging one last shopping bag into the back. He grabbed Lily and Ranger grabbed Johno and they buckled them into their seats. "Ok guys. Don't destroy anything; everyone will be right out, 'k?" Trey asked with the absolute assurance that only the safety belts would thwart their inclination to tear the van apart. He leaned against the closed door and watched Ranger move away. "Ranger," Trey called to the older man, as he got ready to open his car door.

"Yeah, Trey?" Ranger grabbed his suitcase and got ready to load it into the trunk. He glanced over to where Trey stood, arms crossed.

"My mom. She's real special, you know?"

"I do."

"Are you two involved again? I don't want her to get hurt, you know?"

Ranger adjusted the suitcase into the trunk and slammed it shut. He looked up at Trey. He was mildly amused by the overprotective nature of Trey's attack. "My track record is pretty poor with your mom, I know that Trey. But, I have never stopped loving her, no matter how badly I have behaved towards her. I would hope I've learned all the lessons I need to in order to avoid hurting her in the future."

Trey studied Ranger for a moment. He smiled and gave him the slightest nod. "Ok then. Let me go tell the girls we're ready."

xxxx

"Uncle Ranger, this is where our daddy is. And our sister Daisy." Lily stopped in front of a headstone, took the small paper Christmas tree she had made and placed it on the ground. "Merry Christmas Daddy. Merry Christmas, Daisy. Daddy, Santa brought us bicycles."

Johno spoke then. "Mommy said you probably told Santa we should have bicycles. Mine is blue, and Lily got a pink one. We tried to ride them already, but Lily fell off of hers. Thanks Daddy. I miss you." Johno sniffed, and put his arms around his mother's legs and leaned into her. Steph stood with her hand on the stone, head bowed, lost in her memories. She reached down and rubbed his head softly.

Julie suggested the kids come along with her. Lily pointed up the hill a bit. "Over there is where our brother Rafael is."

"Well, let's go wish him a Merry Christmas too, ok, guys? My dad will stay with your mom." Johno wouldn't let go of Stephanie, so Lily and Julie walked up the hill together. Trey took Nica's hand and led her back to the van to wait. Nica didn't like the cemetery too much.

As she and Lily walked up the hill, Julie looked back and saw that her dad had stepped closer to Steph, and placed his hand on her shoulder. She grinned to herself and squeezed Lily's hand.

"Julie, Uncle Ranger is Rafael's daddy."

"I know. He's my brother too."

"Are you my sister then?" Lily tilted her head, trying to figure this all out.

"No, I'm not. We both have silly families, Lily." Julie gave her a big grin and then hugged her tightly. "But, if I could choose a sister, I'd choose you."

xxxx

Trey finally had all the bags and boxes unloaded from the van and safely deposited under Abuela Mercedes tree. The house was amazingly crowded. It was still somewhat overwhelming to see so many people crowded into one place. And they were still all loud! As had happened on his first Christmas here, he and Julie gravitated towards a quieter spot. Of course each had a twin on their knee, and some of their older cousins had little children now, so occasionally they would have more children climbing over them.

"You know what the problem is, Jules, don't you? These two should be learning to behave from the others; instead they are poisoning these civilized children. I pity all the parents who go home and find their children have turned into little demons!"

Stephanie was quieter than normal, and everyone noticed. It was overall an awkward Christmas, this first one without Rico being the ultimate host; the first in memory where no one would hear Tank's bellowing laughter. But everyone also noticed the solicitous way that Ranger doted on Stephanie. And they smiled inwardly, because they had seen them together before and it had been a good match.

Manuel tried to gather everyone into the basement. He was the oldest boy, and although all of his sisters were older, they all agreed that he should take over Ricos' annual speech. It took some doing but he finally felt he had the majority of the family's attention.

"Merry Christmas, to all of the Manoso clan. This year has been a trial to us; there is no other way to describe it." He looked to his mother, standing close by Ranger and Stephanie and gave her a smile. "But with the love and care of all our family, we have emerged stronger, I hope. My brother-in-law Charlie was a blessing, a wonderful addition to our family." He glanced at his wife Cynthia as he spoke. She was holding Johno in her arms and she grinned at Manuel with love. "Some things you just can't prepare for. To have lost him was a blow to us all. Stephanie, you and your children, Trey, Nica, Johno and Lily are always in our prayers. You always are with family." Steph nodded her head at Manuel, acknowledging his words. Ranger's hand reached out and found hers. He squeezed it tightly.

"And Dad; Rico. We are thankful his life was so full of love. We miss him. But good things came to us as well, and Dad would have us focus on those instead. JJ and his wife Asia had little Carla back in May, so Dad got to hold his newest great grandchild. Becca got engaged to Justin, and he hasn't been scared away by us yet, so I guess he'll be joining our little family." There was laughter at that.

Manuel continued his speech, but Steph's mind wandered. She recalled her first Christmas here; overwhelmed would be the word that came to mind. And her last, when she sat cuddled into the couch, with Tank's massive arms enveloping her as they watched their children play with their cousins and their new toys. That day would be described as content. How would she describe this Christmas? Lonely? Sad? Confused?

xxxx

Stephanie pushed the food about on her plate. She had no appetite. Her head was still buzzing from last night. What had happened? How foolish could she be, to get involved with him, again? Was he her trial? Her cross to bear? Why couldn't she control herself around him? God. Stupid, stupid move, Stephanie. Shit, I still love the fool. But he hasn't shown me that he's any more open has he?

Well, yes, he has. She had to admit that he had become more open. He had been honest and all through the past year, he had been sharing his feelings with her. At least on the phone, we've really grown close. But he's just gotten out of a relationship. Shit. What if that was just about sex? It didn't feel like it was only about sex. It felt deep. Deeper than she was comfortable dealing with. This will just complicate things. It will just confuse the children.

Oh, SHIT! She pushed her chair back suddenly and bolted blindly from the room. She closed the door to the bathroom and locked herself inside. She sat down on the toilet seat and shook. Breathe. Breathe, Stephanie. Breathe. Finally she felt sturdy enough on her feet to grab a wash cloth and wipe her face.

It's ok, she told herself, they will all just assume I got teary eyed over Charlie. Charlie. Oh, my god. Charlie. She looked in the mirror. She pulled her hair back a bit, and wiped the cool cloth along her neck. Breathe. It will be ok. Everything will be ok.

When she opened the door, she wasn't surprised to find Ranger leaning on the wall opposite the door, arms folded across his chest. "Babe?" He pushed himself off the wall and stepped up to her. "What's wrong?" he asked her quietly.

"Nothing," she mumbled into his chest, as his arms surrounded her.

"Babe."

He led her into his mother's bedroom and sat her on the edge of her bed. He sat down next to her, and let her rest her head on his shoulder. "Whenever you're ready, babe, ok?" They sat for a long time, without saying another word. Finally, Stephanie began to speak softly, almost to herself.

"Carlos. It's been so long. Charlie was sterile; I didn't even give it a thought….we didn't use any protection last night." She felt his sharp intake of breath.

"I couldn't begin tell you where am in my cycle without a calendar, it hasn't been an issue for so long…" she whispered.

"Babe."

"Oh, god what if…"

He cut her off. "I'll be there for you babe. Always."

Her tone was plaintive when she replied, "You told me Charlie would always be there too."

"Babe, he is. Right here." And he took her hand and laced his fingers with hers, and placed them on her heart, "And here," as he placed their hands on his heart, "And here?" he questioned as he placed them on her belly. "He was with us last night, wasn't he? It wasn't just a dream," he whispered into her ear.

At that, she began to bawl. "Babe, oh please don't cry. Look at me. It's a small possibility, right? Let's not get worked up until we need to, ok? Babe?" He held her until her tears subsided to small sniffles, and he grabbed a tissue from the bedside table. He dabbed it along her cheek, catching her tears.

He took his hand and tilted her chin so he could look her in the eye. "If we made a baby, we'll name it after Charlie, ok?"

She nodded slightly and sniffled again. "What if it's a girl?"

Only his babe, his grinned to himself. "Charlene, Charlotte? It will be his as much as it is ours, don't you think?"

The tears threatened to fall again at that statement. "Carlos."

"Smile for me, babe."

She gave him a weak smile, and put her head back onto his shoulder.

"Everything will be ok. Ready to go back downstairs?"

"Yeah. Ok."

"Babe. You know I love you, right?"

"I know."

"Ok. Then remember this--- we can do this, if we find we need to. Ok?"

"Ok." They were walking through the kitchen at this point and he spotted the calendar. "Babe, you want that calendar?" She smiled up at him, her eyes red rimmed but dry. "No. it's ok. You're right. What are the chances?"

xxxx

Trey followed Ranger's car to Newark Liberty Airport. Steph was glad Trey volunteered to drive as they left the Manoso's, because it gave her a chance to try and organize her thoughts. She was somewhat relieved that they were leaving tonight, because she didn't know how she would be able to turn down Ranger. And she couldn't sleep with him again. It couldn't happen. She needed to get her head on straight, figure out what was going on between them. Thankfully she wasn't going to have to confront the possibility of denying him, because he had an important series of meetings starting in the morning.

Trey was leaving tonight as well, and that definitely made her sad. He had only been home from basic training for two weeks. She had grown used to his presence again. And the kids loved having him around. Germany was a world away. She shook her head and settled back into the cushions. Stephanie gave up trying to get Johno and Lily to calm down. They were too wired from all the excitement of Christmas day to settle down. I'd have better luck trying to stop the world from turning, she thought.

But she really didn't mind it. When you got down to it, her children were high spirited, yes, but they_ felt_. They experienced life to its fullest. Strangely enough, they really were like their dad. She smiled to herself. Charlie had a full and a happy life. Even cut short, she had to admit that his only regret would be not getting to see his children grow up. He did live life to its fullest. He felt. She recalled an inebriated Tank, one New Years Eve.

_He had recently broken up with Lula. "I had my turn, little girl. Antoinette and Daisy were my turn. I don't want to begrudge anyone a shot at happiness. And Lula looks happy." _

She smiled as she remembered where the conversation had led.

"_Tank? We're just friends, right?"_

"_Steve." Tank looked Stephanie in the eye. Wow, that was as full as one of Rangers 'Babes.'_

"_Steve, you are too scary to be in a relationship with. But I wouldn't mind jumping your bones…" He leered at her with a goofy expression on his face. _

"_Well, since you put it so sweetly Charlie, I hardly know how to refuse." Stephanie laughed, and kissed his cheek. But then her look turned serious. Ok, the alcohol is definitely affecting him tonight, but she figured she still needed to state the obvious. "You know I'm not interested in you like that don't you, Tank?" _

"_Yeah, I know. Eyes only for Carlos." _

"_Stop picking on me Charlie. You are gorgeous in your own right, but yes, Carlos is the one for me, ok? No hard feelings?" _

"_No problems, little girl." Tank smiled gently. He looked at his watch, then handed her his cell phone. "Give your man a call, little girl." _

Steph smiled again. Who would have guessed at the truths that had been expressed that night? 'In vino veritas,' she thought. Charlie had cared for her even then. Oh, life was too confusing. What if she and Ranger had managed to make it through Rafael's death? She would have missed her love with Charlie….and that would have been a misfortune. She realized with absolute clarity that everything was for a reason. It all fell into place. She couldn't or wouldn't change one thing of her life, because each was interconnected.

Trey tossed his bags over his shoulder and picked up Lily because she was pestering him. "Come on cutie, let's go."

Stephanie smiled as she watched them move away. "Whose flight is first, Trey's or yours, Julie?" she asked as she shut the van doors. "Us; Trey has another hour."

Johno ended up in Ranger's arms, and Nica, Steph and Julie took up the rear, as they moved into the terminal for the flight to Miami. Johno kissed Ranger's cheek. "I want you to stay, Uncle Ranger. Trey is leaving too, and then there's only _girls_ in the house." Ranger raised his eyebrow at his godson. "You don't like girls?"

"Ewww."

"But, Johno, what about Lily? She's a girl."

"But she's different. She's mine."

"Ranger you aren't trying to use logic on him, are you?" Steph laughed lightly. She was trying to pretend everything was the way it was before last night. Johno stood on the chair next to Ranger, and gave serious consideration to clambering over the next row, to rein destruction on the unsuspecting public. Trey figured out his master plan and grabbed hold of him. "I'm going to take the kids for a soda, ok Mom?"

"Alone at last," Ranger sighed, watching the five of them leave. "That's quite the energetic bunch, Steph."

"Actually, Carlos, it's really just the twins. The other two are fine. Normal even." She laughed. "I remember my mother always telling me she was glad there was only one of me, that two would have definitely been the death of her. I kind of can see what she's talking about sometimes."

They watched Trey and Julie trying to contain them on the other side of the terminal. "My mother wished them on me, you know; she got through many a childhood escapade of mine by hoping I would have children just like me."

He chuckled. One babe was all he could handle. Heck, he could barely handle one. "Babe. About last night."

"Carlos. I don't want to talk about it."

"Babe." Ranger took her hand and ran his fingers along her palm.

Damn. In the clear light of day, did she regret last night? She didn't think she was ready to move on. "I think we made a mistake, and I really just want to forget it."

"Babe." He brought her hand to his lips, and he began to playfully nibble her fingers.

"Please, Carlos, can't we pretend it didn't happen? We've been so good together; we are doing so well as friends. I don't want to ruin what we've built." She pulled her hand back, away from him. She began to fuss with the edges of her scarf, twisting and turning the fringe in a nervous fashion.

"Why can't we attempt to develop a relationship on the friendship we've built, babe? Does it have to be one or the other?" He put his hand back on hers, to still it.

She turned to him and looked deeply into his eyes. God she could get lost there. She looked away. Down at the floor; over to where the kids were watching the planes from the window. Anywhere but into his eyes. "I don't know. I just don't know. My head hurts. I don't want to have to think anymore, ok?" she groaned.

"Babe." He pulled her close to him, and she let her head rest on his shoulder. His shoulders were strong enough for this. She didn't have that kind of strength.

"I've been thinking about when we'll know."

"I saw you admiring my mother's calendar earlier."

"Yeah, well, actually around the twins' birthday, I think. I should be sure by then."

"That's the 13th, right?"

"Um hm."

"Am I invited to their birthday party?"

"As always."

"Maybe we will have something else to celebrate?"

"Yeah."

They were quiet. "Uhmn, uh, Ranger? What are we hoping for here?"

He tilted up her chin and kissed her soundly on the lips. "They're boarding my flight."

He picked up his overnight bag, and began to walk towards the kids. Julie threw her arms around Trey and told him to be careful and to call her. The kids did all the hugging and kissing and waving, and Stephanie just stood to the side, watching it all go by. Just before Ranger got ready to go through the security check-point, he turned, and walked back to her. His arms wrapped around her, and he tilted her face to his. He whispered into her ear, "Whatever it is that you want to hope for, babe." His lips crushed hers, and she moaned as she melted into his embrace. "Love you babe."

He turned and strode away, never looking back.

NEW YEARS EVE

So here she was, sitting in the kitchen of Marylou's house. The kids were all piled up on couches and on the floor, harassing Marylou's teenagers, who so regretted their lives. Not being old enough to go to a party without children was punishment enough. But to have parents everywhere. The horrors. They were in perfectly foul moods.

New Year's eve, boring parent style, Stephanie thought. A far cry from past years. From last year, when Charlie had taken her away, the first vacation they had since their honeymoon without children. Their last. Ah, the memories were good. And she had them. That made her happy. She must be moving on, because she was finding herself happy when she recalled Charlie, not automatically bawling.

Connie sat across from her, holding her 7 month old son, Giovanni, who was teething happily on the edge of the tablecloth. Her husband Rocco was in the den, entertaining Lenny and some of his pals. Greg and Lula hadn't arrived yet; apparently little Grayson had a tantrum and spilled his apple juice on Lula when they were getting ready to leave. Two year olds. Gotta love them.

Their children were all were tucked into blankets on Marylou and Lenny's bed; they had crashed hours earlier, and the teens breathed a sigh of relief when told they had control of the TV again. "At least till just before midnight, ok? We want the countdown. Don't you roll your eyes at me young man!" Marylou gave her oldest the eye, and settled back into her chair, after grabbing another bottle of Corona for everyone. She eyed Steph's barely touched bottle as she popped the cap off hers.

"Tell us what's on your mind, girl. You look lost." Lula was the first to call Stephanie on her quiet demeanor all evening.

"Yeah, you're looking pretty rough," Connie agreed.

"It's getting better, Steph, isn't it?" Marylou put her hand on Steph's forearm and squeezed it gently.

"I don't know. No, it's not Charlie. Not really. I just well, I miss him. But that's getting easier, I'm having more happy days than not… Charlie told me that's how it would be, did you know that? When Rafael died, he told me that the good days would come more frequently, and the bad ones would become less bad. Do you know how much he prepared me for his death? It's almost like he knew it would happen. I hear his voice, he's always telling me things… it's eerie. But comforting. All the things he told me when Rafael died, when Ranger and I had so many problems… he's been my grief counselor in a way."

"Speaking of Batman, he still with the skank?"

"Lula, stop. She's not _that_ bad."

Marylou could see this little conversation heading to the toilet, so she tried to re-direct them. "So, that's not what the problem is? What is it then?"

Stephanie put her forehead down on the table, and linked her hands together on the back of her head. She closed her eyes and groaned.

"Um, that is kinda open to all sorts of interpretation, white girl. Give us a little more to work with."

"Steph?"

"Oh, who _else_ makes my head hurt like this!?!??"

"_Batman_ is your problem?"

Steph got up and filled a glass with ice, and poured herself a ginger ale. She came back to the table. She pushed the beers away.

"Batman is my problem."

"Were listening, Steph."

She took a long sip of soda, and a deep breath. Obviously she wasn't spilling quickly enough because Lula started babbling. "Batman. Uhm hmm. That man will be the death of you girl. He got you so wrapped around---"

"Enough!" Stephanie put her drink down. "I'm sorry, Lu. That was rude."

"Oh, damn. Since Charlie died, Ranger and I have been talking. A lot. We speak on the phone two or three times a week; we talk about Charlie, the kids, RangeMan. We've even started talking about us. Lately the conversations haven't been because I couldn't sleep. That's what started them …. But now, it's just a really special part of my week, knowing that I'll be hearing his voice just before I go to bed…"

"Ok. So the two of you are friends. You've been friends for a long time. Charlie was able to accept that. What's the problem? Do you want more? Sondra is an issue for you, isn't she? What does she think of all the time he spends talking to you?"

Steph squeezed her eyes shut. "I slept with him on Christmas Eve."

"Girl!"

"You did what?"

"Oh, Stephanie."

"What about Sondra? Batman cheated with you? That doesn't sound like him."

"No. Sondra apparently left him in November. As Julie put it, she 'bailed'."

"And what, now he won't talk to you?" Lula questioned.

"He's talking to me."

Connie nodded, "That's a good thing."

When Stephanie didn't respond, Marylou added, "Isn't it?"

"I don't KNOW. I am so confused. I could be pregnant……"

"WHAT?" Lula put her bottle down with some force.

"We didn't plan it; and I didn't even think…and neither did he… Charlie couldn't have kids; it's been a non-issue for so long…. I feel like such a fool."

"What Batman say?" Lula prodded.

"Ranger--Carlos said---. He said he hopes that whatever way I want it to work out ---that it works out that way."

"How do you want it to go? When will you know?"

"Technically I could probably find out tonight…it's been a week."

"So Steph, what are you waiting for?"

"Why didn't you go for the morning-after pill?"

"I couldn't do that."

Marylou got up and put her arms around her friend. "I think that right there answers a lot of questions, Steph. About how you feel about Carlos. About how you feel about having a child with him.…. Good god, if Lenny got me pregnant at my age I'd castrate him!"

"Be a little late then, don't you think, Mare?" They all laughed at that.

"Steph, we're here for you too, ok?"

"I know."

"Mom! They're doing the count-down!"

They all gathered around the TV and watched the ball drop. Good bye to a horrid year, Stephanie quietly whispered. Her friends surrounded her for a group hug. "You guys are the best friends anyone could want. Ever," she told them, while squished between them all.

xxxx

10:03 PM… "I've missed your voice, babe."

"Hi to you, too. Is it warmer in Miami? It's so cold! They said snow tomorrow. Ugh."

"Babe. Anything I should know?"

"No. it's only Jan 3rd."

"I know. Have you given any thought to how you want this to play out? I know we haven't talked about it too much these last few days; I wanted to give you some time."

"Ranger. I've loved you forever, you know that. Even when I was with Joe, I loved you. I never stopped. I fell in love with Charlie, and had a wonderful life that I regret had to end. But I never stopped loving you. And he knew it. He accepted it. And I did, too, because it was something in my past, but not in my world, not anymore."

"Everything has changed. Everything. I'm 40! Carlos, 40. I have 4 children. One who will always live with me. I agreed when I married Charlie that I would take on the responsibility of Nica. We aren't kids any more. We have to start acting like the adults we are, and stop allowing our attraction for each other to get in the way of good sense."

"You convince yourself of this yet, babe?"

"Carlos." She pounded her head into the pillow, over and over.

"You make me crazy, you know that?"

"I try, babe."….

10:46 PM…."I'm coming up day after tomorrow, babe."

"The 8th?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I'm moving back to Trenton."

"Why?"

"Because I want to."

"You _want_ to be in New Jersey."

"Yeah, I do."

"What about Julie?"

"What? She's an adult. I can't follow her rest of her life. Besides she's talking about going to art school in Manhattan next semester."

"Ranger. You aren't doing this because of the baby?"

"Babe? Is there a baby? "

"I think so. I'm afraid to find out for sure."

"Babe. Want me to take you to the doctor when I get there?"

"I guess…"

xxxx

"Why didn't you ever sell?" Steph looked through the car window, staring up at the bedroom windows.

"It was a good reminder babe." His tone was strained. She looked at him in confusion.

He saw the question in her eyes, and explained, "Of all the ways I've messed up. There were a lot of lessons learned here. I was happy to let my sister move in. Kept me from having to make a decision. Then Renata and Drew moved to Pittsburgh back in October. It seemed like the time to either move back, or talk to you about selling it. Things got crazy as you know with RangeMan and I just never got around to it. But I like it. It's a nice house. Nice neighborhood. And most of the memories, babe, they're good ones."

They got out of Ranger's car, and walked up the driveway. "Ready to do this?"

He took her outstretched hand. "Yeah. It's been a long time."

"I'm surprised you never visited Renata here."

"She always came over to see us; I think she knew I was a bit leery about coming back."

"You'll be fine, babe."

He pushed the door open, and she stepped into her old life. The rooms felt bigger with no furniture. She wandered around for a while and Ranger took off on his own tour down memory lane.

They eventually met in the room that was to have been Rafael's nursery. Renata had turned it into a small home office for herself, and all the physical reminders were gone. Steph sat down on the window seat, and put her head down on the window ledge. Ranger came and sat down on the other side. He took her hands in his. "Babe."

"It's a nice house, isn't it?"

"It is."

"Do you want to sell it Ranger? Or are you going to move back into it?"

"It's pretty big for just me, but I'm not really ready to sell. Unless you want me to. It's yours too, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

They watched the squirrel outside the window, scurrying up the bare branches of the tree. Brave fool out there in weather like this. Steph laughed at him.

"Babe."

"Hmm?"

"Doctors appointment?" He looked at his watch.

She put her head back, leaning against the wall. "It's now or never, right?"

"Are you that nervous? Babe? You don't want to be pregnant, do you?"

She looked up at him and could see the hurt in his expression. Tears welled in her eyes. She hadn't been brave enough to tell him before now. "No. I don't. I don't want to have to go through this again." She waved her arms around the empty nursery. "I don't want to lose another baby. I don't think I could survive it again."

"Babe. That was not your fault. It was an accident; you were healthy, you carried Rafael well….."

"I know that up here…" she knocked on her head. "But here…" she touched her heart.

He scooted over and took her in his arms. "Is that the only reason? Or don't you want to be stuck with me?" he whispered into her hair.

She giggled lightly. "Oh, I'm already stuck with you. I don't think there is a thing I could say or do to make you disappear from my life. And I wouldn't want to do that. I just don't know about _Us_. Do I want to go there again? Can I? Can we? I'm mostly hoping I have missed my period because I have been torturing myself with all this stress…."

"Babe."

They held each other for the longest time, both lost in their memories. Lost in the chances they'd messed up, in the times they didn't provide the support they both needed.

"Babe. It will be ok. I promise you this, ok? We will be ok. You and I and the children…yours, mine, and maybe even ours. We can be a family. We can love again. I promise you I will never hurt you in the way I hurt you in the past. I have had five years to see all the ways that I messed up. I watched you and Charlie have a successful marriage; and I envied your happiness. I tried to find happiness with Sondra, but I don't think I ever knew how to be happy. Or how to share. It's not in my nature, and I realize I really need to work at these things. I have learned that I am at fault an awful lot. And I've learned that I need to admit that out loud."

Ranger's arms tightened about her body; he felt her settling into his embrace. "I can't be an island. Well, I can be, have been, but I don't want to be any more. I want to be with you. I want to try again, to honor the love you and Charlie shared, by trying to emulate his openness, his understanding. I can't ever love you the way he loved you. I don't need to. We all have loved. And all the ways we've loved, they have been right. And good. And valuable. I want you to be happy, and I will spend the rest of my days trying to find ways to keep you happy."

His voice was soft now, and his breath warmed her cheek as his lips caressed her skin while he spoke. "Whether or not we have children together, now, or ever, I want the chance to make you happy. I want us to be a family again. I want you to be my wife. Babe, I love you. Marry me."

The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks at this point. She wiped at them sloppily. "Carlos. I love you. Always. I just need to be certain this time, ok? I mean I have more than me at stake; I have to think about what is right for my children." She took his hands in hers, and looked into his eyes. "This is not a 'no'; I do love you," she whispered very softly.

"You take all the time you need babe. I'll be here. Babe, you already have the ring---just say the word, k?"

"Ok." She rummaged through her bag for a tissue. "We need to get going, the doctors appointment is at 1:30. Carlos. I do love you."

She looked at him with tears glittering still on her cheeks, and he thought she was more beautiful than she had ever been.

"I know babe, I know."

xxxx

They pulled up in front of the house later that afternoon. The cold January sun had set, and there were no welcoming lights on.

"I don't know if it's big enough, Carlos. This is number six between us." She rubbed her stomach. Once given the news, she had to admit she was kind of happy. She had enjoyed some of the pregnancy parts; well the parts where she barfed every day sucked, but she hadn't had any morning sickness this time, yet. Feeling Rafael moving inside her, and feeling Ranger's love as she grew to gigantic proportions well, those were good memories. Really, it was the end that scared her. And she had passed the twins' infant days in a sleep deprived haze. It would be nice to hold a tiny baby again. Oh my god, I'm getting excited about this!

"Good god. Did you ever think you'd have six kids, babe?"

"When you met me I was a bad hamster mommy to Rex. What do _you_ think?" They both laughed out loud.

"Babe. It will be ok. I promise."

"I'm not sure. I don't know if it's right to remove the kids from their home. It holds all their memories of Charlie."

"I understand. Whatever you want. Either one we choose, it's going to need an addition. Or we can find a new house. I will have an architect look at both, and then we can decide together, ok?"

"Yes. That would be good. And I can talk to the kids."

"September 24th, huh? We're gonna have a baby. I love you."

"Do you think that now that I am over 40 I can tell my mother you are moving in with us and she won't shoot me?"

"Doubt it babe. I'm still not quite recovered from the stare fest I got at Christmas."

She smiled ruefully. It _had_ been a little chilly at the Plum house this past December. But hey, she hadn't known she was bringing Ranger, she couldn't have warned her mother! After the initial shock of seeing him together with Stephanie again, Ellen and Frank were polite, but somewhat reserved. They knew only too well the pain that Stephanie had gone through because of Ranger.

"I think you are going to have to agree to marry me, it worked last time."

"That's right. Hold my mother over my head! Fool." She swatted at him playfully.

"Babe." His eyes darkened. "Don't tease."

When he finally let her up for air, she squeaked, "Home. It's dinner time. Mrs. D frowns on late arrivals."

He grinned at her. "As you wish, my love," he said with a flourish, and turned his attention to the road.

Steph leaned back into the seat, and closed her eyes. She was going to have a baby. And, oh, dear god, what have I done? After the doctor, he took her out for a late celebratory lunch. And somehow, she agreed to let him move in with them. Or they'd move in with him. Whatever, she had agreed to this and for the life of her she couldn't remember how it happened or why she had agreed.

Oh, she loved him. There was no denying it. Theirs was a love that seemed to defy time and space. And logic. It was like they had never been apart, once she admitted to herself she loved him. And he had proposed marriage to her, yes, but to live together again? What was she thinking!

She hadn't even noticed that he had pulled up into the driveway. "Deep thoughts babe?"

"No… You can move in whenever you like."

"Change of heart? Want me to stay at Haywood still?"

"Would you mind? Oh damn it Ranger. Carlos. I just am confused. Hormonal. I have a lot to process here. And explain. I'm going to have to explain how it is I ended up pregnant."

"Uhm, babe, everyone knows how _that_ happens."

"The children don't! Or shouldn't…or oh, damn, I don't know!!!!"

"Steph. I'll stay at Haywood till you are ready for this. Talk with your kids; make some decisions about housing, and all that. I'm not going anywhere…"

Distraction time, Steph, she thought. She didn't want to continue this conversation. "Who are you sending to Miami in your place? Lester or Bobby?"

"Who do you think I should send?"

"Bobby. Give him a chance to shine. He's always been in Lester's shadow."

"I'll discuss this with them both."

"Not the baby! Ranger!"

"Babe. My moving back here permanently. Breathe, ok? I think you are thinking too hard." He leaned over the console and pulled her close to him. Embracing her was so centering, for both of them.

"Babe. I know we need to talk more. I know you have grave reservations about me… I want you to feel confident that we will be equals and that I won't dodge my feelings anymore. I know too well how it goes if I try to go it alone or if I ask you to do it alone. We've been there once, and I regret deeply the additional pain I caused you."

"Ranger I want to keep this quiet for a while, ok? It's very early on, and so many things could go wrong…. I don't want to do anything that might upset the kids…."

"I know…I understand…."

"It will be a long 9 months, I think."

"No kidding."

LATE FEBRUARY

"I did you a great disservice, Steph, by allowing you to go on about my supposed superhero abilities. By doing that, my falling apart when Rafael died destroyed you two ways. You lost your son and you lost faith in the man you loved. But I didn't want for you to find out I was only a man. I liked being your personal superhero, your Batman. I liked the pedestal you put me on. No woman had ever placed me there. Most saw me for the thug I was, or the thug I dressed to be; and when I cleaned up and put on my hand made suits, they saw only the business man, they saw the money. They saw the sex appeal, but they didn't see _me_."

The snow was falling outside their bedroom window. Steph was lying on Ranger's chest, but watching it fall softly and quietly, blanketing everything. The kids would be happily surprised in the morning. She was glad to be wrapped in Ranger's arms tonight.

"Before you, I was the illusion I created. And I didn't mind it. I didn't have to be nice; I didn't have to stay involved. Everyone assumed I was a womanizer; it suited my purposes so I didn't refute it. And at some point I became the character I created. Then you came along, walking into that diner, and you didn't toss yourself at my feet, you didn't swoon and bat your eyelashes or offer to take me home for the night."

Steph's eyes widened at that. "More than you'd believe babe, more than you'd believe." He gave her his patented 200 watt smile, and she believed. "In me, you saw Carlos. The real true Carlos; you saw past my cars, my money, and my attitude. You believed the best in me, from the very beginning."

Steph shifted in the bed, to look up at his face. He was being so open, she didn't want to interrupt, but her curiosity got the better of her. "How do you know that?"

He tugged the quilt back up around her and shrugged. "Babe, all you knew about me when you called me to break into your apartment, when you were naked and handcuffed to the shower rod, was that I wouldn't tell your mother. Any sane woman would have thought me to be the least obvious choice to call. They would see me as a would-be rapist, or a thief at the very least."

He kissed her nose and snuggled up against her. "I'm eternally grateful you made that call babe."

"I love you Carlos."

"I love you too babe." He reached over and turned out the light.

"Babe," he said as he twisted under the covers to get closer to her, "I'm glad you let me move in. I don't want to miss this," he whispered, as he rubbed his hands over the small swell of her stomach. "We can start telling people, right?"

"We're starting with your mother this time."

"Babe."

"Maybe if my mother is last, we won't have to bother telling her."

"Babe."

"Trey usually calls Saturday nights, so we can tell him tomorrow."

"No chance we can tell everyone we're marrying?"

"Carlos." Her face was pained. She knew she was hurting him. She just had so many things to process, and with three children in the house, she just didn't have a lot of time for quiet introspection.

MID MARCH

"So Carlos," Steph tried to act casual as she brought up one of the topics that was really holding her back from saying yes. She was cleaning off the counters after a session of pancakes for breakfast, hosted by the kids. A messy endeavor, always.

"Babe?" He looked up from his laptop. He was trying hard to spend his weekend mornings with Steph and the kids, but he really needed to be at the office. He knew Steph appreciated the effort he was making. And he knew it was important. Johno hadn't warmed up to the idea of him living here as well as they had expected. He was acting out a lot lately. Ranger feared it was going to get worse before it got better. If Steph ever agreed to marry him, he felt sure Johno wasn't going to want anything to do with him being his step-father.

"We need to talk about Sondra." she said. He looked into her eyes, and then looked back to his monitor. He typed a key or two, hit save, and folded the cover.

"Tea?" She held up a mug.

"Sure, babe." Must be time for more penance, Ranger thought. "What do you want to know?"

Ok, now that she had actually told him they needed to talk she felt a bit foolish. It's not like he cheated on Sondra with her or anything. Why do I need to know?

"Why did it end? She seemed really into you at Rico's funeral. You two looked like things were going well. What happened?" She paused a moment, and then added, just in case he got the idea to re-create the break-up, "Your daughter told me she bailed."

He looked at her with something akin to embarrassment.

'Do it, man,' he could hear Tank's voice in his head. 'Open up. Get the girl this time; don't fuck up.' _'Carlos, go for it. No matter what; even if it's just for tomorrow. Be with her…don't let life pass you… believe me; I am glad I didn't, as much as I have to suffer now at being left behind. I wouldn't give up one moment of the pain I suffer every day ---because I had the chance to love and be loved.'_

He straightened his back, and cleared his throat, trying to gather his thoughts. This is important to her Manoso. It's a test you can't afford to fail. "She told me basically that I needed to deal with my feelings for you before we could move forward. She told me it was obvious to everyone around us that we were both in love… but that while she loved me, I was definitely still in love with you."

She refused to be sidetracked by the obvious distraction he had tossed out. She ignored that Sondra felt he loved her. "Did you want to move forward?"

"No. I didn't even know she loved me. It was news to me. I thought we just had something nice going together; I didn't know she had larger plans…." He stopped. Even to him, that sounded lame. What did we have, Sondra and I? I enjoyed her company; she was fun to be around, and enjoyed a lot of the same things I did. She looked good on my arm when we went places. She never really had too many issues with my work. That she told me about anyway. The sex was satisfying. I thought it was going well.

"You were with her for what, 2 years?"

"Yeah something close to that."

"And you didn't think she was looking for something more? How old is she?"

"35."

"And you didn't ever think she thought of you as IT?"

"No."

"You are clueless Carlos, you do know that?"

"So I have been told."

"So, she walked out on you. Why didn't you tell me? When did it happen?"

"End of November? Right after Thanksgiving, I guess. I spent the day with her family. They had hinted at our future." He had the good grace to look embarrassed as he spoke. "It shocked me somewhat, because I hadn't ever thought of a future with her."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I needed to think about what she had said. I couldn't just come to you…..She basically blamed you for us not working."

He looked at her, and then down into his mug. Charlie's voice came to him again. He recalled what had happened last time. When he had stopped being honest with his feelings. It was a hard thing to do, this introspective crap. It was more Charlie's forte than his. It wasn't fair that now he had to figure this all out himself, he thought. I could really use a dose of Charlie therapy, to kick me in my ass.

'_What in life is fair, Carlos, huh? You know better than that!! It doesn't work that way. Life has never been fair. But what the hell are you doing to yourself? You've been drinking for two weeks straight. You need to cut this shit out, Carlos, before it leads somewhere you don't want to go.'_

He looked up at her again, and clarified his last statement. "She blamed my loving you anyway. It wasn't your fault."

After some more conversation, Steph came over to him and hugged him gently. She took his mug from him and put it in the sink. "Thank you Carlos, for explaining it to me. I appreciate knowing what really happened."

Ranger re-opened the laptop, but instead of going back to his search, he watched as Steph puttered about her kitchen. It was a comfortable silence, the kind that they used to share all the time. He looked about the kitchen. He smiled as he spotted her cookie jar. He hardly ever saw it as Charlie's kitchen anymore. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Charlie had been such an immense and important part of his life; their lives, for so long.

My god, what would my life be like if Tank hadn't died that night? Shit. I really am a fool. Sondra deserved a hell of a lot more from me. I spent the last year trying to recapture Steph's belief in me, her trust, and I totally and utterly blew it with my own relationship. Would I have been able to move forward with Sondra, become closer to her? Could I have loved her? What if I could choose right now? Go back to that night? I would choose for Charlie to have survived, because I love Stephanie so much I would give anything to have avoided the pain she went through. I would give up the chance I have now of happiness, of love and marriage, of a child; just to feel his arms around me one more time. And then when that was all said and done, would I be alone?

He saw she was watching him. He gifted her with a smile, and then told her what was going through his head. "I feel wrong sometimes, it's like Charlie is here with us. It's the weirdest kind of triangle, babe. Sharing you with Morrelli, --that hurt. I hated it. Sharing you with Charlie, --that I accepted, because I could see the love between you, but sharing you with a ghost?"


	33. Chapter 43

Again, thank you Lindsay!!!!!

CHAPTER FORTY THREE 

EARLY APRIL After driving the twins to the Morelli's for an afternoon play date, God bless Marie, Steph had the afternoon to herself. She went to the mall to do some shopping, to just lose herself and vegetate. She needed to make a decision. Yesterday had been her latest doctor's visit. Everything was going well, she was gaining weight appropriately, and the baby was doing fine. They had the chance to find out what they were having, but Steph convinced Ranger that they should wait this time, and be surprised at the birth. He agreed after a little persuading. "After all, we already know the baby's name, so it's not like I can torture you this time!"

So, she was due to have a baby of indeterminate sex in five months. And she had a house she needed to furnish. After getting a variety of ideas from the architect, Ranger and Stephanie decided to add on, again, to the house they had once lived in together. There was just more land there; and the design of the house allowed for easier addition. She was thankful that both houses were in the same school district, despite being on opposite ends of town.

One less transition for the kids. She wished she knew how to help Johno adjust. That was one of the things that was holding her back from saying yes to Carlos. Her son's reaction had surprised her, because the twins both loved Ranger, and had always been incredibly close to him.

She stopped in front of a store that Charlie had loved to shop in. They had fashionable clothing for the larger man, and he had been something of a secret clotheshorse. Who would have guessed, with all the black on black on black? Her mind wandered to her husband. Oh, she missed being able to talk to him. He was always able to help her see clearly. Charlie. She loved him. And she knew that loving him taught her something significant. She remembered a conversation that they had, long ago, while Ranger was off on his last, horrific mission.

_Tank had been letting her vent. "He is the first man I can simply say 'I love you' to. I've never told another man that, Tank. And just mean it. No strings, ultimatums, or expectations in return. Not Dickie, certainly not Joe, unless under some stress or persuasion. It is hard for me to open up and express my feelings, so I get the reticence that he has about saying out loud such things." "It seems as natural as breathing to say to Carlos, 'I love you.' How long I held back from saying it, thinking I would scare him off. I can't live without him. How could I raise his child alone?"_

Steph considered she would have to amend this now. She had been able to say 'I love you' to Charlie. And she said it easily, freely and often. She was glad of that. She hoped she had made him as happy as he had made her; she hoped she been the kind of wife he deserved.

She had always thought that Ranger was her heart and soul. She realized now, that while that was true then, and even now; that Charlie had freed her soul to love. Charlie's love was something unexpected and profound. His love gave her strength and confidence. She had grown secure and self assured; knowing Charlie loved her had made her a better person.

She didn't want to raise this baby alone either. Even if Ranger was around, she didn't want to do it by herself. She wanted a partner. And she could have one. She smiled. Tomorrow, she decided. Tomorrow will be the beginning of our new life together.

Stephanie walked quietly into the den. Johno was asleep on Carlos' lap, and Lily was curled up under his arm, 'reading' to him. The dusk had come and the room had soft glow to it. "Bedtime, missy," Steph whispered quietly as she came around the couch. Ranger looked up at her, love in his eyes. The soft nightgown she had put on hung gently over her rounding belly. He thought she looked sexier than ever. "Babe." His eyes darkened with desire.

She leaned over and kissed Ranger on his cheek. "Bedtime, mister," she whispered into Johno's ear. "I'll carry him," Ranger spoke quietly, as he gathered the sleeping child in his arms. Steph led Lily carefully up the stairs, and they put them to bed. As they each pulled their respective door closed and met in the hall, Ranger took her in his arms, and kissed her just above her ear. His finger ran along the edge of her chin, and then it twisted idly in her curls as she melted into his arms. "So the secret is to completely wipe them out?"

"Yeah, unfortunately it usually wipes me out first!!! Great Adventure with the two of them is definitely an adventure!!!" She looked up and kissed his cheek, before putting her head against his chest and snuggling in. "They had fun today, Ranger."

"I did too, babe."

His lips found hers, and he slowly and sweetly tasted her. He moaned into her mouth, "Babe, is it bedtime for us yet?"

She swatted him playfully. "Its barely 8pm. Nica is still up. Sorry."

"Ok." He shrugged. "Love you babe."

"I love you too. I'm going to put the laundry away; I'll be down in a few, ok?"

"Sure babe. I promised Nica I would help her with her kitten puzzle for a while."

He turned and went down the stairs after flashing his 200 watt smile at her.

She grinned to herself and walked into their bedroom. After putting the laundry away, she went over to her jewelry armoire, and peered into the top drawer, fingering the black velvet box while her mind wandered. She took it with her and sat down on the edge of her bed. There was a photo of Charlie and the kids, and she smiled as she recalled the day it was taken. Her fingers rubbed idly against the velvet, rubbing the seam, as she made up her mind.

Charlie, I hope I know what I am doing, she whispered quietly to the image that smiled back at her. She stood and put the now empty box back in the drawer, and holding the ring tightly in her hand, closed the door to their room and marched down the stairs.

Sitting with Nica while she studied all the puzzle pieces with earnest concentration gave Ranger time to let his mind wander. Nica had gotten under his skin. She was almost always happy. She was a friendly 17 year old, and had blossomed since he first met her. She was generally quiet, but could talk a blue streak about the things that captured her interest. Her current fascination was cats. Hence the 9 month old orange fuzz ball sitting on her lap. Tank had promised the kids a kitten. After the sorrow of his death, Steph didn't have the heart to deny them.

There were now three kittens who had taken over the house. One for each child; it seemed the best way to approach things, because if there was one, Nica would never get to have a turn playing with it. Bob didn't seem to care. He had reached the age where his only concern was gaining the prime spot on the kitchen rug. He had made it thru the twins' toddler years; tiny kittens didn't concern him one bit. The grey one was currently chewing on the lace of Ranger's boot, wrapping her paws around his ankle to hold on better while attacking her prey. Where the black monster had gone, Ranger couldn't even begin to tell you.

And the twin tornados, well, they just made him laugh—he could easily imagine Steph being like that as a child. His heart swelled to know he was going to find out first hand, when their child was born. His mind turned to Rafael; would he have been a wild child like the twins? Or would he have been quiet and introspective as he had been when a child?

He chuckled to himself. If anyone had told him ten years ago that children would have such a profound effect on him, well, he would have called them crazy. Julie had only been an erratic, scary venture into foreign territory on his infrequent 'fathers weekends'. Now, his little querida was a college student!

He thought again about Rafael's death. He had only recently become close to his daughter. He found her to be fascinating; he never knew children could be so interesting. Or could feel so much. He didn't recall feeling so much, or having such a depth of emotion about anything as a child as Julie seemed to experience. Telling her about Rafael's death had been a huge growing experience for him. He remembered the call, and the deep thoughts that he had after hanging up the phone. It was the beginning of the end of the Ranger Manoso that he had so carefully crafted.

_Being a father was proving to be the most difficult job Ranger had ever tackled. Opening up his heart to his children exposed him to the pains they suffered, and he experienced them two-fold. The hurt of losing Rafael almost paled compared to the anguish he encountered when he had to tell Julie that her wished for baby brother had died in his arms. _

_It struck him like a punch to his gut that these were the very rationales he had always used when he pulled back, denied himself the succor of intimacy and family. He had rejected the opportunities to become close; he turned away from emotional attachments for so many years. It was because of this. The certainty of having to say goodbye, of having bonds and promises broken. _

"_Mr. Manoso?" _Steph whispered gently as she put her arms around him and rested her chin on his shoulder, startling him back to the present.

"Hm?"

"I have a present for you."

"You do?" he flashed the wolf grin that made her crazy, and turned his head away from the puzzle to steal a kiss.

"Um hmm." Her fingers ran through his hair. She was glad he had left it long. He looked so damn sexy. "Hey, mister, where'd this grey streak come from?" she playfully teased him.

"You need to ask?"

"Hey!" she giggled at him as his eyes danced with laughter.

Nica looked up. "Mom, I finished this part! Look, Uncle Ranger helped me and I have all the outside done!"

"That's great cookie, Let me see." And Steph went from vixen to mom in a New York minute. Ranger grabbed her hand as she started to pull away from him. "You had something for me?" She looked back at him and he stared into her eyes. "Yeah, I do." She took his hand, and wrapped it around the ring he had had made for her years earlier. She gave him a winning smile, and took off before he could say another word.

He looked into his hand, and then back up at her, but she was busy encouraging Nica. She felt his eyes boring into the top of her head, and looked up. He raised his eyebrow at her, and looked down at his hand.

"Thought you might like to give that to me," she told him softly and smiled. His eyes widened as he realized the implication. She mouthed the word 'Yes,' then looked back at the puzzle and helped Nica turn the piece the proper way to make it fit.

"So, babe? You're going to make an honest man out of me, finally?" He nibbled at her neck, running his hands over her breast, feeling the swell of their child through the fabric of her nightgown. "Yup." She nodded happily, as her arms came around his neck and she snuggled into his warmth. Her head rested on his shoulder, and his arms came around her waist. The feeling was one of utter contentment. She opened her eyes and looked at the ring on her finger. He had placed it there with great flourish, in front of an excited Nica. She smiled again. Nica was going to be telling that story all week long!

He whispered loving words into her ear, into her hair, as he backed her through the bedroom door; he stepped with her towards the bed, and they fell together, giggling and laughing, nibbling and kissing, caressing and fondling. Her laughter changed quickly to panting and moaning, as Ranger's mouth found every part of her, and he kissed her well and thoroughly late into the night.

The first rays of daylight began to peek into the window, and Ranger woke. He remembered last night, and he wanted to know the details. He knew she was dead to the world, but he asked anyway. "Babe, when, where, hmm? I am guessing you've got this all figured out? I mean since you took so long to decide!" He tickled her side. She grunted, and opened one eye. "Carlos, its 5 AM. I am NOT getting up yet."

"Babe." He pulled the cover lower, and began to kiss her shoulder blades, and then started to run his tongue slowly down her spine. His lips didn't stop their journey until they hit the small of her back. As he began to suck the indentation of the curve there, she rolled over and took his head in her hands. She pulled him away from her navel, and up to her lips.

"Babe."

"Ranger. It's the middle of the night." But she returned the kiss with enthusiasm. "You know, one day you may really get me to like mornings, Carlos."

"My life goal babe."

"So, as I was asking earlier," he murmured into her hair, holding her close, loving the feeling of the afterglow.

"Yes, I have thought about it."

"Gonna share?"

"Well, originally we were going to get married at the beach, after Rafael was born, right?"

"Uhm hmm."

"Our original wedding date was July 7th; I want to get married on the same date we had originally planned."

"That's three months from now."

"I know. The house will be ready to move into by then. And I like the significance of choosing the same date. It's just _when_ we are supposed to be married, you know?"

"Only you babe. I like it though. Good." And he rolled her under him, and starting from the top of her head, his lips began another intimate journey, exploring all the places that he knew would make her scream.

JULY SEVENTH The sun hung low in the sky on the most beautiful of summer days. The clouds were there only to add texture and color to the approaching sunset. On the edge of the ocean a small group of people gathered to witness the beginnings of a new family. Mercy stood with her mother-in-law Rosa by her side. Ellen and Frank stood with Grandma Mazur between them.

The bride wore a softly flowing gown of sky blue. It highlighted the color of her eyes. It was long enough to graze her calves, and the material smoothed across her rounded belly. Like her groom and their children, she was barefoot. Her hair, always alive, billowed in the warm breeze. The groom wore a white button down shirt, the sleeves rolled, exposing strong dark forearms. No tie, no top button today. His pants were khaki colored, and rolled up twice to avoid the surf. His hair was pulled back in a leather tie, and his sculpted face reflected the glow of the setting sun. Their children wore clothes in shades of light blue, khaki and white, and they stood gathered closely together. They looked on as their parents joined hands, joined hearts and joined lives.

After the vows, and after the kiss, they gathered round all the people who were truly important. Steph had decided that this was to be an intimate affair. Just the immediate family. Parents, grandmothers only. No siblings, no friends. As soon as you added siblings and their spouses they exceeded 20 people. Ranger was surprised—he figured Steph would still want the big to-do. "No," she had told him. "This is my third marriage. This is just about us."

And as she looked about she could honestly say that she really was happy. A small tinge of regret, but those who were supposed to be here, were. Her husband. She put her hand on her stomach as the baby kicked. Their children. After the ceremony, the family photographs were taken with the setting sun lighting their faces. Then they walked along the boardwalk to the restaurant where they would continue their celebration.

Lily took Julie's hand, and tugged her close. When Julie bent down to her height, Lily giggled and whispered in her ear, "Are you my sister now?" Julie pulled her into a hug and told her yes.

Ranger led his bride up the steps to the deck where dinner would be served, and began to guide her to her seat, but the song playing on the sound system caught his attention. He pulled her into his arms, and began to sway to the music. "Listen to this old song, babe."

_I'm not a perfect person,  
There's many things I wish I didn't do,  
But I continue learning,  
I never meant to do those things to you,  
And so I have to say before I go,  
That I just want you to know._

I've found a reason for me,  
To change who I used to be,  
A reason to start over new,  
And the reason is you.

She ran her fingers through her husband's hair, pulling out the tie that held it back. She could feel him grinning into the side of her head, "Babe."

"Carlos. We did it, we got married."

"Yeah babe. Never gonna let you go again."

_I'm sorry that I hurt you,  
It's something I must live with everyday,  
And all the pain I put you through,  
I wish that I could take it all away,  
And be the one who catches all your tears,  
That's why I need you to hear._

I've found a reason for me,  
To change who I used to be,  
A reason to start over new,

And the reason is You  


His arms tugged her closer, he didn't want for there to be a breath of space between them, ever again. It was as if they were one; he had always felt they were one, and now, finally, she was truly a part of him.

"Carlos?" Steph looked into his eyes.

"Babe?

"We took the long way home, didn't we?"

"We did, babe, but we are certain of the way now, don't you think? We'll never get lost again."

_I'm not a perfect person,  
I never meant to do those things to you,  
And so I have to say before I go,  
That I just want you to know._

I've found a reason for me,  
To change who I used to be,  
A reason to start over new,  
And the reason is you.

I've found a reason to show,  
A side of me you didn't know,  
A reason for all that I do,  
And the reason is you.

_Hoobastank The Reason_

"I hope I can be as good a husband and father as Charlie was, babe." Ranger lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed them with promises that she could see expressed in his eyes.

"I love you." Steph breathed into his neck, her head resting contentedly on his shoulder.

"Babe. I love you. Always."

----------------------------------------------------

Reviews and comments as always appreciated!

One more chapter, soon…. The epilogue


	34. Epilogue

EPILOGUE 

I stood with JC on my shoulder, rocking to and fro, humming a little tune that had worked with all of my children. But it wasn't working with him; he was crying his little heart out. While I rocked and mumbled nonsense to him, I surveyed the scene below me from the one quiet spot remaining. The second story deck was deserted; overlooked seemed more likely.

We had been pretty sure we made a serious error in judgment when we let Grandma Mazur and Grandma Rosa get a hold of a carafe of wine at our wedding. The two of them have been thick as thieves ever since, and despite Rosa's 'inability' to speak English she managed to acquire a driver's license. It was no longer safe from Trenton to Newark or anywhere in between. On the roads, or off, they were terrors! That my mother hasn't spontaneously combusted from some of the phone calls she's received asking her to collect Grandma is a small miracle in itself. They were separated at birth, I would laughingly exclaim. I want _no_ responsibility for that pairing!

It appears the two of them had taken up position next to the poor bartender, who had the sad misfortune of being somewhat easy on the eyes. Hot, even. Poor guy, someone should warn him about their hands and his package. I would have to make sure Carlos tipped him extra well tonight. If the guy made it through the party.

I looked around me. I loved the beach house. It is my favorite house. Of course there was the view, the waves; heck I was even something of a morning person here, what with the sun rising right outside my bedroom window. And it and its large private beachfront could accommodate so many people! There had to be close to a hundred people here already.

Today was our fifth wedding anniversary. We had had a small, intimate, and peaceful wedding on the beach; it had been right at the time. I had 2 small kids and was bulky and pregnant; while it was what I had wanted then, Ranger knew that I was very much a social creature. He had planned today's extravaganza with the able help of Mrs. Burg herself, Marylou.

There were three tents to keep people from baking in the sun, and one had a dance floor. It was a good thing, too, because today was the perfect July day, not a cloud in the sky, a gentle breeze blowing on occasion. The sounds of the surf and the seagulls just enhanced the perfection. Today was a day to celebrate. All of our family would be gathering together; and all of our friends were coming too. And what a mixed bunch it was. I had accumulated some interesting friends over the years.

I smiled to myself. I'm almost 46 years old and only in these past dozen or so years had I learned what it meant to be a grown up. I am sometimes surprised by how much I have changed. I have learned so many lessons, and some of them hurt like hell. Heck, most of the important ones were pure agony.

My mind wandered to my second husband; my first was one I had managed to mostly forget. But, oh, Charlie was a man I loved unconditionally. Charlie and my first child Rafael taught me more about life; about appreciating what a great gift love was, than anything else in the world. We had lost our son, and Charlie tried to guide Ranger and me through the hell we had to contend with. He did this because he had been there already, and had found his way back through the help of friends like Ranger. When Ranger got lost there, Charlie picked up the pieces of my life and made me want to love again.

And when Charlie died, Ranger stood by my side, being the strength I needed. In doing so, I think he finally recovered from the pain of Rafael's death; I think he got over his brother Miguel's death, and I think he was proud of the new person he became. These men who loved me so much have made me stronger than I ever though I could be.

I recalled the struggle Ranger and I had had getting together; both times it was a trial. I pondered that. It was odd; our attraction was never purely physical, but it was almost on a spiritual level. I was still bewildered that we had tortured ourselves for so long… what on earth caused us to adamantly deny our happiness, letting so many other issues get in the way of allowing ourselves to be together? I knew for a fact however, that the struggle was what had ultimately made it so sweet, so satisfying.

'If you don't have any downs in your life, how can you recognize the ups? Without valleys, little girl, there are never hills to reach the top of. How will know something is good, Steve, worthwhile, unless you have experienced something bad, something wounding?' Something Charlie taught me.

I looked towards the edge of our property where a volleyball net had been erected. The older children had gravitated towards it, and balls of all varieties and sizes were being tossed about. I spotted our children; oh what I wouldn't do for Charlie to see them once more. He would be so proud of how they grew. The twins were going to be eleven. They are lithe and athletic, both great swimmers; and it seems that Johno is the romantic soul of the bunch. Lily is not much of a student, but someday, something will click with her and she will shine.

I wasn't surprised to see Nica surrounded by a gaggle of children. The little ones seemed to be attracted to her; it was as if they could sense her innocence and acceptance. She had been working at the hospital for two years. She had become fascinated by nurses when Charlotte was born. She started bussing tables in their cafeteria. She had been asked to volunteer in the pediatric ward, since she always found her way up there after her shift. Most afternoons you could find her reading to a few children who would gather around her. To think that his once shy, withdrawn little girl was out in the world everyday, attempting to make her way, would have tears running down Charlie's face. He was just that kind of guy.

JC had wound his pudgy fingers around my claddagh necklace, but he finally had stopped crying. I was too chicken to try to disengage his fingers, to be quite honest, because the poor boy was cutting three teeth and had been generally miserable. So, we stood together at the rail. I nuzzled his neck and breathed in the fresh scent of baby powder, and looked around to see who else was arriving.

I heard the sliding glass doors moving and felt Ranger silently step onto the deck. There goes the solitude! Someone will come looking for him, eventually. Someone always does.

Ranger's arms came around my waist, and he placed a gentle kiss into my hair, and then bent over and placed a tiny one onto the adoring face of JC. "Babe. What are you doing hiding up here?" JC reached up with his free hand to grab at Ranger's sunglasses.

"Oh, no buddy," he proclaimed as he took them off and stashed them safely way from his reach. Ranger put his arms out again. "Let me have him."

"He won't let go of my necklace," I told him, slowly turning around. Ranger easily disengaged his fingers from the necklace, smiled at me, remembering that first Christmas, and took him from my arms.

You look so cute with him in your arms, you know that?"

"Babe." He joined me, looking over the balcony. He planted a big old kiss right on my lips, and smiled that wonderful smile. I kissed him back, and rested my head on his shoulder. This was a happy time.

"Looks like the whole world was invited, Carlos." I smiled up at him, and my hand ran along his cheek. I still couldn't touch him enough.

"Nah, babe, just half."

I shook my head. A Ranger funny.

"Are you happy?" He looked deeply into my eyes, and I knew he was asking about far more than the party arrangements.

"Yeah. Very. This is wonderful, Carlos. It's perfect. I love you so much. More even, I think than I did on our wedding day."

"Babe." He kissed me again, this time his tongue gently ran along my lips, seeking entrance. Oh, those lips. And then, oops, those fingers. We both laughed as we broke apart, JC's fingers still playing with Carlos's mouth.

Ranger took the baby's hand and held it away from his mouth. He reached into his pocket and handed him a set of car keys, and JC shook them with pleasure. "So, who's still missing?"

"From what I can tell, the Morelli's and the Santos's. And Celia, of course."

"Let's sit." We settled ourselves into lounge chairs. "Enjoy the quiet while it lasts, babe. The party officially starts in about ten minutes; until then we don't have to play host."

JC occupied himself with Ranger's key ring and we leaned back and held hands. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the sun on my face; the breeze, the smell of the ocean. My life was wonderful; it was full and loving, because of this man.

"We've been spotted." I opened my eyes as Ranger nodded down the path, where Julie was walking hand in hand with Charlotte. Well, not really; Charlotte was skipping and Julie was laughing, trying to keep up. Charlotte ran up the stairs and straight to Carlos. She climbed directly into his lap, after kissing JC on his cheek. JC giggled in return and blew a big raspberry at her.

She smiled at her father, and kissed him on his nose. She adjusted herself onto the lounger until she and JC fit comfortably on Ranger's lap. She handed him a small black seashell. "Daddy, this is for YOU."

"Thank you Charlotte." Ranger fingered the small shell, and grinned at his youngest daughter.

"Keep it forever daddy, ok? It's your favorite color!"

"I'll keep it always, rosebud."

Charlotte planted little kisses all over his face. "I love you, Daddy."

"Daddy's girl," Julie said teasingly. I raised my eyebrow at her…she should speak! Julie grinned back at me.

Julie walked over and took JC from Ranger's lap. "Come here Jakob Charles Forbes, you adorable hunk of man," she said as she lifted him high into the air and made him screech with laughter.

Ranger turned to me and asked, "Where are his parents anyway? This is your party; you shouldn't be babysitting all day!"

"Oh stop Carlos, you are enjoying him and you know it."

"I don't want for us to be raising this child," he grumbled in mock irritation.

"Ranger, Trey and Yvette are going back to Germany in three weeks. Enjoy your grandson while you can, ok?"

"Where are they anyway?" he asked.

Julie was bouncing about on the deck, making JC giggle. "Out in the surf, Daddy; Alexander is trying to teach them to belly board."

I glanced towards the water, and sure enough, Trey and his wife Yvette were out in the surf. Trey had surprised us almost two years ago when he called to tell us he had just gotten married. He had fallen in love with a student in Stuttgart and they decided to marry. No family, no friends, no big production. This past few weeks was actually the first time we had gotten to see our grandson. It tugged at my heart to see a part of Charlie reborn.

Charlotte realized she had one more huge bit of information to pass on; I could tell by the way she was doing what we called the potty dance. "Daddy! Mommy!" Charlotte tugged at Ranger's shorts since he wasn't paying attention.

When she got our attention she proclaimed with serious intensity, "Alexander _kissed_ Julie."

Julie blushed.

"Charlotte Noelle! How many times do I have to tell you to mind your own business?" I scolded her, trying not to laugh. She was the nosiest child I had ever met.

Ranger laughed out loud. "That's alright, Charlotte, Alex is going to marry Julie. They can kiss, ok?" he ran his hands over her mop of curly black hair, and attempted to tuck some of it behind her ears. Give it up, I thought to myself. Losing battle, the hair. It was like mine. Wild. But it was a much richer darker brown, bordering on black. Most of Charlottes' features were mine. She had the same pale skin, my nose, my hair, my propensity for disaster. Ranger always said she was just like me; she had never met a stranger.

But she had her fathers' eyes. Deep, dark brown, soulful eyes. I fell in love with her every time I looked at her. My baby, my youngest.

Ranger and I wandered around for hours, laughing and sharing memories with our friends. We went from table to table, thanking everyone for coming out to share our day. There was a live band and much dancing. Ranger and I must have danced a dozen dances, whenever we wanted a little alone time.

The table we found ourselves at currently was mostly Burg. Joe and Marie Morelli, Mr. and Mrs. Lauderdale from across the street from my parents. _Why_ are they here? My sister Val and Albert; and Angie, who was working towards her bachelors' degree--- in _Accounting_. No surprise, right?

I took my time observing Joe. Damn, the man was closing in on fifty, and he still had looks to kill. His hair had grayed, but in that irritating way Italian men grayed; they looked sexier than ever! Oh, damn men. Women grew ragged and unkempt with age if they didn't stay on top of things, but as I glanced at my husband I had to acknowledge the sad truth. Men grew sexier with their weathered faces; their laugh lines only accentuated their eyes. Carlos had kept his hair long, the way I liked it, but his had begun to turn as well. And it made me crazy with desire. I could so envision our growing old together.

I glanced again at Joe, and then at Ranger, and I thought of Charlie. I had had my share of incredible men. I was so happy Joe and I had been able to become good friends. You could never have enough of those, I had learned.

Mikey Morelli was chasing Charlotte around the table, and there was a lot of 'am to, are not, am to' being battered back and forth. I tried to ignore it. I held my head in my hands, smiling. Ranger was very close to me, and he too pretended like he was listening to the inane Burg gossip. What he really was doing was driving me crazy.

His fingers were feather light, and they were under the table. They ran up and down, up and down the length of my upper leg, starting at my knee, and stopping just past the edge of my short skirt. Each trip up my leg seemed to take a little longer, and his fingers traveled a little further. He was quite simply driving me to distraction. My smile was probably getting bigger and goofier, but oh, it felt so good. I loved this man.

"Daddy! Aren't I going to kindergarten? Tell Mikey!" Charlotte stopped her running directly in front of her father, and she put her hands on her hips. Ranger looked like he was going to bust a gut trying not to laugh. "Char, you're only 4. You're in preschool."

"Daddy. I am so going to kindergarten at the big kids' school. Aren't I mommy?"

"Yes baby you are; stop teasing her, Carlos."

"See? I told you so!" And then Charlotte pushed Mikey in the shoulder and she ran off before we could even scold her. Joe tried to catch Mikey's arm as he ran after her, but he was too slow. We rolled our eyes at each other, Joe Ranger, and I. Something seemed very familiar …alarmingly so.

We heard a song we liked begin to play, and excused ourselves. Rangers' hand traveled to my ass as he pulled me tightly to him, and we swayed in time with the music. He burrowed his head in against my neck, and nibbled at my ear.

"Mrs. Manoso does that mean that you will be home alone every day?"

"Yes, Mr. Manoso _all_ the children will be in school all day."

"How are you planning on occupying your time, Mrs. Manoso?"

Hmmm. I don't know but I bet you could find something for me to do…."

"Always babe. Always."

the end…

_WHY _Geometry Lessons _for a title?_

_geometry_ _Gr.,earth measuring, branch of mathematics concerned with the properties of and relationships between points, lines, planes, and figures and with generalizations of these concepts. _

I am not really into this as a religious aspect, but I am fascinated by the way nature does have patterns… and great art, great societies, they have all acknowledged this. For the purposes of my story, this is the definition of sacred geometry that I subscribe to….

I am borrowing this definition, as it expresses best what I am trying to say. Sacred Geometry 

"_In nature, we find patterns, designs and structures from the most minuscule particles, to expressions of life discernible by human eyes, to the greater cosmos. These inevitably follow geometrical archetypes, which reveal to us the nature of each form and its vibrational resonances. They are also symbolic of the underlying metaphysical principle of the inseparable relationship of the part to the whole. It is this principle of oneness underlying all geometry that permeates the architecture of all form in its myriad diversity. _This principle of interconnectedness, inseparability and union provides us with a continuous reminder of our relationship to the whole, a blueprint for the mind to the sacred foundation of all things created." _Bruce Rawles_

_Thank you all for staying with me through all of the pain and heart-ache. _

_My goal was to entertain, make you think, gain appreciation for all different types of love...that of siblings, parents, lovers and friends... it's what makes life worth living... __and things worth having are worth suffering for, working hard to try and attain...I wanted this story to be character driven, so therefore, new characters whose stories are just as important as Steph and Rangers story were created. Once created, I felt an obligation and desire to assure their happiness as well. _


End file.
